Saturday, February 15, 2014

Healthy(er) Eating - Day 15

Ugh. Has it been a month yet?

I am struggling today. I am hungry. We went to a restaurant that I thought would have a lot of low carb options, and there weren't as many as I expected. And then what I ordered just wasn't very good. And then I was hungry and wanted things that are not good for me, and it kind of ruined my day.

I want to eat better for a lot of reasons. I am reading Made to Crave, and it's been really great to have someone put into words the ideas that I have felt for so many year. My weight issues are really spiritual issues. I look for comfort, love, happiness... from something that can not give me any of those things. Not really. And when I rely on something other than God for all of those things, and more, I make that thing an idol. I am changing my eating so that God can be on the throne, and not my food choices.

That is what I know for sure.

What I don't know for sure is what is reasonable to restrict myself to... what can I maintain past this month? What about the things that are permissible, but not necessarily beneficial? Like the Diet Cream Soda which I love so much. And do I have to figure all of that out right away?

In the beginning, I said that for the month of February (the shortest month in the year, praise the Lord!) I wouldn't eat bread, pasta, rice, potatoes or sugar. It's kind of low carb, but not really because I'm eating fruit.

Today is day 15, and it was the hardest day I've had so far. The first week was fine. This past week I was hungrier, but it was manageable. Today. Ugh. The emotions came back into the picture. I HATE making food choices based on emotion. I have lived for YEARS of my life not liking to do just that, but doing it anyway. And now I am trying to change that. Again.

But today it felt even harder because not only can I not eat what I want to eat, I can't buy what I want to buy. We are flat broke. We celebrated Valentine's Day today. A day late, because I was working childcare at church last night. Because we need the money.

What I wanted to do was go to the Dallas World Aquarium. I've never been and I have a free pass that expires in a few days. But it's kind of pricey, so Brett's ticket, to go with me, was more than we could afford. And for it to feel like a date, I would have wanted us to eat at one of their restaurants. Again, we can't afford to eat anywhere right now that we don't have a gift card to.

Let me just take a minute to say that I know that I sound like a total brat. I'm not proud that I find myself in want. Not when I have so much. We are abundantly blessed. God has always provided for us. It's been amazing to watch his provision since Brett left his full time job. Some weeks it's one day at a time. Which in my weakness, is kind of scary. In reality, it's really amazing. God has been so good.

I know that all of that is good. I know that this is part of the sanctification process, and I am thankful to be growing. But today there were growing pains.

Anyone else out there relate to days like today? When you have switched to a healthier eating plan, and suddenly it feels so hard that you have trouble remembering why it is worth it? What did you?

1 comment:

Jennifer said...

Hi friend. I absolutely have those days where it all feels like it's in vain. But I just keep reminding myself that I will NOT let food have control over my life. I am stronger than that cookie, bean burrito, brownie, bag of chips. If I let a piece of food control my life, how weak am I? How weak am I saying that God is? I have let food run my life for entirely too long and although I still have moments where certain food items still have more control than they should, overall I am now the one controlling my food. Not by my own strength, of course, but through God's.

I will say that I think it is really hard to say "I won't eat ___ all month." Not saying that you shouldn't have done that, because if that's what you felt the Lord leading you to do, that's what you should do. I know that for me, when I tell myself "You absolutely cannot have ___," it makes me want it so bad that I can't stop thinking about it. So what I am doing is that I am eating healthy. I eat lean proteins, whole grains, veggies, fruits, and healthy fats. I have a small bit of chocolate every day because that helps me not feel completely deprived. On Saturdays, if there is something I have really been wanting that week, I have it. By not telling myself I can't have it at all, I know that once Saturday gets here I can have it if it's still something I want. Usually at that point, I don't care anymore about that specific item, although there have been weeks that I have. It helps me to not keep those trigger items in the house, though. I only purchase them individually at the time I am planning to eat it- one cookie, once scoop of ice cream, one burrito, etc.

I know Lysa is very into abstaining in general from unhealthy things during this process, but I don't think it's realistic or necessary. Food is not evil. It's our relationship with and dependence on food that is the problem. By planning ahead and knowing that on Saturday, I am going out of town and will be eating out twice, I give myself permission ahead of time to perhaps splurge more than normal. I am not making that decision out of emotion. It was planned far in advance when I was of sound mind.

Speaking of planning, it has helped me tremendously! I plan my entire week out in advance. On Sunday night, I decide what we will eat the entire week for dinners. I pretty much plan all the rest of my meals on Sundays as well, although sometimes I will plan the night before. Either way, I plan and I stick to it. It's easier for me to not be tempted when I know I already have a plan.

Kim, this IS worth it. I promise it is. After six weeks, I am down 21.5 pounds. I know it can be so hard and I know money is tight and sometimes life is less than ideal. The biggest thing that I have reminded myself is that there is no starting over. When I have a day that doesn't go as well as I'd hoped as far as food consumption goes, the next day I am making good choices again. I'm not starting over again on Monday. I'm just making the right choice with my next meal.

Have your cream soda once a week. Look forward to it and really enjoy it. Let it be a bit of a reward. You can live in moderation by making good choices and still enjoying the things you love on occasion...even as often as once a week.

We've got this, friend. I wish I could say that every time I am tempted I quote a verse or pray. I don't. Sometimes I do, but not always. What I do know, however, is that the Lord is working in me because I have never had the strength to do what I am doing now. We're works in progress and we will accomplish what His plans are for us. I love you. Call or text me anytime. Seriously.