There Goes Kim... Chasing Rabbits Again

And Then There is Life's Breaking News

2012-02-04T22:09:00.003-06:00

Still thinking in chapters. Today something happened that will not be a chapter in my life, but was breaking news for me, and for someone I love will be a very long chapter.

It's not my story to tell, so I won't mention any names, but a friend of mine, who has been trying for about a year now to get pregnant, told me she miscarried this week.

There just really aren't words. I have nothing to say that can comfort her because for now, she is inconsolable. And I can't just sit and hug her because she is not ready to be social, in any way. All I can do is pray. Even when that doesn't feel like much, I know that it is. And today I was reminded that I pray to a God who knows exactly what it feels like to lose a child.

What if I miscarry? I'm not pregnant, but someday... what if? What if she does again? What if this is the first step in her finding out that she can't have a child? What if I can't have a child? What will my life be like if my family never grows beyond Brett and I? How will I keep my sanity when I have to listen to the women at my school who complain about motherhood? How will I be able to keep going to baby showers and hearing friends announce their pregnancies? How will I cope with being treated like a different breed, which is how I'm starting to realize that some mothers view non-mothers?

Way too many what ifs. There's no point in asking. You just do. You just survive. And you try with all you have to do more than survive... to live.

Anyway.

In less important news: I had a good loss this week. Way more than I was expecting. This week was tricky. Work was yuck. Or at least had way more than it's fair share of yucky moments. That could have had something to do with the hunger. I seriously battled hunger this week. I didn't buy enough fruit. I need to keep fruit on hand at all times. I love that it is zero points on the new plan. It makes it a whole nother ball game for me. (I recently read a book where one of the main characters hated it when people said "whole nother" because "nother" isn't a word, as my spell check is reminding me. But I can't help it. I've always typed how I talk, and that is not an expression I can give up just yet. So there you go.)

So I had a good loss, and am actually at 10 pounds lost, as of this morning, but it feels... I don't know. Not like I cheated, but not exactly like a victory. I kept myself from eating too much, which is a good thing, but I was genuinely hungry. I mean, last night, I was SOOO hungry! And I even had a few points available, but I didn't have any options at home that would fit into the points that I had. I want to lose weight, but I want to do it in a way that I can live with consistently. I am a pretty firm believer that deprivation leads to over-eating. It always eventually does for me anyway. So two grocery stores and a big chunk of our monthly grocery budget later, I'm hoping to have an easier week.

Today was a really good food day. I ate exactly what I wanted to, and it only had me using 4 flex points. I hope that tomorrow can be about the same. I already know we are having Tex-Mex for lunch because it is a going away lunch, and the guy's favorite restaurant is Tex-Mex. And then we have not one, but two super bowl parties tomorrow night. But I am feeling good mentally after today. So we'll see how it goes.

I hope everyone had a good Saturday. And if anyone reading this right now has ever had a miscarriage, I would like to say I'm so sorry for your loss. And if my sweet friend ever makes it over to my blog and reads this: I love you so much. Your friendship is incredibly important to me. I hope that someday our grandchildren are friends.

The Krista Chapter

2012-02-02T21:11:00.003-06:00

So, we all know that I am an over-thinker. Sometimes my inner monologue feels like a novel. When I am reminiscing about a certain person, or period in my life, I think of it as a chapter in my book. And I have thought several times about having "chapters" on my blog, just to get the thoughts out of my head.

Well, I came across a blog that is TOTALLY giving me the chance to do that! Kelly, over at Kelly's Korner has a feature called "Show Us Your Singles", so that's exactly what I'm doing! Allow me to share a small portion of the Krista chapter with you:

Krista is one of my favorite friends. We met the first week (actually, probably day) of college. It was like at first sight =-) She can be a little quiet when you first meet her, but don't be fooled. I dubbed her "the tricky one" our sophomore year because she is spunky and sneaky and LOVES to laugh. It's one of my favorite things about her.

In fact, here is my favorite picture of her.

My wedding photographer was taking pictures of me with each of my bridesmaids, and Krista and I couldn't stop laughing. Minutes before I would say "I do", when I was so floaty I couldn't have told you my birthday, Krista was able to keep me calm enough to have a good laugh!

She is a kindergarten teacher, and her passion and dedication is incredibly inspiring. This is a picture of her in front of Kermit at the 2011 Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. And here she is on some of her other travels.

Krista is a world traveler =-) Do I sound like a proud PTA parent? It's because she is brave enough to travel the way that I would like to. She has been to Italy and New York and Alaska and so many places that I can't keep track. But she is always thinking about her next trip. She really appreciates the beauty in the world and humbly seeks to experience it up close.

She is a believer and loves her family. She is an incredibly loyal friend. The kind who calls, and will drive an hour to meet you for lunch.

In short, I know that she would make an amazing girl friend and wife. I love her to pieces! Thank you for being one of my chapters Krista! (and for letting me share you on my blog =-)

And The Verdict Is...

2012-01-28T07:41:00.002-06:00

Just weighed in for this week.

I lost 3 pounds.

TAKE THAT BAGEL!

First Hard Day

2012-01-26T20:26:00.002-06:00

It is day 13 of being back on Weight Watchers, and I had my first hard day. Here's what happened.

Thursday mornings always begin with a certain amount of "bad day" probability. I currently own one pair of jeans that fit well, though I don't love the color, one black skirt that fits well, one pair of black pants that are tight, but wearable with a long shirt and one pair of gray pants in that same category. We are allowed to wear jeans on Fridays, so that is 4 days a week that it is easy to find an outfit for work. Thursdays are not my strong point. While it is still cold outside, I have two options. A "springy" skirt that is full length, but would rock the low temperatures if I had a nice chunky white sweater. Also, a knee length black skirt that I can wear with black leggings. My black leggings are too small though. I can wear them, but all day I worry that they are falling down. However, the skirt and leggings have been my fifth option for the last several weeks.

This weekend I went hunting for a white sweater. I was not successful. I am sure that there are still sweaters out there, but I didn't find one at any of the stores I went to. I did, however, buy a long sleeve v-neck that I thought would work with the skirt. That was my plan for today. Well guess what? The shirt looked terrible with the skirt. I shouldn't have waited until this morning to try it out, but that is what I did.

So I was late to work on a day where the owner was working, and she has a way of making me feel nervous, even when there is no reason to be. She also brought bagels. Einstein Bros., chocolate chip bagels with honey almond cream cheese. My favorite.

All morning, the bagels were at the forefront of my mind. You couldn't smell the actual bagels, but you could smell the little cardboard house that the E Bros. bagels come in, so in our tiny little space behind the counter, the bagels had a presence, if you will, that was inescapable.

All morning I resisted. But then Michelle went to lunch. And then Christy went to lunch. And I was alone in the office. And I was hungry. And I decided that it was ridiculous to worry so much over a stupid circle of bread. So I got up and took half of a bagel. It was bagel perfection, and I didn't skip a beat before washing it down with the other half of the bagel.

It was a rough day. Driving home for lunch, I teared up, because I HATE when I feel like the food is in control of me, rather than me being in control of the food. When I'm not worrying about food, and eating what I want, it is so peaceful to not feel like the food is ruling me. But that is what I did for a year, and I gained a significant amount of weight. I just don't make healthy choices naturally. I eat too much. Of the good and the bad... too much.

So I'm feeling bad about all of this today. Guess what is my normal reaction to feeling bad about something? Eating. Eating something soft and chewy. Thinking only about the eating, not about what is making me feel bad. I know that the problem is still there when my plate is empty, but the eating is still an escape, however brief.

This always happens when I am trying to eat healthier. There comes a day when I need to escape, and I can no longer turn to the food. And the hurt, the frustration, is so tangible that it almost chokes me. And I am lonely without the food. I hate to admit that, but I feel it. Today was that day.

My day ended better than it started. It is almost 9:00. I am headed to switch some loads of laundry around and make some cookies for a work party tomorrow. I would have rather bought cookies than made them, but we had all the ingredients and no spare money to spend.

I hope everyone has a great Friday and a safe weekend.

Is This Normal?

2012-01-24T19:53:00.002-06:00

Brett and I have been married almost 3 years now. Our third anniversary is in March. That is really weird to say. I can't believe it's been 3 years already. They've been great =-)

I'm sure everyone is like this. Right? I spend a lot, and I mean, a LOT of time every day wishing I were with Brett. When I am not with him, he is always on my mind. Today I daydreamed about taking him away. I never had a clear picture of where, but all I could think of as I drove back to work after my lunch break, was that I wanted to be with him. Just him. Somewhere quiet and peaceful.

I am realistic enough to know that I would never want to work with him. We are so different, in so many ways. I don't think we would share a work space very well. And on days when I do get the whole day with him, not every moment is paradise. But during the week, I always miss him a lot.

That's normal, right?

It sometimes gets me in trouble. The thing is, Brett's arms are the safest place in the world for me. So when things get rough for me at work, an angry parent or a situation with a child that is rough, I long for Brett's arms. To just be standing in his arms, safe in his embrace.

Do you see the problem yet? My sweet husband loves me to the moon and back, but he is not perfect. So when I walk through the doors at the end of the day wanting him to be Superman, and he has had his own long day, with angry co-workers or callers, and he just wants to be Clark Kent for a little while, it can be hard on me. And that's not fair for him.

Brett is not perfect. And he shouldn't have to be. We all know I'm not perfect! So God is teaching me to think of Him. To long for the Lord's embrace, rather than my sweet husband's. After all, Brett is a gift from God. Which should I love more, the gift or the giver?

Hope everyone's week is going well. =-)

A Week in the Life of...

2012-01-22T21:01:00.002-06:00

I feel like blogging. And I want to be clever. But man, I'm tired!

I will try to keep this to the point. First things first. I made it through a week of Weight Watchers online. It was a pretty good week. I started last Saturday. Saturday and Sunday were good. Monday and Tuesday I was a little hungry. Wednesday, I wasn't hungry at all. Thursday I was STARVING! Friday I wasn't really hungry. Saturday I was relieved to weigh in and have a loss. This week, I am going to make sure to have more fruit around. In fact, I went to the store today and my fruit bowl is almost overflowing.

Friday was one of the craziest days I have had at work in a long time. It's way too long of a story to tell, but my day involved several firemen, a friendly policeman, one possible jaw fracture, one throwing up two year old and several holes in the schedule. We made it through, but I am praying that tomorrow brings more calm and more teachers!

Brett and I had a very nice date night yesterday =-) We haven't really had a date night in a while. And this was pretty simple, but sometimes dinner and a movie is just what the doctor ordered! And, we had a coupon for dinner and gift cards for the movie, so it was a total bargain! We saw The Iron Lady, and I enjoyed it. Brett didn't love the storytelling format, but I thought it worked. And the cast was great. I have always been a Jim Broadbent fan.

Also, we saw a trailer for the new Wes Anderson movie. He was my favorite director for a long time and I am really looking forward to his new flick.

I think that is all that I have to say tonight. Except for this shout out: Hey Jeff, I saw a stack of bags of Peat Moss outside of Wal-mart tonight. Totally thought of you! I wanted to take a picture and text it to you, but I was ready to be gone from Wal-mart.

It's The End of The World As We Know It, And I Feel Fine

2012-01-15T16:30:00.002-06:00

Once again, it has been more than a month since my last post. And honestly, I was hesitant to sit down and blog now. Life is... I don't know. More of the same, but so different.

Praise the Lord, we get wiser as we get older. Wisdom is merely learning from your experiences, so it makes sense that the older we get, the more wisdom we stock up. But Uncle Ben said it best: "With great wisdom comes great responsibility". That's not exactly what Uncle Ben said, but when I have that thought I hear it in his voice talking to Peter about power =-)

So. Older. 30, to be exact. I am thankful for SOOOOO many things in my life. I love my job. 2 years ago, I didn't know if I would ever be able to speak those words. My family is amazing. Everyone is healthy and well. My husband is an amazing man, and becoming more so every day. We both have friends, near and far, that enrich our lives in ways that we will never really be worthy of. We are abundantly blessed.

But I am human. A product of The Fall. Sinful in nature and forever ridiculous. I am not the heaviest I have ever been, but I'm not that far from it. It was the end of January 2011 that my eating got off track. And for most of a year, I did nothing to try and fix it. I wasted a year that I should have spent trying to better my health, and now am in the worst health I have ever experienced. I guess because I am 30, this amount of weight feels different than the last time. More dangerous. And I hate that I am in this place.

I have been working to get to a place mentally that will lead me to physical change. I don't really want to share all of my plans and goals because you've heard it all before. I guess it's a little different this time, and now that I'm typing, it's kind of hard to stop, so I'll say this: Yesterday I signed up for Weight Watchers online. I have always done in person meetings. I didn't think that online would be sufficient accountability for me. But now, online feels like the right tool. Firstly, because it is less than $20 a month, so the price is right for us right now. And secondly, because I couldn't imagine walking into that same meeting and seeing the same leader and her saying "welcome back" with a smile that feels sceptical to me, even if she means it sincerely.

I just joined yesterday and I'm having a lot of fun with the website.

So that covers the food portion of our program. Activity is still in the works. I know that I am going to start walking with Jage on Saturdays. We have a walking date set for next week. Walking has always been my go-to activity, because I enjoy it. But I have come to realize that when it is my only activity, I eventually dread it. I need variety. They say that the key to regular exercise is finding an activity that you enjoy. When I think about that I know what I want to do... dance! I have always been a big girl, but I love to dance. I can't help but move when I hear certain songs. There is a studio in Irving that offers adult dance classes, so I will probably check out that website, but for now, I think I am going to make a playlist and have a little "dance party" in my room once a week. We'll see.

Brett and I are also serious about getting our finances under control this year. We have found some wonderful financial software that helps us track and plan, and I am feeling the most optimistic that I ever have.

I hope to blog more. I'm thinking that being online everyday to track my points will bring me more opportunities to blog. I just don't use my computer like I used to.

I hope everyone's year is off to a good start!

On My Mind

2011-12-04T20:51:00.002-06:00

Driving to work today, and actually the last few times I have driven to work, I couldn't help but think that I have the most beautiful drive to work. I think I pass all of the prettiest trees in town! The shades of yellow, orange, red and green that I see going down Grauwyler towards O'Connor never fail to wow me. I mean seriously. Wowzers! Maybe next year I will have a fancy camera and can capture it for you!

Yes, I just said that I went to work today. We had a meeting on Tuesday that was kind of a, okay, stop the madness, what do we need to do, meeting. And I voiced something that Michelle (my partner in crime) and I have wished for, amongst ourselves, several times lately. The office is just so hectic. Even when it's not hectic, it's so FULL! There is constantly a need to meet. A child to care for. A parent to appease. A task to complete. These are not bad things, and frankly, I think that we are so good at what we do because of how well we manage these daily tasks. But I want us to look as good on paper as we do in person. By that, I mean that I don't want stupid things, like incomplete paperwork, preventing us from getting perfect inspections. And in order to take care of all of those things, I requested that we be allowed to work a few hours on the weekend once a month.

The training that I received for my job was not ideal. I mean, every day is training, I guess. But I had two weeks of "training" by the girl who I replaced when I first started the job. But most of that training was done while Michelle was on maternity leave and the owners were out of town. Lauren was great, but she didn't have time to teach me my job. So I am learning as I go. And now that I have been there a year and a half, I am confident and informed enough to make some improvements.

I went in today for 3.5 hours, and I felt SO good about what I got done. I feel so organized. It was a small portion of what needs to be done, but it would have taken me weeks to get done what I got done today in those few hours, and I guarantee that if I had been also managing the office, the finished products would have been WAY less, well, perfect!

In other news:

We went to our first Christmas party of the year tonight. It was for the praise team and it was so great. I am so blessed to be a part of a group of such amazing people. So funny, so kind, so generous. And our leader is... what is a good word for Jared? He is hilarious. But he is one of those guys who is so talented - so obviously gifted - that it is impossible not to take him seriously when he is being serious.

It is such a large group that I don't think that it will ever feel intimate for me. Not the group as a whole. But the relationships that I am forming within the group are very special.

I know that I haven't posted pics of our tree yet, but I definitely want to! Even without a topper, I think it is the prettiest little tree that I have ever called my own. I wish that I had a real mini tree in my study, just so I could enjoy the smell. But I love our fake tree, even if it was never alive.

I love my husband.

I am looking forward to Christmas and SO excited that we are getting paid this week so I can buy more presents. I love gift giving.

I am totally thinking about 2012 and prayerfully considering what I want the year to look like. For myself and for my marriage. Brett and I had a great conversation today, and it is the first of many, I am sure.

I hope everyone's December got off to a good start!

I Found the "Black" in Black Friday

2011-11-26T15:02:00.002-06:00

How was your Thanksgiving? Mine was awesome! It is so good to be able to just relax with my family. We went to my mom's at 2 on Thursday and my Aunt's at 5 on Friday. Good people, good fun, good food... truly a time when you are reminded about all that you have to be thankful for.

If you are a longtime follower of this blog, or just a friend, you know that my family likes to shop the day after Thanksgiving. The tradition started years ago. I don't know exactly how old we were the first time that Laura, Jenna and I scoured the ads on Thanksgiving day and ventured out into the cold for some Christmas shopping. I know that I was still too young to drive because we had to ask my grandmother to drop us off at the mall and pick us up a few hours later. We have pretty much continued the tradition every year. Last year was the first year that I didn't have any money to shop, when the time came. And I know there have been a year or two when we didn't get up super early, but just when we woke up, around 9:00. But for the most part, we are ad-hunting, list making, stand in line in the cold, die-hard shoppers.

I have always kind of taken offense to the term "Black Friday". They make it sound so evil! And how can something that brings us such fun and saves us money at the same time, be bad? But this year I have come to understand - there is definitely a black side to this day. It's at Wal-mart.

Oh. My. Goodness.

So here's the deal. I looked through the ads several times on Thursday making notes and forming plans, and in the end, there were just a handful of stores that I wanted to visit. Kohl's had a good ad, but I have learned from past experience, that it's not a good fit for me on this shopping day. I don't mind waiting in line for the store to open, but waiting in line for 2 hours to check out just isn't my thing. And that store always has good sales. Not just on that day. So it is a store that I generally avoid on the day after Thanksgiving. Toys-R-Us always has a great ad, and I do have a lot of children to buy for, but last year I discovered some other stores wear I find amazing toys for unbeatable prices, so this year, I just didn't feel the need to go to Toys-R-Us. We don't buy electronics on this day, so that cuts a lot of stores out of the picture. It is just simple gifts on our list this year.

There was nothing big at Wal-Mart that I wanted, but several little things that I thought would be nice gifts. Their sale started at 10:00 but they would be open all day (I think?) so you could be in the store and not have to wait in line outside. My thinking was that I could go around 8:00, take my time finding everything that I wanted to buy, and then it would be quick to grab and go when the time came.

I have gone to Wal-Mart plenty of times on Black Friday, but never when the sale first began. And now that I have done it, I know to never, ever, to it again. First of all, all of the "door busters", which I guess meant everything in the ad, were not on shelves, but in stacks around the store and covered by black shrink-wrap so you couldn't see what was what. But some of the stacks had boxes on top that you could see, or at the bottom, so I thought that I knew the general area where my product would be. The other things I was looking for were clothes and DVDs, so I knew where to find them. So I picked a spot next to my tower of shrink-wrapped mystery and waited. When I got there at 8:00, there were probably a dozen other people standing and waiting. As 10:00 got closer, more people came and eventually we were packed in like sardines.

At this point, I could tell you 10 stories, that you may or may not believe, about what happened during "the wait", as I now like to think of it. But it would take too long. So I will just tell you that the best part was watching the grandmother behind me play with her granddaughter, and the worst part was when the woman next to me started fanning her armpits.

When 10:00 came, the crowd could no longer be contained. They stepped over the 5 foot teenager who was supposed to be keeping us in line and ripped off the plastic. I am 100% serious when I say that they started grabbing items off the stack and throwing them in the air. And I was in the kitchen area, so it was griddles and 3 pot slow cookers that were being thrown. The only reason that I knew I was in the right spot is because the $3 waffle iron that I had been waiting for was being thrown in the air into the crowd. I did not push my way forward to snatch one, first because I was terrified, and second because the sweet granny who had been standing behind me abandoned her crying granddaughter to rush forward for her bargain Tupperware.

I am thankful that I made it out alive. I did not get the waffle iron, and I had lost interest in the undershirts, underwear and slippers that I thought would be perfect stocking stuffers. Once I was free from the ridiculous crowd, I headed for the exit.

The rest of my experience was lovely. I left Wal-Mart and headed for Target, which was the exact opposite experience. Before I even made it into the store, I had a great time waiting in line when I ran into one of my oldest friends, who I haven't seen in years. For those of you who know her, Jalyn is doing great =-)

Target had police officers monitoring the line and they were passing out maps and energy bars. Then at midnight, they let people into the store in groups of 30, which was genius! There was no blockage at the door because in the 2-3 minutes in between letting groups in, the people inside the store had time to get a basket and head to whatever section they were headed for. They were also kicking people out if they ran through the store. It was awesome!!!

I bought a $30 Christmas tree, which I will blog about later, a $15 Santa cookie jar for my mother-in-law who collects Santa's, and a pair of $20 slippers that look like loafers, that were on sale for $12. I think I am about to go return the slippers. They are pretty great, and I bought them because a girl at work wears them and they totally look like moccasins, so I think I could get away with wearing them and they would feel good on my feet. But I realized that they will only look good with jeans, and I only get to wear jeans on Fridays, so I would rather take them back and buy a gift.

After Target I went to Walgreens to stock up on wrapping paper and that sort of thing. They have some fun toys there, but I bought those on my lunch break on Wednesday.

Then I went home and slept until 9:00. I was back in a store by 10:00. Friday, I did Best Buy, Half Price Books, Tuesday Morning and Big Lots. I'm very happy with what we bought. Most of our money went to Amazon and an awesome website that I found and ordered several gifts from. We need to grocery shop before we buy anything else.

Today we put up our tree. It looks so good! I will post a picture when I blog about the tree. It's special =-) And the decorating was even better because Jeff was here! I'm so happy we got to see him while he was in town!

I hope everyone had a splendid holiday. This is my favorite time of year =-) I hope that I make the most of it this year.

Happy Holiday!

Our Family Grows by One

2011-11-20T20:28:00.005-06:00

Have I mentioned I have a new nephew? His name is Braylon and he is PRECIOUS!!! He will be 4 weeks old on Tuesday and honestly, I haven't gotten to know him very well yet. He mostly sleeps. But he is cute as can be, and I am finally sitting down to show him to you!

I also have a new "niece". My best friend is now a mother =-) And I couldn't be happier. Emily is already more fashionable than I am, and she has her mothers gorgeous big eyes. What a sweetie. I was so happy to have our first lunch date on my days off a few weeks ago.

And finally, here is a picture of my sisters and I, and my niece Madilyn, at my cousin Ragan's wedding. (Jenina, can you believe Ragan got married??? She was beautiful!!!)

I am thrilled that Thanksgiving is this week. I love Thanksgiving. I am ridiculously thankful for the blessings in my life. I'm one of those people who can't talk about her family without tearing up a bit. I would probably be embarrassed by that if I didn't share that trait with the greatest lady I know, my mom.

We had "Thanksgiving Feasts" at the school on Friday. Each class has a feast where the school provides turkey and parents sign up to bring everything else. The teachers get to eat the leftovers for lunch =-) So on Friday I had a plate with a bit of mashed potatoes, a bit of green beans (the only vegetable available), a bit of stuffing, a bit of mac and cheese, and a small slice of the best pumpkin pie I have ever had in my life! I wish I knew who made it so I could ask them how they made it so tasty!

Tonight was Thanksgiving #2. We celebrated with Brett's mom. She made pork roast, mashed potatoes, asparagus and crescent rolls. All totally delish. I made the dessert (a Cooking Light Apple Crisp), and in typical Kim fashion, I messed it up. Here's what happened:

I was planning to make this dessert after lunch, which we were going to eat at home after church. I thought I would probably start around 2:00. Well, today is my sister Jenna's birthday. Happy birthday, Jenna!!! So instead, after church I dropped Brett off and headed over to Laura and Jenna's house to enjoy a delicious brunch! It was totally worth hanging out with my sisters, brothers-in-law, niece and nephew to get home a little later. But when I got home at 3, I felt like I needed to hurry a bit. We had to be at Margaret's casa at 5:30.

This was not my first time to make the apple crisp. I made it a month or so ago. It was easy and delicious and my favorite part of making it was slicing the apples. So when I got home, I was eager to get slicing. But guess what I forgot to do? Um, you're supposed to peel the apples first. I didn't even read that part of the ingredient list. The part where it says "7 cups of PEELED sliced apples". Because that was the ingredient I knew! Apples, 7 cups. Duh. It was everything else that I didn't remember amounts for.

I also mixed the walnuts into the apples instead of into the topping. Hehe. I just totally read it wrong.

It tasted okay, but the apples looked like squash and the peels were hard to cut into with my spoon. Oh Kim. Slow down next time! Read the stinkin' directions! It takes 5 minutes! Brett's mom was super nice about it though.

Moving on.

We will have an afternoon lunch with my family on Thanksgiving Day. My favorite. I am going to wake up early and run out to get a paper. We get paid on Wednesday and we have a few big bills to pay, so I don't know how much shopping we are going to be able to do on Friday, but I will do whatever we can.

The most exciting thing about Friday is... wait for it... WE ARE BUYING A NEW CHRISTMAS TREE!!! I can not tell you how excited I am that we are going to have our very first full sized (fake) Christmas tree!!! And the reason we are doing so is because we are living in our first (rented) house. Which I love. I am so ready to deck the halls! We have been using my 4 foot tree on our dining room table since we got married. I had that tree for 8 years. It gave it's all. Last year, I couldn't put it back in the box. It was time to let it go. That sad little tree. I also threw away some ornaments that were peeling. I bought them at Walgreens mostly. For super cheap. They just weren't meant to live that long. So on Friday, we will definitely be buying a new tree and hopefully some ornaments for it. I'M SO EXCITED!!!

I hope that everyone has an amazing Thanksgiving. Be safe, all you travelers. Eat too much, laugh too loud, and sleep too late. Now is your chance =-) Happy Thanksgiving.

A Few Quick Thoughts

2011-11-14T21:14:00.003-06:00

1) I want to introduce you to my new nephew! Braylon and his mommy are both doing well. If Braylon would start eating a little more, everything would be perfect =-) But hey, this is the only time in his life that he can sleep absolutely as much as he wants to and not have to feel bad about it. So more power to him! I will be uploading pictures very soon!

2) I am so happy that the holiday are practically here! I am THRILLED that next Friday, Brett and I will be buying our first ever full sized (fake) Christmas tree. The first Bacon Christmas tree!!! We have been using my sad little 4 footer for the past several years, but last year, I just couldn't put it back in the box. It looked way too much like Charlie Brown's tree. I thought the other decorations would make fun of it.

3) Food was not bad today. I haven't said those words in a long time. Too long. I hope to say it a lot more.

4) Ya know, a girl spends DECADES trying to figure out the perfect way to apply make-up. By the time some of us really get a feel for it, it's time to start buying age-defying make-up. Doesn't that just seem unjust?

I WILL be blogging more soon. This weekend I just had to clean the house. I had to!!! My poor sweet house. I even dusted the ceiling fans. Take that dirt!

Can't Talk, but I Wanted to Share This

2011-10-27T08:06:00.002-05:00

From my email devotional this morning:

Scripture tells us that when Satan lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies (John 8:44). The word lie means a falsehood with the intent to deceive. Satanintends to deceive our hearts by getting us to take our eyes off of who we are in Christ and focus on our flaws—then spend our days figuring out how we can hide them.

One of his goals is to get us to believe lies that leave us feeling inadequate and unsure of ourselves. It’s just what he did with Eve in the garden. In fact, I wonder if Eve might have thought, What’s wrong with me? when she became aware of her inadequacy.

Then the eyes of both [Adam and Eve] were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.

Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden…and they hid from the LORD God…But the LORD God called to the man, “Where are you?”

He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.” (Gen. 3:7-10, NIV 1984)

In verse 11 God responds with a question, asking Adam who told them they were naked. In other words, “Who told you that something is wrong with you?” By asking this, God acknowledged there was someone casting shame on them—and it wasn’t Him.

I believe He wanted them to be aware of their enemy who was whispering lies into their hearts, causing them to move away from Him and from each other. God also wants us to be aware that we have an enemy who is constantly trying to convince us that we’re inadequate and that something is wrong with us.

Sadly, we often go along with Satan’s lies and live like they are true. Rarely do we stop to ask, “Who is saying these things? Who is causing me to doubt myself? Is it me? Is there something from my past that led me to believe this? Or is it the enemy of my soul disguising his voice as my own?”

