Saturday, September 17, 2011

Oh Boy, Oh Boy, Oh BOY!!!

So, ya know how I've been going crazy a little lately? Just in a bad place, mentally/emotionally. Well things got a little better this week. I expected them to get worse, because I did something stupid. I read a book that usually makes me feel crazy. Have you read The Perks of Being a Wallflower? I bought it a few years ago and have read it a few times. It's very honest, which makes it kind of hard, or... ugly? Is that the right word? Life is ugly sometimes. Messy. Anyway, I like it a lot. I was kind of disturbed last summer when I saw it on the "School Reading List" table at Barnes N Noble. The book is about a high school kid, a freshman in fact, but the thought of someone that young reading it made me uncomfortable at the time. Now, I'm not sure how I feel about it. Maybe because this time, when I read it, I didn't feel MORE crazy. I actually felt less. Thank goodness!

Also, I think that going to church on Wednesday helped. My wise friend, Marie, taught me "fake it till you make it", and I left work on Wednesday knowing that I needed to be able to fake it at church that night. At our last practice, they all saw me cry. It wasn't totally bad. God had taught me a really life changing truth that week. Or at least, a perspective changing truth. One that I meant to blog about. So it wasn't totally sad crying, more confessional and submissive. But it rocked my world so much that it's kind of what started me slipping into my dark spot.

So I walked into church ready for fake smiles and reflected questions. But that group of people... man, they are so awesome. Just cool people. Our leader is so amazing. It didn't take long... my smiles weren't fake. They felt a little funny on my face, but not because I didn't mean them. So that helped.

Then Thursday I got to wear jeans and a t-shirt to work, and they bought me Jason's Deli for lunch because I won a contest, and it was a pretty good day. We had some training Thursday night and the trainer was so funny. And knowing that the next day was Friday is always a huge help on Thursday.

Friday was okay, but the fact that it is Friday always makes it a pretty good day. And guess what... it RAINED! Real rain! For a few hours. Glorious! Right as I was leaving work, it started.

But here is the exciting news: I have two days off!!!!! It's always what I crave when my thoughts get out of control. Time to myself. That's usually what spurs me to take a day off. Now, last year being my first year at the school, I had a total of 2 days off to use. I used one to go to a funeral and one to move. My year started over at the end of June, so this year, I have a week of vacation and two sick days. Holla! I have already used one of each, but that means I have five left. Now taking these two days off, I will have three. That kind of freaked me out when I was putting in the time off request, but I think it will be fine. With the holidays coming, we have a few days that school will just be closed.

And I wanted to take two days instead of one because I want to have one day to spend out and one day to spend at home. Whenever I have a day off, I always want to do things at the house, like clean and organize, but I also really want to do things out of the house like go to lunch and go see a movie and go shopping. I never fit it all into one day. I either take care of the house, but don't do anything fun, or have a day out and come home to a messy house. This way I can do both!

It is a Monday and Tuesday, and it is in the middle of October. I'm HOPING that the weather will be cooler. I absolutely love fall. It is my all time favorite, for reasons I have blogged about before =-) So I am going to start making my "days off wish list". I want to craft, I want to see at least one, most likely two movies, I want to go eat lunch at that pizza place that Brett doesn't like, and I want to buy some cold weather clothes. I need to. And shoes, for sure. I could use some new clothes now, but I want to make it through the season with what I have. I think I can, except I need some new bras and underwear. We'll see if I can make it another month without shopping. It should be easy, because I'm broke, but I have a really good coupon. I need to see when it expires. If it's soon, I may take advantage of it, at least for the essentials.

Money is really tight, and we have some extra expenses coming up. October is going to be tough! But I know we will make it. We always do.

I hope you have some time to yourself coming soon! It's healthy.

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