Saturday, February 15, 2014

Healthy(er) Eating - Day 15

Ugh. Has it been a month yet?

I am struggling today. I am hungry. We went to a restaurant that I thought would have a lot of low carb options, and there weren't as many as I expected. And then what I ordered just wasn't very good. And then I was hungry and wanted things that are not good for me, and it kind of ruined my day.

I want to eat better for a lot of reasons. I am reading Made to Crave, and it's been really great to have someone put into words the ideas that I have felt for so many year. My weight issues are really spiritual issues. I look for comfort, love, happiness... from something that can not give me any of those things. Not really. And when I rely on something other than God for all of those things, and more, I make that thing an idol. I am changing my eating so that God can be on the throne, and not my food choices.

That is what I know for sure.

What I don't know for sure is what is reasonable to restrict myself to... what can I maintain past this month? What about the things that are permissible, but not necessarily beneficial? Like the Diet Cream Soda which I love so much. And do I have to figure all of that out right away?

In the beginning, I said that for the month of February (the shortest month in the year, praise the Lord!) I wouldn't eat bread, pasta, rice, potatoes or sugar. It's kind of low carb, but not really because I'm eating fruit.

Today is day 15, and it was the hardest day I've had so far. The first week was fine. This past week I was hungrier, but it was manageable. Today. Ugh. The emotions came back into the picture. I HATE making food choices based on emotion. I have lived for YEARS of my life not liking to do just that, but doing it anyway. And now I am trying to change that. Again.

But today it felt even harder because not only can I not eat what I want to eat, I can't buy what I want to buy. We are flat broke. We celebrated Valentine's Day today. A day late, because I was working childcare at church last night. Because we need the money.

What I wanted to do was go to the Dallas World Aquarium. I've never been and I have a free pass that expires in a few days. But it's kind of pricey, so Brett's ticket, to go with me, was more than we could afford. And for it to feel like a date, I would have wanted us to eat at one of their restaurants. Again, we can't afford to eat anywhere right now that we don't have a gift card to.

Let me just take a minute to say that I know that I sound like a total brat. I'm not proud that I find myself in want. Not when I have so much. We are abundantly blessed. God has always provided for us. It's been amazing to watch his provision since Brett left his full time job. Some weeks it's one day at a time. Which in my weakness, is kind of scary. In reality, it's really amazing. God has been so good.

I know that all of that is good. I know that this is part of the sanctification process, and I am thankful to be growing. But today there were growing pains.

Anyone else out there relate to days like today? When you have switched to a healthier eating plan, and suddenly it feels so hard that you have trouble remembering why it is worth it? What did you?

Saturday, January 25, 2014

Give Us This Day...

What a beautiful day. It's been down right freezing in Irving, Texas the last few days. I know that it is still winter, but we were spoiled by a lovely glimpse of spring, so when the chill came back it was not welcomed with open arms. But today is another springy day, and I'm looking forward to being out in it.

I just got home from my church's annual "Women's Birthday Brunch". It has been an event for almost 20 years and it is a day that the ladies of our church come together, really just to celebrate each other. It's called the birthday brunch because you are supposed to sit with women who share the same birthday month as you. It's an opportunity to get to know women in the church that you wouldn't otherwise meet because you are separated by seasons. This was my first year to go and I'm so glad that I did. First of all, the food was delicious =-) Is there anything better than breakfast food? Not in my world! That was maybe the best biscuit I have ever had. I know that's saying a lot - especially from a Texas girl - but it was amazing. Even better than the biscuits was the speaker. Her name is Rebecca Ashbrook Carrell, and God really spoke to me through her today.

I have made it no secret on this blog that I struggle with my weight/food issues. Well sort of. Since speaking openly about it here, I go through long periods of not blogging. It's pretty much always food related. I am ashamed when I am not winning the battle, so I hide in silence. But I had a very enlightening moment this morning.

I can't believe that I have never had this thought before. It's so obvious, I have no doubt most other people HAVE had this thought before. It's probably even talked about openly to the point that it's cliche to say in some circles. But it had never occurred to me before. Here is my "aha" moment of the day:

When Adam and Eve ate the apple, the first thing that they noticed was their nakedness, and they felt shame. Shame about our bodies comes straight from the hands of Satan.

Wow.