But we can change that today. First, we need to realize Satan’s schemes are the same for us as they were for Eve. Second, we need to determine we are not going to keep falling into his traps. Instead we can refute his lies and accusations with truth. If we have put our trust in Christ as our Savior, we can stand on these promises:

This One Goes Out to All the Ladies

2011-10-23T17:32:00.002-05:00

Remember how I said yesterday that I sometimes speak in song lyrics?

So, I sat down to write inside of a birthday card for one of my best friends the other day, and my pen spent a good minute hanging in the air before it touched the paper. How can I sum it up in one card? "It" being how much she means to me. How her friendship is so many things in my life: a joy, a relief, a lifesaver, a map, a thermostat. Since it was way too much to put into the funny card that I had chosen, I instead summed it up with the immortal words of Ke$ha.

"Your Love is my Drug".

I laughed while I wrote it, but all day the words echoed in my mind and became more and more true. Where would I be without my amazing friends? They literally keep me out of a psychiatrist's chair, and off of meds. "Your love is my drug" could not be more true!

So this one goes out to all the ladies (and fellas) who keep me sane. You know who you are. Please also know, that:

"You are the sunshine of my life" and "I get by with a little help from my friends".

Our Feature Presentation: My Four Day Weekend!

2011-10-22T15:06:00.008-05:00

First, I have to say, I could totally be Bumblebee. You know, the Transformer? In the movies, he can't talk and speaks in clips from songs on the radio. I could totally do that. My mind has a constant soundtrack going. It is kind of unbelievable how often I think in movie clips and song lyrics. I put a song lyric in best friend's birthday card last week. It was just so appropriate! And the truth of it really resonated with me, so I'll be sharing that thought later on, but for now...

I am FINALLY posting about my days off. They were a long time coming, and at the same time, I wasn't as prepared for them as I would like to be. The problem with having busy weekends and no days off is that when you finally do have a day (or two) off, there are WAAAAY too many things that you would like to do, and no possible way to do them all. Unless you're not tired. If I had no need for sleep, I would have pulled all nighters and crafted to my heart's content. But rest was a pretty important to-do on my days off wish list. It's what I should have done first. But here is how the weekend went:

Remember when I said in my last post that I would be running the school by myself on the Friday before my long weekend? I was alone because the owners were in Hawaii and Michelle had to go on an all day field trip. Well, Friday wasn't too bad. No puking children were sent to the office, no teacher called up and said they were sick and needed to go home, and only one tour came in. The sickness is tricky, but a tour coming in when you can't leave the office is really a shame. There are a lot of good things that I can say about our school while standing at the front counter. But it is so much better to take a family around the school and SHOW them what I mean... the joyful children, the loving teachers, the fun activities. But there are certain times of day, and occasionally entire days, when there's just no way to show someone around. The tour was a grandmother doing some research for her daughter who is moving to town soon. She was super sweet and I think that we will see her again. So all in all, Friday wasn't bad.

But the owners being out of town all week. Man. I was so worn out. They were out of town a lot this summer, but something about last week really took it out of me. I was exhausted. So my long weekend started off with me being a zombie.

I wish that we had had no plans last weekend. I wish that I had had the ability to really have those four days to use any way that I wanted to. But on Saturday, I had a baby shower to go to. Again. It was my 6th shower in a season of baby showers that is fuller than any I have experienced before. Now I'm not going to lie. Typically, I don't love showers, bridal or baby. When it is someone close to me, who I love dearly, like a family member or one of my best friends, a shower can be a really fun time of celebration. But when it is someone who is a friend, but not a close friend, and I know, at most, half of the people at the shower, they can be uncomfortable places for me. I am fat. And I am 30 with no children. Two things in my life that I am struggling deeply with. And two things that always seem to be on display at a crowded, awkward baby or bridal shower.

So I wasn't really looking forward to last weeks baby shower. I didn't know how many people I would know and we had very little money, so buying a gift would be a sacrifice. But this shower had a few things going for it. One, it was at a restaurant. The public setting felt like an equalizer. None of us would be any more of less comfortable than anyone else. We would all be using silverware that didn't belong to us and we would all have to ask "excuse me, where is the restroom". So that was a plus. Also, it was come and go, which meant I didn't need to feel bad about being late or leaving early. And finally, I really love the girl who the shower was being thrown for. We are not especially close. We have never hung out, just the two of us, and only once have she and her husband gone to lunch with me and my husband. But we both know that we could be close. We have known it since we first met. From the outside, we couldn't be more different. She is tall and thin and exotic. And I am not. But we are both Lord loving altos and we share similar loves for life. Kindred spirits if you will.

So that is how my weekend started. I went to a baby shower. Well, first I drove to Dallas to find Buy Buy baby and then was so overwhelmed in the store that I bought the first thing on her registry that I could find. I spent $23 and an hour stuck in traffic on 635, but it was worth it. The shower was small, and I am glad that I went.

The baby shower was very close to a movie theater that I like, and there was a perfectly timed showing of one of the movies that I wanted to see, so after the shower I went and saw 50/50. I am so glad that I did! I enjoyed it very much. I cried a LOT, but not because it was crazy sad, I think I just needed to get some tears out. Joseph Gordon-Levitt is one of those actors who I like more and more each time I see him. And Seth Rogen is hilarious. I know he tends to play vulgar characters, but he is somehow endearing in spite of that. He just seems like a nice guy.

This movie theater is on the side of town where the good Target and Ross are, so after the movie I did some fast shopping. Brett's mom, who is known for having fits of generosity, had given me a gift card to use on my days off. I am making her a thank you card tonight. It was very kind of her and definitely made my days off less stressful. I still put some clothes on the credit card though. There was just no getting around it. I needed new clothes. Some of my clothes just weren't fitting any more and some of them I have had so long, they are faded and just look old. I hate walking into work in clothes that embarrass me. I didn't find anything at Ross, but at Target I got a pair of jeans that are the PERFECT length, finally! And a shirt that I love, and a thing to wear over tank tops or short sleeve shirts. Three much needed items.

Then I had to do the last of our grocery shopping, then I headed home. Brett was a little grumped that I had left him at home all day. He didn't say it, but I still knew it. I know he doesn't like to sit at home while I am out doing things. It's one of the ways that we are different. I thoroughly enjoy occasional time to myself. He rarely desires time to himself. But when I made the plans that I did for that day, he had plans of his own. But he cancelled those plans. I felt bad, but was honestly too tired to feel too bad. So that was the day.

Sunday was busy. We had church in the morning, which Brett didn't go to because he had some last minute work to do for the final session of his Bible study that afternoon, and he had some last minute prep to do for the dish that he made for the potluck lunch we had after church at the pastor's house. I picked him up after church and we went to the lunch. I was there for an hour, but I had to leave right before lunch was served. I left early to finally go to one of my niece's soccer games. I'm so glad that I did. She is adorable and I enjoy watching soccer. It's the only sport that I ever played, so it's the sport that I understand the most.

The game was in Southlake, so I rode with my parents. After the game, they were kind enough to stop at a Joann's. This was GREAT! I had a craft that I wanted to make and there is not a fabric store in the city that I live, so I was planning to drive to Lewisville on Monday, but going on Sunday saved me a lot of time and it was great to have my mom there to help me pick out fabric. I made a wall hanging. I bought 7 embroidery rings and some fabric that I like and glued the fabric to the rings and hung it on the wall over our couch. Like everything I make, it is full of flaws. The fabric isn't smooth in several spots. But I still love all of the colors. And I'm happy to finally have something on that wall. And I only spent about $25 dollars making it. And honestly, flaws and all, it looks like me. Our living room is full of electronics and boy furniture. Not a piece of it is something that I would pick if I were building my dream living room. But now there is something in there that looks like I chose it. Because I did!

After the trip to the craft store, I went to the final session of the Bible study that Brett has been teaching at church. It was a busy day, and once again, Brett was grumped because we were busy and apart, and this time he let me know it. But ended the day on a good note, I think.

That night, I think I stayed up a little, but again, just because I could. Not to do anything special.

I started the day Monday absolutely exhausted. This is the bummer about my long weekend. I wish that I had had less to do on Saturday and Sunday because, even though I did several things from my "days off wish list" on Monday, I was so tired, I didn't enjoy them like I could have. This would have been a much better weekend for my long weekend because we have absolutely nothing that we absolutely have to do. I had a church activity on the calendar today, but I skipped it and at the moment, I don't feel bad about it. But when I chose my days off, I had to look at the work calendar and find days where there weren't a ton of other people off. So last week was my best choice.

Monday, I got up about 8:00. Or was it 8:30? A totally decent time to wake up. I took a shower and did a few things on my computer and then headed to work. Not to work, but because I needed to drop off something that I took home on Friday. Then I went to Cato.

As a plus size girl, there aren't a ton of places where I can buy clothes. Lane Bryant is awesome, but it is pricey. The Avenue is a less expensive version of Lane Bryant, but the clothes are also less my taste. Target, Kohl's and Ross are all hit or miss. But there is one more store in town that I sometimes check. I first discovered Cato in college, and I have tons of happy memories of shopping there with my girlfriends. I used to consider it another "hit or miss" store, but I think it may have crossed over for me. I don't go there very often, but right now, it is drowning in cuteness. So many cute clothes!!! I didn't find everything that I would have liked to, but my wardrobe is a lot better off now than it was a week ago. I found black work pants, gray work pants, a brown skirt, a pair of funky silver flats, and a fake leather jacket. I really like it all. I wish I had found one more top, but I have nothing to complain about.

I hated putting both shopping trips on the credit card. That poor card. But what's done is done. And it shouldn't happen again for a long while.

After Cato, I rushed across town to meet Brett for lunch. It was nice to see him in the middle of the day =-) We both enjoyed it. After I sat with him while he ate lunch, I headed to Dallas to eat lunch outside at my favorite Mexican restaurant. The weather wasn't quite as cool as I would have liked for my days off, but it was still nice enough to eat outside, which was high up on my days off wish list. Brett hates eating outside. But I find that when I am alone, eating outside can be incredibly relaxing. So I had the Plato Chapala at Pappasitos and then headed up the highway to another theater to see Footloose. I LOVED this movie. Not because it is amazing cinema, but because it was so much fun. Practically the twin of the original movie, just slightly updated. I grew up watching the original because my dad loves it. I still had a bit of "need to cry" in me, so I let that happen in the movie, and then headed home.

Monday night, I did some crafting. I made a collage for Jennifer's birthday present, and worked on the wall hanging. And then Brett and I went to the midnight launch at Best Buy for Batman, Arkham City. Brett goes to midnight launches, probably once a season. Whenever a game is worth it. But I haven't been in a long time. They are always on Monday nights because new games come out on Tuesdays. But at this job, I just can't stay up that late on a Monday night. I would be fighting for energy the rest of the week, and this is not a job you can do with low energy. But since I was off on Tuesday, I went with him.

That was definitely interesting. It's too much to tell in this already too long blog, but maybe someday I will give you a peek into that world.

We were home by 12:30. Brett had a few hours off on Tuesday morning so we stayed up another hour or so to check out the game. Then we crashed. I was finally tired enough for some serious sleep.

Tuesday morning I didn't get out of bed until 9:30. I had plans to meet Jennifer for lunch at Olive Garden at 11:30, so I took my time getting ready and then enjoyed a wonderful lunch with her and her sweet baby girl, Emily. Emily is gorgeous =-) Just the thought of her makes me smile, every time.

I had asked Jennifer to bring me some books to read and she came through like a champ! She brought me 7! One of them is The Help, which I have been wanting to read since I saw the first trailer for the movie a year and a half ago. I haven't bought new books in a long time. Longer than I realized now that I sit and think about it. As soon as we left Olive Garden, I ran one last errand and then did the thing on my wish list that is one of my all time favorite things to do. I went and got a venti iced pumpkin chai at Starbucks and sat in their comfy leather chair reading a good book. I have barely been able to put the book down all week. I am loving every page.

When I got home, I put in one of my favorite movies, The Holiday, and finished my wall hanging. When Brett got home I watched him play Batman. We went to bed around 10:30. And that was it.

Tuesday was a MUCH better day than Monday. It's the best day I've had in a while. I have been really fighting some heavy emotions lately, and I knew as soon as I opened my eyes on Tuesday morning, that some of those feelings were subsiding. I felt some relief.

The three day work week was another great gift. And then this lazy day we are having today... it's so peaceful. Brett is snoring across the hall, and I am going to go slip into bed and read another chapter or two.

Tonight we are grilling fajitas =-) How's that for a happy ending?

Consider This the Trailer...

2011-10-12T21:36:00.002-05:00

for a long awaited blog. I'm sure you're not waiting for me to blog, but I am eager to blog! To put my hands to the keys and organize some thoughts. Make some room in my head.

All of this will be happening very shortly. My two days off are only a few days away now. I just need to make it through Thursday (we'll see who the stomach bug at school sends home puking next) and Friday (I will be running the school on my own while the two owners are in Hawaii and the school administrator is on a field trip... pray for me) and then it will be time for:

MY FOUR DAY WEEKEND!

So thankful. So ready.

Sorry I've been MIA. It's not because I've got nothing to say.

Be back soon!

Countdown to...

2011-09-26T21:06:00.002-05:00

FALL! Technically, Fall is here, but I am wishing and hoping to wake up to the kind of Fall day I dream about. The day that is crisp enough in the morning to make you want a light sweater and a cute scarf. We have had a couple of nice mornings, but nothing requiring extra accessories, and none day that stayed "Fallish", if you will, all day. I am also ready for my first Iced Pumpkin Chai of the season. And pumpkins. All all that jazz.

And then, of course, I am counting down to my TWO DAYS OFF! A four day weekend! Are you kidding me? This is the last week in September. Hard to believe. But it means I am THAT much closer to regaining my sanity.

This is a good thing. Trust me.

On my days off, I hope to:

- See a movie

- Eat outside at a delicious restaurant

- Enjoy the aforementioned pumpkin chai

- Buy a book and spend some time reading (probably with my pumpkin chai)

- Write a long overdue letter to a dear friend

- And maybe, just maybe, go the the fair. I REALLY want to see the musical

That is what is defined on my days off wish list, so far. Lots of other options have floated through my head. We will see what sticks.

Hope everyone's week started well!

Oh Boy, Oh Boy, Oh BOY!!!

2011-09-17T14:53:00.002-05:00

So, ya know how I've been going crazy a little lately? Just in a bad place, mentally/emotionally. Well things got a little better this week. I expected them to get worse, because I did something stupid. I read a book that usually makes me feel crazy. Have you read The Perks of Being a Wallflower? I bought it a few years ago and have read it a few times. It's very honest, which makes it kind of hard, or... ugly? Is that the right word? Life is ugly sometimes. Messy. Anyway, I like it a lot. I was kind of disturbed last summer when I saw it on the "School Reading List" table at Barnes N Noble. The book is about a high school kid, a freshman in fact, but the thought of someone that young reading it made me uncomfortable at the time. Now, I'm not sure how I feel about it. Maybe because this time, when I read it, I didn't feel MORE crazy. I actually felt less. Thank goodness!

Also, I think that going to church on Wednesday helped. My wise friend, Marie, taught me "fake it till you make it", and I left work on Wednesday knowing that I needed to be able to fake it at church that night. At our last practice, they all saw me cry. It wasn't totally bad. God had taught me a really life changing truth that week. Or at least, a perspective changing truth. One that I meant to blog about. So it wasn't totally sad crying, more confessional and submissive. But it rocked my world so much that it's kind of what started me slipping into my dark spot.

So I walked into church ready for fake smiles and reflected questions. But that group of people... man, they are so awesome. Just cool people. Our leader is so amazing. It didn't take long... my smiles weren't fake. They felt a little funny on my face, but not because I didn't mean them. So that helped.

Then Thursday I got to wear jeans and a t-shirt to work, and they bought me Jason's Deli for lunch because I won a contest, and it was a pretty good day. We had some training Thursday night and the trainer was so funny. And knowing that the next day was Friday is always a huge help on Thursday.

Friday was okay, but the fact that it is Friday always makes it a pretty good day. And guess what... it RAINED! Real rain! For a few hours. Glorious! Right as I was leaving work, it started.

But here is the exciting news: I have two days off!!!!! It's always what I crave when my thoughts get out of control. Time to myself. That's usually what spurs me to take a day off. Now, last year being my first year at the school, I had a total of 2 days off to use. I used one to go to a funeral and one to move. My year started over at the end of June, so this year, I have a week of vacation and two sick days. Holla! I have already used one of each, but that means I have five left. Now taking these two days off, I will have three. That kind of freaked me out when I was putting in the time off request, but I think it will be fine. With the holidays coming, we have a few days that school will just be closed.

And I wanted to take two days instead of one because I want to have one day to spend out and one day to spend at home. Whenever I have a day off, I always want to do things at the house, like clean and organize, but I also really want to do things out of the house like go to lunch and go see a movie and go shopping. I never fit it all into one day. I either take care of the house, but don't do anything fun, or have a day out and come home to a messy house. This way I can do both!

It is a Monday and Tuesday, and it is in the middle of October. I'm HOPING that the weather will be cooler. I absolutely love fall. It is my all time favorite, for reasons I have blogged about before =-) So I am going to start making my "days off wish list". I want to craft, I want to see at least one, most likely two movies, I want to go eat lunch at that pizza place that Brett doesn't like, and I want to buy some cold weather clothes. I need to. And shoes, for sure. I could use some new clothes now, but I want to make it through the season with what I have. I think I can, except I need some new bras and underwear. We'll see if I can make it another month without shopping. It should be easy, because I'm broke, but I have a really good coupon. I need to see when it expires. If it's soon, I may take advantage of it, at least for the essentials.

Money is really tight, and we have some extra expenses coming up. October is going to be tough! But I know we will make it. We always do.

I hope you have some time to yourself coming soon! It's healthy.

Ready for Fall, and Other Random Thoughts

2011-09-13T21:36:00.002-05:00

If you haven't heard, we had some really nice weather in the Dallas area last week. After what felt like an eternity of over hot days this summer, like the pool wasn't fun because it felt like a hot tub, we had some blessedly sweet, cooler days last week. It. Was. Awesome. Mornings in the 70s. Swoon!

Well today, last week almost seemed like a dream when I had to get on the intercom this afternoon and say "Hey teachers, just wanted to let you know it is too hot to go outside today. I'm so sorry, it is tooooo hot."

We can't go outside if the heat index is 103 degrees or higher. The temp this afternoon was 106. With the "wind chill", the heat index was exactly 103. Boo.

I am SO ready for the fall! My mind is a strange little thing. Something about the cooler air and watching the leaves die so elegantly and beautifully, really wakes up my soul. A crisp fall air, frankly, takes me back to some of my happiest memories. The smell of winter approaching is something that I value in a very profound way.

I hate to say this, but I've been struggling mentally lately. I don't want to be sad. I don't want to be one of those "sad" people, that friends don't look forward to catching up with because they always have something to complain about. And honestly, I don't have anything to complain about. I am abundantly blessed, and I'm not going to pretend otherwise. But sometimes I struggle...

I struggle with not knowing the future. I believe so completely that I serve a God that loves me incredibly and deeply and that he has a plan for my life. That is ABSOLUTELY enough. But, being a planner myself, I struggle with being satisfied with the unknowns.

I am also struggling with facing the same struggles. Frustrated doesn't accurately describe how I'm feeling, though it can be extremely frustrating when I find myself OVER AND OVER AGAIN making the same mistakes and choosing the same bad choices. Why do I experience the same failures over and over again? When am I going to grow up and be smarter? Will I ever? Please say yes. I don't want to die this way.

Okay, enough drama. I sincerely hope that my next post will be less whiny. For all of our sakes ;-)

Labor Day Getaway

2011-09-07T20:21:00.002-05:00

It's a truth I realized a year or so ago, and as soon as I said it, it was a huge comfort. Life is NOT the day to day tasks that demand so much attention from us that they sometimes seem to be all that we are. Work. Commuting to and from work. Cooking, cleaning, laundry... you get the idea. I definitely fall into the trap sometimes of thinking that my job is my life. That it defines me. I remember how happy I was starting this job a little over a year ago and feeling my life was "better" because this was a "better" job. Better in the sense that I would be happier because it was a more positive job. Helping people, working on a team, working with children. Definitely an improvement over staring at a computer all day working for difficult people on tasks that usually felt insignificant. But now I know, my job does not equal my life. The weekly routine is not all that I am. It's the special moments. The road trips to friends. The hour drive to and from the drive-in on a crisp fall evening. The shopping trips for our "firsts" as husband and wife. This year we will be purchasing our first full size Christmas tree. I'm SO ready! The moments that are usually fewer and farther between than I would like. Those are the moments when I am truly living.

I say all of that to say that it was a HUGE blessing to be able to get away this past weekend. To do some living! Jeff, my oldest and one of my dearest friends, moved to Tulsa, Oklahoma three or so years ago. Brett and I have been talking about going to visit him for probably two years. (It didn't occur to us that first year. Wedding planning kind of consumed us, I guess.) But since then, it has been time and financial obstacles keeping us from going to see Jeff. But I have been thinking for months that Brett and I needed to take a trip. Get out of our day to day lives to remind us what our real life is about. And I miss Jeff. I miss him all of the time. He is special in a way that I don't always know how to describe. He is the perfect balance of kindness and confidence. Never too good to help someone in need, but not a guy who is afraid to call the shots either. A helper and a leader at the same time. A servant leader, I guess you would say. Without a doubt, the kindest guy I will ever know. I can say that with confidence, because there is just no way that anyone out there is equal to him. He's one of our favorite people, and we were thrilled to finally go see him!

And it was such a good trip!!!!! We prefer to take road trips on 3 day weekends. We like to leave after work on Friday and get there, wherever the there is that weekend, late, and then have all day Saturday to be with our friends. Then leave on Sunday afternoon so that we can get home on Sunday night and wake up in our own bed on Monday and have some time to rest before going back to work. That is how it worked out this weekend.

Brett got off at 1 and I got off at 4, so we were on the road by about 4:50. There was quite a bit of traffic in Dallas, and we made two brief stops along the way, so it was around 11:00 when we got to Tulsa. Jeff is a Baylor alum, so he had some friends over to watch the game. They were leaving as we were arriving, but it was nice to get to meet several of his friends. We stayed up chatting and planning for a while and eventually went to bed.

We started our day Saturday by going to Jeff's favorite breakfast spot. I already forgot what it is called, but I had a really good omelet and a biscuit that would make any southerner proud! Then we headed to the Tulsa Flea Market. So. Much. Fun. I LOVE flea markets! Flea markets, garage sales, antique stores. I love them. And this one was so neat. It is inside a giant building on the fair grounds. I don't know what it is called, but it is like the building all of the cars are in at the Texas State Fair every year. Just the fact that it was all indoors made it easy to linger, despite the heat outside. And linger we did! We took our time and went to every booth treasure hunting. We walked the whole room seeing what we liked and then went back for the items that were still calling to us. I bought a huge old frame that I am going to use to hang several small pictures from. Also, an old green chair that is small and metal and missing a seat. It's on my porch and I am going to find just the right size planter to sit in it. I also got an old teal metal fan. SO cute! I have the perfect spot in mind for it. And I got two tiny little Dr. Pepper bottles. We are Dr. Pepper fans. Little piece of trivia for ya there. The bottles are about three inches tall. So cute! And they have liquid in them. I don't know if it is actually DP, but it sure looks like it! And also a hand embroidered place mat. Or at least, it's the size of a place mat. I'm going to frame it and hang it on the wall. It's adorable. Brett looked at several vintage comic books, but didn't get any in the end. Jeff got an AWESOME train set and tackle box. He's a fisherman.

After the flea market, we stopped at a little pizza joint for a seriously good slice of pizza. We each got a different kind, and I can't decide whose looked best! My Canadian bacon was awesome though.

After that, we went searching for a comic shop for Brett. It took some looking, but we found one and Brett found some good books!

After that, it was time to rest a bit. I'm not gonna lie. The boys fell asleep. It was awesome. We just relaxed on the couches for a couple of hours underneath the cool fan. It was so nice.

When we got up, Jeff drove us around the parts of Tulsa that we hadn't seen yet. It's a really neat little town. Kind of like Fort Worth. I can't tell you why, because I know nothing about Fort Worth. But both boys do, and they both said it was like Fort Worth. So there you go. There are TONS of huge beautiful houses built in the 20's. "Oil money" Jeff said. I had no idea oil was big in OK back in the day, but apparently it was. The homes were absolutely gorgeous, and each one unique. Then we headed to Cafe Ole. A really neat Santa Fe style Mexican restaurant. It was just cool enough to sit on the patio and we enjoyed a tasty meal under the twinkle lights. Then Jeff took us to his favorite coffee shop. Shades of Brown. Um, shades of cool is more like it! It's not small, but it's narrow. Small rooms that spread back. The first room was packed wall to wall because there was live music. Several guitar players, a percussionist and a singer playing swing and jazz music. I LOVED it! And Jeff bought me a grasshopper. Like a mint frappaccino, but a way smoother texture. It felt more like a shake than blended ice. So delicious and so refreshing. It was great.

When we got back to his place, we watched an 80s classic that I had always felt weird about never seeing. How is it possible that I, a self professed lover of 80s cinema, had never before seen Planes, Trains and Automobiles? I have no answer. But I can now say that I have seen it. It was the perfect end to an awesome day.

We had planned to go to church with Jeff on Sunday morning and then have lunch at McAllister's before heading home. Our plans changed however when Brett was up all night Saturday with an upset stomach. He finally threw up at about 8:00 Sunday morning and then was able to sleep a couple of hours. Poor guy. Not sure what it was. He had a sauce on his dinner that neither Jeff or I had on ours, so it could have been that. But he felt feverish to me, so it could have been a weird 24 bug that hit at an unfortunate time. As soon as Jeff got back from church, Brett and I said goodbye and hit the road.

To make matters worse, as we stopped to gas up before hitting the road, Brett came to examine our tire (that I had tried to fill, but instead flattened... idiot) and threw out his back. Not kidding. So he already was fighting to stay still and keep from throwing up in the car, and then I broke his back so that he would suffer WAAAAY worse the whole way home. I felt so bad! We made it home and slept 11 hours to make up for our night without sleep. He is getting better but still in pain.

But besides the stomach and back pain, it was a really great weekend. I'm so happy that we made it to see Jeff. I love his house, and I thoroughly enjoyed his town. I know it was our first of many trips out to see him.

I hope everyone else had a great weekend! I am fighting allergies this week and ready for this weekend. Melanie's shower is Saturday and I am so excited. I wish that I had spent more time with Melanie throughout this pregnancy, but we have such different schedules. It makes it tricky. But it will be such a joy to celebrate her baby this weekend.

Peace our playas!

Sounds of Silence

2011-08-23T21:37:00.002-05:00

I know I go long periods of time sometimes without blogging. It's NEVER because I have nothing to say. It's usually because I have too much to say. And the more time that goes by without posting, the more I have to say, and the more time I need to blog, and there's just never extra time!

It's a vicious cycle.

But right now, I can't NOT stop and say this. I have just been looking at pictures of my best friend's baby, Emily Elizabeth. She was born on Friday and I met her Saturday. She is SO precious. Just beautiful. Lots of dark hair and really red lips. I immediately had to fight tears upon seeing her. She's just so wonderful. And I love Jennifer so much. I'm so thankful that God has blessed her in such an abundant way. She and her husband are going to be really great parents and I hope that I am always a friend that encourages their family.

I'm not a parent yet. I've been married a little over two years, and as most of you know, I turned 30 this year, so the baby thing is on my mind a good amount of the time. I mean, I don't spend ALL day every day thinking about starting a family, but I definitely think about it every day. Some days more than others. I think I've devoted enough rambling on that subject lately. I don't have anything new to say at the moment, so I'll stop here for now.

In other news, school started yesterday. AHHHHH!!!!! June 28th was my 1 year anniversary at this job. This time last year, I was shaking in my boots. I mean, so unsure about what I should be doing most of the time that I walked in the door wanting to throw up every day. But this is a new year. So far I haven't wanted to throw up out of fear. Stress, maybe, but not fear.

It was an absolutely crazy summer. I'm glad that I was able to help more this year because summers are SOOOO very busy at our school. Our summer program is a real treat for the kids and a real challenge for a lot of the teachers. In the office, it's kind of like being an intern at a circus after watching a documentary about being in a circus. You know what it's supposed to look like, but when you least expect it, a clown will throw a pie in your face, or an elephant will poop in your path, and it totally throws off your momentum. Yes. I said "poop in your path".

I am incredibly thankful for my job. Is it my dream job? No. But it is an incredible blessing. The children at our school fascinate me. The way they grow, the way they think, the way they trust each other and, most of the time, us. I love when I am able to observe special moments. I am truly blessed.

