Take A Load Off

I couldn't decide whether I should journal or blog tonight. I decided on journaling, but ended up at my computer anyhow. Go figure.

It is Sunday night and I don't really feel like we had a weekend. Last week was a bit of a mess. There were teachers scheduled off and then more teachers called in and it made every day a whirlwind, and long for me. I spent a lot of time in classrooms, which is always great, but never easy. Friday was the craziest day of all. I had been considering going to see Jane Eyre, and early morning, when it became clear that I was going to need some de-stressing after work, I decided to definitely go to the movie. The problem though was that it is only playing at The Angelika, in Dallas, and the show times were 7:00 and 9:35. I am supposed to leave work at 6:00, but on days like Friday, when the closer has a meltdown and goes home at noon, and my partner in crime's two-year-old busts a fever and has to be taken home, I end up locking up the school and being there until 6:30. And I was totally out of gas. I still needed to go drop off our rent check at the realty place, which is literally 2 minutes from the theater, so I took off at top speed, with $20 of gas and a much needed Slurpee. My hopes were high until I hit 35. Traffic was terrible. I didn't make it to the rent drop until 7:20. I would have gone to the movie if I had been 10 minutes late, but not 30, which is how late I would have been if I had gone ahead.

Brett had plans Friday night. A friend of ours was coming over to hang out. That's why I didn't feel bad about trying to make the movie. After not making the movie, I headed to Irving to pick up $5 Chicken and Rice and then come home. I watched You've Got Mail, which ended up being just what the doctor ordered. At 11:30, I took two Tylenol PM and went to bed. 11 1/2 hours later I got out of bed.

We were planning to meet some friends of ours in Arlington around 5:30 or 6 on Saturday. Those plans weren't set in stone though, so we wanted to stay flexible. It was a lazy day! That Tylenol PM does the trick, but boy does it linger! Brett got out of bed around 10 or so, but after we were up for a few hours, he headed back to bed for a bit. I... um... I can't remember what I did. Huh. Oh! I watched some tv and then ended up reading in bed so I would be close to Brett.

We got out and ran an errand or two, but ended up just coming home around 7. Our friends in Arlington had a drive ahead of them and needed to hit the road.

Today was just church. Man. I just took a long time to tell you that I didn't do much this weekend. Today I started our wedding album, but I'm not very far. When I bought a few things, months ago, to get started on it, I was feeling a bit more fancy. Now I'm feeling anything but, so my designs weren't coming all that quickly today. I got the first page about 90% done, and then skipped to page 8 and got about 70% done. I need to print some words. I'm laying it out like a story, and though each page only has a handful of words on it, I don't have enough adhesive letters for each page, so I'm just going to have to be flexible.

What I really wanted to talk about tonight was turning 30. I'm almost there. It's been heavy on my mind the last couple of weeks. Initially I was freaking out because I have been saying that when I turn 30, it will be time to have a baby. That sounds all well and good, but the truth is, I'm still not ready. I hate feeling like I am running out time, because I don't think that's the best attitude to have. But whether I am running out of time or not, I'm just not ready. But I want to be ready. So I have been thinking about that. I want 30 to be a year of change for me. Growth. It's not that I feel like my life is just starting, but I can't deny that Brett and I have just started a new chapter. I love the house. I am feeling much more settled at my job. And my heart is yearning.

It has actually been a bit of a struggle. I think that a large part of it is that I don't ever take the time (I wanted to say HAVE the time, but I'm sure the time is there to be had if I would make it a priority) to really clarify my thoughts. I have things in my heart that I am yearning for. I want to work for myself. To start a business and be financially stable. I don't know how to make that a reality, but if it is ever going to be a reality, I need to get serious about it. The struggle comes in when I spend too much time focusing on the yearning. I don't want to live a life of WANT. I'm so thankful for the blessings in my life, and I don't want to devalue them by constantly wanting something else, or something more. But at the same time, I can't deny that there are things that I want. I want to be out of debt. I want to own my own business. Be my own boss. Be a craftsman. Make something, with my hands, that brings joy to people.

I read a verse this week that really spoke to my heart. Isaiah 26:3-4 "You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord himself, is the rock eternal."

That's good stuff. Perfect peace. To him whose mind is steadfast. Oh Lord, help me to focus on you. I long to trust in you. Holy Spirit, please guide my thoughts. There are things that I desire, but I don't want anything in my life that won't bring glory to You. You are the rock eternal.

So anyway. I'm working on clarifying some goals. While I was at the Dallas Arboretum last week with the Kindergarten class, I had the fleeting thought that I should plan "30 fun things to do before I am 30". There are so many fun things in Dallas that Brett and I haven't experienced together yet. I thought about going to The Arboretum together, taking the train to the Angelika, getting a sno-cone, and a lot of other random things. But I don't want to rush into my thirties. So instead, I am working on "30 things to do while I am 30". I don't want to present you with a partial list, but I can tell you that the list will include a girls weekend, a trip with Brett and a 5K. More to come.

I pray for perfect peace this week. Perfect peace that comes from a steadfast mind that trusts in the Lord.

Peace out players!