CPR & Ticking Clocks

Interesting day!

I started my day by working from home for a few hours. The owners want a new brochure for the school, and I told them I could definitely do one, but I needed to use my computer. Two words to say about working from home: Awe. Some. Man!!! I wish I could do this everyday! Maybe someday I will. And, my boss LOVED the brochure! She was so nice about it. I mean, she gushed. It made me feel really good. I have a flier and some magazine ads to do next. Not sure when I will, but woohoo for that!

So I got to work at noon and then left at 1:2o to come back home for lunch. Weird. Then went back to work for a crazy afternoon! Just one of those days where the phone doesn't stop for more than 60 seconds, and every time I turn around, a student is walking into the office needing copies, or with a sick note, or... you get the idea.

And then tonight we had CPR/First Aid training after work. Ugh. Way too much reality. I wish I could just not think about those things. But I am really glad I had the training. It was very informative. AND the trainer reminded me of Colonel Flag from M.A.S.H. Wow! Was he ever intense! And funny. But mostly intense. And he does not abide bad manners. He told us that and proved it! So I didn't get home until 9:00 tonight. They provided pizza, but I passed on the pizza and made a tasty turkey wrap when I got home.

The other weird part of my day was when a man who I had never met before told me that my clock was ticking and I better get moving if I want to have kids. Really? I know I am 29, but I didn't think people would start saying that to me for at least another year. Guess I was wrong! So thank you Matt the plumber who wanted to know my "history" so he could instruct my future. I'll keep that ticking clock in mind.

I am off to read a few blogs! Hope everyone had a great day!

A Different Kind of Monthly Cycle

I have come to realize that for my position at work, the beginning of the month is much crazier than the end of the month. At the beginning of each month I book field trips and get the teacher calendar all secured. This is madness and takes a good amount of time. And the field trip thing is continual, because once you book it you have to receive confirmation and then find out if any parents want to go and get that all figured out and then take care of paying for the field trip. It was quite a challenge this month. I am hoping that next month it will be a little easier, but who knows. But the good thing about this cycle is that at the end of the month, I have lots of time to catch up! I had been worried about some things on my "To Do" list that had been lingering there for too long. But those things are coming along nicely now.

I am actually working from home for a few hours this morning. We need a brochure and a few fliers, which I am happy to do, but need to do on my computer with software that is intended for design.

In other news, yesterday was the most beautiful day I have seen in ages! The absolute perfect weather. I am hoping for another one like it today!

And, guess what??? I'M GOING TO THE FAIR! I think that Brett is a little nervous about it, but I am going during the day and I will be extra safe. I am excited! Brett was really sweet about it. I'm not sure when yet. I am getting a check in the mail this week for some design work that I did, and I am going to use that money to buy the ticket to the musical. Has anyone seen Shrek the Musical, by the way? I actually haven't heard anyone tell me that it is good. But I know that they always book a good musical for the fair, and I think that I remember it winning awards when it first came out. Any opinions?

Hope everyone has a great day! It's going to be a long one for me. We have CPR/First Aid training after work tonight. Look out bumped heads! I'll have your number!

Discovering Me

When did I become so hesitant to speak the truth on my blog? Why am I worried about people judging me? I didn't realize that it mattered so much to me what someone else might think about my confusion. But it must. Because in my weeks and months of confusion, I have grown more and more quiet on this blog until I was eventually silent. For a MONTH. Come on!

I guess I'm not used to the confusion. I have said here many times that I fear change, and I am in such a place of transition. It makes me feel... young? Like I am back in college trying to decide what to do with my life. I thought it was hard then. Choosing a major. What a laugh! When you are 18 and they want you to decide what to do with the rest of your life. Right. Like I knew. I remember very clearly the day that I laid down in my dorm room bed and flipped through the catalog to choose a major. Thank goodness I didn't give up halfway through! Mine was the very last in the book. Visual Arts - Graphic Design. It just made the most sense. It was intimidating, but felt SO much more right than any other major. So I declared.

Well guess what? Life doesn't come with a catalog. There are limitless possibilities, which should be thrilling, but is often times intimidating. What do I want to be? Who do I want to be?

I am so glad that I am back to blogging because in the two days that I have been back, I have read a few blogs that were incredibly inspiring. And I NEEDED that. I needed to feel like life was possible. And you know what conclusion I came to at the end of all my musings? I really do want to be an art teacher.