There are way too many challenging things about the summer to pick the most challenging. But the most challenging thing about a new year is all of the new families. I have a LOT of new names to learn, and I need to do it fast. We are a small school, and we want it to feel intimate. I'm pretty sure no one is going to feel like they are family if I have to ask them their name when I am writing a receipt for them.

Anyway, the year has begun! I want to make it a good one!

Happy thoughts to all of my teacher friends out there. I hope your week goes smoothly!

SOOO Full

2011-07-31T19:49:00.002-05:00

I ate way too much at dinner. It was one of those times that it doesn't sound like too much food, so when your body is telling you that you are full, you tell your body to please be quiet until you finish eating. Not good. Ugh.

I have so much to say, and no where near the time or energy to say it. There are some things going on at work that will probably turn into nothing for me, but I have been on an emotional roller coaster for the last 6 days as I've prayed over a teaching position that has opened at our school and whether or not I want to talk to the owners about it. It has been exhausting.

I did a LOT of resting this weekend. I feel like I could use another day of it. Just quiet... that's what I want. But tomorrow is August 1st, and this is one of the busiest times of year at the school, so there won't be much rest for a while. This week will be go, go, go from the time my alarm clock goes off tomorrow morning until Friday at 6:00. Hopefully we will have a nice night in on Friday and sleep late Saturday before we take care of all of the errands that we couldn't afford to attend to this weekend. Sometimes being broke is a blessing!

I had dinner with Jenn, Jage and Krista Thursday night, and it was incredibly refreshing. I have said this before, but I will never take it lightly: I am so thankful for the version of myself that they let me be. It is truly a gift to spend time with them. We are hoping to take a trip together sometime this coming year. That would be so great!

I wish Jeff would blog. And I would love to see Jenina. I saw Jennifer today... the baby room is practically complete and looking oh so cute! Emily Elizabeth is already stylin' and she's not even out of the womb yet! Love it!

There are things I should do tonight... some organizing and mopping. But I think I'm going to lay down with my book and try to get some extra rest before this sure-to-be-crazy week begins.

Hope everyone had a great weekend!

Girls Trip 2.0

2011-07-16T12:35:00.004-05:00

It took me all week to recover and finally post a blog, but I can officially say that I have been on a "girls trip"! It was a great weekend full of friends, food and shopping and I am so happy that I got to go this year! I'm calling in 2.0 because the three lovely ladies that I went with actually have taken a trip together before. It was two summers ago, and though I was invited, it was the weekend of my sister's wedding, so I couldn't make it.

When we were deciding what kind of trip we wanted, we chose shopping over beaching or... something else. I don't remember what our third option was. But we decided to hit the outlet malls in San Marcos! We found a great deal on a hotel in Austin, 40 minutes from the outlet malls, so we stayed there. It was PERFECT! The hotel was on the very northern point of Austin, so Round Rock, and the shopping it holds, was only minutes away.

We were all at the hotel around 5:00 and didn't waste any time hitting some stores. We went to Sam Moon, where I picked up a rockin' orange purse, an owl necklace that caught my eyes months ago on a mom at our school, a chain for a pendant I was given, a woven headband and some cute white sandals with three flowers on each shoe. When I was unloading my treasures at home this week, I realized that the shoes are completely different sizes. They were both wrapped in tissue paper at the store, and it was such an ordeal to unwrap the abundance of paper that was surrounding one shoe, I didn't unwrap the other, and thus came home with one shoe in my size, and one shoe for a MUCH smaller foot. Hilarious. Thank goodness they were only $14. They are cute enough that I am definitely going to keep them and make a collage with them one day.

After Sam Moon, we went to Ikea. Marie had never been before, so we wanted to introduce her to the greatness that is Ikea, and like all first timers, she found it a bit overwhelming. But I bought some finger puppets for my nephew (due in November) and some "B" bookends, because we randomly happened across a huge bin full of the letter B. How could I not buy them?

After that, we were hungry and wanting to keep it simple after a day of driving, we ate at Chili's. My enchilada soup was perfection, as usual, and Marie had a coupon for a free brownie sundae. I had NO idea those sundaes were so good. Oh my goodness. I wish I had one right now.

After dinner, we made a quick trip to Target to get a few essentials that ended up not making it into a suitcase. Brett and I made a trip to Target on Thursday night so I could get a couple of things for the trip, and while there I spied some ADORABLE covered clipboards on the clearance isle. As you may or may not know, I am a big time list maker, and this clipboard called to me something awful! But I wanted to save my money for the trip. Well, when we all got to the hotel, guess what Tara had with her?!? The clipboard! So when she announced she needed to hit a Target, I went in search of the clipboards and snagged one that I am happy to say has held, not one, not two, but THREE lists for me this week! Score!

Saturday morning, we took our time getting up. After sleeping a bit, enjoying a free hotel breakfast (I forgot how much I LOVE Nutri-grain bars!) and throwing on clothes, we piled into Tara's "Rocket" and headed out to San Marcos.

What can I say =-) We shopped all day. I love shopping. We all found lots of things we were hoping to find and plenty of things we probably didn't need. I found a Bible that Brett was wanting to get for his boss who is moving to California. It is an awesome Bible, and they only had one copy, so though it was the most expensive thing I bought all weekend, by far, I am glad I found it for a discounted price.

At the outlet malls, I also bought an apron that says "Domestic Diva", a shirt for Brett, 2 more pairs of shoes, 2 bracelets, a plastic pitcher to replace the glass one that I broke after Nikki's wedding, and an adorable serving platter. Nice!

The girls stopped for a pedicure in between outlet malls. My feet embarrass me, so I never get pedicures, but I enjoyed a refreshment at the Starbucks that was conveniently next door to the little spa, where I also rekindled my love of Freecell. Haha!

We had an AWESOME dinner Saturday night. Tara remembered a restaurant that she had eaten at before that usually had live music, so we hunted it down. It was called Nutty Browns, and the show that night was Rotel and the Hot Tomatoes. They were SO MUCH FUN! There was a long wait to be seated outside, but they sat us at a table where we could see and hear everything inside. It was so great.

After dinner, we unloaded all of our goodies at the hotel and then headed to an independent movie theater, conveniently located 5 minutes from the hotel, where we saw Larry Crowne. I am SO happy to say that I enjoyed the movie. It isn't getting great reviews, but I have always been a believer that good actors can make an average script shine. There was some predictable dialogue, but most of it was in the first scene of the movie. After that, I enjoyed every quirky character. And Fez is lookin' GOOD!!!

Sunday was more sleeping in, a seriously good lunch at Chuy's, and a trip to Best Buy, where I bought the soundtrack to 500 Days of Summer(so good!), Ulta 3 where the girls bought nail polish, and Bed, Bath and Beyond, where I bought an apron for Brett that says "Grill Master. The Man, The Myth, The Legend".

I headed home after that.

It was a great weekend. And it came at the right time. Work has been difficult lately. Not bad, just incredibly busy. I needed a mental break. And though leaving Brett behind is always hard, coming home to him is the best!

I took a few pictures! Feast your eyes =-)

Casa de Bacon

2011-07-04T17:03:00.010-05:00

It's been a great day off! I pretty much made my way through my to-do list.

I first got up and walked. FINALLY! I didn't go to the park because there was a 4th of July parade this morning so I think the road was probably blocked. Instead I just walked near the house. And guess who I passed when I was 3/4 of the way home? My dad! He pulled over and showed me the grill that he had just bought Brett. How great is that?!? Brett is grilling our dinner as I type!

After my walk I met Jennifer for coffee. It was great to see her and she is doing really well! Baby is getting close! I think she only has 7 weeks to go!

Then I came home and got cleaning. The cleaning lasted from 10:45 ish to 4:15 ish. I stopped to make some muffins and then lunch for Brett and I. They were slow at work, so Brett was sent home after 4 hours. Nice!

I didn't craft at all, but instead I took some pictures of the house to post. Ya know, now that we have been here 4 months. These are not great pictures, but it's the best I can do with my little point and shoot! And there are WAAAY too many of them! But my favorite parts of each room are all spread out. My craft room is my favorite room. It has two closets, one that I use for clothes, and one that I use for craft storage.

You are also going to see the deck, which was a huge selling point for us. You can't really tell in this picture, but it was 3 grills on it. Wowzers!

I took a picture of the pantry because the size and organization of the pantry totally wowed me when we were looking at the house. The bathroom is small, but cute, which you can't really tell in these pictures. The island is AWESOME!!! SO useful! Okay, that's all I got.

Happy Independence Day! Almost.

2011-07-03T15:50:00.003-05:00

What an interesting week it has been. I'm so thankful and so happy to say that I am doing better. I made good choices with my food all week and am already feeling tons better! I'm a few pounds lighter too, which is a great way to get back in the swing of things. I'm expecting another good week, and I'm THRILLED to say that it is going to start with me being off of work tomorrow.

I say this all of the time, but I am incredibly thankful to have been born in America. We are a young country, but a great one, and the price that was paid for my freedom is not lost on me. I understand it and thank God for it often.

It's nice having the 4th fall on a Monday. Three day weekends rock! Brett has to work so I'm going to have the house to myself. I plan on some serious cleaning. Well, here is my official, tentative plan: Get up at 7:30 and go walk at the park. Meet Jennifer for a grande non-fat iced chai at Starbucks at 9:30. Come home and clean, clean, clean! Shower. Eat a healthy lunch. Bake up a batch of Hungry Girl's Ooey, Gooey, Chocolate Cherry Muffins. And then maybe do some crafting? Brett is supposed to work until 6, but we both think there is a good chance that they will be slow and he will come home mid afternoon. That's what usually happens.

I hope everyone has a great holiday! I've done a good bit of dishes and laundry so far today. I also fancied up a store bought angel food cake to take to my parents house for dinner tonight. It's a recipe that I saw in the newspaper and have been wanting to try. You mix a 20 ounce can of pineapple chunks, undrained, with a package of instant vanilla pudding mix and 1/2 of a container of FF cool whip. The entire cake is 42 points, so if we cut it in 10 pieces, they are 4 points each. I hope it's good! It's too tall for the lid to fit over it so it's just sitting in my fridge. It will have sat in there for a couple of hours once it is eaten. Hope it's still good! I'm worried it will dry out! The filling is crazy moist though, so hopefully not.

Happy 4th! Be safe!

Not Now Doesn't Mean Not Ever

2011-06-30T21:50:00.002-05:00

That's what I keep finding myself saying. Ya know how I'm always saying I wish I had a small business? I wish I had a creative outlet... made some sort of craft that was useful and people would buy. Well my co-worker, who I love, has recently made this happen for herself. She is so excited, and I am so happy for her, but it's making me kind of sad too. I feel like I've wanted this for so long, and it seemed to happen so quickly for her. But she is six years older than me. It's okay if she has things more together than I do, right? And just because it's not happening now, that doesn't mean it will never happen, right?

That's what I keep telling myself.

And just because there are parts of me that aren't completely fulfilled, that doesn't mean that I'm not happy. I love my husband, my family is safe and healthy, and I enjoy my job. God has blessed me immensely. So I'm not complaining... just occasionally wanting.

By the way... guess who has had four days in a row of on track eating??? This girl! It's been so amazing. My sister, Laura has been helping me every day and it has made a huge difference. I am feeling better already and I am feeling a little more confident each day that I can keep this up. That I can do better! I'm planning a couple of good walks this weekend, and really looking forward to them.

Tomorrow is donut day at work. Not looking forward to that. I am absolutely not going to eat a donut, but they are going to really bother me. Stupid delicious donuts.

Hope everyone has a great holiday weekend! I hope to catch up on reading some blogs.

Two Interesting Thoughts of the Week

2011-06-25T16:41:00.003-05:00

I've been saying to myself, quite a bit lately, that I am tired of money being so tight. We are paycheck to paycheck like never before, and it tends to ware on us. Of course, it is no one's fault but our own that we live like this, but it sure seems a WHOLE lot harder to get ahead than it is to fall behind. Using the credit card is easy. Painful, but easy. Paying it off is not easy.

But I was walking through the house this morning and was overtaken by an entirely different thought. I love this house! And if living here means money will be tight for the first year, that's okay. I would rather be here and pinching pennies than crammed in that apartment with cash to spend. It's not like I would be spending that cash on anything life saving. This week, if we had an extra 20 dollars, we would go on a hunt for LA Confidential and buy some ice cream cones. I'm pretty sure I'm going to survive without those two items.

Money is tight but that doesn't mean that life isn't good. It means that life is transitioning. We are adjusting. Eating cheaper meals and buying more off brands. In fact, today was our first major shopping trip at Aldi. If you've never heard of Aldi, you're not alone. They have only been in the US since the mid 70s and have only been in my hood for a year or so. But it is a cheaper way to shop. They limit the items that they carry so that you pay for "food, not frills". And most of the brands there are not things you have ever heard of. But it is all good quality items. Some people hate it, but today, it saved us a lot of money. We are still going to run to Kroger to get a few things that we couldn't get today, but I feel good about it.

So my point is, I'm going to stop complaining about being broke. This is just a stage in our life. And frankly, I think it's healthy that it is getting us into a "spend less" mindset. We need that.

The other interesting thing that happened this week is that I started my period yesterday... several days late. I went to work yesterday deciding that when I left I would either be buying tampons or a pregnancy test. It was Tuesday that I looked at the calendar and was surprised by my lack of "monthly cycle" as Brett likes to call it. And to my utter astonishment, my initial reaction to the thought that I might be pregnant, was absolutely thrilled. I actually shed a tear or two. I was so happy thinking that I might be carrying our first child. All day, every symptom that added to that suspicion made me smile.

The next day was another story. I got paid and our balance went from almost nothing, to a good amount, to almost nothing again after I paid some bills. We just can't afford a baby right now. But a month and a half after turning 30 and admitting to myself that I wasn't ready for a baby, and being worried that at my age, if I'm not ready now, then I don't know if I ever will be, God has changed my heart and I know now that a baby (or two) is what I want. So we aren't ready, but it is absolutely time to get ready.

On that line of thinking, there are two major things that need to happen. I need to get back to a healthier lifestyle of good food and exercise, and we need to trim our debt. We have been thinking and talking about both of these things. We have made serious progress towards getting into a spend less, pay off debt, and save mindset. Now it is time to start moving my big butt.

I'm feeling really good about all of this. Today is one of those days that God's blessings feel so humbling and overwhelming. I am so in love with my husband, and positive change seems not only possible, but just around the corner. Maybe I will go for a walk tomorrow =-)

I'm off to get ready for Nikki's wedding! Hope you are having a great weekend!

The Nikki Chapter

2011-06-24T21:00:00.003-05:00

I have had many roommates over the years. Actually, I was born with a roommate. My sister, Melanie, and I shared a room until I was a sophomore in high school. I can't remember how old we were when we started wishing we had our own room, but we kept wishing for a long time before it happened. After Melanie came my college roommates. There were five in all, and I loved every one! Three of them are still a part of my life. After college I lived with my best friend from high school for about nine months. Then I lived on my own for a year. Then I lived with Jennifer for a year. Then I lived with Nikki.

Nikki is younger than me. She is actually the age of my youngest sister, Jenna, and they grew up in church together, though were never very close. Nikki and I became close when we began working with the youth group at our church. We were camp counselors together, share group leaders together, and then worked in the middle school choir together. I found myself needing a new roommate at the same time that her mother was getting married and moving away. Nikki still lived with her mom, and her mom, who was moving to Houston after her wedding, was wanting Nikki to stay in the house so she wouldn't have to sell it. Nikki and I were easy friends, so we reasoned that we would be easy roommates, and it couldn't have been more true. She is laid back and easy going. Actually we are both like that... we don't really care what other people do, but we would prefer to be in control of our own lives.

I was a year into my relationship with Brett when I moved in with Nikki. Six months later, Brett and I were serious about saving money for a wedding so I ended up moving back home with my parents so I wouldn't have rent to pay. It was a huge blessing and definitely the right thing to do, but Nikki and I have never managed to see each other regularly since we ceased being roommates. We get together for coffee probably once a season, and it is always as if only days have passed since we've spoken. I love it.

The most interesting thing that marks the time that I lived with Nikki is that she became ill. Almost immediately after I moved in, she started displaying symptoms that she was unfortunately familiar with. Her mom is a long time diabetic so when Nikki started having an unquenchable thirst and bathroom issues and dizziness, she knew what it meant. Sure enough, the doctors told her she had developed diabetes. But as they started treating her, and her systems continued to build, they started to run more tests. The tests lasted a long time but eventually they told her that she had an immune disease. It was affecting her liver at the time, and it didn't stop there. The worst part of this news was that they told her that she most likely had 5 years to live. Her particular illness could be treated, but not cured, and she was worsening rapidly.

I can't begin to tell you what news like this did to her. I'm not even going to try. Nikki has always been a special girl. 5 feet tall if she stands on her toes, but full of life and energy. A sarcastic, joyful, loving girl who had never had a boyfriend and told herself and others that she liked it that way. But being alone probably takes on a different meaning when you are told that you are dying. For this reason, and because she had too much love to keep to just one person, everyone in her life was thrilled when Danny came along.

Danny is a giant. He would probably have to duck to walk into this room without hitting his head. He looks like he could carry Nikki as a backpack. And tomorrow they are getting married =-)

I just got home from the rehearsal. I am in the house party so I helped set up tonight and will be serving refreshments tomorrow. I am so happy. Happy that Nikki is healthy, at least in appearance, despite what her doctors predicted. Happy that she is experiencing a major milestone in life that she thought would never come. And happy that even if her doctors predictions were to suddenly come true next week, Nikki would have a partner to share her load.

Nikki is definitely a chapter in the life of Kim. She wasn't a huge chapter, but she was a special one. I love her so much and am looking forward to seeing her sparkle tomorrow!

The Volkswagen Lady

2011-06-14T21:59:00.003-05:00

So, just up the street from our house, there is a small group of town homes (I think that's what they are) and outside there is always parked 2 old Volkswagen Beetles and a Volkswagen van. I love these vehicles. Every time I drive past them I wonder about the owners. I picture a long haired older man who has frequent flashbacks of the 60s. Actually, I picture Leo (Chong) from That 70s Show. I never spend much time pondering him, but it always crosses my mind.

Well tonight, I was SO excited to see the van pull into Kroger just as I did. I am happy to say that Leo didn't get out of the van, but this girl who looked exactly like I would want her to look like! A total free spirit. Like she belongs in a much more hip town. She is probably in her late 20s and she had a little girl who was maybe 2 years old with her. Both had curly red hair. Mom's was pulled up in a bun. She had a beautiful tattoo on her arm that I didn't get a great look at, because I didn't want to stare, but it was very colorful and made me think of a bird. Her skirt and tank top both looked vintage and cool and I was so happy to see that was so! If I had been walking next to her in the store instead of passing her, I would have looked in her basket. I would expect to see lots of produce, some hummus and pita chips. And if I asked her where she works, I would want her to say either a) a bookstore, b) a coffee shop, or c) as a free-lance fresco painter.

Just thought I'd share =-)

This Marriage Thing

2011-06-12T17:01:00.003-05:00

Somedays it's as easy as breathing. Being Brett's wife is so obviously what was meant for my life, I can look back on it and see how all of my steps were leading me here. Saturdays are the best. Waking up late and staying in bed even later. Wishing we could spend the whole day in bed but then deciding we are too hungry to linger any longer, so we get up to go find hashbrowns somewhere - Waffle House if he whines more and IHOP or Denny's if I whine more. Some days marriage is easy.

Other days it's like trying to breath in the wave pool at Wet 'N Wild. So many things are crashing down around you that you're not sure which end is the deep end and which end gets you out. And moments come when you feel like you are balanced enough to stay above water for a bit, but then a wave that is much bigger up close than it looked from afar comes and knocks you down, and you stay down for a while.

I love Brett, and I would spend a lifetime in the wave pool with him if my other choice was being on dry land without him. But we sure could use a few days above water. There have been too many waves lately.

God is good and I trust in Him completely. I know that He will see us through. Just wanted to sit and sigh for a bit.

The Lost Blog, Plus One

2011-06-06T20:48:00.002-05:00

I couldn't believe it last night when my blog didn't post. I FINALLY posted, and I was hoping for it to be therapeutic... get some things off my chest. But if the blog doesn't post, it's not OFF my chest! It's all still there! Ugh!

A few highlights from yesterdays blog: I made a collage of my mom this weekend. I have five 11x14 frames that I bought from a dollar store a few years ago and completely forgot about. Well I have been feeling crafty, so I decided to make some collages. I did one a month or so ago of my sisters and I. The mom collage is a couple of pictures that my grandmother gave me when I helped her move several years ago. She is probably 6 in one and 16 in the other. I love them. Not sure what I will do with the other three frames, but I have some new paper that I am itching to use.

Last week was a rough one. Summer is tough in the office at school. And last week was crazy because it was summer for us, but the last week of the year for public school. This made several complications for us that aren't worth getting into here. But I was relieved when the week was over. And in addition to the crazy work week, my allergies were going crazy, and Brett and I had a... I don't know what to call it. Ya know, one of those conversations that comes along once in a while that are ultimately good for the relationship because they inspire positive change, but at the time are incredibly difficult for one or both of the members to hear. I'm honesty still feeling a little tender.

It's hard to say why my weekend was a hard one. I was exhausted last Friday. I mean physically, mentally and emotionally drained. I had nothing left. I can't remember what we did Friday night, but I have no doubt it was low key. Saturday morning I slept pretty late. I needed to just be in bed. And Saturday and Sunday were okay. But last night I ate too much at dinner and it really messed me up. I am incredibly unhappy with my choices lately where food is involved. I finally have a wardrobe that I am happy with but I am not happy with my size. Poor clothes... they deserve a cuter owner. I'm embarrassed by how I look and too many times in the last month I have eaten until I felt sick. That shouldn't happen ever and it is an extremely bad sign for me. I used to live like that every day and I am terrified to be that person again. But I sit here right now typing and I can't begin to tell you how badly I want some ice cream. Real bad. Not good. Sigh.

I want to make better choices. I sincerely do. And I am desperately hoping that when we get paid this week, we will have money to spend some extra money on groceries. For me, the key to making good food choices is having good choices available. Food that is healthy but tastes good and is comforting in a healthy way.

The highlight of my weekend was, without a doubt, Sunday lunch where we found out my sister is having a boy =-) She had a gender party. Her sonogram was Thursday. The sonogram technician kept the screen facing away from Mel and JD and she called the bakery and told them the sex of the baby. Then the baker made a double layer cake and inside the cake, there was icing between the two layers. Pink for girl, blue for boy. Our cake was blue for boy =-) It's the first boy in the family so Melanie is nervous, but we are all so excited. My dad's first grandson!!!

Today was not really better. Work was so hard. I mean, so hard. It felt like my first summer all over again. There is just SO much going on and I feel very uniformed, but I feel like I am expected to understand and know what is going on. It's not a comfortable spot to be in. But I am determined to go in with a good attitude tomorrow. I can't spend the summer like this.

I hope all of my teacher friends had a great first day of summer. I would love your prayers... I am in need of deliverance. From my attitude, my sorrows and my sins. Here's hoping for a better tomorrow!

This blog better publish!

Sometimes I Wish I Were A Bear...

2011-06-05T22:03:00.002-05:00

To be able to go into hibernation and just take a break from life for a while. And even better, to binge bigtime before doing so, and wake up a lot lighter! Ha!

okay... I just wrote a big long blog and it errored out when I went to publish it. I'm too tired to spill my heart out again. Darn it!

Guess I'll talk to you next week.

Memorial Day Weekend

2011-05-29T16:11:00.002-05:00

Wowzers. What a week it's been! I'm so thankful that we made it to the weekend, and I am even MORE thankful that this is Memorial Day weekend and Brett and I are both off on Monday. It's been a while!

This was the last week of the school year at the private school where I work, and it was a whopper! The thing that stands out the most was Tuesday night. It was kindergarten graduation at our school. I love our students, and I am very attached to our kindergarten teacher, so I really wanted to go. I didn't want a night away from Brett though, so I asked him to come along. He sportingly agreed, even though I told him that for someone who didn't know the students, it would probably be like that scene in Love Actually, when the students (lobsters and all) are singing "catch a falling star and put it in your pocket, never let it fade away" with blanks stares on their painted faces. Well, halfway through the performance is when the storms hit. Later, they said it was officially an EF-1 tornado, so you can imagine, the hail was HUGE! And because Brett met me there after work, both of our cars were there and while we were huddling in the bathrooms with the kindergarten students in their cap and gowns, our cars were being pummeled by softball size hail. It was a long night. We were very wet, and our car windows were very broken. We got my windshield replaced yesterday, but our insurance company told us that it would be 16 working days before Brett's car is fixed, day 1 being this coming Tuesday.

It was a storm unlike any that I have ever been in, but on my way to pick up Brett from the parking garage where he took shelter after his sunroof was shattered, I heard the song on KLTY that says "what if your blessings come through raindrops", and I was reminded that God is in control and that He is a loving father who cannot help but bless us. Neither of us were hurt, the house is completely fine, and God has provided multiple forms of transportation for Brett while he is without a vehicle.

So that's that.

The rest of the week was incredibly full. It was fun but tiring. We had all sorts of activities at school to celebrate a great year. I can NOT believe that I have been there for almost a year. June 28th will be my anniversary. It has been such a growing year for me, and though I am struggling with my food and weight right now, I know that I am growing in other areas, and that feels good.

I feel like I have so much to say lately. It was turning 30 that got me thinking this way: chapters. Because starting this new decade felt so much like a new chapter. And really, I guess it goes back to starting the new job too... it was without a doubt a new chapter. The close of one job and the beginning of another, like turning the page in a new chapter of a book. And then, I was reminiscing with Jennifer and Jeff about an old friend of ours who was a key player in my life for a while once. I talked about and thought through those memories in such a sequence, it felt like a story. I feel like I want to write it all down. I'm pretty sure when you right down chapters, they call it a book. haha. I have always said that I would like to write a book one day, but who would want to read the story of my life? Um, no one. But writing it down would be such a nice journey for me. I have an empty journal, and I may use it for that. Sort of like getting carried away with counting blessings. I think it would be therapeutic and kind of cleansing for me. And maybe writing my story would give me ideas for another story that people actually would want to read. How special would that be? To write a book in my thirties.

In my thirties, I also want to paint. And travel. And learn new skills, preferably sewing and or knitting. And I want to become active. Like, transform into someone who has an active lifestyle. I would like that very much.

This afternoon our care group at church came over for lunch, and it was a lot of fun. Tonight we are going to see the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie. I'm looking forward to it =-) I hope everyone has a great weekend! You may hear from me again tomorrow!

Peace out loved ones!

Small Victory

2011-05-18T22:18:00.002-05:00

Today is the first day in months that there was food in the office that I did not partake of. There are always donuts on Friday mornings, and 90% of the time, I have one. Well, a teacher of one of the husbands likes to bring donuts by during the week now and then to be nice. Oh my goodness, they smelled so good all day. Donuts are one of those foods that are almost impossible for me to resist. Seriously. But today, I did not donut. I even had to close the school, which meant throwing away the leftovers at the end of the day, and though I opened the box and glanced at them on the way to the dump, I did not pull one out. Thank you, Lord!

I also had a lot of water today and made perfectly respectable choices on all of my meals and even better choices on my snack. It's the best food day I have had in at least a month.

Just wanted to share =-)

Bedtime Thoughts

2011-05-17T22:26:00.002-05:00

I should be in bed, but I stopped to email my girls on my way to bed and then stopped to read a few blogs, and now my head and my heart are so full...

I absolutely love being able to see into the hearts of my friends who have blogs. Even when their hearts are hurting. It makes me feel so close to them, which is such a gift when we are at an age that we get absolutely caught in our own lives sometimes.

I wish I could take a sabbatical. I wish that I had a year off to travel. I would spend time with friends. It would be lovely. I wish I could undo some of the debt that I have. Not all of it. I am thankful for those college loans. But the credit card. Sheesh. Hate living with 'em, can't see how to live without 'em. Not yet anyway. But enough of that.

Today, someone that I love very much found out that the procedure that she and her husband tried didn't work. Once again, she is not pregnant. Her pain was so deep. All I could feel was lost for her.

My food has been better so far this week. Not perfect, but better. I've had more water than I have had in weeks! And some fresh fruit and decent choices on my meals. I need to work on portions and I need to eat more veggies. The only fresh vegetables we have in the house right now are romaine lettuce and onions. Does garlic count as a vegetable? We always have garlic. So maybe I will have a salad with my lunch tomorrow. That would be lovely.

Tomorrow is Wednesday, and that is a good thing. I am hoping to see my college roommates this weekend. That's what the email was for. We are trying to finalize plans. I could use a dose of Jenn and Jage and Krista. And if Johnny Depp made his way into our evening, that would be ARRright with me. You get it? Arr, like a pirate. No?

