Tuesday, May 12, 2009

SOOOO Much Better!

I feel human again! I met Jenina at Starbucks last night. It's the first social interaction I've had since the wedding. (Other than seeing Jennifer at WW a couple of times, but we don't get to talk much there). I was hoarse when I got home from talking so much, and it was wonderful. I love Brett and he is my best friend, but girls need girl time just like guys need guy time. (Brett plays online with is best friend Gary a couple of nights a week. It's not the same as seeing someone face to face, but he has that interaction on a regular basis, and it always has a positive effect.) I felt really good when I got home. Jenina is really good about listening to my fears without making me feel childish. Not that we talked about fears last night (ha) but I mentioned some things about my future that I've been thinking about a lot lately that, in my  head, are a bit overwhelming and more than a little intimidating. But when you talk to the right person, things that feel impossible sound totally plausible. It's very therapeutic.

Now I need to see Jennifer! And if Jeff would come visit, that would be great.

I'm even wearing real shoes today. I have a pair of shoes that I wear when I want to be invisible. It's weird, I know. I used to have a long sleeve t-shirt that I always wore on days that I wanted to be invisible. It was dark and covered me completely and had sentimental value. I had to throw the shirt away years ago. I wore it out! It was a dark period in my life. But I realized a couple of weeks ago that I had been doing the same thing with a pair of shoes. They are canvas flats and very quiet. People don't hear me when I walk in them. I should have stopped wearing them when I realized what they had come to symbolize for me. But I couldn't make the change without acknowledging the need for change, and I didn't want to admit that I was lonely. What right do I have to be lonely? I just married the man of my dreams! So I didn't. 

But today, I am wearing real shoes. They are flats, but they are awesome. I bought them for the honeymoon and I love them.

Okay, I'm going to try to not fall asleep at work today. It will be a challenge! I've stayed up too late every night this week so far!

1 comment:

Marie said...

very insightful... Call me sometime!