Saturday, July 17, 2010

WAAAAY Too Little Blogging Lately

Life has been... new! Full and overwhelming. But probably the overwhelming comes from so much NEW!

This job is so different from anything that I have ever done. It's like being a volunteer at Vacation Bible School, but intensified. First of all, the parents dropping off their kiddos are paying big bucks for it. Which means the kids are there to have fun, but also for SO much more! To learn. To grow. To have a safe place to spend the hours that they are away from their family. It also differs from VBS because I am not a volunteer, I am an employee, which means there are major expectations. I am expected to know what I am doing and always exercise good judgement. Also, it doesn't last a week, like VBS, it lasts... who knows how long?!

Have you ever volunteered at VBS before? It's super hard work! And at the end of the week, you are exhausted. I am exhausted every day when I get home.

I am very happy to be at my new job, but it has definitely been a bit of an uphill climb, as I'm sure every new job is. I am incredibly blessed, because this hill that I'm climbing up is beautiful. These kids are so precious and the teachers are so patient and so kind. The owners... everyone says they are awesome, and I have had totally good experiences with them so far. But they make me really nervous. I just want to do a good job. And there are still moments in my day, because I have only been there three weeks, when I am not really sure how to do a "good job" at that exact moment. And that has gotten me a little frazzled.

The first week was awesome. The first week I drove to work on Friday smiling tearfully because it has, quite literally, been years since I drove to work excited to see what my day would bring.

The second week was good. A little more stressful because it was my last week with the girl who was training me, but the owners were out of town, so I could learn comfortably without being paranoid about making mistakes.

The third week – this past week – was hard. Lauren is gone and I was in the office with Christy, the owner, all week. We had different helpers each day, but we were short on people and there is constant activity in the office, so things can turn stressful in an instant. But I was determined not to cry.

Thursday was kind of a turning point for me mentally. At least, I hope that I can make it an official turning point. Brett sent me a text message, that I received on my way to work, that said "I hope you have fun today". And those words really resonated with me. My first week there, I had a blast. I enjoyed every day. And now I was driving home in tears at the end of most days worrying about what I didn't do or what I did wrong. What changed? So I told myself to CALM THE HECK DOWN! Christy has been patient and encouraging, and even though I sometimes see what looks like annoyance or frustration in her eyes, she has yet to voice those feelings, so I should just keep working hard and making the best decision that I am capable of each time I act. So Thursday was better. The helper in the office that day was the second grade teacher at the school, who does not work during the Summer, but is available to help when needed. She was needed Thursday and Friday because Christy needed to be out of the office for several hours each day. This new teacher is so laid back, and has such an air of ease to her, it really calmed me down. She was conversational. One of those, "nice to meet you, here is my recent life story" people, and that is exactly what I needed. Someone to talk to me like we were friends. It made it easy to ask questions and difficult to be nervous.

Yesterday was good until the afternoon. The afternoon wasn't bad, just incredibly hectic. A van died. A tooth was lost. A special needs student was kicked in the face while he was swimming and it really shook him up. A mom came in for a tour, which I gave because that was the only option, and she burst into tears three steps down the hall because she had discovered, just the day before, that her almost two year old son was being severely neglected at his current child care facility. A five year old wet his pants. Two more parents came in for tours. It was a busy day. Good, but busy. I hope I did a good job. I hope I helped.

So that is a brief update. I have a lot to say about non-work related things, but I felt I needed a work update since I spent so many blogs building up to the job change. I don't want to ignore it now. But I am hoping that life can start to even out soon. Work will get easier when the school year starts, but that is weeks away. And the rest of my life? I hope I find time to blog about it. Heck, I hope I find time to think about it! I've been so consumed. I need to make some major changes. My food has been completely careless and the scale is reflecting that. It's time to refocus. Past time, actually.

Hope everyone is having a great weekend!


Marie said...

I am so glad your week was good. Brett's text hit the nail on the head... have FUN! Whether calming down kids or touring prospective families or changing peed in clothes, have fun. Because if you are having fun, others will join you!

I love your VBS analogy. It is really true. It kind of makes me look forward to getting back to school. Just not too fast. :)

Hugs and love and all that. I had a blast on our visit. Hope we can get together again soon rather than later.

Blaire said...

I'm thinking about you. I worked there one summer and they are great people. Relax, enjoy, and rely on God. Look at each challenge as a a learning experience, not a bad experience. In times of struggle, pray and breathe. All you can do is your best, the rest is in HIS hands. Praying for you. : )