I'm A Bad Blogger

What can I say? I'm so tired. I just read 4 posts and they are the first four I have read all week. I really truly enjoy the blogs that I follow. Some I skip more often than others, but some I never want to miss. They make me smile, encourage me, lead to laughter, and often make me feel better about who I am because I am reminded that there are others like me out there. I want that in my life. I don't encounter it in my day to day life often enough. I don't see my best friends as much as any of us would like, and the people who I do see all of the time are wonderful, but not in a soul-nourishing kind of way. Does it sound like I'm saying that I am lonely? Maybe I am.

The first week of the new year was kind of up and down. Food was great. I didn't get strictly on track until Monday, but Monday through Friday were full of good choices. I still had a gain at Weight Watchers this morning, but it was small, and despite what my little print out said, I did lose weight this week. Just not all of the holiday weight that I allowed to creep in. I plan on having another good week, and I am close enough to hitting 25 pounds lost, that I might make that next Saturday. That would be great.

Since joining Weight Watchers in August, I have always had plan in mind, even when I wasn't following it perfectly. But there is a big difference between going over points knowingly and ignoring the plan entirely. I haven't been ignoring it at all. I could probably find a healthier balance, but this has been manageable, and I could do this 25 pound pattern 3 more times. I'm fairly certain of that. To lose 100 pounds would be wonderful. I will never have a "nice" body. I will forever have loose skin (unless we get rich and I have surgery to get rid of it) and the stretch marks will fade, but never disappear. But maybe I could get to a point where I look "nice" in the right outfit. I wish I were prettier for my husband. I haven't been feeling very attractive this week. But probably more for mental reasons than physical. I made a couple of stupid mistakes. Eh... ya live and ya learn. But Satan loves my stumbles. He is throwing them in my face every chance he gets.

Our lease is up at the end of February. We thought it was up at the end of March. We got our renewal letter yesterday, and our complex no longer offers a 7 month lease, which is what we had decided to plan because the next month and a half are going to be very busy for us as Brett teaches a rather inventive Bible study at church. But when we got our renewal letter, we found that our choices are a 15 month lease for the price we are currently paying, a 13 month lease for $50 more than what we currently pay, or a 10 month lease for $100 more than we are paying. If we signed a 10 month lease, that would have us moving New Year's weekend. Not gonna happen. And $100 more a month on rent would make things incredibly tight for us. So tomorrow we will be driving around looking for rental properties. We hope to find something fast and start packing right away. If we don't choose to renew, but also don't find a new place, paying month to month would cost us an extra $200 a month. I know that God will provide, but we are back to Kim not liking change. I need more time!!! I need time to process and plan. This will definitely be a test for our marriage. How much I can trust in the Lord, and how much my husband can stand me when I don't. Pray for us!

I hope everyone had a great first week of the new year. It's only 8:10, but I'm actually feeling a little feverish. I think I'm going to lay down.

Peace out my lovelies.