Ugh. Has it been a month yet?
I am struggling today. I am hungry. We went to a restaurant that I thought would have a lot of low carb options, and there weren't as many as I expected. And then what I ordered just wasn't very good. And then I was hungry and wanted things that are not good for me, and it kind of ruined my day.
I want to eat better for a lot of reasons. I am reading Made to Crave, and it's been really great to have someone put into words the ideas that I have felt for so many year. My weight issues are really spiritual issues. I look for comfort, love, happiness... from something that can not give me any of those things. Not really. And when I rely on something other than God for all of those things, and more, I make that thing an idol. I am changing my eating so that God can be on the throne, and not my food choices.
That is what I know for sure.
What I don't know for sure is what is reasonable to restrict myself to... what can I maintain past this month? What about the things that are permissible, but not necessarily beneficial? Like the Diet Cream Soda which I love so much. And do I have to figure all of that out right away?
In the beginning, I said that for the month of February (the shortest month in the year, praise the Lord!) I wouldn't eat bread, pasta, rice, potatoes or sugar. It's kind of low carb, but not really because I'm eating fruit.
Today is day 15, and it was the hardest day I've had so far. The first week was fine. This past week I was hungrier, but it was manageable. Today. Ugh. The emotions came back into the picture. I HATE making food choices based on emotion. I have lived for YEARS of my life not liking to do just that, but doing it anyway. And now I am trying to change that. Again.
But today it felt even harder because not only can I not eat what I want to eat, I can't buy what I want to buy. We are flat broke. We celebrated Valentine's Day today. A day late, because I was working childcare at church last night. Because we need the money.
What I wanted to do was go to the Dallas World Aquarium. I've never been and I have a free pass that expires in a few days. But it's kind of pricey, so Brett's ticket, to go with me, was more than we could afford. And for it to feel like a date, I would have wanted us to eat at one of their restaurants. Again, we can't afford to eat anywhere right now that we don't have a gift card to.
Let me just take a minute to say that I know that I sound like a total brat. I'm not proud that I find myself in want. Not when I have so much. We are abundantly blessed. God has always provided for us. It's been amazing to watch his provision since Brett left his full time job. Some weeks it's one day at a time. Which in my weakness, is kind of scary. In reality, it's really amazing. God has been so good.
I know that all of that is good. I know that this is part of the sanctification process, and I am thankful to be growing. But today there were growing pains.
Anyone else out there relate to days like today? When you have switched to a healthier eating plan, and suddenly it feels so hard that you have trouble remembering why it is worth it? What did you?