I don't know why this is so hard. It feels like confession. I did something that I've never done before. It's nothing to be ashamed of, and there is no dark reason, or evil plot, behind it. It's just something that we felt led to do. On Sunday, Brett and I visited another church.
I just turned 28. So that means that I have been a member of Plymouth Park Baptist Church for 28 years and 9 months. I love my church. It feels like home. In a complete blackout, I could find my way from Baker Hall to the choir room and down to the basement, no problem. And the people there are like family. The Spences, the Mosses, the Lobbs, the Rambos. Heck, what am I saying? My ACTUAL family is there! My parents take Madilyn on Sundays and, when she can, Melanie goes too. Seriously... I love my church.
But I have a new name now. I am starting a new chapter in my life. Brett and I served together as singles at Plymouth Park, but is that where God wants us to serve now as "the Bacons"? We don't know. We have been praying for months, and we are not sure what God's calling is for our life right now. And this is about OUR life. Not MY life. There is no MY life anymore. We are a unit. And what God calls one of us to, he calls both of us to. But what IS he calling us to do?
We had a few churches in mind to visit. I got online a few weeks ago to look up times for Sunday School and services. I couldn't believe it when I looked up the newly marrieds class at First Baptist and saw that the directors of the class are a girl who is one of the few people in my life that I can say I have known my entire life, and her husband. Brett met them at our wedding. It was comforting to see their names.
We found the church and the class just fine, and we spent some time visiting with people before the class. My friend and her husband were very welcoming. The class was interesting. I was a little intimidated at first because it was a room full of perfect people. I mean, I know that none of them are actually perfect, but I drove to church in a Chrysler, and they looked like they drove to church on the cover of Vogue or GQ. Well, maybe not quite that snappy, but you know what I mean. Banana Republic catalogs at least! I had to remind myself that they are people who love the Lord, and we had at least that in common.
But the teacher was neat. He and his wife just got back from Israel and he gave a history lesson on a city that they visited. We didn't touch our Bibles once, but still, he was prepared and enthusiastic and he left both Brett and I with a good first impression.
But then we walked into the service. As soon as we got to our seats I started to cry. I did my best to hide it, but it was incredibly uncomfortable. I was crying for two reasons. First of all, I missed Plymouth Park. There was a choir onstage that didn't include any members smiling at me because they are trying to recruit me. There was a pastor that didn't know my name, and wasn't there to see me walk down the aisle. And though the room was full of families, it did not include mine. And it broke my heart. I was also crying because there were so many familiar faces. Probably 20 or so, that used to be seated in Plymouth Park, but have left the church for various reasons. I have no accusations to claim and no grudges to hold, but the truth is, a lot of families have left our church over the last 2 years because they don't like things that are happening there. Brett and I don't fit into that category, and being among some of the "disgruntled" made me feel... like a traitor? That's dramatic, I know. But it was hard. In those moments I was thinking to myself "I can't do this. I can't leave Plymouth Park. I want to go home." But I prayed and asked God to clear my mind and remind me that HE is the reason I go to church at all. I am there to meet with HIM and ONLY him. And I have to be willing to follow where he leads without being overwhelmed by who else is in the room with me.
And then the sermon started. The music was good. Standard contemporary worship in a small church. But the sermon. Man. This pastor... he's the real deal. It was an AMAZING message from the book of James. James is my favorite book of the Bible and he is going to be teaching a series from it all summer. And thankfully, as I sat there listening and opening my heart up to the Lord, thoughts of Plymouth Park faded away and were replaced by thoughts of my sweet Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
We left the church agreeing that it was a good experience and that we would visit again next Sunday.
I don't know where God is leading us, but I HAVE to be willing to go where he leads. Plymouth Park will always be my home. And I will miss it every Sunday that I am not there. But that alone is not reason enough to stay there if God wants me somewhere else. He has a plan for us just like he has a plan for Plymouth Park.
I have a lot more to say about my weekend, but that will have to wait until tomorrow. I'm very thirsty and it's past my bedtime.
1 comment:
Kim I could have written this post. I grew up in the church Riley and I got married in. He started going with me while we were dating and in the singles department. Once we got married it didn't feel like we fit in for some reason. We weren't ready to leave our friends to go into the newly married classes but yet we weren't single anymore and didn't fit there either. We ultimately felt called to try other churches and did end up joining another one. Basically starting over as the "The Stewarts." No one knew as seperate individuals and it made fitting in feel easier. My advice would be to try several different church homes and pray pray pray! Then again you might try these different churches but give your home church a chance to see you as "The Bacons". The more and more you go to your newly married couple classes you will start to feel more as a married couple.
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