Saturday, May 15, 2010

Sorry =-(

Sorry you didn't hear from me all week. You know... all of you out there just biting your nails every day hoping to read a post from me. Uh huh.

I just haven't been feeling it. I told Krista and Jage on Thursday that I have been feeling lost lately. Like I'm walking around in the dark. No. Standing in the dark. Almost numb. And frankly, after I made myself sit down to blog tonight, I still don't really feel like I have the right words to say.

I went to the Frisco job fair today. I fought it all week. I just didn't want to go. It's hard to say why because I feel like there are lots of reasons and no reason all at the same time. Ya know what I mean? I confessed to Krista and Jage on Thursday that if I'm being honest, I don't really feel qualified to teach. Krista was very quick to tell me that nothing prepares you for teaching except teaching. The lady who I stood in line with today said the same thing. Actually, she said that her four years of school didn't make one difference. Everyone is a new teacher when they walk in the door that first day. I really appreciate the kind words from those three sweet ladies this week. Krista, Jage and the lady in line today. And although I have to admit that I didn't really like the format of the job fair today, every single teacher that I talked to was INCREDIBLY friendly. They all seemed genuinely pleased to be there speaking with us. Not a single school was hiring but they were all happy to take resumes for positions that may open over the summer. It was fast. I left the house at 6:55 this morning, but because I was probably somewhere around the 200th person in line, which isn't bad considering the hundreds of people who stood behind me, I got through it all pretty quick. I was back home by 11:00.

Job fairs? Not something I'm good at. Leaving today, for the first time since this whole thing started, I considered subbing next year as possibly the best outcome. I mean, the salary of a teacher would be a huge thing for Brett and I at this point, and subbing would be inadequate income. I would definitely have to find another way to bring in income. But if that is what happens, it wouldn't be devastating. I know that subbing doesn't begin to compare with teaching, but it's experience inside a school. And it's a MUCH better way to meet teachers and principals and such, than a job fair. Maybe not for everyone, but definitely for me. I fought a LOT of anxiety this week. A LOT! After having a rough day on my birthday Monday and then embarrassing myself at church Wednesday night (I don't want to talk about it), I was feeling 100% drained of any and all mojo. And being there today with a thousand other people, 750 of which are already experienced teachers, could easily feel like a waste of time. I know that it's not completely a waste of time, but it's also incredibly unlikely that anything will come of it.

I applied at a private school this week. I have no idea if they are hiring, and I haven't heard back from them yet, but I was really excited about it at the time. It's the school that my niece went to.

I was up too late every day this week. I need to be in bed by 10:30 during the week, and that didn't happen this week. And after a week of not enough sleep, I spent my Friday night working on job fair stuff, after going to dinner with my mom and niece, and then went to bed around 11 to get up at 5:00 this morning to get to the job fair early. Tomorrow morning I am getting up at 4:00. We are driving to Houston to see my favorite 6 year old get baptized. I am really looking forward to it. I napped today and am about to go to bed and I know that we are going to have a great time seeing friends tomorrow and celebrating what God is doing in everyone's life. I am tired though. And I won't get much sleep until Saturday. But I plan on having a productive week this week. I'm not sure how much blogging I will do, but I am doing my best to come back to life. I had some really good personal prayer time this week, and if I could get some of that with my husband, that would be really rockin'.

Hope everyone is having a good weekend. I am way behind on reading blogs, but I will take care of that soon!

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