Every Day is a Winding Road

Well, it didn't take long for me to encounter one of the common downfalls to many "dieters". (I'm not "dieting". The word "diet", as it is commonly used, refers to a change of eating habits for a certain amount of time to lose a determined amount of weight. Not what I'm doing here. My goals aren't numbers, they are states of being. I don't want to weigh a certain amount, I want to feel a certain way. I'm looking to change for good - not for a week, month or year. You get my point.)

Are you a planner? I'm a planner. I like to be prepared. I like to have a lot of healthy options in the house so I can have choices when I am putting together meals, both in my head and on my plate. But some days, life doesn't go according to plan.

Today was one of those rare days, thankfully, that I was required to work 11.5 hours with no break. The school opens at 6:30 and closes at 6:00. Today, I needed to be the opener and still work til 6, which is my usual, and there was no one available to give me a lunch break. This happens now and then, and though they are long days, it's also oddly comforting to know every detail of what goes on in the office for a day.

So I ate oatmeal as I was getting ready for work, at 5:45 this morning, and I packed a lunch and snacks to get me through the day. I was planning to eat a turkey and mustard sandwich, a few little pickles and a peach for lunch, and I also had some melon and a granola bar with me. These were the easiest, safest options for my day and I was looking forward to enjoying them.

Well, I think the owner of the school was feeling a little sympathetic about my schedule today and wanted to make it easier. He brought me a Starbucks tall non-fat iced chai on his way in. My absolute favorite! And then he bought lunch for all of the teachers at the school from Corner Bakery, because we've all been working hard and he is just a really great boss. I ordered a cup of chicken tortilla soup to go with my sandwich and pickles. I also ate the peach and a few bites of melon at different points in the day. And then he brought me another drink from Starbucks in the afternoon. So nice. The last drink was a surprise and he was wingin' it. Fortunately, I didn't really like the drink and he didn't stick around to see me not drink it, so no points were wasted there, and the sentiment was still greatly appreciated.

So my pre-dinner point usage was higher than I had planned. That gave me some choices to make at dinner. In the end, I still ate what I had originally intended to eat tonight, even though it put me a few points over for the day. I could have omitted a couple of  things and come in on target but it would have  likely sent me to bed hungry and the last thing I wanted to do tonight was lay in bed wishing I were in the kitchen eating.

Not every day is going to go according to plan. My goal is always to use my points, or close to it. I don't mind coming in a few points under goal for the day, but the points are there to be used and I don't want to have a fake daily goal and an actual daily goal. Too complicated. I also am not going to freak out if I am a few points over once in a while. Yesterday, without meaning to, I came in 16 points under goal. Didn't mean to, it just happened that way. A lot of my food yesterday was fresh fruit and veggies and they are zero points. So I stopped when I was full and didn't worry about the goal.

The same thing was true today. I stopped when I was full and didn't worry about the 3 flex points I ended up using.

I'm happy to say that I am not hungry, and headed to bed =-) Tomorrow will be a shorter day. Thank goodness!

Weekend Results?

I made it through my first weekend back on Weight Watchers.

Two days may not seem like something to get excited over, but right now, I'm considering every day a victory. I had a TON of fruits and vegetables today and am happy to say that I am feeling full. Also had lots of water, which I know is key to any healthy lifestyle.

It's going to be an interesting week. My co-worker is out of town, so I'll be by myself in the office most of the time. We'll see what the week brings. But I've done what I can to prepare. Stocked up on portable water, made Weight Watcher chili that I can eat for lunch, washed and bagged my cherries and sliced my melon. I have plenty of healthy choices available, and that is usually the key to choosing well for me... having options.

So, Week, I'm as ready as I can be. My sweet readers, I'll see ya on the other side!

Back To Basics

I know you haven't heard from me much lately. When my weight is up, I tend to hide how and when I can. It's easy to hide from a blog. It's hard for me to be on my blog and not talk about the one thing that is dominating my daily thoughts... my weight. But I am back on the blog because today I am getting back to the basics. I just posted my weight on Weight Watchers and got my new daily point value. Today I start tracking again. Today I start walking on the treadmill (if it still works... I wish that were a joke!). And today I start drinking more water. I'm going to look for fresh vegetables at the store and low point foods that used to be go-to's. I always wonder at how I can be so lost when I'm at the starting point. Like, not sure of what the "go-to's" are. I continually find myself wondering "what did I used to eat"?

I hope that doesn't happen again. I hope this is the start of a permanent change. I hope that this time I can train my mind and body to want foods that are better for me.

In other words: here we go again.

Journey to the Center of... My Head

Goodness. I feel like it's been a long time since my last post. I know that has been my pattern over the last year or so... blog once or twice a month. I always miss my blog when I am away from it for too long. Sometimes I feel like I neglect it so often that I should give it up, but I just can't. I have always been a journaler and I love to type. It helps me think. The click clack of my fingernails against the keyboard. And it will always come - a night like tonight when I am ready to do a recap and cleanse myself of the ups and downs of a period of time. Tonight, I'm going to fill you in on my June.