Shocking, I Know!

2011-05-15T21:45:00.002-05:00

I'm blogging and it's only been a week! I should be headed to bed right now, but I am serious about getting back to blogging!

So... I've been 30 for 5 days now, and amazingly enough, the world has not stopped spinning. Who would have thought? Tuesday birthdays are kind of a bummer, but my friends and family really made it special. The day started with Brett getting up extra early to bring me breakfast before I went to work. Then when I got to work, I was so surprised and so humbled. Michelle, who I work in the office with (and I refer to as my partner in crime when I talk about her in my head) had decorated my corner of the office with streamers and signs and all kinds of birthday hullaballoo! There was even a sign in the bathroom! I also received gifts from three co-workers before the day was over. It was so sweet. Never have I worked at a job where the employees cared so much for each other. I am so thankful for God's blessings in my work life.

I also had a nice surprise in the afternoon when Brett brought me 18 of the most beautiful roses I have ever received! They are still alive and kicking, making my kitchen smell sweet. After work, we went to our favorite restaurant and then picked up my favorite ice cream dessert on our way home where we spent the evening breaking in Lego Pirates of the Caribbean. We are having a blast playing that game, by the way! If you have never played one of the Lego video games, I highly recommend doing so. They are hilarious! They have the most impact though, if it is a story you are familiar with. I love the Lego Star Wars games because I enjoy all of the Star Wars movies. Same with Lego Batman. Lego Indiana Jones isn't my favorite though... I've seen all of those movies, but I don't KNOW them, ya know? And of course, Lego Harry Potter is awesome. Brett and I are currently stuck in a bathroom in Lego Harry Potter, so at some point we will get back to that, but for now we are pirating it up!

Wednesday, Brett and I both had church, but on Thursday, Brett gave me the gift of some shopping time alone. I had a few gift cards to use, and I am THRILLED to say that Target served me well. I came home with a new dress and three new shirts, one of which was free thanks to a gift card from Jennifer =-) I love them all and am excited to have something fun to wear! I could still use a few three-quarter sleeve shirts, but I am hoping to find one or two this weekend when I go to a slumber party with my college roomies!

And that's it! I'm now 30. My food (and therefore, in many ways, my life) has been pretty out of control since the move, but I did the best I could buying healthier choices with our budget today, so I am determined to get back on track. I am really ready to start exercising again. And it is SO time because my clothes are getting tight. So starting tomorrow, I will be consuming lots of water, lots of fresh fruit and reasonable portions. Of course, from the get-go, there will be challenges. We have a wedding shower at work tomorrow and we are going to Red Lobster with Brett's mom tomorrow night. It's going to be a really busy week, but all that I am telling myself is to make the best choices I can. And I will not let the week end without some sort of exercise. I'm pathetic, I know. But as some smart guy once said, "A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step".

Okay, now I'm off to bed. Hope everyone has a GREAT week! I am hoping to get a chance to READ some blogs this week. That would be so nice.

Peace out playas!

A Really Long Post

2011-05-09T20:40:00.002-05:00

Dear Blog,

I'm so sorry. I didn't think this would ever happen. When we began our relationship, I was so committed to you. But I can't deny it any longer. I've been cheating on you. Me and Life just can't seem to get enough of each other. It's been going on for a couple of months, and I feel terrible about it. At first I thought I could handle it, but Life has been all over me, and frankly, it's getting old. I can't make any promises, but tonight, Life and I are taking a break. I miss you. I need you. And I will do my best to not neglect you anymore.

With love,

Kim

Okay, moving on.

I know it's a poor excuse, but all that I have to say for myself is that life has dished out more than I could take recently. Something had to give, and I just couldn't justify making blogging a priority. But I miss it so much. And it's not good for me to never take the time to blog. Blogging helps me think. Process my thoughts. And it keeps me honest. It's so easy to make bad choices when I know that they are going to remain my secret. But I really want to be done with that. It's time to get back on the wagon.

Okay, I'm getting ahead of myself. I know without a doubt that this post is going to be too long. So I'm going to break it up with a few headings. Feel free to skip any sections that you aren't interested in catching up on! But I'm coming clean. Here's the scoop:

The House

I love it. It's not perfect, but at this point, I really don't have anything to complain about. It took several weeks before it started to feel homey. Good Friday was helpful. I was off of work and Brett wasn't, so it was the first day that I had the house to myself. Now it definitely feels like home. Still new. I am still getting familiar with the outside of the house, for instance. (I've spent embarrassingly little time working in the yard. I've never had to worry about that before. But I know I need to get on it! I promise I will soon. Maybe this weekend. Maybe =-) But I don't fumble around for light switches anymore. We have grilled several times in the backyard. We have had people over twice. All of those little details that make a house feel lived in.

Here is what I love about the house:

1. It has plenty of storage. The garage isn't as organized as it could be, so we will have to do some rearranging at some point, but we have sufficient closet space, plenty of kitchen cabinets and drawers and an awesome pantry!

2. I know I just said this, but the kitchen drawers deserve their own number. There are five and they are probably 24 inches wide. At least 20. I have an entire drawer just for kitchen towels. It's awesome. I am so thankful for the ability to be organized.

3. Gabe and Stevie. Gabe and Stevie are a brother and sister who live on our street. We had been here about a month when we caught their interest. For a little while, when they saw our car coming, they would jump on their bikes and race to our house. They liked to ask us about random things, like what our favorite color is and have we seen the ice cream man. It is awesome! I love these kids. They seem to have lost interest in us, but I am hoping that summer will change that.

4. The deck. Having the ability to grill outside at any time is such a gift. Brett loves to grill and he went two and a half years without charcoal grilling. I am so happy that he has the opportunity to get back to his passion.

5. The kitchen. It isn't huge, but we can both cook in there at the same time. Do I have to say more? It is WONDERFUL!

6. The laundry room. This is a two-fold point. First, I love that the laundry room is big enough to walk around in. It a really good size. I also love the wire shelves that are on the wall. They make doing laundry SOOOO much better! I can hang up clothes as soon as I pull them out of the dryer. It's awesome!

7. Lower energy bills. We are only on our second bill, but this one was for a full month, and it is one of the lowest we have ever had. I'm sure it will get higher in the summer, but I think there is a good chance that we will be paying MUCH less than we did at the apartment. HUGE praise!

8. Our rooms. Brett and I each have a room. We each have a space to put our personality on display and room to store and use the things we love. For me that means space to scrapbook (I just completed my first full scrapbook since college. Our wedding book =-) For Brett, it means having a place to display all of his collectibles.

I don't have any major complaints, but here is what I don't love.

1. The separate rooms is tricky. For instance, tonight, while I am writing this monster blog, he is alone in his room for a couple of hours. In the apartment, we had a bedroom and a study, which meant our computers were in the same room. We did our fun stuff together. Separate, but together. Well, now we are just separate. It's a big change and one that we have to manage carefully. Our weeks are so busy, it's important that we make time together a priority. Some weeks, if I spend one night in my room, that means I don't spend any nights with Brett because every other night of the week, one or both of us has something going on. See what I mean?

2. The address. We are on a street that has a West, where we live, and an East, somewhere else. We got a piece of mail last week for the same number house on East street and we are worried that we are not getting all of our mail. I'm going to have to be SERIOUSLY vigilant about watching the calendar and noticing if a bill doesn't show up.

3. The floors. The hardwood is nice, really it is, and the lack of carpet has made major improvements to our allergies, but... it's not as easy to clean. Well, at least I'm not as good as it yet. Vacuuming carpet is easy. Sweeping and mopping hard wood takes longer and it's easy to miss spots! But I think this will get better over time.

I hope to post pictures at some point, but the only other house related comment is about our anniversary present. We bought a king size bed!!! I may have mentioned this already, but it is worth expanding on. We adore the bed. It is SO comfortable and I feel beyond blessed to have the sleeping experience that I do each night.

The Job

I'm getting close to my year anniversary at the new job. That is seriously hard to believe. Like the house, it is not perfect, but it has many more positives than negatives. I was having a hard time in the fall/early winter and I went to the owner and told her that the office wasn't an easy fit for me and it was stressing me out and I hoped to be in a classroom next year. Well, the other owner had a talk with me shortly after that and told me I am doing a good job. I can't believe how much that conversation impacted me, but it changed my perspective completely. I am not a person who needs constant affirmation. I don't base my self-worth on other people's appraisals of me. But if I feel like I am struggling to gain my balance and unsure if I am doing what is expected of me, it is a tremendous help to have someone tell me that I am moving in the right direction.

I have since decided that I do not want to be in a classroom next year. It took SO much to be comfortable in the office. I can't start from the beginning again so soon. Also, I like knowing every student in the school. If I were in a classroom, I would know the 15-20 kids that I am with all day. In the office, I know everyone's name. I know who is sick and who has a birthday. I know who gets a new puppy and who is expecting a new sibling. I like it that way. I think I would really miss it. And finally, with all of the budget cuts in the school systems right now, there are hundreds of experienced, qualified teachers praying to find a position next year. I don't want to take one of those positions from someone who would likely better serve the students.

Not every day is good, and even the good days have tough moments, but overall, things are good and I am tremendously thankful for that. I love my co-workers and it is a HUGE blessing to have more than one friend at work. Though I am missing my lone friend from my last job tremendously. I am determined to call him this week and see how he is doing.

The Marriage

As always, we are tremendously blessed. The house was a major life change, and we are definitely having to learn a new balance, but we are both happy. Money is tight. There are costs that went down when we moved and costs that went up. They almost balance out, but not quite. And our paychecks are not going to fall as conveniently this year as they did last year. Last year, the days just happened to fall in such a way that most weeks, one of us would get paid. This year (I have gone through the entire calendar and mapped it out) we are getting paid on the same weeks WAY more often that not. That means we are paying tons of bills each time we get paid because there won't be more money coming in for a while. It also means we are buying more groceries at once for the same reason. We have very little extra money. But so far, we are dealing with it pretty well. We are still making good sized credit card payments and the gas in our car somehow manages to hold us till payday each time.

The Weight

Not good. I don't really know what to say about this. I feel ready to get back on the wagon, but things aren't good, so saying "I'm ready" feels dangerous somehow. I will try to update you as I go, but for now all I can say is I am going to try. Weight Watcher meetings are out of the question (we absolutely cannot afford another bill) and my weight is up so much that I would be too ashamed to go back right now. Our next grocery run will be loaded with good options and I am going to get back to healthy cooking and exercise. I have to. I look disgusting and my clothes are all too tight. =-( I can't afford a new wardrobe.

And finally, The Birthday

I turn 30 tomorrow. Ugh. I don't understand why 29 was so easy for me and 30 has been such a bummer. Here is what started it: I have been saying for a year now that I wasn't ready for kids, but when I turned 30, I would be. Well guess what? I turn 30 tomorrow and I'm still not ready. I feel like the move, which gave us "room for a baby" also gave us room for parts of our lives that have been stuffed in boxes for years now. I'm not ready to pack that all up again. And money is so tight. I think that adding a baby to this budget would break us. We need less debt and more income. We are working on both of those things, but until they happen, if I were to find myself pregnant, I am afraid that worry, not joy, would be my dominant emotion. That's probably not true, but worry would certainly be warring for my attention. We just aren't ready. I want to be ready, sooner rather than later, so I want us to be really intentional with our choices. I know that it will happen, but it's just not time yet. I'm not as sad now as I was about that a month ago, but it has taken a lot of prayer and thought to get me to this point. I don't want to waste my time.

Time. That's the other bummer. For the first time in my life, I hear that stupid clock ticking. I have always told myself that there were great things to come. That life was just beginning and that anything was possible. I lived by this mantra: Our lives can change with every breath we take. I really believed that. That we never run out of chances to start over. And then, here comes 30, and suddenly things felt more like an ending than a beginning. I have spent a lot of time battling this over the last month. As soon as I have the thought that "change won't just come, I have to make it happen" the Holy Spirit convicts me and reminds me that I am not in control. When I think about it too much, I focus on the wrong things. I don't have all of the answers. I hardly have any. But the ones that I have, I can act on. I can make healthier choices. I can work on showing my husband that I love him. I can be mindful of my finances. I can stay in the Word.

So at this point, I don't have any lists to share with you about turning 30. The "30 things to do while I am 30" didn't happen. I think 30 is too many. I know that this year, I will take my first ever girls trip. It is already on the calendar. I am also going to finish reading through the Bible consecutively. I'm almost through with Isaiah. My food related goal is to get under 200 pounds. I've got a LOT of work to do to get there, but I know it is attainable. As far as the crafting goes, I'm just going to have to take it one step at a time. If I force it, it will interfere with my marriage. I need to just take the opportunities as they come along and not try to force anything. At least not right now. It would be great to get a business going this year, get an Etsy site up and running, but making it a must is too much pressure at this point.

Well, I am off to spend the last two hours of my twenties with my husband. I can't think of a better way to end the decade than by falling asleep in his arms.

I will post again soon. I promise =-)

A Quick Word...

2011-05-08T22:05:00.003-05:00

Thank you so much to everyone who has checked in on me. I'm so sorry it's been so long since I have blogged. There are a million reasons (nothing overly dramatic) why I have been absent so long, but I am breaking my silence tonight! Briefly. Once again, I don't really have time to post tonight, but I am determined that tomorrow, on the eve of my dreaded 30th birthday, I will sit down for a good long post.

I hope everyone had a good weekend =-)

P.S. I just watched The King's Speech for the third time. There is an extra that I have noticed each time, who is on screen for about 2 seconds. He doesn't say anything, just sits there listening to the broadcast at the end of the movie. He looks like Harvey, my dad's dad, who passed away a few years ago. Every time I see it him it makes me happy and sad. I miss Harvey. Happy Mother's Day Mamaw. I love you =-)

Take A Load Off

2011-04-03T21:22:00.002-05:00

I couldn't decide whether I should journal or blog tonight. I decided on journaling, but ended up at my computer anyhow. Go figure.

It is Sunday night and I don't really feel like we had a weekend. Last week was a bit of a mess. There were teachers scheduled off and then more teachers called in and it made every day a whirlwind, and long for me. I spent a lot of time in classrooms, which is always great, but never easy. Friday was the craziest day of all. I had been considering going to see Jane Eyre, and early morning, when it became clear that I was going to need some de-stressing after work, I decided to definitely go to the movie. The problem though was that it is only playing at The Angelika, in Dallas, and the show times were 7:00 and 9:35. I am supposed to leave work at 6:00, but on days like Friday, when the closer has a meltdown and goes home at noon, and my partner in crime's two-year-old busts a fever and has to be taken home, I end up locking up the school and being there until 6:30. And I was totally out of gas. I still needed to go drop off our rent check at the realty place, which is literally 2 minutes from the theater, so I took off at top speed, with $20 of gas and a much needed Slurpee. My hopes were high until I hit 35. Traffic was terrible. I didn't make it to the rent drop until 7:20. I would have gone to the movie if I had been 10 minutes late, but not 30, which is how late I would have been if I had gone ahead.

Brett had plans Friday night. A friend of ours was coming over to hang out. That's why I didn't feel bad about trying to make the movie. After not making the movie, I headed to Irving to pick up $5 Chicken and Rice and then come home. I watched You've Got Mail, which ended up being just what the doctor ordered. At 11:30, I took two Tylenol PM and went to bed. 11 1/2 hours later I got out of bed.

We were planning to meet some friends of ours in Arlington around 5:30 or 6 on Saturday. Those plans weren't set in stone though, so we wanted to stay flexible. It was a lazy day! That Tylenol PM does the trick, but boy does it linger! Brett got out of bed around 10 or so, but after we were up for a few hours, he headed back to bed for a bit. I... um... I can't remember what I did. Huh. Oh! I watched some tv and then ended up reading in bed so I would be close to Brett.

We got out and ran an errand or two, but ended up just coming home around 7. Our friends in Arlington had a drive ahead of them and needed to hit the road.

Today was just church. Man. I just took a long time to tell you that I didn't do much this weekend. Today I started our wedding album, but I'm not very far. When I bought a few things, months ago, to get started on it, I was feeling a bit more fancy. Now I'm feeling anything but, so my designs weren't coming all that quickly today. I got the first page about 90% done, and then skipped to page 8 and got about 70% done. I need to print some words. I'm laying it out like a story, and though each page only has a handful of words on it, I don't have enough adhesive letters for each page, so I'm just going to have to be flexible.

What I really wanted to talk about tonight was turning 30. I'm almost there. It's been heavy on my mind the last couple of weeks. Initially I was freaking out because I have been saying that when I turn 30, it will be time to have a baby. That sounds all well and good, but the truth is, I'm still not ready. I hate feeling like I am running out time, because I don't think that's the best attitude to have. But whether I am running out of time or not, I'm just not ready. But I want to be ready. So I have been thinking about that. I want 30 to be a year of change for me. Growth. It's not that I feel like my life is just starting, but I can't deny that Brett and I have just started a new chapter. I love the house. I am feeling much more settled at my job. And my heart is yearning.

It has actually been a bit of a struggle. I think that a large part of it is that I don't ever take the time (I wanted to say HAVE the time, but I'm sure the time is there to be had if I would make it a priority) to really clarify my thoughts. I have things in my heart that I am yearning for. I want to work for myself. To start a business and be financially stable. I don't know how to make that a reality, but if it is ever going to be a reality, I need to get serious about it. The struggle comes in when I spend too much time focusing on the yearning. I don't want to live a life of WANT. I'm so thankful for the blessings in my life, and I don't want to devalue them by constantly wanting something else, or something more. But at the same time, I can't deny that there are things that I want. I want to be out of debt. I want to own my own business. Be my own boss. Be a craftsman. Make something, with my hands, that brings joy to people.

I read a verse this week that really spoke to my heart. Isaiah 26:3-4 "You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord himself, is the rock eternal."

That's good stuff. Perfect peace. To him whose mind is steadfast. Oh Lord, help me to focus on you. I long to trust in you. Holy Spirit, please guide my thoughts. There are things that I desire, but I don't want anything in my life that won't bring glory to You. You are the rock eternal.

So anyway. I'm working on clarifying some goals. While I was at the Dallas Arboretum last week with the Kindergarten class, I had the fleeting thought that I should plan "30 fun things to do before I am 30". There are so many fun things in Dallas that Brett and I haven't experienced together yet. I thought about going to The Arboretum together, taking the train to the Angelika, getting a sno-cone, and a lot of other random things. But I don't want to rush into my thirties. So instead, I am working on "30 things to do while I am 30". I don't want to present you with a partial list, but I can tell you that the list will include a girls weekend, a trip with Brett and a 5K. More to come.

I pray for perfect peace this week. Perfect peace that comes from a steadfast mind that trusts in the Lord.

Peace out players!

A Month Already!!!

2011-03-27T21:10:00.003-05:00

I can't believe it! As of Friday, we have been in the house a month. A month FLEW BY!!! We signed a fifteen month lease, and I can't believe we only have 14 left of what we have just experienced! I mean, we can always renew, I hope, but I just can't believe that 1/15 of our lease is already done!

I am loving the house =-) Have I mentioned that yet? I know I have barely blogged. The first week was full of unpacking. The second week was trying to finish the last bits of unpacking, and I got sick at the end of that week. The third week, I was sick. The fourth week was our anniversary and it flew by! We had a great anniversary =-) We bought a king size bed. It was delivered yesterday. I am ready to take some pictures to post now, but I want to wait until the sun is shining, so hopefully I will post them tomorrow. I LOVE our bed. It just came yesterday, so last night was our first night to sleep in the bed and it was SOOOO comfortable. I can't believe we have something so wonderful in our home. A king size bed is always our favorite part of traveling and now we can experience it every night. I just feel so blessed.

And now I feel like life is really going to get back to normal. In some ways I feel like our new life is going to finally begin. Last month was a pro-rated rent AND we didn't get a water or gas bill AND Brett got a bonus AND there was an extra week in the month so I had an extra paycheck. Talk about God's provisions. This month... I know that God will provide again. He is always faithful. But it is time to buckle down and really be purposeful with every dollar. Our monthly expenses increased with the move, not to mention gas prices are still climbing, so this month will be a whole new ball game. I feel ready. It is one of those seasons, once again, where Brett and I are incredibly in love. Of course, we always love each other, but you know what I mean... some days, or weeks, or months, the love is just so STRONG. Like oxygen. It's sewn into every moment of every day. Stronger than worry, or planning, or other social activities.

Okay, I am off to do a little crafting before bed, but I plan on getting back to blogging. So you'll be hearing from me soon!!!

What's With Today Today?

2011-03-18T22:30:00.003-05:00

Kelly, if you still read my blog, shout out! I saw a clip of Empire Records this week. Soooo many memories! Sigh.

Okay, so Spring Break. My first spring break at the school. It was pretty good! Despite the fact that we had several teachers scheduled off, and more than a few people had to call-in at different times throughout the week, there were no major catastrophes. It was a fairly smooth week. And the kids had a lot of fun on all of the field trips. I even got to go to story time on Thursday with the Pre-K classes. So much fun!

I'm pretty sure that I haven't mentioned this yet, but I got sick last week! I woke up on Friday feeling nauseated. I went to work because, well, that's what I do. But after being there thirty minutes or so, my back started to hurt. It was a VERY busy morning, so I was truckin' along, just doing what I had to do, but at 12:15, out of curiosity, I took my temperature. I was at 101.8. Now, my regular resting temp is 96.8. 101.8 is a number I haven't seen in a very long time. So of course, because I'm a baby sometimes, I started to cry. Not boohooing, but I couldn't keep a few tears from squeaking out. I didn't realize how bad I felt until my temp was high enough to send me home and I had the freedom to admit that I didn't feel good. Ugh. So after only 3.5 hours at work, I clocked out and called my doctor. 2.5 hours later I crawled into bed. No strep, no flu and no baby. (I wasn't expecting a baby, but they insisted on testing me...) My doc was perplexed so she said to treat it like a virus. Lots of water, Tylenol and Motrin.

Friday was a really rough day and Saturday wasn't much better. Saturday afternoon my symptoms evolved to include frequent trips to the bathroom. By Sunday evening, I felt better though. Still a low fever, but better. Monday afternoon, the dizziness began. It was constant for 36 hours or so. Since then I am dizzy now and then. As of yesterday, I'm feeling pretty good, but a low fever has been constant. Not sure what's going on, but it's not quite done.

It's crazy how just a low grade fever can really take the wind out of your sails. I've been tired and forgetful all week. I think I'm fine, but I'm SOOO thankful that today is Friday. I need a weekend.

This weekend, I plan on getting the last box unpacked. I know I said that last weekend, but move on. I think there's only one left, and it's in my room. It's just full of pictures. It will be nice to get some things hanging on the walls. We are also bed shopping tomorrow. After almost two years of marriage (more on that in a second ;-) we might finally have the means to buy a king size bed. Brett isn't a great sleeper, which means he is up and down a lot in the night. And I take a while to fall asleep which means I turn a few times before I'm out. In other words, in our queen size bed, we wake each other up pretty frequently. We never have this problem when we are traveling and staying in a king sized bed. Brett just received his annual bonus, and the way our paychecks are falling this month, we have one more than we usually do. We have put a lot of thought into the best way to use this money, and although we would REALLY like to take a chunk out of the credit card balance, I don't know when, if ever, we would have a way to get a new bed without a credit card. AND... Monday is our second anniversary =-) A new bed would be an awesome gift! Bed this year, trip next year? That would be nice. We have looked at three different places and have a couple more in mind tomorrow. I hope we find a good solution.

I think we are also going to break in the deck tomorrow! It's grilling weather =-) I'm waiting for the day when the house feels like home. It's not here yet, but I am loving the house.

Hopefully I will post pictures soon!

Have a great weekend!

A Quick Post

2011-03-09T21:29:00.002-06:00

Wing two, checking in.

Is that what they say? Something like that...

It's been a pretty good week. The good news is, I love the house =-) We still have some boxes that actually haven't been touched this week, but they will be out of site before the next week begins. I'm determined. I LOVE the space in the kitchen. Everything else, I'm still getting used to. But we are going to grill this weekend, and I am looking forward to that.

Lots of good things in my life lately. Well, in my life, yes, but more in the lives of people around me. Babies must be falling from the sky, because everyday I hear of someone else who I love that is pregnant. New jobs, moves, new vehicles, life changes... it just seems like the new season is bringing change for a lot of people.

I am hoping to have time to be creative soon. I already feel creative, just having a space to work in. We'll see how this weekend goes =-)

Hope everyone else is feeling God's blessing in their life!

Movin' On Up!

2011-03-04T22:14:00.003-06:00

Is it considered movin' on up if I moved to the south-side? Not sure. But it was still a good move =-)

So it all began a week ago today. After a month of packing, it was time to move. I was off last Friday. I got out of bed at 6:45 and packed a few final things. Then I loaded my mom's mini-van, which we had borrowed the night before, and headed to turn in our Time Warner modem. One of the changes that went along with the move was our media providers. This house is wired for Verizon Fios, so we cancelled our Time Warner internet and Direct TV cable. My first task of the day was to turn in our modem. I was done there by 9:00. Thank you 25 year employee at Time Warner who made that such an easy experience. I appreciated it!

My next task was to drive to the realty company, pay rent and get the keys to the house. I took a wrong turn on the way to the place, so I was delayed about 10 minutes, but getting the keys was no big deal! Easy as pie! Then I drove to the house... and the keys didn't work. That's right. They gave me the wrong keys. What I think probably happened is the owner changed the locks and when he took the new keys to the company, they switched the old and new keys. That was a rough hour. Firstly because I was exhausted. I cry easily when I'm tired, and I needed a bit of a cry. But there was also a note on the door from the water company saying that when they came to turn the water on, the meter showed that there was water running, so they turned it off to prevent any water damage to the house. It said that someone had to be at the house when they came to turn it on. In my fragile state of mind, having no water until Tuesday, which would be the first day that someone would be at the house to meet them, was a catastrophe. So cry I did, while I sat in the driveway of the house that I couldn't get into. But after an hour or so, the owner pulled up to the house. Now let me stop and say this: I like this house, and the whole "finding the house" ordeal was tough, but not terrible. But I have been a little uncomfortable since signing the lease, because on that day I learned that we would never meet the owner of the house. The service that he uses handles everything, and the way the system is designed, we go through them for everything. Payment, repairs, everything. But when I was locked out of the house and they called the owner while I cried in the mini-van, the man who showed up to come to my rescue turned out to be none other than the owner! He is retired and handy, so he does most of the work on the house. It was a somewhat awkward interaction, but I was so happy to get to meet him. And not only did he bring a fitting key, but he turned the water back on! He said he had opened a valve after the freeze, and that's all that it was. Woohoo!

So he opened the house, walked around telling me this and that, and then left to get new keys made while I unloaded the van. Of course, I fell. I tripped over a suitcase that I didn't realize was so close behind me. I have a HUGE bruise on my leg, and my wrist is still hurting a bit, but I'm healing =-)

After unloading, I went to Chipotle and sat outside because it was a BEAUTIFUL day. It was very calming. Then I headed back to the apartment to reload. I drove back to the house and unloaded again and by that time, Brett was off of work. We took one more load to the house Friday night and then finished all of our packing.

Saturday was such a blessing. We had three friends show up to help us and they were LIFE SAVERS! I thought that my whole family, minus my dad who had to work, would be helping us on Saturday. That would be a total of 6 people, plus me and Brett. Well, there was one injury, three conflicting work schedules, and one no-show. So it was me and Brett, my mom, and thankfully, 3 friends. We couldn't have asked for better weather, and we couldn't have asked for more helpful movers. God provided completely. He always does. We loaded the entire apartment into a U-haul, the mini-van, one truck, one CUV and one car. My dad made a brisket for the movers, so when we got to the house, we stopped to eat lunch. By the time lunch was finished, Brett's mom, the no-show and two of the work-related absentees had shown up to help us unload. In short, we had the U-haul turned back in by 3:30.

Life since then has been a blur of running errands (LOTS of errands), unpacking and eating out. We had a bit of drama when the gas dryer that was provided ended up not working, but it all worked out in the end. Brett had three and a half days off this week, so he has done a lot of unpacking during the days and I have done a lot of unpacking at night. I didn't have any days off this week, and I worked 11 hours today, so I am BEAT! But I wanted to stop and blog.

God has been so good. He has provided all of the right people, every step of the way. The right people to provide boxes, to help us move, and now people to take the boxes off of our hands. Three couples in our Sunday school class are moving! Well, I guess 4, but one of them already has boxes headed their way.

And I love the house =-) I love size of the kitchen. I love the shelves in the garage. I LOVE the window in the bathroom (the natural light in the morning is awesome). I love the fans. I love the floors. I love the random shelves in the hallway that Brett has filled with comic books and action figures. I love the free movie channels we are getting for a year because we were first time Verizon customers. I don't love the cardboard smell that is in pretty much every room. I am planning to be 98% unpacked by Monday morning. I'm ready to get this done. On that note, I'm off to assemble the last set of shelves for my craft room.