For years of my life, I was bound by the sin of compulsive eating. If you have never experienced addiction, I don't know how to describe it in a way that you will understand. But if you have, then you know how absolutely enslaving it is to be addicted to something. My every moment of every day revolved around what I would eat next. Where I would eat it. How I would eat it. It's horrifying. I am beyond thankful to say that I am not a slave to food any more. I still choose it, obviously... I am bigger now than I was through much of my addiction... but it doesn't control me. Maybe that is one of the reasons that I am still so big. I have wanted to enjoy my food without the compulsion. Actually taste and enjoy what I was eating.

But I have become increasingly aware of the chains that I am currently carrying over the last year or so. I am no longer bound by that particular sin, but I have been bound by something that at times is so powerful it seems to control my every move. My new chain is Shame.

I am so ashamed of the body that my past sins have brought me to. Too often, I wish that I were invisible. That I could disappear. That I had not come to whatever event brought me face to face with that shame. I know it's all my fault. The size was my doing. The ugliness was brought on by no one but myself, one bite at a time. That is a truth that I cannot hide from.

But we all live with consequences. With effects of our choices. When we fail, would God have us live in defeat? By all means, NO! We have VICTORY IN HIM, through Christ Jesus our Lord. When we feel guilt and shame for our sins and our failures, those feelings do not come from God. Does the Holy Spirit convict us? Yes. Is our God a just God? Yes. He will not spare us from every consequence. But neither does he condemn us. Our sin leads to death, but Christ has come that we might have LIFE! And have it MORE ABUNDANTLY!

We do not need to "suck in our sin" and try to look pretty for God. He knows us. Let me say that again. He knows us. And he loves us. He loves us, despite the fact that he knows us. He knows every apple that I have accepted from Satan. Every bite that led me astray. And he still chose me.

We are not called to hide in our shame, but to be a light in this dark world. It's time for me to put down the shame. To stop abiding in shame, and to abide in his love.

Oh that I would choose life, and live. Holy Spirit, help me to choose life. Show me how to be a light. And keep the chains of shame from choking the life out of me.

Saturday, November 30, 2013

War of the Worlds

Hello friends. I hope that you had a blessed Thanksgiving. The week of Thanksgiving may be my favorite week of each year. I love that it is always on a Thursday, so we always have a 4 day weekend to celebrate. And me, being a gal that loves to shop, greatly enjoy that Christmas shopping is an integral part of this holiday weekend.

We had a great time celebrating with family on Thursday and Friday, doing a little shopping on each day, and taking it fairly easy today. We ran errands, and were out of the house longer than I expected, but we started the day by having lunch with our dear friend Jeff, who grew up with me in Irving, but now lives in Tulsa. Jeff is a man after God's own heart. He lives a very intentional life, but he's incredibly humble, never showy, about it. Just being around him is encouraging. We are very thankful that he is still a part of our life, though it's now a long distance relationship, if you will. He comes to town a few times a year, but Thanksgiving seems to be the only holiday where we consistently get to see him each year. Another plus to this wonderful week!

Man oh man. My mind and heart have been quite the battlefield lately. In some ways, it's definitely been a year of growth. I'm so happy about the birth of Gypsy Rhetoric. I'm thankful that I've devoted more time to being creative. There is finally artwork on the walls of this sweet little house. Some of it made by me, some of it store bought, some things thrifted, and a few things made by other artists, which I love. I love walking into this house and feeling like I'm home - like I'm safe to relax and be myself in every way. And I think that other people feel safe here as well, which has always been a goal in our marriage. But even though I've made time to focus on doing some things that I enjoy, I still feel like my priorities are out of balance.

It's always the same three areas that need improvement. First of all my spiritual life. I don't spend near enough time in the word or in prayer. It makes such a significant difference when I start my days in the word and pray intentionally. Why don't I do that every day? I hate my lack of discipline and I really desire growth in that area. Secondly, my physical life. There were periods of improvement this year. I loved going to water aerobics regularly. But that is not happening these days. And thirdly, my social life. I wish I were a better friend. I have so many people in my life that I love, and I'm not always good about taking time to reach out and remind those that I love how important they are to me.

Those desires have been growing constantly. I feel like the older I get, the richer my love for the Lord becomes. It's gone from chocolate milk - delicious and always enjoyable, to Godiva dark chocolate with sea salt - the best chocolate experience I know of at this point. I am in awe of our Creator - of his sacrificial love that is every bit as strong today as it was 2000 years ago when he sent his only son to die for us.