Somewhere along the way, somewhere among the job fairs and resumes and applications and surveys, I began to doubt. Because as an inexperienced wanna-be teacher, who tends to lack self confidence, I wasn't equipped to convince people to hire me. I was still working on convincing myself that I was capable! And then I was offered a non-teaching job. A job that would still teach me an incredible amount and introduce me to the industry that I was hoping to enter, but when God brought me this job, I had to wonder: Am I not supposed to be a teacher? Was God trying to let me down gently?

And then, time began to pass, and this job, my intro to a school environment, proved to be less than pleasant. Again, not bad. I don't want to sound like I dislike this job. But I don't love it. It stresses me out and some days it feels like a wrong fit. So I began to wonder if teaching would be a wrong fit. And I have been wondering that for quite a while now.

I still don't know what God will bring me, but I have decided that I DO want to teach. Teach art. I didn't get a teaching job this year, but that means that I have this school year to prepare for next year. And that is what I would like to do. I want to plan out what a semester of art would look like for each grade. I want to make a portfolio of samples. So that the next time that I am asking someone to trust me to teach at their school, I will feel ready to be hired to do just that.

When I came to this realization yesterday, I was pretty giddy about it. Today I am too tired for giddy. haha. But it feels really good to have some clarity of thought. Something to focus on and work towards.

Church was awesome today, by the way. Brett stayed home. He needed a morning to himself. I TOTALLY understand that! So I missed my hubby, but it was a wonderful morning. Amazing weather. The coolest day we have had in a LONG time. The car said it got up to 79, but I don't think that it ever left the 80s. Sigh. I love me some Fall weather. I hope it sticks around for a bit!

I went to dinner with my family tonight to celebrate my parents' birthday. My moms was last week and my dads is this coming Tuesday. There is not a group of people I would rather spend time with than my family. It is always comfortable, I always laugh, and there is usually tasty food involved. Tonight, we met at Red Lobster, and I had two crab cakes for 7 points. They were super yummy and just enough. I wasn't very hungry, so I was able to avoid the tasty biscuits and Caesar salad.

I am about to head to bed. I am going to try to sweet talk my husband into something tonight. It's something that I REALLY want to do but I am afraid it will hurt his feelings because I want to do it alone. I'm not sure why, but I really want to go to the fair this year, and I want to go alone. I have decided that I want it enough to ask Brett if he would mind even though I know he will initially be a little hurt by the request. If it looks like the hurt will be too much, I will back off, but I've decided to go for it! I'll let you know the outcome!

So Far, A Perfect Day

Saturdays are BY FAR the best day of the week, for me. And is there anything in the world better than waking up, without the help of a screaming alarm clock, on a Saturday morning, in the arms of your love to the sound of rolling thunder? Ahhh... just typing it makes me sigh. Even though it puts a cheesy Garth Brooks song in my head, it's totally worth it. What a beautiful morning. A nice steady rain, a nice cloud cover, and nothing taxing on the agenda for the day. I would have stayed in bed longer if I hadn't had Weight Watchers this morning, but I still managed to stay in bed until 8:30. One more happy sigh =-) Ahhh...

I wasn't sure what to expect at weigh in today. It was a weird week. I stayed within my points, but I ate random food, and I haven't had a vegetable in days. Unless the soggy bits in my soup count, which I guess they do because I checked the vegetable box on my tracker that day. I've been on soft food only since my dental work on Tuesday. I've had ripe peaches for breakfast every day but lots of soup, some healthy (Progresso Lite) and some less healthy (Top Ramen) for lots of other meals. My non soup meals have been a turkey dog with a peach, Tuna Helper, and fish sticks with mac n cheese. I didn't go over my points any day after Sunday, but you see what I mean by interesting choices. So I decided before leaving the house this morning that whatever the scale said, I would be okay with it. The scale was good to me though and I had a nice loss which brought me to my third star this time around in Weight Watchers. You get one star for every 5 pounds you lose. I have lost 15.2. And it feels really good to be on plan.

I know that I won't lose every week. In fact, I am kind of expecting a gain next week. Not because I have any food issues, like a party or birthday, to work around, but because when I had my surprising gain a few weeks ago, it was the first Saturday of my "month" (if you're going by that special calendar that only us girls have to watch), which will be next Saturday. So if I stay on plan but have a gain, I will know to expect that in the future that week of the month.

So I was sick all week, but feeling better towards the end. Thursday and Friday weren't too bad at work. In fact, yesterday was a non-curriculum day because it was private school fair day. Guess what? I LOVE non-curriculum days! I couldn't believe how quiet it was in the office! No field trips, no special activities and fewer students. Man. If I hadn't been coughing, it would have been a pretty darn good day. Next week will be a little tricky. I have CPR training after work on Tuesday, which won't be bad, it will just be a long day. And then Thursday and Friday I will be by myself in the office again. Michelle is moving, so she will be gone. But I will try to be a little more prepared, mentally, this time, and hopefully they will be good days.