Party on party people!

Blank Walls

2011-02-23T21:51:00.002-06:00

I can't believe we are moving this week. It's two different concepts: moving to a new place, and leaving an old place. I have thought a lot about moving to the new place, but not much about leaving this place.

I am 100% sure that we are ready to leave this place. We have outgrown this apartment. Literally. We were overflowing. Things were no longer always in their place because there were too many things and not enough places. But still, I have enjoyed this apartment. I would have loved it even it were just me here. I like the layout, I love the closets, I love the creek outside... I love the old man in the office, Bud, who tells me good job every time he sees me out walking. Everything about it is a good fit for me. But more than that, it was our first home, Brett and I. Tonight, I was packing in the kitchen and stopped to smile while I washed our utensil holder. It was one of those "little things" that we "needed" when we first moved in. I have a list in my purse of things that we need when we move into the house. Some little, some not so little. But in a few years, they will be insignificant non-essentials that I pack in a box with the last of the Tupperware and my non-stick skillet.

I am sick this week. I have been trying to deny it, but it's true. I've had a low grade fever the last two days, and my right tonsil is so swollen it grosses me out to look at it! I have been checking it every morning because we've had a few kids turn up with strep at the school. I don't really know what I am looking for when I check my throat, but I've been told that strep would show white spots. Today though, my tonsil no longer looked like a brain, it looked like a melting brain because it is swollen so much that it is going towards the back and down my throat. Ew. I just have to make it one more day though. One more day of work and then the move!

We thought we were going to have a good group of movers. Me and Brett, then my mom, all three sisters and two brothers-in-law. But one of my sisters dislocated her knee, another is working all day, and the other is working til noon. So it will be me and my mom, and then Brett and the brothers. I'm sure we'll be okay, but it's not the most comfortable group of people... I am off on Friday though, so I may be able to give us a good jump start. I hope. Either way, it will all be over soon.

Who knows when I will be able to blog again. We won't have internet in the new house until next Wednesday. Is that right? Maybe Tuesday. I forget. But I'm sure I will report on the move, and give way too many details, like I tend to do.

Peace out players!

A Song For the New House:

2011-02-15T21:07:00.003-06:00

"You make me feel like packin'! I wanna pack the night away."

This is seriously what was going through my head while I packed tonight. What a weirdo.

I do feel like packing, but I'm at a weird place where I've packed most of the non-essentials... this weekend I am going to buy plastic plates and cups so I can pack our dishes, but for now, I only have a few other things in the kitchen that are ready to pack, and I need a smaller box for them. I wish I had kept the box for our stand mixer. That thing is a beast! Looking forward to having more room for it in the new kitchen. In our current kitchen, it just sits in the corner holding dust. If I pull it out of the corner, it will take up the whole counter. So I have used it twice since we got it... almost two years ago.

I could take pictures down, but that would make me sad. I can't live with completely blank walls for two weeks. I need to go through the closet... there are probably some clothes I could donate. Our closet space will be shrinking, so I shouldn't take anything that I don't think will get worn. A lot of Brett's shirts need replacing, but I don't want to get rid of them until we can afford some new ones, ya know? There is still a book case to pack, but they are all Brett's books, and I think he would rather pack them himself. I could finish unloading the DVD player, but I'm not in the mood to listen to the video game that Brett is playing right now. I'm listening to 500 Days of Summer, one of my current faves. Not sure it will cross over into the all-time favorite list, but I really like this movie right now. I practically have a seizure during the dance scene. I love it so much, I just don't know how to react! And I didn't have a great day today (probably just the PMS) so I would rather listen to this right now.

So, I pretty much just spent this blog talking to myself, but I wanted to think about what to pack next! I came to the following conclusion: pack later, watch movie now.

Hope everyone had a great Valentine's Day!

A Wonderful Weekend =-)

2011-02-13T14:25:00.002-06:00

Man... I'm not sure why, but I sure feel like I am in a much healthier place mentally today. After a week full of uncertainty and some confusion, today is one of those days where the future is less daunting, and more exciting. Probably because it's Sunday. Being in God's house is an excellent reminder that He is in control. We spend so much time worrying about the details of life, when the details are really already planned out. All we have to do is continue the journey.

Yesterday was a good day, which is saying a lot considering it started with a funeral. My uncle's mom passed away. I didn't know her very well, but she was one of those older ladies who you couldn't spend 15 minutes with without walking away hoping that she is what you are growing into. Somehow full of grace and pizazz at the same time. It's a sad and special event, a funeral. It was incredibly moving yesterday to watch the legacy that is this family enter into the sanctuary to say good-bye to it's matriarch. Starting a family is an intimidating concept to me, but thinking of an end result is so appealing. I want children, yes, but I also want grand-children. And great grand-children. It's a nice thought =-)

And though it was a sad occasion, it was nice to see those family members. I love my aunt Carol. How can I not, when she is so much like my mom, who is my all time favorite lady! And my cousins are sweet kids. I like them all very much, though I don't really know them very well.

After the funeral I met my husband and mother-in-law, along with her best gal pal, for lunch. It was a quick lunch because the funeral lasted longer than I had anticipated and I had to be at a baby shower at 1:00. Of course, I had not yet bought a gift for said baby shower. I don't ALWAYS buy the gift on the way to showers, but this isn't the first time I have either! hehe.

It was a baby shower for the wife of one of my oldest friends. It was SO good to see these friends. I care so much for him, even though as adults we don't stay in regular contact. He lives in the same state, but not close. And his wife is just plain awesome. She is funny and smart and beautiful, and I am so happy that he met her and married her. They are truly meant for each other. I am thrilled that their first baby will be here in less than a month!

I left the baby shower at 3:00 and had to be at our Sunday School class's Valentine's Party at 6:30. Not only had I not prepared the baked Italian dish that I had signed up to bring, but I hadn't even bought the ingredients at this point! So I left the shower and headed to Kroger. An hour later, I left with LOTS of groceries and just enough time to make the dish, which everyone was generously complimentary of.

And I am THRILLED to say that we had a great time at the party. The thing about newly-wed classes is that they are always changing. People keep getting married, so new couples are always coming to the class. From the beginning, there were couples that we admired and hoped to build relationships with, but recently, some new couples have come to the class that, for whatever reason, we are having an easier time connecting with. We just have compatible personalities. It's been great!

After the party, we went to Kohl's because the MIL gave us a gift card at lunch. Check this out! There was a book case that is regularly $130. It was marked 55% off, so the total with tax was $62.77, and we had a $50 gift card! So we got a super cute bookcase for $12.77! And Brett said it can go in my craft room. Woohoo!!!

After that we were beat, so we came home. Church was awesome today, and we went to lunch with half of our care group afterwards. So fun! I am so thankful that God is giving us the opportunity to meet such wonderful people, and bringing us closer together!

So my point is, good weekend. =-) Brett has Bible study in a couple of hours. He is leaving for it in 30 minutes, so when he does, I am going to go do some window shopping and grab his Valentine's present, then come home to watch the final episode of the first season of Glee, and do some packing! Yessss!

The reason for the weird week was that I talked to the owner of the school that I work at to see if me teaching there next year was a possibility. My heart is kind of set on teaching in the community where we live. Right now, we are living in the city where we both grew up, and I just feel pulled towards giving back to this community that raised me. But this city has had HUGE budget cuts in the school system this year, and though public school is really where I want to be, I know that the job opportunities for the coming school year will be extremely limited, if they exist at all. But when I originally applied at my current job, I applied for a teaching position. It is still my goal to be in the classroom, so I wanted to communicate that to the owner. It was a good conversation, but I felt uneasy about it in the following days. Not entirely sure why....

But today, it is bothering me less. I am SO excited about moving into the house, and SO thankful for the space and opportunities that it is going to provide us with. I am ACHING for a creative outlet, and I know that one is coming =-) It feels so good to say that! It's a good reminder that my life is not equal to my job. They are two different things. And whether I get a teaching job next year or not, I am going to spend more time doing what I love. It will be a good year. I know it.

I hope everyone had a great weekend! I am headed out to go do some drooling over accessories!

Oh Kim

2011-01-31T22:11:00.003-06:00

I think I may be carried away with the packing. Tomorrow is February 1. We move on February 25. I have probably packed 30 boxes in the last 48 hours. It's not a bad thing, but if I keep up this pace, I am going to have to unpack before we even move because everything we need will be in boxes! Or I could just keep packing and buy some paper plates. Hmm.

We have some winter weather headed our way this evening. There is a chance of schools closing one of the next two days. I can't begin to tell you how an unexpected day off would feel. I would pack the entire second closet. That would rock my world. The temperature is currently 49º, but it is dropping and is going to continue dropping until 11:00 a.m. on Wednesday when it hits a low of 15º. The high for Wednesday is 21º. Precipitation most of that time. But this is Texas. We could wake up to sunshine...

I guess I should head to bed since I'm sure I will be getting up for work. I'm just not lucky enough for winter weather that is wintry enough to keep me home in my warm bed. Sigh.

Thinking About Friends

2011-01-30T20:23:00.002-06:00

I had dinner at my parent's house tonight. We were celebrating my niece's 8th birthday. I can't believe she is 8 years old!!! I remember when Madilyn was 8 days old and we weren't sure she was going to survive. She was born three months early and spent the first three months of her life in a hospital learning to breath on her own. Those were dark days. I can't imagine my life without her and I am thankful for every moment I have with her. And it's funny to be around her. Her mom and I are a lot alike, so I can see a lot of myself in Madilyn. Some of the faces she makes, and her reactions. And we cry JUST alike. It's weird!

I always feel good when I leave a family hangout. Ya know, everyone has different sides to their personality. And I think that different people bring out different sides in us. Showing your different sides to different people doesn't make you false. If anything, I think it makes us more genuine. Because not all personality traits are appropriate in every situation...

I love my college friends because they make me laugh as much as they let me laugh. I am the lightest side of myself with my college friends.

I love Jennifer because she lets me get angry. Anger is not an emotion that I always know how to deal with. It is FAR from my go-to emotion. But sometimes it is an appropriate reaction. And Jennifer never judges me for showing my anger. She always understands it and helps me deal with it.

I love Jenina because she lets me dream. Jenina is someone who I can speak my hypotheticals out-loud to, and she never makes me feel stupid about my hopes and plans. She is a dreamer herself, who has made lots of her dreams come true. Sometimes it is inspiring just to be with her.

Jeff lets me be sincere. We are both people who recognize and are touched by people's kindness. It is always uplifting to spend time with Jeff because we spend our time lifting up other people.

My family lets me be dumb. I'm sure there is a prettier way to say that, but that's the best word coming to mind right now. There is no pressure to be learned or eloquent when I am with them. They understand me in a way that no one else can. And of course, like all families, they don't understand all of me. That seems to be just how families work.

And of course, my sweet husband. He lets me be silly, when I need to be. He lets me cry when the stress is too much. He lets me be sexy. We are still newlyweds, and he doesn't know what to do with some sides of me. But he is determined to love them all.

I hope everyone has a good week! I packed about 20 boxes this weekend. The stack of boxes is rapidly growing, but the apartment doesn't look any different yet. What's up with that??? haha. I don't care. I love to pack =-) I am looking forward to the move. Work isn't going to be easy this month. Spring Open-House is a big deal, and there are some tensions in the office that I'm not sure what to do about. I hope there's no drama... so not interested in drama.

Peace out playas!

Closing A Chapter...

2011-01-27T20:36:00.002-06:00

I know I've been a bad blogger, but SOOO much has been going on. I can barely find time to think, much less blog these days. After weeks of searching, hours of prayer, too many emails, and one or two tears (of course), we have found a house to rent.

Moving is rarely easy. These days there are tons of houses on the market for sale, but few for rent. Rentals are going fast. And it's a great time to buy. But Brett and I aren't ready to buy. We just aren't. We want to rent before we buy. We went back and forth weighing pros and cons, but we could never get away from the feeling that we should rent first. Learn how to live in a house before we pay thousands of dollars for one.

I'm not going to recount all of the details, but I will say it's been interesting. Lots of ups and downs. I am really happy with the house that we ended up in though. It is a three bedroom, one bathroom with TONS of storage and lots of funky little features that have come to be thought of as awesome by little ole me. Just quirky weird things, like 24 shelves going down the hall that we are going to use to display comic books. You heard me. And a little wood burning stove in the living room that is all kinds of cute. It has a deck and an AWESOME pantry. An island in the kitchen and lots of drawers. I wrote a blog a loooong time ago about how having enough drawers in your kitchen to have a "junk drawer" makes you officially a grown up. Dude. We've got drawers! We could each have our OWN junk drawer if we wanted to! I think the biggest challenge about this house will be the one bathroom. We have been very spoiled newlyweds up to this point with two bathrooms and walk in closets. But we will be a different kind of spoiled now with our three bedrooms. Brett and I will each have a playroom =-) A "man-cave" and "craft room" if you will.

Anyway, I'm VERY ready to sign the papers tomorrow morning. We are going to celebrate tomorrow evening by going to the drive-in. A double feature for $6 per person, and a concession stand that is like all of the best parts of a high school cafeteria. haha. We are going to stay up late, sleep late on Saturday and then start packing. SO ready for that.

I'm off to read a few blogs before I go to bed. I need to quiet my head. Sleep is a must tonight. I have to be in Dallas at 8:00. =-)

I Tried To Watch Some Glee...

2011-01-16T16:05:00.002-06:00

But I accidentally hit the channel button on our tv remote and I can't get it to back to where it should be! I tried putting in on 3, on 0, and just scrolling through... nothing! What the heck! Ugh. That's okay... I should be blogging anyway... Brett will fix it when he wakes up.

There was a great quote on the board in my WW meeting yesterday. It said "No one can go back and create a new beginning, but everyone can start today and create a new ending." I like it! I had a loss at weigh in yesterday but just barely. I'm thankful for the loss, but it should have been more. I had a great food week. My problem was the weekend, as usual. I eat too much over the weekend, so on Monday morning I am up a few pounds from where I was when I weighed in on Saturday morning. I know it's just the sodium and extra food in my system, but it takes most of the week to get that out of me and then there's not much time for an actual loss.

But guess what. Yesterday, Saturday, I decided to buckle down and really pay attention to my food and... IT WORKED! The number on the scale was lower today than it was yesterday. Today has been tougher. I had a 4 point breakfast, but then a 16 point lunch that didn't keep me full for very long. I have already had 3 snacks this afternoon, so I know I will be using some flex points for dinner. But it's a new recipe, pork tacos, and it is pretty healthy. I may make rice to go with it, but I may just do a salad instead. Not bad, ay?

I'm struggling with some self doubt. It's time to start applying at schools again, and I'm having flash backs to the difficult moments from last year. Sigh... I would love your prayers on this matter.

Well, I'm off to file some bills before I head to Jenina's 30th birthday party! We have been friends for 23 years. How 'bout them apples!!! Happy birthday sweet girl!

I'm A Bad Blogger

2011-01-08T19:50:00.002-06:00

What can I say? I'm so tired. I just read 4 posts and they are the first four I have read all week. I really truly enjoy the blogs that I follow. Some I skip more often than others, but some I never want to miss. They make me smile, encourage me, lead to laughter, and often make me feel better about who I am because I am reminded that there are others like me out there. I want that in my life. I don't encounter it in my day to day life often enough. I don't see my best friends as much as any of us would like, and the people who I do see all of the time are wonderful, but not in a soul-nourishing kind of way. Does it sound like I'm saying that I am lonely? Maybe I am.

The first week of the new year was kind of up and down. Food was great. I didn't get strictly on track until Monday, but Monday through Friday were full of good choices. I still had a gain at Weight Watchers this morning, but it was small, and despite what my little print out said, I did lose weight this week. Just not all of the holiday weight that I allowed to creep in. I plan on having another good week, and I am close enough to hitting 25 pounds lost, that I might make that next Saturday. That would be great.

Since joining Weight Watchers in August, I have always had plan in mind, even when I wasn't following it perfectly. But there is a big difference between going over points knowingly and ignoring the plan entirely. I haven't been ignoring it at all. I could probably find a healthier balance, but this has been manageable, and I could do this 25 pound pattern 3 more times. I'm fairly certain of that. To lose 100 pounds would be wonderful. I will never have a "nice" body. I will forever have loose skin (unless we get rich and I have surgery to get rid of it) and the stretch marks will fade, but never disappear. But maybe I could get to a point where I look "nice" in the right outfit. I wish I were prettier for my husband. I haven't been feeling very attractive this week. But probably more for mental reasons than physical. I made a couple of stupid mistakes. Eh... ya live and ya learn. But Satan loves my stumbles. He is throwing them in my face every chance he gets.

Our lease is up at the end of February. We thought it was up at the end of March. We got our renewal letter yesterday, and our complex no longer offers a 7 month lease, which is what we had decided to plan because the next month and a half are going to be very busy for us as Brett teaches a rather inventive Bible study at church. But when we got our renewal letter, we found that our choices are a 15 month lease for the price we are currently paying, a 13 month lease for $50 more than what we currently pay, or a 10 month lease for $100 more than we are paying. If we signed a 10 month lease, that would have us moving New Year's weekend. Not gonna happen. And $100 more a month on rent would make things incredibly tight for us. So tomorrow we will be driving around looking for rental properties. We hope to find something fast and start packing right away. If we don't choose to renew, but also don't find a new place, paying month to month would cost us an extra $200 a month. I know that God will provide, but we are back to Kim not liking change. I need more time!!! I need time to process and plan. This will definitely be a test for our marriage. How much I can trust in the Lord, and how much my husband can stand me when I don't. Pray for us!

I hope everyone had a great first week of the new year. It's only 8:10, but I'm actually feeling a little feverish. I think I'm going to lay down.

Peace out my lovelies.

New Year's 2010

2011-01-02T22:29:00.005-06:00

We had a wonderful weekend in Houston visiting our friend's for New Year's Eve. I may or may not post a "resolutions" post this week, but I do want to say that I am happy right now. It was a good weekend with good friends and Brett and I had some good conversations on the road. I have no idea what 2011 will bring, but I have the absolute best person in the world for me to share it with.

I don't want my first day of work in 2011 to be a sleepy day, so I'm off to bed, but I wanted to post a few pics first. Hope you had a happy new year! We did =-)

Where My Heart Resides

2010-12-30T23:40:00.002-06:00

That is the name of a blog I follow. Check it out here. This was a great entry I just read.

Favorite line: "Ignore the people who say you can't, and surround yourself with the people who know you can."

Glee-ful

2010-12-30T22:25:00.002-06:00

Um. I just watched my first two episodes of Glee. Hello!!! Episode 1: Don't Stop Believin'. Episode 2: Golddigger. WHAT!!! Loving this. I actually got up and danced during Golddigger. Brett was in the bathroom so I could do that. It made me want to do the demo for the dancing game for Kinect. Seriously. Thank you Melanie for this Christmas present! What season are they on on TV? I need to know how much catching up I have to do...

So. Tomorrow is the last day of 2010. Wow. Driving home from work today I realized that Brett and I have been married for almost two years now. I was having a fake conversation in my car (you know you do it too) with someone I am meeting for the first time at a New Year's party tomorrow night. In my fake conversation I said "We've been married for a year and a half now..." and then I realized that statement is not really accurate anymore. We are less than three months away from our second anniversary. Time is flying! It's been two years full of life. Sometimes easy, sometimes hard, always abundantly blessed. I'm looking forward to 2011 though. You may have heard (I think it was on the news or something...) I'M TURNING 30THIS YEAR! Oh dear.

Hear is my thinking. I think that the first 18 years of life are about learning how to live. You get the basics down. How to put one foot in front of the other. How to communicate peaceably with your fellow man. How to persevere when life seems impossible. (Can anything teach you this better than high school?) The realization of an inescapable need for the opposite sex, followed closely by the realization that interaction with said opposite sex is tricky! I think college is about discovering passion. This looks different for each of us because we all have different passions. In college, I learned that I am passionate for learning, passionate for good stories, passionate for creating... college is also when we learn the importance of relationships. At least, it was for me. After college, I think your twenties are about learning to survive in the real world. Learning to be responsible. In the workplace, in a residence, in a relationship, as an upstanding citizen... all that jazz. Here is what I am hoping for my thirties. I want my thirties to be about combining the two, passion and responsibility. I survived my twenties. I want to LIVE my thirties.

I don't mean to sound like my twenties were tragic. I mean, I faced my fair share of struggles, but in the end, I am happily married, at a church I love, at a job that makes me happy several times a day, with amazing friends and family in my life, and I am not just ready for growth, I am growing! I want to keep growing.

I have 5 months left of my twenties. I want to use them well. I want to clarify some goals. I want to be faithful and steadfast so that God can move me. I want to be an active, rather than passive, participant in my life. I have a lot of goals that I am clarifying in my mind... I'm sure it will be a nice "New Years" post in a couple of days.

Brett and I are driving to Houston tomorrow morning to ring in the new year with our dear friends. I will be taking my camera because I want to take more pictures this year! He and I are going to do some heavy talking. Clarify some goals. We think we are going to have to renew our lease at the apartment one more time, but we are going to choose the short lease. We want to be ready to move when it is up at the end of September.

I think I will watch one more episode of Glee before I go to bed. Maybe do a bit more thinking =-) Look for a declaration post from me this weekend! Call them resolutions if you wish... they have been a long time coming.

Peace out playas!

Boxing Day 2010

2010-12-26T09:51:00.002-06:00

WHAT A WONDERFUL HOLIDAY!!!

I can't believe it is almost 2011. Wowzers. 2010 was a great year, and the last two weeks will be weeks to remember.

Let me rewind.

Brett said his birthday was perfect =-) I felt a little wah-wah, because we didn't go anywhere grand, but since we are pretty laid back people, he wasn't disappointed. The bummer for him was that he had to work on his birthday, but it was SUPER helpful for me because it let me finish up his final present.

So. He turned 40, right? That's a big one! How can I not make a big deal out of a 40th birthday? But his birthday is December 23, and it's just a busy time of year for people. I started thinking months ago about what I should do for his birthday, and I really wanted to have a party. But with all of Brett's best friends living a good distance away, I felt like the only way to have a party would be to have it early... like pre-Thanksgiving. And even then, I couldn't guarantee all of the key players being able to come. When Scott's son passed away in October, I nixed the party idea. I just couldn't ask people to travel during such a crazy time.

So here is what I ended up doing: I knew that what Brett really wanted was the birthday recognition. For people that he loves and that love him to say "Happy Birthday Brett". So last Sunday morning was the first birthday surprise. I sang in our church's Christmas program, and we had to sing in the 8:45 service last Monday. Well, Brett and I don't go to church until 10:00, so I had a window of time to work with. I told Brett that I had to be at church at 8:00 (I didn't have to be there until 8:30) and I snuck out dishes to my car while he was still in bed, and then headed to Kroger to buy breakfast. I had bought decorations on Saturday after Weight Watchers and just left them in my car. So I went from Kroger to church and unloaded my car before we sang. Then after we sang I went up stairs and decorated the room, laying out breakfast for the class. I hung streamers from the door, so as soon as we walked up the stairs Brett saw them and said "Hey, who else has a birthday?". It was great =-) The class enjoyed breakfast, and everyone got to tell him happy birthday.

Surprise number 2 was lunch with my family. We love my family. We also love the burgers at Pappa's Brothers BBQ. They are the best in town, in our humble opinion. So mid-week I told him I had a craving for a good burger, and as luck would have it, my entire family was free to meet us there. So that was fun! My parents gave him a little birthday money and the Throwdown cookbook, which he was SO excited about!

That was it until birthday. My final surprise, other than his presents, was a birthday book. Since I couldn't throw a party, a few weeks ago I sent an email to tons of his friends asking for birthday wishes. Wow. He has amazing friends. They totally came through. Most of his best friends, and lots of good friends, and all of my family of course, sent the sweetest messages. I had pictures printed of everyone who sent messages and printed all of the messages in fun fonts and put them in a book. It is nothing fancy, but he said it is the greatest gift he has ever gotten. It made him feel younger =-) I had long lunch breaks on Tuesday and Wednesday because I opened and closed the school, so I worked on it then, and then I got up on Thursday at 6:40 when Brett left for work. I was finished by 11:30.

Other than the birthday book, I gave him 3 graphic novels that he wanted, a book of our favorite graphic artist's sketches, 2 movies that he wanted on Blu-Ray, 2 Dr. Pepper t-shirts and 2 Bill Cosby cds. The cds were kind of random, but I bought them because when we had satellite radio, Brett always had the comedian station playing on his way home from work. It wasn't worth it for us to pay for satellite, but I thought he might miss the comedy. Bill is his favorite, so I got him a couple cds.

When he got off work Thursday, he opened his gifts (all except the book) and then we went to Joe's Crab Shack for lunch. He wasn't thrilled with his meal. He chose a seasoning for his crab that ended up not being a winner. We had talked about going to see Tron, but he was pretty tired, and it came up during lunch that there was another gift at home, so we headed home. He opened his book and loved it, and then we had some ice cream cake. He has always wanted an ice cream cake, so I got a little one at Baskin Robbins. We finished it last night! Then later we picked up his fav for dinner: Hooters Hot Wings. And that was that.

Christmas was awesome. My dad's side of the family always gets together for a big dinner on Christmas Eve. This year my sister Melanie was the hostess. The kids had a blast! The adults (as in my parents, aunts and uncles) draw names and buy gifts for one person. The kids (as in my sisters and cousins and me) bring a $40 gift card and a $10 movie and do a gift exchange. And everyone buys for the grandkids. When I was a kid, it was SO fun to open that many presents. Now that I am grown, it is SO fun to be able to provide that feeling for the kids in the family. I love it.

Christmas day we slept in and went to my parent's house at 11:00. We opened presents and ate a light lunch. Then we headed to Brett's mom's house to open presents with her and have light lunch number 2. Haha. Last night we just rested. Brett played Epic Mickey while I sorted through my gift cards and made a list of where I wanted to shop and what I wanted to buy. I am about to head that way. I think one load of laundry today will be sufficient. Brett has decided to stay home and not shop today, but I feel like I can get a LOT done in a couple of hours, so I am still going out.

I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday with people they love. Mine was ridiculously blessed. One last time... Merry Christmas =-)

HOLIDAYS ARE HERE!!!

2010-12-18T13:42:00.003-06:00

I love Christmas. I love the fall, but I LOVE Christmas. When I met Brett, my holiday traditions expanded quite a bit though, because now, in addition to celebrating Christmas in December, I also celebrate Brett's birthday and his mom's birthday. So Christmas has always been a busy time of year for me, but now... well, busy may just be an understatement.

I am so, so, so, happy to say though, that I am very happy to be working at the school. Anytime you add children into the equation, a "busy" holiday can become hectic. It's true in families, and it's even more true in a school. We have been gushing Christmas at the school for about a month now. We put up the tree two days before Thanksgiving! But it has been wonderful. There are Christmas lights outside, Christmas displays in the office, and Christmas decorations on everyones door. This Christmas lover has been very happy indeed, as have all of the little ones who smile at the little Santa on the way out of the door each evening, and point at the lighted tree outside, every single day! It has made for a busy few weeks, but also joyful.

The Christmas play was last week. I am the only person in the entire school who didn't get to see it, but I heard it was wonderful. Then, last Saturday was our Christmas staff party. SO much fun! We did Secret Santa for two weeks at school, and then the secrets were revealed at the staff party. My Santa was AMAZING! She TOTALLY read my mind, which is amazing because she barely knows me! But the first day, I got brownies. Chocolate iced brownies! The entire staff enjoyed them, and I only had to bring home a few, so I indulged, but not overly. My next gift was lotion, which was crazy because I TOTALLY needed lotion that day! How did she know? I also got some awesome candles, two Christmas ornaments, which are dangling from my tree as I type, my favorite magazine, holiday slipper socks, a mocha frappaccino from Starbucks, and my all time favorite candy, peanut M&Ms. And then my big gift at the party was a $25 gift card to Michael's! Hello! I love to craft! These were all perfect gifts for me! It was so much fun.

The staff party was at a country club, where we had a delicious dinner and insane chocolate cake. Then we went to the owner's house, which I had never been inside before, and we did the reveals and then played two games. I won first place in the first game (Christmas movie trivia... um, hello!) and got a Best Buy gift card as my prize! Then they gave us all gifts, and it was a long sleeve t-shirt with the school logo in Christmas colors, and a really cute wallet that I love! It's going to go perfect with the purse that I want at Target. I plan to buy that purse the day after Christmas with whatever Christmas money I get. I could just ask Brett to get it for me for Christmas, but I have already told him 2 things, and that is enough!