Ugh. June is the hardest month of the year at my job. I work at a preschool and private school so we are open year round. During the school year, each class PreK and up, has one field trip. And then each month seems to have a holiday or event that requires a lot of hullabaloo. But our focus is academics. Our students work hard during the school year. So in the summer, we want them to play hard. Our 1st-5th graders go on a field trip every day. They are always afternoon field trips. In the month of June, we also do swim lessons each morning. Those two things, combined with the work of having 30 or so new families to meet and get to know, make the month of June exhausting. And to add an extra fun element, this summer, we are hosting 4 camps, two of which were in June. I feel like we are doing a pretty good job so far, but I am glad that June is over. I can't believe it is July 7th! We start school on August 20th, so I actually only have 6 more weeks of summer.

Early last week, the final week of June, I found myself hanging on by a thread. I was feeling overly emotional and work was too much, so I pulled out our time off calendar and found a week where I could request some time off. Yesterday, the owners came back in town, so it has officially been approved. Not next weekend, but the following weekend, I will have a 4 day weekend. Woohoo! A couple of days off to slow down and have a little fun. Or just sleep. I'll take either one =-) I'm looking forward to it.

Two weeks ago, I was worried that I had fractured my foot. It was Friday and I was walking to my car to go to lunch. I was looking in my purse to pull out my keys and didn't realize that I had stepped into a water hose that someone had left unwound on the grass. My left foot got caught in it, so I overbalanced when I picked up that foot to take a step, and my right foot suddenly felt an overwhelming pain. I took a step and it hurt SOOO bad. So I stood looking at my car for about 5 minutes. My phone was with me, so I could have pulled out my cell and called the office for help, but I didn't want help back inside, I wanted to get to my car, which was about 10 feet away. So after 5 minutes of taking deep breaths and standing on one foot, I hobbled to my car. I immediately turned it on and backed out of the parking space and that is when I knew I was in trouble. I almost hit the fence because it hurt to put my foot on the brake. But still, I didn't want to go back inside. It had taken a tremendous effort to get to my car, and walking into the school didn't seem possible. I felt like I had one journey in me, and I wanted it to be a journey home, not to the bench in the office.

Halfway home I started to cry. It hurt so bad. Only when I put pressure on it, so I put my car in park at every light so I didn't have to push my foot on the brake, but I was crying pretty hard when I got home. I got out of the car fairly easily with my left foot, but then I just stood there again for a while. We have three steps up to the porch to get into our house. I considered trying to crawl up them, but they are tall, and I didn't want to attract attention. So after several more deep breaths and tears, I took the three steps to the stairs, the three steps up the stairs, the three steps through the door to my couch and collapsed.

I was expecting a swollen blue foot, but when I took off my shoe, it looked totally normal. But I couldn't stop crying. After the stairs, it ached deeply, whereas initially, it only hurt when I used it. This was too much. So I called the office and told Michelle I wasn't going to make it back in. Then I laid on the couch until the tears stopped.

I didn't know what to do. I felt like I might need to go to the ER, but the thought of a trip back to the car was excruciating. And I also thought that if it were broken, it would look injured. I didn't know what it meant that it looked normal. So I decided on ice and bed. No way could I walk to the kitchen then down the hall, so I ended up crawling. I crawled to the kitchen and made a bag of ice (our freezer is the bottom drawer kind so I didn't have to stand) and then crawled down the hall with the bag of ice in my mouth. I pulled myself up on the bed, and that is where I spent the majority of the next 68 hours.

Saturday morning, I still couldn't put any weight on my foot, but I could bend and flex my toes in a way that would have been impossible on Friday. That gave me hope so I decided to spend another day in bed and see what Sunday morning was like. Sunday morning I could put some weight on the side of my foot. Around lunch time I decided to try and take a shower, and I was SO PROUD when I made it through without an incident! I celebrated like a toddler celebrating a trip to the toilet. By Sunday afternoon, I could get around pretty easily with a borrowed crutch. Using both crutches made me feel unsteady, but leaning on one took most of the weight off of my foot when I took a step, and it was enough to let me do some laundry and get ready for Monday.

It is two weeks later, and my foot is pretty darn good. But Brett's mom is in the hospital. It is a strange but fortunate truth that until yesterday, I had never visited anyone in a hospital who hadn't just had a baby. Well, once before when Brett's mom was in the hospital we went to see her, but it was a brief trip. Last night we were there for an hour and today we were there for a couple. Today she had lots of visitors, so we didn't stay as long as we had planned to. Last Sunday, she was trying to hang some curtains and fell off of her step stool. We spent Sunday morning in the ER waiting for them to come stitch her up. Also a first for me. They told her that she could go to work on Thursday, but when she did, her leg swelled so much that it burst some of her stitches and now it is infected. We were hoping she would go home tomorrow, but Brett thinks that Monday is more likely.

I have a lot of thoughts on the hospital experience, but I think I will save it for another post. I feel that I've rambled enough tonight =-)

I hope everyone is having a good weekend. We have a chance of rain tonight, which would be great for this hot Texas city. Here's hoping!