What is it about being sick and eating junk? Talk about my desires clashing with my actions.
Follow me on a rabbit trail for a quick moment: I used to take offense to the term "chick lit". No, that's not right. I used to turn my nose up at chick lit. I love a good story, just like I love a good movie. But romantic comedies usually aren't my first choice. For me, they sometimes have a tendency to feel like the same thing over and over. That's what I imagined chick lit would be. Well here's the deal. Mardel puts books on sale for a dollar. A DOLLAR! And it had been so long since I'd bought a book. So even though it was a stack of chick lit, I couldn't say no to five books for five dollars! And the covers were so pretty too =-)
I read one last week that was a dud. It was predictable and cliche and it didn't have much character development, which kills a story for me. I just never came to care about the characters. But I started a new one this week and I immediately related to it. The main character is 31 and in the beginning of the book she loses her job so she is dealing with the fears of starting a new career. Umm... totally relate to that! And then she moves home and her mom kind of throws it in her face that she needs to lose weight. So Monday morning, I'm getting ready and reading a little and I suddenly burst into tears thinking about the main character who has just had an awkward first trip to a gym.
(Bunny hopping back to the original trail.)
I just really want to be healthier, and for a million reasons, and no reason whatsoever, I'm having trouble getting started. I can't seem to stay on track food-wise through a weekend. Weekdays are good, but Saturday and Sunday, I erase all the good I've done! Even when I WANT to make good choices, I get careless and end up eating way more than I should, or choices that are stupid! And even though I'm thinking about exercise quite a bit lately, it hasn't really happened yet.
I feel like what I need is WW and a gym membership at the same time. I've been thinking about it, and I think that is what it's going to take for me. I enjoy the accountability that WW provides when I let it, and I think that a gym would be a big help to me right now because I'm so clueless. As the lady on my online class said about a million times last night, "there is no silver bullet". I know that. And I don't want to make excuses. But honestly, no way can we afford a gym membership and WW memberships right now. I was starting to juggle around finances in my head Monday morning and work out a budget that would allow it, but then Monday afternoon, we had an income change. That's another story! But the point is, we can't afford to add more monthly bills to the rotation right now. But that's no excuse. I want to make good food choices and walk NOW. And I can. I know I can. But sometimes it just feels like I can't.
I had such good meals planned for this week, and then Sunday afternoon, here comes a fever. Monday night we ended up going out to dinner to discuss the craziness that happened during the day. We were at a restaurant that provided plenty of healthy choices. And it had been a good food day! But what did I choose? The creamy pasta dish.
Yesterday I felt really bad. It's just a sore throat and fever. I'm not really coughing like Brett was. But it's draining me. The thought of chewing just sounds so... exhausting. So when it's time to eat, I don't want to, and then when I'm hungry enough that I have to eat something, I make a bad choice! Ugh.
I just read this on The Fitnessista's blog and it totally resonated with me: "It doesn't matter what your friend did or what you could do before – do what you can do at this moment, with this situation."
My goal is to be an active member of both a gym and WW, at the same time. But not being able to reach that goal right now doesn't meant that I can't make good choices on my own right now.
Okay, my meds are telling me to go to bed! Sorry 'bout the babbling!