And I really want to be healthier. I have felt the weight more this year. I've always been ridiculously huge, but I can feel now that it's not just my appearance, but my health that is suffering. It's hard to think about without just completely hating myself. But I want very much to be healthier. To feel pretty. To have more energy.

What I am struggling with lately is not knowing if my love is in the right place. A sweet friend this year, told me that I should not be embarrassed by my love to craft. For some reason, I have always felt the need to apologize for it. To make sure that other people know that I know that it is frivolous. I don't feel skilled enough to call myself an artist, so I say that I am "crafty", and that just seems silly. Even to me, who enjoys it so thoroughly. But Kristen told me that it is a reflection of our creator - that I love to create things. To see potential in completely unrelated objects and make them into something beautiful or meaningful. I really do feel like it is a desire that God has put in me. I can't get away from it - this recognition of beauty in things around me, and a want to make things that I think are pretty.

And what about this nesting thing? I LOVE making our house reflect us. It is such a joy to pick pieces that reflect our style together in the place where we live. But lately, I look around us and we suddenly have a lot of "stuff". This is a three bedroom house, and we are starting to not have a place for things. That is just ridiculous.

Part of it came from Brett's trip... I hear missionaries pray often that Christians would grow a distaste for the western world. That we would flee from the west to take God's word to those who are waiting to hear it. Dying to hear it. And sometimes I think that that is happening in our life. In our marriage. Brett has left his job, and taken part time work, so he can look for full time church work. It was a huge step of faith that we prayed about and, even though we're not sure what life will look like for a little while, he is refusing to spend 40 hours a week wasting away in a cubicle doing work that doesn't matter to anyone. Wednesday was his last day at his old job, so this is still very new. But the past two weeks have had several moments where I have been worried and asked God to provide for us. The Holy Spirit spoke very clearly to me early last week and showed me that God ALREADY HAS provided. Who am I to say that this part time job isn't enough? It's what God has given us. So then I started wishing that he had waited until the new year. But whose to say if this job would have been available after the holidays? It's because it's the holiday season that this retail position was even available. God will provide. We will be fine. We will be more than fine.

Sigh. I am not settled. I am the definition of unsettled right now. In my heart and in my mind. But tomorrow is Sunday. I get to leave the world behind for an hour of worship with fellow believers. It's back to work on Monday, and a new life for Brett and I. I pray that I will live it intentionally.

Sorry this post was so long. It's because it was long overdue. I will leave you with a picture of our Christmas corner, taken from a sitting position on my couch because I was exhausted after decorating for three hours. It's blurry. As are most pictures I take on my phone. But I love our Christmas tree =-) It's now standing guard over a slew of presents. Thank you Black Friday, for letting me give gifts to my loved ones.



Saturday, November 16, 2013

Funky Finds Holiday Shopping Experience 2013

Well, I did it - I did my first real craft fair!!! It was so much fun! I just posted a long blog recap about it over at my Gypsy Rhetoric blog. It was a fun, exciting, educational, exhausting weekend. I'm pretty much recovered from it now. I still have some organizing and cleaning up to do in my craft room, but I have already spent a bit of the profits on some Christmas and birthday presents.

HUGE thank you to my mom and sisters for all of their help preparing for and working the event. And to everyone who came to see me - Haley, Paul, Sheryl, Jenina, Jamie, Jerry, Kalie, Danielle, Rebecca, Robin, Rachel, Rachel, Anna, Jan, Christy and Ana - thank you so much!!!

My original thought was that I would try to do two craft fairs a year and regularly post printables on my etsy site. I was waiting to get through this event to focus on etsy for a while. But.... yesterday someone told me about a craft fair coming up in a few weeks that is on a Saturday morning, from 8-2. It's only $30 to participate and it's at a high school. My alma mater, actually - Irving High School. It's only a few minutes from my house, and it sounds like the perfect, mostly easy way to earn a little more holiday shopping money, try to sell what I have left from last weekend and use up some supplies that I didn't get to in time for Funky Finds. It's three weeks from today. I'm pretty sure I'm going for it.

Here are a few pictures from the event. I had a blast!