I also got a few gifts from parents this week, and that was really touching. This jewelry set is CRAZY cute. I can't describe it, but I will try to take a pic in it this week and post it. And our choir teacher gave me this beautiful angel as a thank you for helping them in rehearsals. I just took it out of the box... she is lovely!

Getting gifts is fun, but I absolutely LOVE giving gifts. I love the shopping, I love the wrapping, and I love the giving. I am actually about to wrap a couple of gifts when I finish this post. I almost feel spoiled that I get to wrap presents for the holiday AND two birthdays all in one month!

I feel pretty good about Brett's birthday. He is turning 40 and I really wanted to make a big deal out of his birthday, but none of his closest friends live in the area, and it's not a good time to ask people to travel, so I came up with a few ideas, and I hope that he enjoys it all. I want to post about it, but just in case he reads this tonight, I won't just yet. But it should be fun!

I am off to wrap a couple of presents and then find an outfit to wear tonight. It is our Christmas concert. I feel like I have found the right attitude about the whole choir thing. I have been in choirs my whole life, but being in a choir at a new church has been quite lonely. But our concerts are tonight and tomorrow and then it will be over and I am going to email the guy about getting in the praise team rotation. I will know a couple of people there, and it will be easier to befriend the ones I don't know because it is a small group. AND if I am just in the rotation and not on the weekly team, which I won't be because he already has 3 singers for that, then it means practice once a month, not once a week. Perfecto!

I hope everyone is having a blessed season so far, and that this week brings tears of joy and lots of laughter!

P.S. I have lost 24.8 pounds so far. The last 2 weeks have been really good. The new WW program is a really good fit for me, and having the reset was a nice refresher! A fresh start before January 1st! Nice!

Craft Fair Fun & Time is Flying!!!

2010-12-09T22:09:00.003-06:00

Wow! The craft fair was 4 days ago! I have had zero time on my computer this week! Sorry I am just now updating!

So... it was fun =-)

Last year, there wasn't a ton of traffic, and not many people bought things. This year, there was only slightly more traffic, but almost everyone bought a little something. My yarn ornaments were a hit! I ended up making a pretty good amount, so I still have several left, but they are going to look awesome on my tree! I had a couple of things sell out, and a few things that I expected to sell well that didn't, but some of them are cute enough that they will be gifts! I am so happy that I participated again this year. I probably broke even, but at this point, I am not regretting it. I had some really good feedback, and I had a good time! Only one friend came (thank you Jenina =-) but several family members came.

I am exhausted. Last week was seven days of late nights. Particularly, Friday and Saturday night. Friday, I stayed up until 4:30 and got up at 9:00 on Saturday morning. Saturday morning I stayed up until 2:30 and got up at 7:30 on Sunday. And then this week has been a little later nights than usual. It's just that time of year... not quite enough hours in the day. Or not quite enough days left in the year! I can't believe that Christmas is in 15 days! I'm feeling surprisingly unorganized this year. Not shopping on Black Friday seriously threw me off. But I know that it will all get done. It may even all get done this weekend!

Tomorrow is Friday and it's going to be an awesome weekend. Brett and I will be enjoying a low point dinner at Jason's Deli tomorrow night and then doing some shopping! I want it to be a productive shopping trip, so I hope we have some time to organize before and at dinner. Saturday night is our staff Christmas party, but the day will begin with a WW meeting, where I should have a decent loss, and then I will be relaxing with my baby.

Actually, hold that thought. My mother-in-law came to the craft fair (of course... she is one of my biggest supporters) and a few of her co-workers requested some of my items! I need to make 17 more Christmas tree pencils, which will take a WHILE! They are simple, but a little time consuming. Especially for a $1 product. But I also have one set of ornaments to finish, and someone requested three sets of note cards and another person requested 3 bookmarks. Thank goodness the bookmarks are done!

So... it will definitely be a busy weekend, but I am 100% determined to make it a good weekend. It started off well tonight! Brett and I tried a new restaurant tonight where I had the best tortilla soup I've had, maybe ever, and then I went to Lane Bryant with Jennifer, where I put a healthy dent in that credit card, and gave my wardrobe a HUGE boost!

I'm so tired. I've got to go to bed!

Hope everyone has a great weekend! I will catch up on blogs soon!

Dancing With Myself

2010-11-30T23:28:00.002-06:00

Have you ever heard someone say "let's dance" before starting a fight? I'm pretty sure I have, in a movie or two. Well there has been a lot of "dancing" with myself lately! A war of words has been going on in my head. Well, more emotions than words... I try not to let the feelings last long enough to take on word form. But it all kind of spilled over today.

I'll say it one more time: I don't hate my job. There are lots of things that I like about it. For instance, Ruby, one of our part-timers who is AMAZING, gave me a giant bag of cough drops when we were leaving today because she knows that Brett and I have been fighting coughs for a while. This is the second bag she has brought me. And they aren't the Luden's sugar pills I loved when I was a youngster! These are the good stuff! I had no idea Ricola taste like chai tea, but they totally do!

But I can't fight the truth, as much as I sometimes want to. I don't love my job either. There are lots of positives, but if I could choose, it's not the job I would pick for me. Driving to work today I found myself imagining that I was driving to a different school, preferably to teach. Here's the thing about working for a private school: it's for profit. Meaning it's a business. Meaning someone owns it. And I work for a small private school, so I work with the owners on a daily basis. I realized today that this fact is a huge downer that I shared with my last job. There is an element of pressure and a level of expectations, sometimes imagined but sometimes totally legit, that goes along with working side by side with the owners of a business. It ain't easy!

But despite the fact that I have been here for 5 months now, and schools will start interviewing for teaching positions in a little over month, I am no more prepared for an interview than I was 5 months ago. And I obviously wasn't prepared enough then... I didn't get a teaching job! I wanted to use my time here to prepare for a teaching job, but the "new job" transition was WAAAAY more topsy turvy than I expected. And now the holidays are here, and the million things that go along with that have kept me occupied. So I'm not feeling good about interviews starting in January.

It shouldn't matter. I remind myself each time that I feel my sense of peace slipping away, that God's plan is the ONLY one that I want to follow. He is not worried about my portfolio. His plan is perfect, and it does not require my earthly references to be fulfilled.

So my goal for December is to stay calm and enjoy the season. This is my favorite time of year! By MILES! I love Christmas. December 1st starts in 13 minutes, and I am stating right now that I am going to bathe this month in prayer, and live each day intentionally, striving to glorify God.

Deep breath.

And if I'm going to dance with anyone, I want it to be my husband. The musical dancing, not the sparing dancing.

The end.

Shifting

2010-11-27T11:20:00.002-06:00

I just spent the last two hours doing a little cleaning on my blog. The list of blogs that I follow was a lot longer than the list of blogs that I actually read, so I decided to make them a little more even! I also changed the list of blogs that I show on my blog. The changing of the lists was VERY interesting! It confirmed something that I have been slowly realizing over the last few months.

Food is not the center of my life right now.

It's hard to believe, but things are beginning to balance out. For years I spent an embarrassing amount of time thinking about food... mostly what I was going to eat next. Sometimes for healthy reasons, sometimes for dangerous reasons. I am very much still at a point where I need to put thought into my food, but I am happy (almost happy enough to be moved to tears) to say that I think about other things too. And even happier to say that a lot of those thoughts lean towards creative outlets.

I'm turning 30, ya know. I'm 6 months from it. I am in the midst of a career shift. The school is not a new destination... just a stop along the way. It doesn't feel permanent in any way. Not yet anyhow. It is totally possible that the Lord will keep me there while I explore other creative outlets from home, but right now, I'm not sure.

I am having trouble putting into words what I want to say here... maybe because my husband is awake now so he is talking to me about a Star Wars game while I blog. Deep Thoughts Interrupted... good name for a blog. Ha! (Love you, honey =-)

I just see shifting in my life. I have a lot more shifting to do. I need to permanently shift towards healthier food. We are eager to shift our living situation. Blending styles is going to be a whole nother ball game when we are in a house rather than an apartment. I was not fussy about the apartment, because there is so little we can do. But I am ready for a house! With walls we can paint. And space for artwork. And cooking! SO ready for a bigger kitchen. I want to cook more. I really enjoy it.

I have lots of crafting to do today, so I should get moving. We are getting a late start to our day, which is glorious =-) But the craft fair is a week from tomorrow. I have gotten a lot done, but there is a lot of work left to do. I will be so disappointed if no one comes to this thing. I may not do it again if there isn't a good turn out this year. But my hope is that the crafting will continue so that next year, I will be able to do other shows. I am really ready to more forward with a small business. Well, mentally anyway. I still need to learn how...

Hope everyone is having a wonderful holiday weekend. I REALLY needed this 4 day weekend and time with my husband. I will give you a weekend recap tomorrow night. If I can unglue my hands after all the crafting, that is.

Peace out playas!

SO Thankful For...

2010-11-25T10:45:00.002-06:00

1. My husband. Who loves me every day. Even on days when I am REALLY hard to love.

2. My family. Who I am ridiculously blessed to be a part of. If they weren't my family, I would wish they were. I admire them all.

3. My job. That is sometimes harder than it is rewarding. But is inundated with amazing people.

4. My friends. Who laugh with me, coffee with me, call to check on me, FB friendliness to me, text sweet words to me. Turn thirty with me. Sheesh!

5. God's provisions. Everything that we need, and even some things that we want. WAAAAY more than we deserve.

I am thankful for so many things. My God is so constant. Some days, I am anything but. But my days have been so full lately, and I am SO thankful that they have contained creativity in the past few weeks. I want to keep this going when the craft fair is over. Christmas will always be my favorite reason to craft, but I want 2011 to be the year that I get serious about it all.

I hope everyone has a day full of family, fun and food =-) I am off to enjoy mine.

Harry, Holidays and Nissan Sentras

2010-11-21T19:45:00.003-06:00

Has it been two weeks since I've posted? My goodness! Life has been crazy, but not all bad... I had a rough few weeks, but after a surprise visit from friends last Friday and a gentle but firm talking to from Brett, I finally snapped out of my bad attitude. I don't know what started it, but I had a couple of weeks where I was just very irritable. Actually, I do know what started it. My crazy self, of course. I just was full to the max. Overloaded with thoughts and questions that I needed some time to process, and time never came. But I let a few things out when Brett confronted me on my attitude and just the brief mentioning of all of the things that had been bogging me down released enough pressure to keep me from exploding.

So last week was better. Work was crazy, of course. Lots of teachers out sick. And I got chewed out by a couple of parents, which is always fun. This week we are only open Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, but I don't know what to expect. We will have some kids out for the holiday, but our after school kids will be there all day since public school is off all week. So I don't know if enough of our full time students will be off to balance out the twenty or so extra kids we will have, and I KNOW that a lot of teachers are off this week. Don't ask me how we are going to get through Wednesday, because I have no idea! I am hoping Michelle will work that out before she leaves on Tuesday.

I did a little crafting last week and had a very productive shopping trip yesterday that has me prepared for LOTS of crafting this week! The holiday open house is only a few weeks away, so I have lots to do! My glue gun got away from me tonight and I burned a big blister onto my left thumb! Man, it hurt! Feeling better now, but I need to pay more attention with that glue! It's called "hot glue" for a reason!

I have made 30 or so ornaments, and a few other decorations. I have quite a few other things that I would like to make but some of them will be quick and easy! I will try to post some pictures, but my camera doesn't take great pictures of close up objects, so...

In other news, we went to see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part I on Friday. I am happy to say that I enjoyed it very much =-) Even being split into two parts, there was still a lot of things left out that I would have liked to see in the film, but overall, I was very pleased. I LOVE these movies. I love the books more, but I am thrilled that the series is coming to its completion on the screen. I hope I get a chance to see this one in theaters again. I had an invitation to do so today, but that just wasn't happening.

Last night I went to The Melting Pot in Addison for Jenn's (one of my college roommates) birthday party. She turned 30 today. We were there for 4.5 hours and I actually got a little frustrated because the waitress didn't understand the question that I asked when we first got there, so I didn't get to order what I had hoped to. 4.5 hours is a long time to sit at a restaurant and just drink water. But it was good to see my friends and I am glad that I went.

After a day of shopping with my mom and a long dinner that kept me out until 11:00 last night, I barely saw Brett yesterday. He had a different birthday party to go to last night and yesterday he spent the day with his mom... SHE FINALLY BOUGHT A CAR!!! Have I mentioned that we have been taking her car shopping for several weeks? Probably not, because I have been such a bad blogger lately. But this has been a very long process, and I am THRILLED to say that she is now a happy owner of a 2010 Nissan Sentra. It only had 4,000 miles on it, and she didn't have any trouble getting approved for a loan at Car Max. It was a huge blessing for all of us, and we are thankful that the car shopping is done.

I am SO happy that this week is Thanksgiving. I love Thanksgiving. I am excited about seeing my family, I am excited about shopping on Friday and I am super excited about putting up the tree and wrapping presents! WOOHOO for the holidays!

I am off to find Jenina's blog (I can't believe I had to hear from Krista that you started a blog!!!) and then do some crafting.

I hope everyone has a wonderful week! Pray for safe hot glue gunning!

Time Changes and Change of Plans

2010-11-08T07:48:00.002-06:00

It wasn't a bad weekend, but once again, it wasn't what I was hoping for.

This season has been full of sickness for me. Sometimes minor, sometimes major. My allergies have been the worst I have dealt with for many a year. And then I guess it's true what they say: the first year you work in a school, you are going to get sick more than usual. It's just a high concentration of germs every day!

Last Wednesday though, after some unexpected dental work, I ended up being on antibiotics on the same day that I switched allergy medicine. First, let me say thank you Zyrtec! Or Kroger brand knock-off. I am breathing clearly for the first time in WEEKS! Still dealing with the occasional fountain of snot pouring from my nose, but it's nothing compared to the Niagara Falls I've been sporting for a while. That being said, the antibiotics could have had something to do with it as well... the point is, I'm feeling better. My husband on the other hand... oh my.

Brett hates being sick. He responds to it with anger and frustration. So anytime he is under the weather, his attitude is unfortunately going to turn it into something miserable when the same thing, for someone else, could be merely inconvenient. Poor guy. But this time around, he is actually dealing with symptoms that fall into the miserable category! He has had a fever, off and on, since Friday morning. Friday night was ROUGH! He is having major trouble breathing, and all of the drainage is keeping him in the bathroom more than he would like. It's also throwing off his balance, which is scary. So I am feeling better, but my sweet husband is feeling icky, so the weekend was still not all we had hoped.

I got some crafting done though. And I managed to make it to the first two hours of the women's conference at my church on Saturday where God gave me some peace and reassurance on an issue that I will share with you soon.

And who can forget the time change!!! I love love LOVE that extra hour! It really makes a difference for me. I have always been the type whose tiredness depends on the hour I wake up as much as the hour I went to bed the night before. So thank you time change for letting me feel like I'm waking up later!

And my family got together for dinner last night and drew names for Christmas. I'm SO excited that the holiday season is upon us. I'm itching to get out my Christmas decorations... oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!

Pray for my husband! I hope everyone has a great week. I hope to post again tonight... I want to share what the Lord showed me while it is still on my heart.

October 2010

2010-10-31T16:55:00.002-05:00

Man. What a month this was. Not much went according to plan. Then again, I never took the time to do much planning.

We had 2 trips to Houston. We had about a weeks notice on each trip. They were both good trips. One full of fun surprises and one surprisingly full of smiles. Tears too. But not without smiles...

I threw up for the first time in who knows how long! I'm happy that it was bright pink. I had just taken some Pepto Bismol, so the pink was a nice cherry scented touch. Eww.

I lost a few pounds. Gained a bit too. I had a gain yesterday that I deserved every bit! Too much food in the office this week. And weird tummy urges after being continually emptied out for 48 hours.

I dressed as an M&M at school on Friday. THANK YOU MARIE for letting me borrow that costume. It was perfect. Free and easy, and absolutely comfortable since I wore my walking pants and a comfy 3/4 sleeve tee underneath.

I tried a couple of new recipes.

We had a Rockband 3 party.

We discovered the best burger in Texas.

I had a couple of pumpkin chai's. Maybe more than a couple, but who's counting, really?

I did some incredibly helpful journaling.

And I am happy to say that I am ending the month full of desires for a healthy November. I hope to do some walking and lots of fruit/veggie eating. I need to get a good jump on Christmas shopping. I have no idea if any crafting will take place. My allergies seem to be much more dominant this year and I can't imagine pulling all of my supplies back out after I put them all away for the party yesterday. I hope that changes... but we'll see.

I am feeling extremely ugly these days. I just feel so BIG. Because I am. I would like very much to change that.

Okay, I'm off for some water and to search for a cough drop.

If I Only Had A Brain...

2010-10-28T20:55:00.002-05:00

Seriously. I am finally making time to blog and my head is so exhausted, I can't think of anything to say. What a week.

I am TRYING to make some ornaments. I want to do the Holiday Open House again this year, and I have SO many ornament ideas, but I just haven't had any time to work on them lately. And this weekend will be no different. Actually, I think I can do some tomorrow night, but then I have to put all of my things away because we are having a Rock Band 3 party on Saturday night. It's with our care group at church. I have no idea if anyone is coming, but we are making fajitas and we bought the game. I am hoping to get all of my supplies back out on Sunday afternoon and get busy on those ornaments! We'll see what happens though...

My food has been all over the place this week. After being sick for two days, I was down a few pounds, but then all of this food showed up at work. I ignored it for a while. And then I ate some when I was hungry. And then I ate more when I wasn't hungry. Today I had the best bagel I've had in a long time. Maybe ever. That's because it came with low fat pumpkin cream cheese. Drool. But I had already eaten breakfast. If those bagels hadn't been there, I wouldn't have thought of food at all. I would have been just fine until lunch. But they were there. And they were too loud to ignore.

And we had a totally unhealthy dinner tonight and tomorrow is the Halloween parties. So there's not much hope for a loss on Saturday. But I am still going to the meeting. And I plan to track every bite starting Saturday. We are having jambalaya for lunch and fajitas for dinner, but there is no reason I shouldn't be able to stay within my points with those two meals.

I wish I had a week to myself. Not 24-7, but during the days. I wish that I were not working for a week and could spend my days crafting and thinking and blogging and organizing this crazy mess that is masquerading as my mind. I need some time to think. To sit with a cup of coffee and a pen and paper. I need to make some goals and put them down in writing. I need to look at my schedule and make it more livable. Or... how do I say this... a better life? I need a routine that involves exercise and vegetables! I need to try some new healthy things. I wish I could find an exercise that Brett and I can do together. Or something that I can do myself that won't take too much time away from him. We never seem to have enough time. Which is weird because we give each other all of our free time! Well, mostly. But it rarely seems to be enough. Sigh.

I know, I know. This is life. It get's harder, not easier. Fuller. Richer. Or at least, it should. I want the things that are filling my life to make it richer. Not just denser. Sigh.

I have been 29 for 5 months now. 5.5 actually. I had big plans for this year, and they aren't quite going according to plan. It's not too late, but I don't want to waste anymore time.

Blah. I'm babbling.

I am DETERMINED to finally get together with Jenina next week. Maybe she can help me think. She's good at that.

I am going to be an M&M at work tomorrow. I hope to take lots of pics and post them! I hope everyone has a great Halloween! I love this holiday =-)

Where Do The Weekends Go?

2010-10-24T21:23:00.002-05:00

After spending two consecutive weekends away from home, I'm forgetting what a productive/restful weekend feels like. And next weekend we are having a party Saturday night. And the weekend after that I will be at the women's conference all day Saturday. Hmm... so I can get some rest in approximately 20 days. Great. I am SOOOO looking forward to Thanksgiving. Because I love it, yes, but this year, I am needing those two days off of work. NEEDING. You know what I mean, Vern?

So school was a madhouse on Thursday. It started out like a fairly normal day, but the first sicko came to the office at about 9:15. He was coughing. He told his teacher that his tummy hurt, but he was pointing at his chest. The sweet one has asthma pretty bad, so I called mom to find out if he could have his breathing treatment early and she said yes. Well as soon as his breathing treatment was over, he threw up. I guess when he said tummy, he meant tummy. It was a few hours later when the next one came up, but after her, we had a constant stream of up-chuckers that had us running all over the place, with gloves and anti-bacterial spray in hand. We disinfected the entire school, but it wasn't enough to keep both of us office girls from getting sick.

But that part comes later...

I left the school late, because of a mix up with the money bag, and Brett and I got on the road at about 7:15. We checked into our hotel at midnight and had a night of deep sleep in the worlds most comfortable bed.

Friday morning we slept until 9:30 and took our time getting ready. We hit up a Pappa's BBQ for our new favorite burger and then went back to the hotel to get ready for the funeral. It was easy to find and we met our friends there.

I have only been to a handful of funerals in my life. I was too chicken to attend them for a while, so I am no expert on the subject. But everyone there seemed to have the same comment when it was over... "I can't believe Scott did that". Scott, Brett's friend whose son passed away, gave the eulogy. It was so touching. He spoke proudly of how gifted his son was and spoke boldly about the imperfections that were evident to everyone in John's short life. It was so loving and so honest. And then he asked for anyone who had a story to share to please do so. Wow. This kid was amazing. He had several friends there, and honestly, they made him sound like a super hero. Full of flaws, but at the same time, so giving and so loving. Like Wolverine maybe? Equal parts inappropriate and do-gooder.

I always jokingly say that no one cries alone when I am around. I may not be able to help, but I can at least cry with you. Well apparently, no one had car trouble when John was around. He was literally like a vigilante who just drove around helping broken down motorists. He couldn't see someone in need and not stop and help. Who does that? Even AAA makes you pay first!

It was a special service and I am glad that I was there to hear it all. After the funeral, we spent a couple of hours at the families house. By that time, it was getting close to 7:00 and the non family members were making there way out the door. Brett and I spent the evening with Chris and Marie, and we had a really nice time. We went to dinner and talked about going to see Red, but ended up watching the Rangers spank the Yanks back at our hotel room.

Our plan for Saturday was to get up and go see Scott one more time. Then meet Gary and family for lunch. Then stop by Marie's on our way out of town to see the boys and pick up an M&M costume that Marie had graciously offered to let me borrow for our party day at school. But all of our plans went out the window when I woke up with an odd feeling in my tummy.

It wasn't pain. Just not right. I wasn't sure what to do, so we just took our time getting ready and I took some Pepto that Brett had brought along. After checking out we stopped at Walgreens for a necessity that I had not brought enough of and after I paid for said necessity, I went straight to the Walgreens bathroom and threw my guts up! I mean, wow! And I had just taken some chewable Pepto Bismol, so it was bright pink!

I haven't thrown up in a loooong time. I just have a pretty strong stomach. But this one made up for years of going without. So I got to the car and Brett made a few phone calls canceling all of our plans. We did stop at Marie's to get the costume and she gave me some anti-nausea medicine that I don't know how I could have made it home without. We still had to make 4 stops for me to run to the bathroom on the way home. So that extended our trip. And then we hit a killer storm in Dallas! So that slowed us down. When we got home, I ran to the bathroom and then crawled in bed. After all of that, I was still really surprised when Brett woke me up at 7:30 and took my temperature. I had a fever of 100.8, which isn't super high for most people, but my regular temp is a little low. I run an even 96.8. So there was definitely something going on!

The first half of today was pretty much the same. We stayed home from church, which I really hated to do, but I couldn't stay out of the bathroom for more than 30 minutes. Michelle recommended Immodium AD and it has been a big help. My stomach still has occasional stabs of pain, but it is mostly false alarms, thank goodness!

Brett and I are both pretty tired, and I think this week may be challenging. I am going to battle the tireds by praying for my loved ones. We have a lot of friends with prayer needs right now, and I find that praying for others helps me to focus less on unpleasant things in my life. Rest will come, and until then, God will sustain me.

On that note, I'm off to bed! Well, I need to switch the laundry first. But then, off to bed! Hope everyone had a good weekend!

On The Road Again

2010-10-20T22:11:00.002-05:00

It is my first time to ever have mixed emotions about going to Houston. It is always a blessing to see our loved ones there and I am usually super excited when I am preparing for the trip. But tomorrow, only 5 days after returning from Houston, we will be driving there for a funeral. It is a sad day.

John, the son of Scott, who is one of Brett's best friends, passed away after a car accident Monday night. He was in his early twenties and he was a good kid. He made some poor decisions in his short life, and the last five years have been full of struggles for him and his family. But bad decisions are made by good people every day. And John was good. I am thankful to have known him, though I admittedly didn't know him well. I only had opportunities to interact with him on three separate occasions. The most recent was on Memorial Day when Scott and John drove here to get Brett's old car. It wasn't in very good shape, but Scott and John are the car savvy type. John needed a car, so he was the perfect next owner for the vehicle. Brett cared very much for John and he is feeling the loss very deeply.

This week has been dominated by the loss of our sweet friend. Monday night was hard and neither Brett nor I slept much. Sometimes, a sleepy Kim is a grumpy Kim, and yesterday was one of those times. It was a sad day, and all I wanted was to come home and rest, but we had an obligation arise that kept me on my tired feet, struggling to keep my eyes open, until 9:00. And then I had some computer work to do when I got home. But today was better. Work has been very full this week and Michelle has been very kind about the situation. My being gone on Friday is going to make the day difficult for her, but she isn't giving me a hard time about it. I hope that I get a lot done tomorrow so that no one has cause to be frustrated with me on Friday.

We will get to our hotel around 11 (I hope) tomorrow night and the funeral is at 2:00 on Friday, so we will have some time to rest up after the long drive. Brett wanted to stay the night on Friday as well so he could get as much time in with friends as possible. We will probably leave after lunch on Saturday and get home Saturday evening. That means another weekend not spent at home, and another week of being behind, but maybe I can catch up next weekend. There's always a chance, right?

I'm off to bed. Pray for Scott and his family on Friday. I cannot fathom the loss they are feeling. I think I would feel empty... even knowing God is in control, grieving takes time...

Hope everyone is having a blessed week!

Every Day Is A Winding Road

2010-10-17T15:47:00.003-05:00

That Sheryl Crow. She really knows her stuff.

First off, do you remember last weekend when I said that my goal was to walk three times and blog at least twice? Have you noticed you haven't heard from me since? Probably not... you're too used to not hearing from me. Sheesh!

Well it was a weird week. Not terrible, but it felt like two weeks. Long. The Fair feels like two weeks ago rather than last Saturday. And then I had a rough Wednesday night which turned into a REALLY rough Thursday. I am so thankful to have a husband who is ALWAYS willing to be delicate with me when I am fragile. It was a rough day, but he brought me back to sanity Thursday night, and Friday was okay.

Yesterday was WAY more than okay! First off, I started my day by sleeping until 8:00 and then going to Weight Watchers. I was WAY over my weekly points allowance because, hello, I went to the Fair. But I had been very careful the rest of the week (minus Thursday night when we went to On The Border to fix me). Careful, but not always certain because I had to do some estimating on several meals. I stuck with small portions because I was uncertain of the point values for the main course, and tried to get in lots of veggies. I am happy to say that I had a loss at weigh in! Only .6 pounds, but it felt like a real triumph =-)

And then Brett and I stopped for a quick, yet AMAZING, lunch of burgers from Pappa's BarBQ, and then hit the road! Yesterday was the birthday of one of our beloved Houston friends. We surprised him by showing up at his birthday dinner and it was a wonderful evening of friends, food and fun. By the way, if you are in the Houston area and have never eaten at Palotta's in The Woodlands, do what you can to remedy that. It was delicious! Every single dish on the table looked good, and they had a huge selection of lighter choices that even had WW points listed. What a nice surprise! And funnily enough, it is right behind the Pappa's BarBQ there.

When I had my mini breakdown on Thursday, Brett had second thoughts about us making the Houston trip. It was just a rough week, and the thought of starting a new week without having any rest at home was daunting. But I suggested we go ahead and make the trip, but make it a day trip! The dinner wasn't until 6:30, so we got on the road at about 1. Everyone had busy Sundays planned, so the party wrapped up a little after 11. We stopped for gas and some caffeine and were back on the road at 11:40. We made it home right at 3:30 and were sound asleep by 3:40. We mostly slept until 10:30. After an easy lunch and some last minute meal planning, I hit the grocery store and am just about ready to be productive. I have already unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher and am about to start laundry load number two.

Then, for the most important matter of the day, I am updating my resume so I can send it to a principal. There is a new school opening in Irving next year. They won't start interviewing until January, but I want to be on that last. 90% of the hires will be existing Irving ISD teachers, but I am not going to be discouraged by that. I am boldly praying specifically for that art teacher position, and I will continue to do so until it is filled. Because every day is a winding road. Our lives can change with every breath we breathe, and I know that God still has a plan for me. A plan that doesn't include me working in an office the rest of my life. Or at least, I feel pretty strongly that that is not His plan. I want to be an art teacher and own my own company. And it is not for anyone on this earth, myself included, to tell me that I can't accomplish that.

