Sunday, April 18, 2010

Mixed Emotions

I think I'm just tired. I have absolutely nothing to be upset about. I'm just always extra emotional when I'm tired. And I should be tired. It's been a long journey to get to this point. At least, it has felt long. I'm sure education majors who spend four years preparing to be a teacher before they go to a job fair would laugh at me for calling my journey long. But it was a lot of work for a newlywed with a full time job. And I did it all by myself. And sometimes it was lonely and sometimes it was scary. So I am okay with feeling spent.

There was one moment yesterday where I felt like a complete idiot. When I got to the front of a line to make an appointment. I was expecting the woman to say something (like all of the other tables) but apparently she was expecting me to say something so she just looked at me like I was an idiot. Like I had walked in on her in the bathroom or something. Just like "what the heck are you doing here?" I wish I hadn't had that moment. And then she asked for my resume and EVERY other table that I went to was taking resumes DURING the appointments, not before. So I didn't have one in my hand. It was in my handy dandy little file folder/purse in one which is easy to use when it is sitting on something, but not easy to pull things out of when you are standing up and have to open the latch and watch the accordion style file folder open and pray that the papers in it that you have so carefully prepared and organized don't spill out all over the dirty floor. So it was just awkward. That's also the school that didn't want my portfolio. They just wanted resumes. And they wanted them before the face-to-face. Not a big deal. I was somewhat awkward, but it wasn't anything to cry over... and I haven't cried. Yet. But I wish I could get her expression out of my head.


Typing the word "sigh" always makes me take a deep breath. It's calming. One more, shall we?


I don't really know what I'm feeling. I had zero expectations of getting hired yesterday. It's just extremely rare at the job fair. And though it's less rare, it's also very uncommon for a principal to be called over to talk with a candidate on the spot. It happens... that's what the principals are there for. But I never saw it happen in person. I heard about it... and I saw a girl yesterday right after she was hired. But she was already a teacher. She had four years teaching experience and an "in" with a principal, so she got hired as a kindergarten teacher yesterday. Lucky.

I've received a couple of pieces of advice in the last 24 hours. One, get ESL certified. I have no idea what that entails, but I'm sure it's worth looking into. I am "monolingual". Hadn't heard that word before yesterday, but that's me. I only speak English. I wish that I spoke EVERY language, and after seeing the movie The Matrix, I always said that someday, when it became a possibility, I would download every language into my brain so that I could speak all million languages. But I have never seriously tried to learn another language. I took two years of Spanish in high school and it was challenging. I was good enough to test out of taking it again in college, but just barely. And now I don't remember much. But it would definitely help me get a job and be a more effective teacher for some students.

I've also been told some other districts that I should consider. The Grapevine/Colleyville job fair is next Saturday. That's not too far of a drive, so I had considered attending that job fair. I just went to the website and it is an invite only job fair. You apply online and then if they are interested in you, you get invited to the job fair. Hmph. I started to fill out the application and on the third screen it told me that it could not save my information because someone else was already using that account. WHAT? I just created it! No one else is using it. What's wrong with you? I logged out and tried again but it gave me the same message. I will try again tonight. Maybe it's prejudice and wants me to use Internet Explorer. Blah. It's helpful that Brett is a PC user. Every now and then I find a website that isn't Mac friendly. I try very hard not to turn my nose up at those websites. I don't want to be a Mac snob. Grrr.

I have some things to do today. What I would like to do is have a good cry (just for some emotional release), sleep for about three hours, go to the grocery store and spend an hour or so reading all the blogs that have been posted over the weekend. That's definitely not what the rest of my day is going to look like, but Brett is laying down, so I may go join him for a bit and then get busy.

My birthday is coming up and since it is on a Monday this year, I decided to take a vacation day to celebrate starting my final year as a 20 something. I sure am ready for a day off. It's getting closer, but it's still a few weeks away. Sigh.


Marie said...

What you are feeling is really normal. It's the big "now what???" that follows a big event. Go with the flow, have a good cry, and cleanse your palatte. It will allow God to direct your next steps.

Just some follow up..

ESL teachers don't have to know other languages. All you have to do is take a test and pass it and you are ESL certified. The test is pretty easy if you know what to study. I can help with that.

Grapevine/Colleyville has a good reputation as a very demanding district that does good things for kids. Kind of hard to get into, though.

Embrace the fact that you have done all you can do for the moment. And rest in His plan. And don't drive your family nuts in the process. There will be lots of time for that as a first year teacher!

Krista said...

You are on the right track Kimmy! I hear that the ESL test isn't too difficult. I'm wondering now why I haven't taken it. God knows where you will be next year, now we just have to trust Him and His will that it's completely perfect!