Wednesday, September 22, 2010

I'll Admit... I've Been In Hiding

I can't believe I have avoided the blog for so long. For a while, I wasn't even sure why I was shying away from it. But I realized last week, that I didn't want to come on the blog, because I didn't want to admit in writing that I don't love my job.

Okay. There I said it. I don't love it.

I don't dislike it! But I can't say that I like it all the time either.

That's totally okay, right? It's a new job! It's supposed to be hard and confusing and sometimes frustrating. At least, it is if you are a Type A who doesn't like making mistakes, and who loves to learn, but really likes KNOWING more. Learning can be hard. Growing is hard. And new jobs, just like every other major life change, have their own set of growing pains.

What can I say? It's not bad. The teachers are really great. Seriously great. Strong, smart, kind, funny women who I am happy to know and hope to someday call true friends. And the kids are precious. How can they not be? And my three bosses... the two owners and the school administrator... they're all great people. But that has been the toughest part. Learning how to interact with them. The school administrator, what a hoot! I really like her! But we are SO different! This is the girl who I spend all day every day with, and things were a little scary while we were getting used to working together. Things are much better now, but I don't really feel at ease yet. I wish that I had more instruction.

Anyway. It's a job at a school and it will take an entire school year before I get to even glimpse everything that the job entails. It would take many more years to be able to do it all perfectly.

I have no idea how long I will be at this job. I want to use my time here well. And I am still determined to do a good job for them. I think that they all think that I am doing a good job, but I want that to prove to be true. I am constantly worrying that something that I did will turn out to be wrong and one day something that I did wrong will totally disrupt the school day or somehow have negative consequences for a student. Ugh. That would be terrible. But until that day, I will just keep trying!

In other news, Weight Watchers is going pretty well. I have lost 13 pounds and I am enjoying being back in the routine of it all. A pair of jeans that was tight fit MUCH better on Monday, so that was rewarding. I don't look smaller yet... I'll be happy when my face looks slimmer. But for now, I am taking one day at a time, and doing okay.

I'm sick as a dog! Been coughing for days. I finally went to the doctor yesterday. I had the morning off because I worked extra long days a couple of days last week. So when my suggested I come in late one day this week, I finally scheduled a dentist appointment. Then after coughing my head off for a few days and almost throwing up in the office on Monday, I decided to try to squeeze a doctor's appointment into my morning off as well. So on my way to the dentist, I called the doctor and ended up giving the credit card quite a workout! I had a tooth pulled (FINALLY!!! Thank you Lord!) and had the build up done for the crown on the tooth that I had the root canal on in June. The dentist was pretty cool and the whole thing took less than two hours so I had time to come home and rest a bit before heading to the doctor and then work. Nice! Doc said I should be taking allergy medicine along with my cough medicine and gave me antibiotics. Tested me for Strep, but I didn't hear from them today, so I am assuming I am okay. Today was rough though because I couldn't have any cough drops. Sucking on them could disrupt the blood clot from my pulled tooth. I would rather cough than experience any more tooth pain.

I wish that I had blogged about Labor Day. We had a really great weekend getaway. Just a 45 minute drive up to Fort Worth to stay the night in a hotel and play around in Brett's old stomping ground for a day. It was super casual and SERIOUSLY amazing. But I didn't want to talk to anyone but Brett for a while. Thus, no blog. So there you go.

I hope that I will be blogging more regularly. I miss my blog. I am just in a weird place right now. It's hard to put my feelings into words when I don't always understand what I am feeling. How can I be so thankful and at the same time not happy? I don't always understand...

Anyway. I'm going to try to read a few blogs before bed! Hope everyone is having a good week!

1 comment:

Marie said...

Hang in there! It sounds like "growing up pains".. Been there, done that.. got the t-shirt to prove it. Just remember that the enemy's greatest tool is separation, so when you are feeling weak and frustrated and alone, don't hide. We love you out here in BlogLand!

Congrats on the weight loss! I wish I had the ability to do that now. Gonna have to wait to get my head together though. It could be a while.