Sunday, October 13, 2013

One Flesh

When Brett and I were newlyweds (we're getting close to five years of wedded bliss, so we're slightly more seasoned ;-) we were a part of a Sunday School class called The Rolling Stones. It was our first Sunday School class at our new church and it was a great time of growth for us as man and wife. The class taught us a lot about goals to set and strive for, as believers, in our marriage. The teacher that we started out with in that class was passionate about building within us an understanding of being "one flesh". That phrase is a reference to Genesis 2:24, "For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh". I've always thought that was a beautiful depiction of marriage, and I've always claimed it in our marriage - he is part of me and I am part of him - but this week, I really SAW that I am no longer complete without my husband. We are one flesh.

Brett went on his first international mission trip this week. We've been saving and planning for this trip for close to a year. It is a trip that our church has done every year for the past several years, and in January when the church announced the trips scheduled for the year, Brett felt a very clear calling to go. There was a month where we debated and prayed about whether or not I would go as well. I wanted to very much. I knew that it would be a great time of growth, and it is always my desire that we grow TOGETHER more than we do separately. And I've always wanted us to travel! Travel has always been a desire for me, but it's not something that I grew up doing, so I don't really know how. But Brett was not comfortable with the thought of me going. The trip itself is perfectly safe, but the country is not necessarily a safe place for Christians to be. When it came to the point that Brett said that if I insisted on going with him, he couldn't go, I realized it was not the right time for me. I wanted to go, but he was called to go, and there is a difference.

So we've been preparing for months, and this week he went. This week, I was single again. I was on my own for 8 days and 7 nights, and I have never felt so incomplete. I had a multitude of people praying for both of us, and the worries that I had about being in the house alone (I thought I'd be scared to sleep alone and that I would be tempted by all of my usual sin traps) never came to fruition. But I was sad. We truly are one flesh, and half of me was on the other side of the world. I wasn't useless - I accomplished a lot this week, though there is not as much to show for it as I had hoped - but I was lonely. I was not alone a single night or day, but there is no substitute for my husband.

I am happy to say that he is home =-) He got home last night and I am whole again. I am thrilled with what God showed him on the trip and am joyfully looking forward to whatever God leads us to in the future.

On a different note - the Funky Finds Holiday Shopping experience is 26 days away. AAAHHH!!! I have so much work to do! If you are in the Dallas area on November 9th and 10th, I hope you can make it out! It's going to be an adventure!

Sunday, September 22, 2013

Some MUCH Needed R&R

Finally. We had a weekend that was both productive AND restful. There has been a lot of busy, a little productivity and no rest lately. I'm so thankful that this weekend was different.

I'm learning that it is difficult for me to not be busy at home. Not that I never rest here, and I am definitely my most relaxed when it is just me, my hubby and the voices in my head filling our sweet home, but there is always something to DO. I can't just sit and watch a movie, I have to get a load in the wash and the dishwasher and listen for them to stop so I can reload. Or I feel guilty if I'm not crafting (getting ready for the craft fair - check it out over at my other blog) or checking email or blogging or cleaning. You get my drift.

But this weekend, Chuck went out of town. So Brett and I said we would be happy to check in on the best boxer in the world - Oscar. We took over Star Trek Into Darkness, which came with a digital copy that I am loading into my iTunes as I type, a frozen lasagna, and pajamas. I watched an entire movie without feeling the need to get up for anything other than to let sweet Oscar outside to take care of business. It was awesome.

When we got home, I took 2 Motrin PM. My shoulder was killing me because I slept on it wrong on Thursday night. And I REALLY wanted to sleep through the night. And I wanted to sleep past 8:30. Guess what? Success on both accounts.

The only thing I had going on Saturday was celebrating my sweet mother's birthday. But I wasn't picking her up until 4:30. So I got out bed, brushed my teeth, and stumbled into my craft room. I set a goal for September that I'm not sure I can meet. I wanted to get all of my frames and canvases done for the craft fair. But I ended up being given 3 canvases and buying 6 more, so I've got a LOT left to do. I want to do them! I am digging putting quotes and song lyrics and Bible verses that I love into frames. But I don't want that to be the only thing that I have in my booth. I may do as many as I can in the next 8 days and then come back to them later if I have the time. We'll see.

Today, Brett "preached" for the first time ever. He has been teaching God's word for over a decade, but he has never done it on a stage for an entire congregation before. He did a great job! It was a small congregation, but we all enjoyed the word very much. I'm so proud of him. He is now laying in bed watching MASH after eating chicken soup for dinner. He's been fighting sickness for a few days and this evening, he threw his hands up and admitted that he felt icky.

