Saturday, March 31, 2012

Saturday Blahs

Don't get me wrong. Every now and then, I love a day to just do nothing. And by "nothing", I mean do whatever I want and not feel bad about it, and that includes doing a whole lot of nothing such as watching three hours of a House Hunters International marathon or reading until my eyes hurt or cat napping throughout the day. A day of nothing can be great. It can be healing, even. But most of the time, I prefer something to nothing.

I have been fighting some bouts of discontent the last few months. Too much nothing. Our weekend away was so healing. It was nice to have money to waste, and though I cringe a tiny bit to think about it now, I am glad that we allowed ourselves to be a little more carefree that weekend. We never count on bonuses, though since working at AAA, Brett has had several opportunities each year to earn a bonus. But when they come, we try to figure out the most productive way to use them. It's great to be responsible and use that money for something future minded, when it comes. But this time, since it happened to come the day we were leaving to celebrate our anniversary weekend, we had some fun. And that's great. The effects of that fun time lasted a full two weeks and they have been great. But today... feelin' the blahs.

It was definitely a productive morning. We spent the morning cooking breakfast for families whose lives have led them to need to spend some time staying at The Ronald McDonald house, in Dallas. Brett and I rarely perform acts of service as a family, I am sad to say. It is something that we hope to start doing more of together, and we had a great Saturday morning, even if I was a little grumpy when I had to stop and flip a breaker in the middle of blow drying my hair.

Have I mentioned I am apparantely, part Mogwai? I am nowhere near as cute as this guy:

but I hate bright lights. I am big on natural light and lamps. Brett, not so much. He goes straight to the switch on the wall, filling the room with harsh yellow light. I usually follow behind with a click of a lamp and flipping that overhead light off. My blow dryer agrees with me. Too many overhead lights + my blow dryer = lights out and a trip to the breaker (braker?) box in the closet.

Anyway, I was just scrolling through my blog reader (I have been avoiding my blog, which I tend to do when I am heavy and my food isn't going well, which I am and it isn't) because I was hoping to find a little inspiration. I am feeling crafty and wanted some inspiration. What I ended up finding was a little envy and an oncoming of more discontent - not what I was looking for!

Thank goodness I found a post on Ashlee's site, where she posted this little gem: "Comparison is the thief of Joy".

That Teddy Roosevelt. He sure knew what he was talking about.

Too often I come in search of inspiration and end with a sense of longing. I want to be inspired, I don't want to want someone else's life. It is a weak mind that sees something wonderful and feels self pity rather than awe.

I am here to confess that I have been living an unhealthy life. Physically, mentally, spiritually, and for a few weeks, even financially. I am so happy that tomorrow is a new month. I would like to say that I am feeling motivated, but what I am really feeling is closer to humbleness. I know that I am pathetic and that on my own, my sinful nature will never lead me to a life that I love. But I am hoping to start the new month with a humble, seeking heart that will daily take me to the One who can lead me to a life worth living. Isn't God's plan for my life the one that I should be most interested in?

Here's to new seasons, new beginnings, and God's mercy.

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