I haven't enjoyed being sick, but I have to admit, it's been really nice being semi-babied by Brett. He is just so caring. He hates when I'm sick. I'm not really one that likes to be taken care of too much. When I don't feel good, I kind of just want to be left alone. And that is exactly what he gave me this week. He didn't ask me to do anything that I didn't want to do and he didn't make me feel bad for only cooking one meal all week. He just let me sit and read, or watch him play Civilization 5. We even went to a movie last Saturday, because I didn't have the energy to do anything else. It was great!

I am very thankful for today. Brett is napping, and I am sitting in the study by the big window watching the trees sway in the rain, that is just barely still falling. I am about to work on our grocery list, and then I will probably get tired and go lay for a bit. The perfect day =-)

I'll Admit... I've Been In Hiding

I can't believe I have avoided the blog for so long. For a while, I wasn't even sure why I was shying away from it. But I realized last week, that I didn't want to come on the blog, because I didn't want to admit in writing that I don't love my job.

Okay. There I said it. I don't love it.

I don't dislike it! But I can't say that I like it all the time either.

That's totally okay, right? It's a new job! It's supposed to be hard and confusing and sometimes frustrating. At least, it is if you are a Type A who doesn't like making mistakes, and who loves to learn, but really likes KNOWING more. Learning can be hard. Growing is hard. And new jobs, just like every other major life change, have their own set of growing pains.

What can I say? It's not bad. The teachers are really great. Seriously great. Strong, smart, kind, funny women who I am happy to know and hope to someday call true friends. And the kids are precious. How can they not be? And my three bosses... the two owners and the school administrator... they're all great people. But that has been the toughest part. Learning how to interact with them. The school administrator, what a hoot! I really like her! But we are SO different! This is the girl who I spend all day every day with, and things were a little scary while we were getting used to working together. Things are much better now, but I don't really feel at ease yet. I wish that I had more instruction.

Anyway. It's a job at a school and it will take an entire school year before I get to even glimpse everything that the job entails. It would take many more years to be able to do it all perfectly.

I have no idea how long I will be at this job. I want to use my time here well. And I am still determined to do a good job for them. I think that they all think that I am doing a good job, but I want that to prove to be true. I am constantly worrying that something that I did will turn out to be wrong and one day something that I did wrong will totally disrupt the school day or somehow have negative consequences for a student. Ugh. That would be terrible. But until that day, I will just keep trying!

In other news, Weight Watchers is going pretty well. I have lost 13 pounds and I am enjoying being back in the routine of it all. A pair of jeans that was tight fit MUCH better on Monday, so that was rewarding. I don't look smaller yet... I'll be happy when my face looks slimmer. But for now, I am taking one day at a time, and doing okay.

I'm sick as a dog! Been coughing for days. I finally went to the doctor yesterday. I had the morning off because I worked extra long days a couple of days last week. So when my suggested I come in late one day this week, I finally scheduled a dentist appointment. Then after coughing my head off for a few days and almost throwing up in the office on Monday, I decided to try to squeeze a doctor's appointment into my morning off as well. So on my way to the dentist, I called the doctor and ended up giving the credit card quite a workout! I had a tooth pulled (FINALLY!!! Thank you Lord!) and had the build up done for the crown on the tooth that I had the root canal on in June. The dentist was pretty cool and the whole thing took less than two hours so I had time to come home and rest a bit before heading to the doctor and then work. Nice! Doc said I should be taking allergy medicine along with my cough medicine and gave me antibiotics. Tested me for Strep, but I didn't hear from them today, so I am assuming I am okay. Today was rough though because I couldn't have any cough drops. Sucking on them could disrupt the blood clot from my pulled tooth. I would rather cough than experience any more tooth pain.

I wish that I had blogged about Labor Day. We had a really great weekend getaway. Just a 45 minute drive up to Fort Worth to stay the night in a hotel and play around in Brett's old stomping ground for a day. It was super casual and SERIOUSLY amazing. But I didn't want to talk to anyone but Brett for a while. Thus, no blog. So there you go.

I hope that I will be blogging more regularly. I miss my blog. I am just in a weird place right now. It's hard to put my feelings into words when I don't always understand what I am feeling. How can I be so thankful and at the same time not happy? I don't always understand...

Anyway. I'm going to try to read a few blogs before bed! Hope everyone is having a good week!