Friday, March 19, 2010

Weekly Weigh In 3.19.10

Woke up grumpy today. Actually, really tired - but the tiredness is presenting itself as grumpiness. I went to bed SO frustrated last night. I still have ten online classes to do for my program. I wanted to do one a week this week, but last night was the first night that I had time to spend on them. It was probably 8:30? 8:45? when we got home last night, but I started a class right away. Well, after making a mocha and grabbing an HG ooey gooey chocolate cherry muffin that I FINALLY made yesterday morning after weeks of planning to. Aah, yesterday. What a good day! I was feeling so hopeful! So motivated! I NEED to make some healthy changes in my life and yesterday they felt as if they were right around the corner! I felt like my suitcase was almost packed for an exciting trip!

And then.

Well, it wasn't terrible at first. My boss was kind of short with me, and it was frustrating. But then we went to dinner with my mom last night and it was really good to see her. But then when I came home to do a class (I was hoping it would be short and I could do two - HA!) things took a turn for the worse. I clicked on the class that was next on the list. It brought up a link and told me that this session had a workbook that I needed to download and print before starting on the class. Well the printer is hooked up to Brett's machine, not mine. And it's out of toner. But I thought I would download the file anyway. Every time I clicked on that stupid link it took me back to the log-in screen. What? Yeah. It didn't work. So I decided that I would try it from Brett's computer sometime this weekend after buying toner and that would be that. I clicked on the link for the next class. Each class is recorded by different people. They write out a lesson and then read it out loud for us to listen to online. I've heard a few different voices so far, and the voice on the second class that I tried last night was the same voice from class #3 and I was glad. Brett doesn't really like her voice (he plays on his computer when I'm going to be on mine for a while so it can still sort of feel like we got to spend time together) because it's occasionally scratchy, but I like the way she talks. It's very conversational and it helps me imagine that I am back at the lecture hall at a big round table looking at a projection screen instead of sitting at my tiny desk trying to fit a notepad in front of my keyboard so I can take notes.

So I'm going through the lesson. Session 1, check. Session 2, check. Session 3, check. Session 4 has a link that logs me out every time I click it. GRRR!!!! It gives me a message about enabling cookies, which I do, though I'm not happy about it, and it still doesn't work. So after an hour and a half, I only finished half of the class. I sat at my desk quietly crying for a minute (what a baby) then I turned it off and went to bed. Poor Brett. I'm sure he gets tired of being married to such a nut case. I'm just starting to feel panicked. I have a lot to do before the Irving job fair on April 17 and I HATE that ANOTHER week went by without me really accomplishing anything. This weekend is our anniversary weekend. I am a terrible person if I feel anything but excitement about this. But I would be lying if I didn't say that a tiny part of me wishes that I could work a few hours tomorrow at work to get some overtime and appease my boss, and another part of me wishes that I had nothing to do this weekend so I could spend it all working on my online classes. And I just don't see it getting any easier any time soon. I'm so tired. And with my evenings full of dinner and cleaning and classes, when will I make time to walk? I hate that my health is always the thing that is sacrificed. But I have no one to blame but myself. The weekend hasn't even started and I've already made bad choices. I chose our restaurant for dinner tonight and though I could have chosen worse, it's definitely not health food I'll be consuming.

242.2 today. I hate seeing that number. I need to get back in the 230s ASAP. And then I need to keep going.

I'm not going to lie. I have a lot more to say. Mostly about how much I didn't want to post my weight today and all of the feelings that I am feeling right now. But this post is long enough and I'm late for work. Again.

I will spend the rest of day trying to calm down and cheer up because my wonderful husband, of almost a year, has planned a wonderful weekend for us to celebrate our love. Get with the program Kim!

2 comments:

Marie said...

Hang in there, sweetie. You CAN do this. I can't tell you that it gets easier, but at least you get used to things. :)

Enjoy that anniversiary weekend. I can't believe it's already been a year! Enjoy the special time together. Love you!

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