Hope everyone had a great weekend!

I Still Love...

2010-10-11T21:12:00.002-05:00

Looking at my wedding pictures =-) I just flipped through some on the computer looking for one in particular, and I LOVE all of the pics of me with my bridesmaids. I really am so blessed to have so many amazing women in my life. How did one girl get so lucky???

I also love Fall. I haven't written an I Heart Fall declaration blog yet, but I've enjoyed reading them on everyone else's blogs! Most of my reasons are the same:

1. The relief the cool weather brings after a long hot Texas Summer. And also the memories the cool weather stirs in me. Memories of football games after school at Crockett Junior High. They really are some of the best memories of my life. Back when freedom came in the form of being unsupervised on metal bleachers for an hour and a half cheering for friends who weren't old enough to thing that they were cooler than me because they were on a team and I was in the choir. Go Cougars =-)

2. The colors. Not just the leaves, though I could stare at the leaves for hours. But the sweaters! The purses! The jewel tones that are always in season when the air turns cool. I'm in LOVE with these colors! They sing to me!

3. The pumpkin flavors at Starbucks. This is a BIG one for me! I love pumpkin! In fact, has anyone else been fighting the urge to hoard pumpkin now that it is finally back in the grocery store??? It was really hard to only buy one can this weekend.

4. The Holiday. There are a lot of sub-points to this point. I love Halloween. I love the costumes, the candy, and the fantasy that goes along with dressing up and celebrating. I love the movies – Hocus Pocus, The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown, and most of all, The Nightmare Before Christmas. It's the great crossover film: half Halloween, half Christmas. Which leads me to my next sub-point. I love Halloween because it feels like the beginning of my FAVORITE THING EVER... Christmas =-) I love Christmas. I love it for a million reasons. And once Halloween is here, Christmas is just around the corner, ya know???

I also am very in love with my husband these days. I'm always in love with him, but the last few days have been especially sweet. He brought me roses at work on Friday, by the way. Just thought I'd mention that =-)

Okay, back to my emails. Just wanted to stop and say I love things. haha!

A Day With Big Tex

2010-10-10T20:59:00.003-05:00

I did it! I went to the fair =-) A few people were nervous about me going by myself. The only part I was nervous about doing by myself was riding the train and bus to get there. It's been years since I have taken the train anywhere, and I was probably nervous back then, even with a group! Doing it by myself was really intimidating for me! But the traffic would have stolen half of my day. And the parking would have stolen literally half of my money. I had $40 to use for the day, and a lot of the parking is $20. So I put on my big girl panties and rode the rails!

I actually started my day by sleeping til 8, then snuggling with Brett, and then going to Weight Watchers. I chose not to go last weekend because I really needed some rest. My food was good last week, but the previous weekend had been less than stellar, so I didn't know what to expect from the scales. I'm thankful to say I was down 1.4 which brings me to a total of 16.6 all together.

So what did I do after my successful weigh in? I went to the fried food capital of the world (or at least the state). And let me tell you. It. Was. Good.

Here is what happened.

Saturday was not a regular fair day. It was Baylor vs. Tech at the Cotton Bowl. Because of that, the DART schedules were different, adding to my nervousness about being able to navigate my way to and from the fair. And the route was also different. Normally, you take the TRE to Victory Station and then take the green line to Fair Park. Well, to accommodate the extra passengers, instead of using the green line, there were "shuttles" a.k.a. DART buses, at Victory Station and when we stepped off the TRE, they herded us to the buses. The buses took us straight to the fair, but instead of dropping us off in front of the Music Hall, like the green line usually does, the buses took us to the back entrance of the fair. For people going to the game, that was SUPER convenient. And it actually ended up being convenient for me as well!

The back entrance is where all of the rides are, and lots of games, and LOTS of food vendors. There are pretty much food vendors all over the place, but at the back entrance, there are TONS of vendors. It's like the restaurant row of the fair. I had heard people say that the lines for Fletcher's Corn Dogs, the pride of the State Fair of Texas, were super long! Well I went to the first Corn Dog sign that I saw, and I was just lucky enough that they were actually Fletcher's. If it had been another kind, I still would have eaten it. But Fletcher's are the best. The last time that I went to the fair, which was three or four years ago, I got a foot long corn dog. It wasn't a Fletcher's but it was tasty enough. But after my experience on Saturday, I will never again go for anything other than Fletcher's when at the fair. It was the most delicious corn dog I have ever had. And I LOVE a good corn dog!

And the best part is, because I was at the back of the fair, there was no line at all! Okay, there was one lady in front of me. So practically no line. I walked right up and got a corn dog and bottle of water for 15 tickets. Later, while making my way up to the Music Hall, I passed a huge vendor that was all Fletcher's and there were probably 80 people in line. So I got super lucky!

I left the train station at 11 and got to the fair at noon. The musical started at 2, so the first thing I wanted to do was eat. My plan was to find a corn dog first and then the fried chocolate. There were descriptions on the website of the foods that won awards this year, and when I read this one, I knew it was the treat I wanted to find: Fried Chocolate – A white chocolate mini candy bar and a cherry are stuffed into a mouth watering brownie, dipped into delicious chocolate cake batter & deep fried to perfection. The finished product has a warm just out of the oven taste! Topped with powdered sugar and a rich cherry sauce and served with chocolate flavored whip cream.

Hello. What could compete with that??? So I made my way through all of the booths and headed to the section of the park where the guide said this heart stopping confection could be found. I looked and looked, and alas, never found it. The clock was ticking and I wasn't sure how fair I was from the Music Hall, so when 1:00 was creeping up, I decided to seek an alternative. I saw a sign that said ice cream and went to investigate.

Okay. Re-reading the fried chocolate description reminds me that I am sure it is a tasty treat. But I have to say, I don't think it could have been better than the alternative that I found. It was called a Pokey-O. And it was insane. The ice cream booth I went up to had ten flavors of ice cream and ten flavors of cookies. You pick a flavor of each and they make what is called a Pokey-O, but what us common folk would call an ice cream sandwich.

Holy hot fudge sundae Batman! It was SOOOO good! I chose the chocolate flavored cookie, which was called Brownie Fudge, and a flavor of ice cream called Happy Tracks, which was vanilla ice cream with a swirl of fudge and Reeses mixed in. The cookie was so gooey and the ice cream was PERFECTION! Together, they made what is sure to be the tastiest sweet I will eat this year. Possibly for years to come!

With Pokey-O in hand, I continued through the fair. I had in mind that I would be able to take my time and stop and see some of the street performances. Well, I probably would have had time for one or two if I had come across any. But I didn't. I made it to the Music Hall just before 1:00. I was certain that I had chocolate on my face (totally worth it) and didn't think that I had time to go exploring and be back by 1:30, which is when I thought they would start seating. And there were already lots of people inside the building. So I just went inside. I found a bathroom, de-chocolated my face, (it was just a tiny bit of chocolate on my lip) and then found a seat next to a TV showing some behind the scenes from the show. I didn't realize until I sat down that I was a little tired. So I don't regret the choice to come in early even though it means I didn't see any acrobats or break dancers or hula dancers.

I am SOOO happy to say that the musical was GREAT! I have always liked the first Shrek movie. In general, Dreamworks films kind of make me cringe. They are advertised as family pictures, but I find that they sometimes have a bit too much adult humor in them. Not anything that a five year old would catch, but certainly something that a 13 year old would. I prefer Pixar. They just feel like safer choices overall. But when I saw Shrek for the first time, I just really enjoyed it. And the musical was really great. The performers were all outstanding. The actor playing Donkey played Tom Collins in Rent on Broadway for a while. Not the original, but he held the role for a while, and his voice was AMAZING! All of the cast members were good and the sets were especially fun. Every inch of the stage was covered, whether they were in the swamp, a castle, or a field. It was very colorful, as were the costumes. And of course, it was funny. Not every song was mind blowing, but the finale was a ton of fun!

I was seated next to a man and his daughter. She was probably 3 and was adorable. He called her Dani. And he was a hoot! A seriously loud laugher. Two old men in front of us kept turning around and glaring at him when he laughed, but I liked being next to him because it made laughing even more fun!

It was 5:00 when I got out of the musical. I wouldn't have minded some roasted corn, but getting home is what I was most nervous about, so I decided to follow the crowd and head back home. I had tickets leftover, but I gave them to family who was going in as I was going out, so they didn't go to waste. The trains home were CRAZY crowded, but there were DART officers at both stops, so thankfully, I made it home just fine. Brett picked me up from the train station at 6 and I was home by 6:30.

It was a fun day and I am so happy that my husband was comfortable letting me go alone. Next year, West Side Story will be showing during the fair. That is one I can't let either of us miss. But we won't go on a game day. The fair was fine with the extra crowd, but the transportation was like a giant sardine can. Brett would have freaked out.

Church was great again today, and I am going to be positive and say it's going to be a good week. I have some work to do at home and some crafting to get busy on. Next weekend we have lots of fun happening! More about that later =-)

Hope everyone had a great weekend! My goal this week is to make time to walk three times and to blog at least twice. We'll see how it goes!

A New Sermon Series

2010-10-03T15:00:00.003-05:00

Church was SO good today. Our pastor is out of town, building churches in Nicaragua, so the Men's/University minister filled in preaching. He preaches quite often and he brings the Word every time. Today was such a great message! Apparently, we will be spending the next six weeks in a single chapter of the Bible. Romans 8. Jason told a really cool story about this chapter and how it affected a ministry leader once, and I am really excited to spend the next month and a half there.

The verse that starts it all is Romans 8:1. "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."

Wow. What a word. The sermon was flowing right along and then he brought it back to that verse by talking about being conflicted. That Christians are often conflicted because we can't stop sinning. We are born sinning and can't break free, even when it is what we want more than anything else. But he said that being conflicted is NOT the same as being condemned. We will always struggle with sin, but just the fact that we struggle proves that we are forgiven. If we weren't under Jesus, we wouldn't care about sinning. But no matter how many times we fall back into our sin traps, there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. God is serious about our sin. Serious enough that He sacrificed His son to pay the debt for that sin. And Jesus sacrifice was ABSOLUTELY enough. He didn't pay 95% of the bill, and we have to try to come up with the other 5%. We don't wash dishes in the kitchen til our bill is paid. Jesus paid it ALL.

Man. What a powerful word that was for me today. Enough that I wanted to share it here so I could let it run through my heart one more time.

In Sunday School today (which, by the way, at our new church is called ABF, which stands for Adult Bible Fellowship... it will always be "Sunday School" to me) I shared a little message. Brett and I are in a newlywed class, and our teacher has written some marriage material called Leading Indicators of a Successful Marriage that he actually teaches a few times throughout the year to nearly and newlyweds at a weekend seminar at our church. We are going through it all as a class right now because it's been a while since we have talked about marriage as a class. But since he has taught this material to us before, in the weekend seminars, the class leadership had the idea to ask couples in the class to sign up to speak about the different topics. The topics are varied. It starts with "The Marriage Seat Belt" which is praying together, and touches all kinds of things like name calling, quality time and sex. Today was "The Marriage Evacuator" which is ignoring one another.

Tyler found research showing that the number one predictor of divorce is the habitual ignoring of one another. Sad =-( It's almost hard for a newlywed to imagine. You know how when two people first start dating, everything is so exciting? You are thrilled every time the phone rings, and you hang on every word your love says to you? Well for most people, that is probably not a reality throughout the duration of a relationship. The spark sometimes transforms into sweetness. But if you have moved to the other end of the spectrum - if you ignore your spouse completely - you have evacuated the marriage. Name calling is overtly aggressive, but ignoring is aggressive in a much more subtle way. If I call you stupid, you know exactly what I think about you. But silence is left open to interpretation. If someone ignores me, I reason that they do not care about me. Silence tells me that I am unworthy, insignificant, and ultimately, unloved. That's serious stuff.

This isn't the topic that we would have chosen if the list had come to us first. Brett and I could easily share about quality time, or about name calling because those are two things that we have dealt with (in regards to quality time) or armed ourselves against (in regards to name calling) in our relationship. But those blanks were already taken when the sign up sheet made it to us. I basically picked this one because I didn't want to talk about sex. Haha. I'm not quite prepared to share super openly about that. Maybe next year! But I am glad that we ended up with this topic. It gave me a lot to think about, and the more I thought about it, the more I had to say.

I rambled a bit and cried a few times, but all in all, it was really neat to get to share with the class. Brett teaches regularly in our class, so everyone knows him. I was glad for a chance to feel like an active participant in it all.

After church we went to Crystal's Pizza to celebrate my Mamaw's 80th birthday. She looks AMAZING and still seems really happy. I love her so much, and I am very proud to be a member of my family. I really do cherish them all.

I am off to enjoy the rest of my Sunday afternoon before it's time to head back to church. Hopefully I will make time to post this week. I LOVE the fall and would love to babble about it for a bit.

Peace out playas!

Walking A Fine Line

2010-10-02T17:09:00.008-05:00

I think there is a fine line between planning for the future and being discontent in the present. I came to that realization today after I found myself falling from that tight rope into discontentment. It was a bit shocking! I stopped myself in mid grumble. How in the world can I complain? I have a wonderful husband, a new job, AND it's my favorite time of year. I need to stop and be thankful.

I have kind of been in that mode lately... fantasizing about the future. About things I want to make and do and see. When those things feel impossible right now, it is easy to become discontent. I do NOT want to become someone who forsakes my life each day because I am always looking towards another day.

AND a lot of the things that I want to do, I could do right now. Mostly the making. I really feel like crafting and just haven't had any time lately. But I know that if it is really important to me, I will make time. It is already 5:12 on Saturday, the day pretty much gone, and I have a list of things that I need to do, but I am determined not to go to bed until I have done something that I WANT to do. In fact, I decided to stop and write a blog before I got busy. It's something that I wanted to do. I know it's not a must, but it is something that I enjoy that I have let fall to the side because I have been too busy. Blah.

So anyway. How is it, you ask, that it comes to be after 5 on a Saturday and I have yet to do anything particularly productive? I'll tell you! We had an impromptu shopping trip!

We are flat broke, so no way did I expect to end up with anything shiny and new this weekend. But my mother-in-law bought a piece of furniture last week that, once she got home, just didn't work in the space she had available. She bought it to be a side table, but it would work as a night stand too, and she knew that we didn't have night stands, so she decided that if we liked it, she would buy another one and let us have them for our bedroom. How nice! Here is a pic:

Guess where it's from? One of my favorite stores. Pier 1 Imports. Man. This is seriously a danger zone for me. There used to be a Pier 1 Clearance store in my city, but it has been gone for a couple of years. We still have a Pier 1 though, and I try very hard to avoid it at all costs! I LOVE this store, but it is pricey! It was SO fun to go look around there today though. And guess what else she bought me??? Randomly, they sometimes have little pieces of jewelry in the stores. I saw this ring for $6 and LOVED it. It's totally my style. Whimsical and affordable. Ha! I got the yellow one! Isn't it cute???

Last night we just took it easy. I was exhausted! For two reasons. When I was sick last week, I didn't get a full night of sleep once. I woke up coughing every night. It was rough. And then this week, I worked the office by myself for half of the week. My partner in crime, the other girl who works in the office, who is way more important than me, moved this week. It's a good thing! She used to live an hour from the school, and now she says it's only a fifteen minute drive. How she gets to the school from Arlington in 15 minutes, I have no idea, but good for her! But her moving meant that she left at noon on Wednesday and was off Thursday and Friday. I am thankful to say that I did okay on my own. I'm sure that she would have gotten WAY more done than I did, but everything that needed to happen did. So that's good news. But I worked from 7:30-6:00 on Thursday and Friday, so even though they were okay days, they wore me out!

Because funds are low, we picked up a cheap dinner last night and stayed home to watch Iron Man 2. I liked it just as much this time =-) And it brought back fun memories of seeing it at the drive-in for my birthday! I fell asleep around 10:15 and slept until 9:00 this morning. Thank goodness! I made the decision a few days ago to sleep in today and not go to Weight Watchers. I really needed the rest.

So we took it slow this morning, but I still felt kind of rushed because we had to be at the church by 12:10. They are making a church directory, so Brett and I had our picture session today! It was our first real picture together since we've been married. Actually, come to think of it, it's the first professional picture we have ever had taken. A friend shot our wedding and we have never had a picture in a studio before. Wow! So I was excited. It was kind of sad though. I thought I would look thinner in the picture. I have lost 15 pounds, so I was expecting my face to look thinner. It's funny how mirrors can be forgiving. Especially when there are only lights coming from above. Extra chins are left in shadow! But not when you are in a room full of lights and someone flashes a big camera at you. It was motivating though. I really want to stay on track and I am a bit nervous about the holidays. Hopefully I can keep that picture in mind and focus on making good choices.

After the pics we picked up Brett's mom for lunch and then stopped and shopped. It is now 5:37 and time for me to get to work. Well, maybe I can read a few blogs first! Hope your Saturday is relaxing and fun!

CPR & Ticking Clocks

2010-09-28T21:23:00.002-05:00

Interesting day!

I started my day by working from home for a few hours. The owners want a new brochure for the school, and I told them I could definitely do one, but I needed to use my computer. Two words to say about working from home: Awe. Some. Man!!! I wish I could do this everyday! Maybe someday I will. And, my boss LOVED the brochure! She was so nice about it. I mean, she gushed. It made me feel really good. I have a flier and some magazine ads to do next. Not sure when I will, but woohoo for that!

So I got to work at noon and then left at 1:2o to come back home for lunch. Weird. Then went back to work for a crazy afternoon! Just one of those days where the phone doesn't stop for more than 60 seconds, and every time I turn around, a student is walking into the office needing copies, or with a sick note, or... you get the idea.

And then tonight we had CPR/First Aid training after work. Ugh. Way too much reality. I wish I could just not think about those things. But I am really glad I had the training. It was very informative. AND the trainer reminded me of Colonel Flag from M.A.S.H. Wow! Was he ever intense! And funny. But mostly intense. And he does not abide bad manners. He told us that and proved it! So I didn't get home until 9:00 tonight. They provided pizza, but I passed on the pizza and made a tasty turkey wrap when I got home.

The other weird part of my day was when a man who I had never met before told me that my clock was ticking and I better get moving if I want to have kids. Really? I know I am 29, but I didn't think people would start saying that to me for at least another year. Guess I was wrong! So thank you Matt the plumber who wanted to know my "history" so he could instruct my future. I'll keep that ticking clock in mind.

I am off to read a few blogs! Hope everyone had a great day!

A Different Kind of Monthly Cycle

2010-09-28T08:00:00.002-05:00

I have come to realize that for my position at work, the beginning of the month is much crazier than the end of the month. At the beginning of each month I book field trips and get the teacher calendar all secured. This is madness and takes a good amount of time. And the field trip thing is continual, because once you book it you have to receive confirmation and then find out if any parents want to go and get that all figured out and then take care of paying for the field trip. It was quite a challenge this month. I am hoping that next month it will be a little easier, but who knows. But the good thing about this cycle is that at the end of the month, I have lots of time to catch up! I had been worried about some things on my "To Do" list that had been lingering there for too long. But those things are coming along nicely now.

I am actually working from home for a few hours this morning. We need a brochure and a few fliers, which I am happy to do, but need to do on my computer with software that is intended for design.

In other news, yesterday was the most beautiful day I have seen in ages! The absolute perfect weather. I am hoping for another one like it today!

And, guess what??? I'M GOING TO THE FAIR! I think that Brett is a little nervous about it, but I am going during the day and I will be extra safe. I am excited! Brett was really sweet about it. I'm not sure when yet. I am getting a check in the mail this week for some design work that I did, and I am going to use that money to buy the ticket to the musical. Has anyone seen Shrek the Musical, by the way? I actually haven't heard anyone tell me that it is good. But I know that they always book a good musical for the fair, and I think that I remember it winning awards when it first came out. Any opinions?

Hope everyone has a great day! It's going to be a long one for me. We have CPR/First Aid training after work tonight. Look out bumped heads! I'll have your number!

Discovering Me

2010-09-26T21:12:00.003-05:00

When did I become so hesitant to speak the truth on my blog? Why am I worried about people judging me? I didn't realize that it mattered so much to me what someone else might think about my confusion. But it must. Because in my weeks and months of confusion, I have grown more and more quiet on this blog until I was eventually silent. For a MONTH. Come on!

I guess I'm not used to the confusion. I have said here many times that I fear change, and I am in such a place of transition. It makes me feel... young? Like I am back in college trying to decide what to do with my life. I thought it was hard then. Choosing a major. What a laugh! When you are 18 and they want you to decide what to do with the rest of your life. Right. Like I knew. I remember very clearly the day that I laid down in my dorm room bed and flipped through the catalog to choose a major. Thank goodness I didn't give up halfway through! Mine was the very last in the book. Visual Arts - Graphic Design. It just made the most sense. It was intimidating, but felt SO much more right than any other major. So I declared.

Well guess what? Life doesn't come with a catalog. There are limitless possibilities, which should be thrilling, but is often times intimidating. What do I want to be? Who do I want to be?

I am so glad that I am back to blogging because in the two days that I have been back, I have read a few blogs that were incredibly inspiring. And I NEEDED that. I needed to feel like life was possible. And you know what conclusion I came to at the end of all my musings? I really do want to be an art teacher.

Somewhere along the way, somewhere among the job fairs and resumes and applications and surveys, I began to doubt. Because as an inexperienced wanna-be teacher, who tends to lack self confidence, I wasn't equipped to convince people to hire me. I was still working on convincing myself that I was capable! And then I was offered a non-teaching job. A job that would still teach me an incredible amount and introduce me to the industry that I was hoping to enter, but when God brought me this job, I had to wonder: Am I not supposed to be a teacher? Was God trying to let me down gently?

And then, time began to pass, and this job, my intro to a school environment, proved to be less than pleasant. Again, not bad. I don't want to sound like I dislike this job. But I don't love it. It stresses me out and some days it feels like a wrong fit. So I began to wonder if teaching would be a wrong fit. And I have been wondering that for quite a while now.

I still don't know what God will bring me, but I have decided that I DO want to teach. Teach art. I didn't get a teaching job this year, but that means that I have this school year to prepare for next year. And that is what I would like to do. I want to plan out what a semester of art would look like for each grade. I want to make a portfolio of samples. So that the next time that I am asking someone to trust me to teach at their school, I will feel ready to be hired to do just that.

When I came to this realization yesterday, I was pretty giddy about it. Today I am too tired for giddy. haha. But it feels really good to have some clarity of thought. Something to focus on and work towards.

Church was awesome today, by the way. Brett stayed home. He needed a morning to himself. I TOTALLY understand that! So I missed my hubby, but it was a wonderful morning. Amazing weather. The coolest day we have had in a LONG time. The car said it got up to 79, but I don't think that it ever left the 80s. Sigh. I love me some Fall weather. I hope it sticks around for a bit!

I went to dinner with my family tonight to celebrate my parents' birthday. My moms was last week and my dads is this coming Tuesday. There is not a group of people I would rather spend time with than my family. It is always comfortable, I always laugh, and there is usually tasty food involved. Tonight, we met at Red Lobster, and I had two crab cakes for 7 points. They were super yummy and just enough. I wasn't very hungry, so I was able to avoid the tasty biscuits and Caesar salad.

I am about to head to bed. I am going to try to sweet talk my husband into something tonight. It's something that I REALLY want to do but I am afraid it will hurt his feelings because I want to do it alone. I'm not sure why, but I really want to go to the fair this year, and I want to go alone. I have decided that I want it enough to ask Brett if he would mind even though I know he will initially be a little hurt by the request. If it looks like the hurt will be too much, I will back off, but I've decided to go for it! I'll let you know the outcome!

So Far, A Perfect Day

2010-09-25T13:05:00.002-05:00

Saturdays are BY FAR the best day of the week, for me. And is there anything in the world better than waking up, without the help of a screaming alarm clock, on a Saturday morning, in the arms of your love to the sound of rolling thunder? Ahhh... just typing it makes me sigh. Even though it puts a cheesy Garth Brooks song in my head, it's totally worth it. What a beautiful morning. A nice steady rain, a nice cloud cover, and nothing taxing on the agenda for the day. I would have stayed in bed longer if I hadn't had Weight Watchers this morning, but I still managed to stay in bed until 8:30. One more happy sigh =-) Ahhh...

I wasn't sure what to expect at weigh in today. It was a weird week. I stayed within my points, but I ate random food, and I haven't had a vegetable in days. Unless the soggy bits in my soup count, which I guess they do because I checked the vegetable box on my tracker that day. I've been on soft food only since my dental work on Tuesday. I've had ripe peaches for breakfast every day but lots of soup, some healthy (Progresso Lite) and some less healthy (Top Ramen) for lots of other meals. My non soup meals have been a turkey dog with a peach, Tuna Helper, and fish sticks with mac n cheese. I didn't go over my points any day after Sunday, but you see what I mean by interesting choices. So I decided before leaving the house this morning that whatever the scale said, I would be okay with it. The scale was good to me though and I had a nice loss which brought me to my third star this time around in Weight Watchers. You get one star for every 5 pounds you lose. I have lost 15.2. And it feels really good to be on plan.

I know that I won't lose every week. In fact, I am kind of expecting a gain next week. Not because I have any food issues, like a party or birthday, to work around, but because when I had my surprising gain a few weeks ago, it was the first Saturday of my "month" (if you're going by that special calendar that only us girls have to watch), which will be next Saturday. So if I stay on plan but have a gain, I will know to expect that in the future that week of the month.

So I was sick all week, but feeling better towards the end. Thursday and Friday weren't too bad at work. In fact, yesterday was a non-curriculum day because it was private school fair day. Guess what? I LOVE non-curriculum days! I couldn't believe how quiet it was in the office! No field trips, no special activities and fewer students. Man. If I hadn't been coughing, it would have been a pretty darn good day. Next week will be a little tricky. I have CPR training after work on Tuesday, which won't be bad, it will just be a long day. And then Thursday and Friday I will be by myself in the office again. Michelle is moving, so she will be gone. But I will try to be a little more prepared, mentally, this time, and hopefully they will be good days.

I haven't enjoyed being sick, but I have to admit, it's been really nice being semi-babied by Brett. He is just so caring. He hates when I'm sick. I'm not really one that likes to be taken care of too much. When I don't feel good, I kind of just want to be left alone. And that is exactly what he gave me this week. He didn't ask me to do anything that I didn't want to do and he didn't make me feel bad for only cooking one meal all week. He just let me sit and read, or watch him play Civilization 5. We even went to a movie last Saturday, because I didn't have the energy to do anything else. It was great!

I am very thankful for today. Brett is napping, and I am sitting in the study by the big window watching the trees sway in the rain, that is just barely still falling. I am about to work on our grocery list, and then I will probably get tired and go lay for a bit. The perfect day =-)

I'll Admit... I've Been In Hiding

2010-09-22T21:02:00.003-05:00

I can't believe I have avoided the blog for so long. For a while, I wasn't even sure why I was shying away from it. But I realized last week, that I didn't want to come on the blog, because I didn't want to admit in writing that I don't love my job.

Okay. There I said it. I don't love it.

I don't dislike it! But I can't say that I like it all the time either.

That's totally okay, right? It's a new job! It's supposed to be hard and confusing and sometimes frustrating. At least, it is if you are a Type A who doesn't like making mistakes, and who loves to learn, but really likes KNOWING more. Learning can be hard. Growing is hard. And new jobs, just like every other major life change, have their own set of growing pains.

What can I say? It's not bad. The teachers are really great. Seriously great. Strong, smart, kind, funny women who I am happy to know and hope to someday call true friends. And the kids are precious. How can they not be? And my three bosses... the two owners and the school administrator... they're all great people. But that has been the toughest part. Learning how to interact with them. The school administrator, what a hoot! I really like her! But we are SO different! This is the girl who I spend all day every day with, and things were a little scary while we were getting used to working together. Things are much better now, but I don't really feel at ease yet. I wish that I had more instruction.

Anyway. It's a job at a school and it will take an entire school year before I get to even glimpse everything that the job entails. It would take many more years to be able to do it all perfectly.

I have no idea how long I will be at this job. I want to use my time here well. And I am still determined to do a good job for them. I think that they all think that I am doing a good job, but I want that to prove to be true. I am constantly worrying that something that I did will turn out to be wrong and one day something that I did wrong will totally disrupt the school day or somehow have negative consequences for a student. Ugh. That would be terrible. But until that day, I will just keep trying!

In other news, Weight Watchers is going pretty well. I have lost 13 pounds and I am enjoying being back in the routine of it all. A pair of jeans that was tight fit MUCH better on Monday, so that was rewarding. I don't look smaller yet... I'll be happy when my face looks slimmer. But for now, I am taking one day at a time, and doing okay.

