Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Feeling Guilty

Brett thinks I am a first class wife. He is incredibly generous with his words. Always has been. He loves to tell me that I am beautiful or kind or that he loves me. He also loves to tell me that I am a good wife, and he genuinely believes this to be true. Sometimes he makes this comment when he feels he has somehow failed me as a husband, whether it be by forgetting to ask me how my day was (hardly ever happens!), or staying up for hours after I've gone to bed to play a game (who doesn't want to stay up and play sometimes???) or leaving his dirty socks on the floor (I couldn't care less... I'm not afraid of dirty socks). And when that happens, I always make sure that I tell him I think he is a wonderful husband, and I try to give an example or two of why, and I remind him that I'm not perfect either! I fail him regularly, I'm sure!

Case in point: this morning.

Here is something you might not know about me. I'm not a morning person. Saturdays are different. On a day when I get to sleep in as late as I want to and I don't have demands waiting in line to demand my attention, I'm all kinds of pleasant when I wake up! (It's been weeks and weeks since I've been able to sleep in on a Saturday, but you know what I mean.) But during the week? Not so much. I don't like to get up at 6:15 in the morning when I would MUCH rather be in my warm, comfortable bed next to my sweet, quietly snoring husband. So when I do get up, I'm grumpy. Not in a throw things around kind of way. In a quiet kind of way. I'm very quiet in the mornings. If I'd rather be in bed, I'm usually not chatty.

Brett handles mornings much better than I do. Maybe because he doesn't mind getting up and starting his day, or maybe because he just wants to start his day with me.

I'm such a jerk.

Yesterday was his last day with his class. Finally. He made it. He survived. What will happen today, we have no idea, but at least he was given another day to keep going! So because it was his last day, and he didn't get lunch, so I knew he would be starving when he got home, but because he wasn't working late dinner probably wouldn't be ready, I asked if he wanted to go to dinner to celebrate. His mom gave us a Valentine's card with some money in it, so we had dinner money to eat out with. He said yes. We were both hungry enough that we had trouble deciding where to go, so we ended up trying something new. It's a restaurant that two friends have suggested to me. They both recommended the same dish, but unfortunately, Brett and I both ordered something other than that dish. It wasn't very good. His chicken was overcooked and kind of bland. And I ordered catfish. Um... I don't really like fried fish. But I haven't tried it in years, and last night, it just sounded good. Yeah. I still don't like fried fish. So dinner wasn't very good. And it was expensive. Double downer.

And then when we got home I suggested he play Avatar, which he got over the weekend but I hadn't had a chance to see much of because I was cleaning while he was playing. He was really in the mood for a different game, but he granted me my request and then had a REALLY frustrating experience when the game didn't explain the mission very well. So I felt bad about that. And then I fell asleep on the couch while he was playing a less frustrating game so when we went to bed, I was a zombie. I don't even think I hugged him.

And then this morning I did NOT want to get out of bed. And then when he came to hug me in the kitchen after my shower I wasn't as responsive as I should have been. And then I closed the door to blow dry my hair, so I wouldn't disturb him, but probably because I was blah in the kitchen, he didn't come open the door to see me until he was leaving. He had such a sad little look on his face. I would like to think it was simply because he didn't want to go to work, but I know that I was part of that sad face. I had the opportunity to make his morning better, but instead I wallowed in my sleepiness and kept my stupid mouth shut.

I can be a real jerk sometimes.

1 comment:

Kriss said...

Kim I love your honesty. I am sure he will understand and I bet you can make it up to him later. I bet he forgives easily. :)