I should be with him now, so I'm headed to bed. I'm going to end by asking the same question I just did over at Gypsy Rhetoric. What movie quotes or song lyrics would you like to see immortalized on canvas?

Monday, September 16, 2013

Well That Was Unexpected

I've had an interesting couple of weeks.

I don't really know how to tell this story. I started to write it "story style" if you know what I mean, but just trying to think about all of the details made me tired. So I'm going to jump right to it. I sort of got a job offer.

Two weeks ago, on a Saturday morning (the Saturday before Labor Day - as I was making a gift for Emily's second birthday) I got a message that my church wanted to talk to me about a position. It's not really public yet, so I won't go into much detail, but I will say that on paper, it sounded like the perfect position for me. No, it's not the pastor ;-)

If you've been reading my blog long, or if you know me at all, you know that I work at a private preschool and elementary school in my hometown of Irving. I am the office manager. I am on my fourth year there, and I love the school. I love seeing the kids each day, I love the owners, I love the girl that I work in the office with... it's a great job.

But no job is perfect. This summer was a little rough. There were a lot of circumstances that left me stretched a little too far at the school, and I grew weary. And, as you know, my heart has really been stirring for Gypsy Rhetoric. I've been wanting to take crafting a little further for a long time, and I'm finally trying to do that. All of those things awakened me to an active realization that I will not work at this sweet school that I love forever. And if I'm being totally honest, I would love for my next boss to be me.

But if there is any place that could take me away from this job that I love, it would be my church that I love. I mean, I LOVE my church. Even as we are searching for a new pastor and worship pastor, we are thriving and God is moving and it is an amazing place to be. In fact, since our pastor and worship pastor resigned 6 weeks or so ago, there have been a lot of opportunities to serve open up for Brett and I. So when I talked to the church about possibly working there, I was torn.

Seriously. It was a long 13 days. That's how many days passed between the first initial phone call talking about the position, and my email to the church saying that I'm not the right person for the job. Actually, saying that now is not the right time. The days in between day one and day thirteen were full of prayer, fasting, counsel and tears. Anxiety, fear, joy and one interview. And I changed my mind every day. Sometimes multiple times a day.

The problem with thinking you might be leaving your job, is you allow yourself to acknowledge all of the unpleasantness. The ins and outs of every day that make things a little harder than you would prefer. I was miserable at work. At my school that I love. Which was an obvious sign of attack. The enemy was walking through my mind and making things hard. But in the end, God spoke very clearly to my sweet husband, who I love and trust, and am submissive to ultimately. So two days after officially interviewing, I sent an email, then went to work, and had the best day I had experienced in two weeks.

I'm glad it's over. I'm glad that I am feeling peace at work again. I'm glad that I got to experience interviewing at the church. I'm incredibly thankful for the staff members that I spoke to, and I am committed to praying for the person who will fill that role.

Also, I really need a break. I have two days off coming up in four weeks. I'm Really. Looking. Forward. to them. Really. Life is busy, but life is good, and above all else, God is good. My prayer is to serve Him well.

I'm off to fancy up a canvas I'm working on for the Funky Finds Holiday Shopping Experience. Check out the other blog to see a pic soon!

Monday, September 2, 2013

Gypsy Rhetoric

Sweet readers, I'd like to introduce you to my attempt at a small business: Gypsy Rhetoric. I am officially giving it a go - crafting for fun and for sale!

I will be a vendor at the Funky Finds Holiday Shopping Experience, in Fort Worth, Texas, on November 9th and 10th. I would LOVE for you to come out and see my booth.

I created a new blog to post about my gypsy journey. Please follow that blog so you can give me feedback along the way! I'm chasing rabbits onto a new path! We'll see where it takes me =-)

Sunday, August 25, 2013

A New Season

I'm so ready for fall. It's too early to write an "I love Fall" post, but it sure is on my mind. Not because it's been cool around here. It was a hot weekend!

I have so. much. on. my. mind. So much that it has felt impossible to blog - there is just way too much to say. And it's all incomplete. I feel like I have stories to tell, but they don't have an ending, so I don't know what to say.