I'm sick as a dog! Been coughing for days. I finally went to the doctor yesterday. I had the morning off because I worked extra long days a couple of days last week. So when my suggested I come in late one day this week, I finally scheduled a dentist appointment. Then after coughing my head off for a few days and almost throwing up in the office on Monday, I decided to try to squeeze a doctor's appointment into my morning off as well. So on my way to the dentist, I called the doctor and ended up giving the credit card quite a workout! I had a tooth pulled (FINALLY!!! Thank you Lord!) and had the build up done for the crown on the tooth that I had the root canal on in June. The dentist was pretty cool and the whole thing took less than two hours so I had time to come home and rest a bit before heading to the doctor and then work. Nice! Doc said I should be taking allergy medicine along with my cough medicine and gave me antibiotics. Tested me for Strep, but I didn't hear from them today, so I am assuming I am okay. Today was rough though because I couldn't have any cough drops. Sucking on them could disrupt the blood clot from my pulled tooth. I would rather cough than experience any more tooth pain.

I wish that I had blogged about Labor Day. We had a really great weekend getaway. Just a 45 minute drive up to Fort Worth to stay the night in a hotel and play around in Brett's old stomping ground for a day. It was super casual and SERIOUSLY amazing. But I didn't want to talk to anyone but Brett for a while. Thus, no blog. So there you go.

I hope that I will be blogging more regularly. I miss my blog. I am just in a weird place right now. It's hard to put my feelings into words when I don't always understand what I am feeling. How can I be so thankful and at the same time not happy? I don't always understand...

Anyway. I'm going to try to read a few blogs before bed! Hope everyone is having a good week!

Can I Just Say...

2010-08-28T11:26:00.002-05:00

It feels so good to be back in Weight Watchers. Joining is a big step. Being in WW is a million tiny steps. It's a long journey, and I've got a lifetime to travel this road, but I love when I feel like I'm moving in the right direction.

It also makes me look at my life differently. Being on program makes me feel like anything is possible. It makes me want to take other steps to make my life better. I know I say this a lot, but I am SO full of thoughts about the future. About things that I want to do. Goals that I would like to accomplish. A life that I want to live. I love my husband so much, and I am so thankful that I have such a supportive, loving man to walk this journey with me. I'm also thankful for my friends and family. Where would I be without them? Mom, Dad, Melanie, Laura, Jenna, Jennifer, Jenina, Jeff, Jenn, Jage, Krista, Marie, Chris.... the list goes on and on and on and on... people who fill my life with joy. Who fill my heart with love. I'm thankful for days like today when that love seems to be overflowing.

Weird dream this morning. I was at Mamaw and Harvey's house. My dad's parents. The house was empty because they had decided to move out. I woke up thinking "how weird. I need to tell Mamaw and Harvey about that the next time I see them." And then I remembered. Harvey is dead. =-( He passed away a couple of years ago. I have been extremely fortunate in my first 29 years of life. Very few people that I love have been lost. When Harvey died, it was very sad. I don't feel like I ever really got to know him as a person, only as my grandfather. But I loved him very much. I was proud of him. I love thinking about his life and all of the interesting things he did. And today was the first time that I have ever forgotten that a loved one was gone. I hear people say that a lot. Just this week, in a blog, in fact. A very sweet girl whose mother recently passed. She said she picked up her phone to call her mom and tell her something and then remembered that she couldn't call. I miss Harvey. And I love Mamaw. I'm glad she is well and seems happy still.

Okay, I am off to enjoy my weekend with my husband. Hope yours is full of blessings!

Random Post...

2010-08-26T21:08:00.003-05:00

Does anyone else out there want to confess that you read the "OMG" page on Yahoo every day? I don't read every article, but probably half of them. I LOVE clicking through the slide shows of people all dolled up for premiers! Loved Drew's dress at the Going The Distance premier. She's one of my top five favorite actresses.

Today there was an article about actors who are, like me, turning 30 this year. Why is it fun to learn about celebrities my age? It's just cool to have something in common with famous people I guess! The people I were most excited to see on the list were Macaulay Culkin, Ben Savage and Michelle Williams. Nice!

So.

SOOOO glad tomorrow is Friday. There have been a lot of mixed emotions this week. Some really good moments and some really crazy moments. No tears, but a few "whatever"s. I hope that tomorrow is a good day.

We had some AMAZING weather the past two days. It didn't last all day, but it was SO nice to have double digit temperatures again. Better yet, having a few hours in the 70s. Fall is, without a doubt, my favorite season. We are still in Summer mode down here in Texas, but Fall definitely flirted with us this week.

I would LOVE to have some mild weather on Saturday. I have some errands I want to run. I would like to hit a few thrift stores in search of some items I want to craftify! I need to organize my thoughts on that category...

First things first on Saturday though. Back to Weight Watchers. I'm nervous about this week. I've used 15 flex points (mostly on Saturday and Sunday, but two yesterday) and I'm not confident in some of my point values. I just think that if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. AND my food scale needs a new battery, so I eye balled a couple of things this week and I could have been way off. Not really sure. So we will see what the scale says on Saturday. I REALLY want to have a loss. I'm pleased with all of my choices this week, even though I second guessed some point values after the fact. We are going out to eat with my mother in law tomorrow night, so I need to be extra careful about that. I think I'll be okay.

Hope everyone's week has gone well. Hoping for a weekend full of loved ones and special moments.

Feeling A Little...

2010-08-24T21:41:00.002-05:00

Sentimental. And dreamy.

I have been feeling very creative lately, and while there are TONS of ideas, and some outlets, available, I don't seem to have the time.

I do not want that to be the story of my life. So many ideas, not enough time. I want to make time.

Time to create. Time to talk to old friends. Time to make new friends. Time to spend with family. Oh how I am missing my family these days. Time for road trips. Time for lounging with my love.

I haven't been making time, and as a result, I have felt... lonely? Is that the word I am searching for? Sometimes frustrated.

Here's the deal. The job is just a job. It is not my life. I want it to be the background, not the center of attention. I know our jobs are where we spend the majority of our time, but they DON'T have to be where we spend our life. Am I right? I know I am! Because I see people living their life! While I am stressing and rubbing my aching back and feet, my friends are out there traveling and discovering and creating.

I want in.

No more waiting.

I hope.

Hope your week is going well. Today was better than yesterday. Yesterday already seems like days ago. The "first day of school" was... an event! But today, day two, was calmer. Calm enough for me to remember myself at some point (even if it was just during my lunch break) and remember than I am more than this position.

Off to bed. I think Brett is already there. He didn't say goodnight, but either he is having some tummy trouble in the bathroom, or he just decided to head to bed. Hmm.

Back To School (And Back in WW)

2010-08-22T21:42:00.002-05:00

Okay, first things first. It was a pretty good week as far as Weight Watchers goes. If you have never been in the program, I'll let you in on a little secret: the first week, most people lose big. I think it's just the drastic cutback on food that most people experience when starting up. I think when I am eating all the time, there is always food in my body being digested (nice pic?), but when I am eating smaller portions less frequently, the extra food in my system isn't a problem anymore. That's my theory anyway. So this week I lost 5.4 pounds. I'm extremely thankful for that. I thought maybe since I am older this time around I might not have a big loss my first week, but it was encouraging to get my first 5 pound star.

I was hungry pretty often last week, but not miserable. I had lots of fruit and am working on getting more veggies in. Lots of water too. And hardly any soda, which I had been having much more of recently. I am not completely off of soda, but I am trying to be VERY sparing in that department. I know that it makes a difference. Not just the no soda, but the more water the better!

I am going to do my best this week! We will see what that means on the scale Saturday morning. By the way, have I mentioned that our scale is broken? First let me say that I LOVE that I have a husband who when I say "I have gained some weight", he heads straight to the bathroom to declare our scale broken. Now listen. I know for a fact that it was working just fine when last I stood on it. I'm not saying that he definitely intentionally did damage to the scale so that now it won't turn on, but the thought did cross my mind. If he did, I love him for it! haha. I decided not to rush out and buy a new scale. I thought it might be incentive to go to meetings every week. I will have to actually go to the meeting to see if I had a loss for the week. Interesting! I have always been a daily weigher, and often in the past, I would skip a meeting if my scale at home was up, even though my home scale never matched the WW scale. But now I really am on a weekly plan. The numbers won't keep me from going. Not sure how long I will keep it that way, but for now, I'm scale free at home.

In other news, school starts tomorrow! I have been told that my job will be MUCH easier when school is in session. I am praying that is true. Mostly, I am praying that I can stay focused and remember that I am serving the Lord, first and foremost. He is the one I should seek to please, by doing all things in His name.

The cool thing about working in a school is that it's one more starting point to the year. Everyone has New Years and birthdays to have a "fresh start", but now I have School Year to add to my list of annual passage of time markings. Makem sensum? So this school year, I want to:

1. Be focused on God, even when I am at work.

2. Pray for my teacher friends regularly.

3. Pray for Kyndall and Erin, my two friends who are starting college.

4. Pray WITH my husband and not just FOR my husband.

5. Be whole-heartedly invested in the ministries I am a part of.

6. Continue my regular meetings with my family and friends.

7. Have quality "me time" each week.

To all of my teacher friends out there, I will be partnering in prayer with you this year! I hope it's your best year yet and that you feel like you are making a difference every day at school.

I love you =-)

Monday Update

2010-08-16T21:33:00.002-05:00

Day one of trying for a more focused attitude: not bad. It was definitely a better day. I drove to work telling myself not to worry about impressing my bosses every second of the day because God already knows the number of days I will have this job. It's not up to me to try to earn more. Just to do my best with the ones I have.

By the way, it was a CRAZY DAY! I am ALL KINDS of ready for school to start next week. I am ready for a more regular schedule!

Also, day three of Weight Watchers: pretty good! I only used one flex point yesterday, and I am about to head to bed with two points left. Nice! I was hungry a few times today. My lunch isn't until 1:30, so I don't eat until 1:50 or so. That is, if I leave for lunch on time, which today, I didn't. So it was closer to 2 when I ate. But I feel good about my choices today. Good portions. I need to work on getting some milk in and more lean protein. Fish for dinner tomorrow should help that out!

In other news, one of my oldest friends, Ruthie, was supposed to deliver her first baby today. We haven't heard any updates yet, but I am hoping to wake up tomorrow morning to good news and a picture of her sweet boy Jack!

I had a BLAST catching up on some blogs last night. I hope to do a lot of that this week. But tonight, bed calls. I'm pooped!

Thought About Starting A New Blog

2010-08-15T17:20:00.003-05:00

I have been so bad about posting lately, it almost feels like it would be easier to just start over. I have been in a strange mental place, and am thankful to say that I am starting to come out of it.

What can I say? I'm just a big baby. The "new job" thing... man. It was just a lot to process. I'm still processing it all, but I have had some thoughtful moments this weekend, and I am hoping that I am in a healthier place now. Mentally anyway.

Why is it so easy to turn God's blessings into hindrances? The first 8 days of the new job were good. Since then, it's just been so hard. Not bad, but hard. Too hard to just use the word "good" when people say "how's the new job". But the last couple of days I have been really trying to ask myself, what's so hard? Is it the job? Is it trying to meet the expectations that I assume other people have of me? Or is it trying to meet the expectations that I have placed on myself? Frankly, at this point, I don't even know. But it's time to calm down. To start taking deep breaths and just doing my best. I need to refocus. I have shifted ALL of the focus onto me. What can I do. I need to be focusing on what God is doing. My goodness Kim. We should know this by now.

That is the other thing that has been on my mind the last few days. What it all boils down to is a maturity issue. I love our new Sunday School class (which I realized today we have been members of for over a year now) and there are some people in there who just seem so spiritually mature. It has really given me perspective and shown me areas of life where I need to grow. Firstly, I don't read my Bible every day. I mean, I guess occasionally a week will come where I am 7 for 7, but it's more common to be 5 for 7, or 4 for 7. And I LOVE God's word. Why in the world do I not delve into it more? I get distracted by mediocre fiction and let those paperback sedatives steal the time that I should be spending each morning in the word. Secondly, I am kind of selfish with my prayers. I don't pray for other people enough, and I don't pray WITH other people enough. Mainly Brett. I should include him more in my prayer life. It would probably strengthen, not only my prayer life, but also my marriage. Um, that should be a no-brainer, right?

And here is the big one. You know the story. My sin trap. The food. I have been reading through the Bible for a while now, and I am in Psalms. Last week David said something about "the sins of my youth". How he had outgrown them. Not me. Still struggling with the same old sins. I mean, where is the repentance? Do I even mean it when I ask for forgiveness after worshiping at the refrigerated throne if ONE DAY LATER, I am back to stuffing my mouth until I am in pain? I am a lot more active at my current job, so it should have been the perfect time to take steps toward becoming healthier. Instead, I get so stressed out and keyed up while I am at work, the second that I leave, I am seeking something soft and tasty to put in my mouth to distract me from my day. I am back to eating until it hurts, and that is NOT the life I want to live. Not only is it killing me, it's separating me from God. My friend Chris said a few weeks ago that gluttony is the sin that Baptists love to overlook, for this Southern Baptist, it is time for that to STOP!

You may be interested to know that I rejoined Weight Watchers Saturday. Again. The leader practically rolled her eyes at me when I walked in the door. It kind of hurt my feelings. Not that I expect her to pull out pompoms and do a welcome back cheer, but she is paid to be there whether I am there or not. I'm not wasting HER time by being a five time member. So can you please just pretend that I have a chance here, Lady? Sigh.

I weigh a shameful 252 pounds. I bought a lot of clothes when I started this new job, and I want to still fit into them two months after starting the job. So the weight gain has to stop NOW! Because I weigh so much, I am starting my WW journey, this time around, with 33 points a day. Yesterday, on day one, I ate 34. I haven't had dinner yet today and I only have 5 points left. But I don't plan on using many flex points tonight, and I won't use anymore this week. So we'll see how it goes. I don't really know what else to say. I am not fired up and ready to conquer the world. I'm not completely hopeless either... I am prayerful, and I hope to stay that way.

So anyway, long time no talk. Sorry I've been so sporadic. I hope to be a little more regular, but it probably won't be every day. That is definitely one of the few things I miss about my old job. I miss everything being easy, and I miss the time I had on a computer. But maybe when I lose some of the extra weight and add some activity into my days, I will have more energy and be able to sit at my computer now and then again. We shall see.

Friday Thoughts

2010-07-23T21:53:00.003-05:00

I finally had a pretty okay day at work. Not that any day has been bad. Just so hard and full of a lot of uncertainty. Yesterday was an improvement as was today. Thank you, Lord. I know everyone is saying it will come to me. I am trying to be patient. But thank you for a good day.

And a few random thoughts.

Sometimes a girl just feels like pigtails and face paint. It's allowed.

It's not even August and I am seriously considering starting some Christmas crafts next week. I've got some good ideas!!!

Food can be a time machine. One bight of Honey Nut Cheerios and I am a little girl with pigtails. And possibly face paint.

When I am wanting to relax I always wish I could be floating on a lazy river. Or I think of laying in the hammock in Jenina's back yard. We would look up at the trees for what felt like hours. Loved that hammock.

I need a massage.

I am excited about my jewelry party on Sunday, but I wish more people were coming. I hope I can cutify my apartment! I also need a few more munchies. Fruit and veggie trays are good times, but not enough on their own, ya know?

I am dog tired. Where does that expression come from? Dog sled races or something?

Easy Like Sunday Evening

2010-07-18T21:52:00.002-05:00

I love when I have my iTunes on random play and "White Christmas" or some other snazzy Christmas tune comes on. Makes me happy =-) It is one hot summer in Texas this year! We had some crazy rain a couple of weeks ago, but the wet is gone and the wildly hot is here. It's hot! I mean, really hot!

Church was great this morning. I mean, we didn't make it to big church, because I slept in, because I didn't sleep well last night for what seems like the 30th night in a row. Except for that one night a few weeks ago when I took some pain killers for my tooth. But Sunday School was awesome! Brett started a new series on The Fruit of the Spirit. He has been writing it in his head off and on for a couple of years, but now he is actually writing it. Today was the first lesson and it was so good. He is such an amazing teacher. The kind of teacher that a seminary student would benefit TREMENDOUSLY from! I mean, anyone could benefit from his teaching! But if I were a student, I feel like I would value him so much as a teacher because he makes the knowledge seem so attainable. Like Rachael Ray with cooking! God has given him some amazing gifts, and I'm very interested to see where they lead him in the future, and I am loving where they have him now =-)

The Holy Spirit has been gently calling me out of my sin trap. It's time to pull myself out of this pit. Actually a giant bowl would be a more accurate mental picture. I have been eating like crazy lately. And it's time to stop. I feel yucky and I'm up to 245. My clothes are getting tight and I avoid my reflection almost all of the time now. I'm embarrassed. I'm hurting. I'm sad. And I need help. I need to do this with God's help. Gluttony is a sin, just like stealing, and I am ignorant if I think that I can defeat sin on my own. None of us can. It's time for me to get on my knees, confess, repent, and start living right before my living wrong kills me.

I have so much going on. So much in my head. I hope that I get a lot done this week. I hope that I take things one step at a time and come to the end of the week feeling like I have moved forward a bit.

What a random blog post. Sorry for the rambling. I thought it would be better than silence, no?

Hope everyone had a great weekend!

And hey! Thank you, Blaire, for your sweet comment. It was really encouraging. I love you and miss you and hope you're having a rockin' summer! =-)

WAAAAY Too Little Blogging Lately

2010-07-17T16:17:00.002-05:00

Life has been... new! Full and overwhelming. But probably the overwhelming comes from so much NEW!

This job is so different from anything that I have ever done. It's like being a volunteer at Vacation Bible School, but intensified. First of all, the parents dropping off their kiddos are paying big bucks for it. Which means the kids are there to have fun, but also for SO much more! To learn. To grow. To have a safe place to spend the hours that they are away from their family. It also differs from VBS because I am not a volunteer, I am an employee, which means there are major expectations. I am expected to know what I am doing and always exercise good judgement. Also, it doesn't last a week, like VBS, it lasts... who knows how long?!

Have you ever volunteered at VBS before? It's super hard work! And at the end of the week, you are exhausted. I am exhausted every day when I get home.

I am very happy to be at my new job, but it has definitely been a bit of an uphill climb, as I'm sure every new job is. I am incredibly blessed, because this hill that I'm climbing up is beautiful. These kids are so precious and the teachers are so patient and so kind. The owners... everyone says they are awesome, and I have had totally good experiences with them so far. But they make me really nervous. I just want to do a good job. And there are still moments in my day, because I have only been there three weeks, when I am not really sure how to do a "good job" at that exact moment. And that has gotten me a little frazzled.

The first week was awesome. The first week I drove to work on Friday smiling tearfully because it has, quite literally, been years since I drove to work excited to see what my day would bring.

The second week was good. A little more stressful because it was my last week with the girl who was training me, but the owners were out of town, so I could learn comfortably without being paranoid about making mistakes.

The third week – this past week – was hard. Lauren is gone and I was in the office with Christy, the owner, all week. We had different helpers each day, but we were short on people and there is constant activity in the office, so things can turn stressful in an instant. But I was determined not to cry.

Thursday was kind of a turning point for me mentally. At least, I hope that I can make it an official turning point. Brett sent me a text message, that I received on my way to work, that said "I hope you have fun today". And those words really resonated with me. My first week there, I had a blast. I enjoyed every day. And now I was driving home in tears at the end of most days worrying about what I didn't do or what I did wrong. What changed? So I told myself to CALM THE HECK DOWN! Christy has been patient and encouraging, and even though I sometimes see what looks like annoyance or frustration in her eyes, she has yet to voice those feelings, so I should just keep working hard and making the best decision that I am capable of each time I act. So Thursday was better. The helper in the office that day was the second grade teacher at the school, who does not work during the Summer, but is available to help when needed. She was needed Thursday and Friday because Christy needed to be out of the office for several hours each day. This new teacher is so laid back, and has such an air of ease to her, it really calmed me down. She was conversational. One of those, "nice to meet you, here is my recent life story" people, and that is exactly what I needed. Someone to talk to me like we were friends. It made it easy to ask questions and difficult to be nervous.

Yesterday was good until the afternoon. The afternoon wasn't bad, just incredibly hectic. A van died. A tooth was lost. A special needs student was kicked in the face while he was swimming and it really shook him up. A mom came in for a tour, which I gave because that was the only option, and she burst into tears three steps down the hall because she had discovered, just the day before, that her almost two year old son was being severely neglected at his current child care facility. A five year old wet his pants. Two more parents came in for tours. It was a busy day. Good, but busy. I hope I did a good job. I hope I helped.

So that is a brief update. I have a lot to say about non-work related things, but I felt I needed a work update since I spent so many blogs building up to the job change. I don't want to ignore it now. But I am hoping that life can start to even out soon. Work will get easier when the school year starts, but that is weeks away. And the rest of my life? I hope I find time to blog about it. Heck, I hope I find time to think about it! I've been so consumed. I need to make some major changes. My food has been completely careless and the scale is reflecting that. It's time to refocus. Past time, actually.

Hope everyone is having a great weekend!

Prayer From The Naproom

2010-07-12T07:31:00.002-05:00

It was quite a week. On Friday, sitting in the Pre-K nap room, which I was happy to escape to because the tears I had been pushing down all day, all week, were dangerously close to the surface, I wrote down a prayer. I wrote it on a paper towel. One of those tri-fold crinkly paper towels. Because that is all I could find to write on without making noise. The kiddos were still trying to fall asleep, so I needed to be quiet.

And I had to pray. It was all I could do. I was full to the top and I needed to let something go. Because in so many ways, this week had been so FULL! Full of laughter and smiles, but also some tears. Full of uncertainty and occasional triumphs. Full of boo-boos. Full of rain. (Literally). But also full of sunshine. Just full. Overwhelming, really, is the word to use here.

I know that I am going to learn so much at this job. Grow so much. Every day I am learning. And that's a good thing! But there is so much to learn. So much growing to do, and I feel an urgency to do it quickly. I was at my last job for so long. It has literally been years since I have had to learn anything at work. So I am a little out of practice. And this job has so many what's, and each what seems to have several hows. And I am afraid that it would be very easy to get to the end of the what's and the hows and ask myself "am I really cut out for this?". Well, of course, right now, the answer is no! This is not the mold that I have been shaped into over the last seven years. This is completely new. And thankfully, I serve a God who I believe to be the Master Craftsman, and He is delighted to shape me into something new, and I am thankful for that! A little scared, but definitely thankful. Today I woke up thinking 2 Timothy 1:7 - "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, of love, and of a sound mind." A sound mind. That would be nice.

But anyway, Friday, I prayed. Here is my prayer, written on a paper towel while I was in the Pre-K nap room surrounded by 12 sleeping (well... they weren't all sleeping) sweeties.

Lord please forgive me. I can't believe that I am responding to this amazing opportunity you have given me with fear. Please God, forgive my fear. It feels like disobedience. I give you my fear Lord. I give it to you and ask that you replace it with boldness. With sureness. Not in myself and my abilities, but in your divine plan and the knowledge that you have placed me here. That you chose me specifically, hand picked me, to fill this hole. Teach me to be as patient with myself as I am with other people. Teach me to desire to please only you. To satisfy only your will knowing that by serving you, I will be serving those you love - even those that you've put in my care to love. Thank you so much for my sweet husband. Thank you for the days when he is more concerned with my anxiety than his own. Teach me to love him better.

Fill me with joy Lord. You are the giver of all things. You have surrounded me with blessings. How can I feel anything but joy? Why do I worry? What is it I fear? May you never be hidden from me when I seek to follow you.

New Job - Week 1

2010-07-05T12:49:00.003-05:00

Oh. My. Goodness.

I know that it has only been one week, so what I say is likely based more on emotions than experience, because there is SO much to experience, but I can say this: Week 1... TWO THUMBS UP!

I love this school.

This job is SOOO different than anything that I have done before. There is so much to learn, and it will probably be a year before I can speak clearly about it all, but I am so thankful for this position.

So. How was my week? HECTIC! I didn't know what to call my position in the beginning, but I know now that I will be the office manager. Not the head office manager, the second office manager. But it is a huge job. The head office manager is the face of the school, and they want her to be the main person in the position, but I will need to know how to do everything that she does, and be able to step in at any moment to fill any task. Michelle is her name. The number one gal. And she is on maternity leave right now! She will be back in mid August, I believe. But I did get to meet her this week. She brought her precious baby up to the school for the teachers to meet. What a sweetie! I will probably be intimidated by Michelle for a while, because right now I am being trained by Lauren, the girl who I am replacing. Lauren is AMAZING! She is doing a great job showing me our position. But this coming Friday is her last day, so I hope that I am learning things the way that Michelle would have me do them. And Lauren is so great at her job, and so kind, I know that it will not be an easy job filling her shoes. But I hope to learn well and be a worthy replacement!

So, the kids are ADORABLE! I spent brief periods of time in almost every class at some point last week. I learned really quickly that I like the three year olds best. Three and younger are all super cute! I mean, EVERY child is a cutie, all the way up to the fifth grade! But the older they get, the less interested they are in knowing a random adult. The little ones walk right up to you with arms open wide! I love 'em =-) I got a few hugs last week, and they were all so sweet =-) A two year old cried when I put him down after watching the kids outside who were having "Splash Day". His teacher said he has never cried for someone before. Wowzers, did that make me smile!

I know I can't really say much about individual kids, so I will just say that they are all really special. I am trying my best to learn names, but there are SO many! It is amazing how every teacher in the school knows the name of every single child and every single parent, and other relatives that pick up the kids regularly. Really??? I hope I can learn all of the summer names before school starts again.

I am not even sure what all I have said about the school on the blog so far. It is a private school and daycare. It normally starts at age 2, but when a teacher has a baby, the school opens up a baby room, which means when Michelle comes back in August, a baby room will open up with 4 precious little ones! I can't wait!!! So the school offers childcare/pre-school for the little ones and then has private school for Pre-K through 5th grade. It also has an after school program for kids who are public school students but need after school care during the school year.

During the summer, 1st-5th grade goes on a field trip EVERY DAY! Are you kidding me? How cool is that? And it's a really great variety! All kinds of fun places, some of which I had never heard of. And the Kindergarten aged kids will have 2 field trips a week for the month of July. The kids really seem to enjoy themselves.

Most of the teachers have been at the school for a LONG time, and the ones who have only been there a few years seem like they plan on staying around. I really enjoyed meeting them all, and I know that several of them will most likely become friends =-) Imagine that. Work friends.

That's been the most amazing thing. This job is SO different. I mean, at my last job I sat in front of a computer all day, and pretty much did the same thing every day. At my new job, I sit down for maybe 5 minutes a day, and each day feels really different! I know that as I learn the tasks, it will become more of a routine, but there will always be variety. I come home really tired, but it feels really good because I know that I worked hard.

So I will leave you with a few highlights from my week:

On Friday, the school had a Fourth of July Parade. Each class made some kind of decoration or noise maker to carry and then we all lined up and watched the flag go up and sang the National Anthem. Then we marched around the school shaking our noise makers. I got to hold the hand of two 2 year olds. SO FUN!

I also cleaned up throw up on Friday. haha... good times.

I drove my boss home on Tuesday because her car was in the shop. She is so easy to talk to!

I painted a banner on Thursday. It was totally not a big deal - just painting letters that someone had drawn on - but it felt so good to hold a brush.

I wore two big plastic necklaces for the parade, that I bought from the Dollar Spot at Target on Thursday night because Lauren told me that the owners like us to dress up on theme days. It rained all over me so the blue necklace turned my white shirt a little blue, but it washed right out.

I called a vendor to come fill up our soda machine, and I wasn't even scared! I'm usually not good at making random phone calls to strangers, but Lauren told me exactly what to say, and I wasn't even nervous. Thank goodness!

I cried on my way to work on Friday because I can't remember the last time I was so happy to go to work =-)

I am so thankful for this job. I pray blessings for the school, the teachers and the students, and I pray that I will be a servant to all.

It will definitely take me some time to get used to my life's new schedule, but I will blog as often as I can! I thought that having a three day weekend would give me tons of time to catch up reading and writing blogs, but I am staying up past my bedtime to post this. Hmm... didn't quite work out like I planned.

Have I Mentioned...

2010-06-27T22:29:00.003-05:00

that I haven't had a "first day" at a job in a long time? Like, 7 years long. Wowzers. I'm nervous.

I have a lot of friends praying for me, and I know that God will guide me, but I am nervous.

It is way later than I wanted it to be when I was getting ready for bed, but I just had to get that out real fast. One more time. I'm NERVOUS!

Breathe.

I'm really looking forward to the week =-) And the three day weekend that will follow it.

Hope everyone has a GREAT week! I hope to catch up on your blogs soon!