I'm doing a craft fair. That is what the stories kind of all center around. I made it my goal to have a website up by the end of the summer and do a craft fair by the end of the year. Well, school has started, so in my mind summer is over, but technically, I've got a few more weeks until summer is officially over. I have sort of met that goal already because I have created both an etsy site and a Facebook page, but they aren't even worth mentioning because they are practically blank right now. But the foundation has been laid. I will get it done. I just need some time to upload files and write procedures and all that. I wish I had a better camera to take pictures of the items I have crafted so far. I can't take a clear picture on my phone to save my life!

As for goal number two, I AM DOING A CRAFT FAIR!!! I did some research online and found a show that was nearby, in November, so I can do holiday items, which is what I love, and I paid today so I am officially in!

I'm really excited =-) So excited that I want to use the word "super". But somehow, typing "super _______" automatically sounds sarcastic to me. And I REALLY AM excited!!!

I have been in a creative state of mind all summer. Scratch that. All year. When I found that funky little shop in Grapevine at our staff Christmas party, something inside of me just clicked. It's like someone showed me a picture of what my future could be. I have no idea if I will ever have a permanent place where I sell my wares, if you will, but I love to create, and craft fairs are a plausible way to share my creations with people with similar interests.

I am excited to share my vision with you - when there is more to share. For now, just know that I will be sharing it with you soon! I will try to post along the way so you can journey with me. If you are a friend, as well as a reader, I would love for you to make plans to come see me at the Funky Finds craft fair in Fort Worth, Texas on November 9 and 10. It's going to be a funky fun time!

That's all I'll say for now. It's bedtime!

Thursday, August 1, 2013

A Big Step!

Happy August 1st! I love when I blog on the first of the month - it means I definitely won't let the month pass without posting. I'm guilty of that WAY too often. In fact, there may not be anyone out there who still checks my blog. But maybe I can change that?

So, I shared in my last post that I have done a lot of heavy daydreaming lately. I've been feeling inspired and motivated in ways that are always there, but that life has pushed below the priority line for a while. This is going to sound crazy, but one morning, while I was getting ready and blow drying my hair, a vision of a business came into my head. I am not confident enough to share that full vision with you right now, but I will say that it was exciting and motivating enough to lead me to set some goals. Deadlines, if you will. I decided that I wanted to have an Etsy shop up and running by the end of the summer, and I want to do a craft fair by the end of the calendar year.

A few years ago, I did a little logo design on the side. And I've done a small craft fair twice. But I have always wanted a legit business. I get that from my dad. More than anyone else that I know, he has an entrepreneurial spirit. He started his own business when I was 7 years old. It was web and phone based, and he worked at it for almost 10 years before letting the dream go. It was never steady enough income to live securely. But in addition to that business, he has been a caterer, customized golf clubs, bought and sold on eBay, had a lawn care business, and who knows what else.

I love my dad. I love that I inherited that spirit from him. I'm also very proud to be a part of his family. He comes from a long line of musicians, actors, and artist types of all sorts - including circus performers. I LOVE the circus! I wish I could be an elephant in a circus.

My mom is the same. She has been crafty my whole life. She is a very talented seamstress, and I think my artistic eye comes from her. She sees beauty everywhere, and is easily inspired, like me. She also comes from a long line of artists, including a mother who sews and crochets beautifully, and a father who is a musician and craftsman.

My point is, "I've got the music in me". And the artiness. It's in my blood.

As I've mentioned before, I don't handle change very well. I tend to dream big, but too often, fear and insecurity keeps my dreams from becoming realities. If I move forward, it is usually through baby steps.

I say all of that to say that today I took a step. It is one of many steps, but it didn't feel like a baby step, it felt like a big step.

I drove to Dallas, got lost, then found the records building, and filed a "Doing Business As". For the low, low price of $20 ($16 for the certificate, and $4 for parking, which came with a free "hello beautiful" and lots of smiles from a guy in a yellow shirt and straw hat) I am now the proud owner of a Certificate of Ownership for Unincorporated Business or Profession. I now legally own my business name. I have no idea what else I need to do, but I'm hoping to find out soon. One step at a time. Today, I took a step. Maybe it wasn't much, but it was more than a daydream, and it was hard, but I did it anyway.

I bought myself $5 flowers and peanut M&Ms to celebrate. Hopefully my husband will brings me kisses and hugs to celebrate further tonight.

Here's to believing in daydreams and baby steps! Stay tuned for more!