Let's Review, Shall We?

I have spoken these words, aloud and internally, dozens of times since coming across this quote on Pinterest a couple of months ago. I've even blogged about it already. But I seem to need a constant reminder.

"Comparison is the thief of joy". Teddy Roosevelt

I cannot believe how often I seem to need reminding. It's not a conscious thing. I don't actively go around rating myself against other people. But my faults, and have-not's, seem to be more prominent in my mind when I am around other people.

For example: EVERYONE IS PREGNANT BUT ME! Okay. Not everyone. But I swear, I can't open Facebook without seeing a pregnant belly picture. We have received 7 invitations to baby showers in the last two weeks. I'm not kidding. Seven. Sometimes I'm nervous about going to church because seeing all of my friends with their babies has the potential to send me over the edge.

And here is the thing. I am obsessed with my family. I am head over heals in love with my husband. I would have to use both of my hands, all of my toes, and probably Brett's extremities also, to count the number of people I am blessed to have in my life. If this is all of the family that God ever gives me, I am blessed FAR beyond what I deserve.

But I still want a baby.

Also, my weight is out of control. I am the heaviest I have been in years and I can't seem to get the motivation to exercise. Tomorrow is the official first day of summer in my world (at school) so I am hoping to have a good, healthy, active summer and feel better about myself three months from now. I DO want to be thin. But I am ashamed of my weight the most when I am around other people. When I see the pictures people post of all of the weight they have lost.

I saw this picture online the other day (I filtered it since it is not my picture and these girls don't read my blog. We are Facebook friends, but not in each other's lives anymore.) These are the pretty girls of my year in school. The popular girls. The cheerleaders and student council officers. They gathered recently for one of their weddings. And my breath caught in my throat when I saw them. They were never mean to me. We were casual friends. But I still felt like I needed to cover up when I saw this picture. As if they were in the room. These are all nice girls and they would never look at me and think that I don't measure up. But I would still struggle not to be self conscious if I ran into any one of them. I actually go to church with one of them, and though she is truly a happenin' and cool chic, I sometimes feel shame around her because I wish I were thinner.

We all have things that we struggle with. I suppose I would rather have a food addiction than a drug addiction (though they say drugs are easier to quit), but I hate how visible my struggle is. Every person that I come in contact with knows that I overeat. I may eat the food in private, but I wear the proof of it publicly.

The thing is, I don't want to lose weight for other people. I want to be healthy so that I will feel better and have more time on earth with the people that I love. And I don't want to have a baby so that I can be in the new parent class at church. I really don't. So I need to not care about what is going on in other people's lives. This is MY life. I am the main character in this story. I don't want to spend it being caught up in other people's lives.

Hoping for a healthy week. SO thankful that we had the day off today. Some three day weekends feel shorter than regular weekends because we try to cram so much activity in them. This was the perfect three day weekend. We ate a nice dinner Friday, grocery shopped on Saturday, grilled on Sunday and saw my family today. I crafted a bit and got LOTS of ideas for more projects. One more load of laundry and it will feel like a truly successful weekend.

I will end with the song that I crafted last night: "Whatever my lot, thou has taught me to say, 'It is well. It is well with my soul'".

Another Ending

I can't believe it. Tomorrow is the last day of school. I am finishing my second school year. My "new" job isn't so new anymore.

I am so thankful to be at The Sloan School. This is an amazing job. Hard. Fast. Sometimes frustrating. ALWAYS rewarding. The number of smiles and "I love you"s that I get a day is worth every tear, runny nose and throw up that come my way. I am so thankful for the staff at this school. God has his hand on us in an incredibly humbling way. When blessings are so blatant, it is hard to feel anything but unworthy. I am so thankful for God's love.

Summers are TOUGH for me! We have daily field trips and two field trips a day 20 times. It is hot. In Texas, often too hot to go outside. There is a LOT of coordinating that takes place in the office and my feet come home aching most days. But I know it's going to be a great summer. The 3 day weekend we are about to have before summer actually starts is giving me the strength to speak those words! That and the ample supply of Starbucks gift cards that I still have from Teacher Appreciation Week and my birthday. My people know me so well!

Smitten Kitten

Tonight I'm feeling very thankful for my husband. I feel like creating something. I feel like writing a love letter. I feel the need to make a grand gesture.

It's going to be quite a week. The last week of the school year for us. Today was... wow. I felt like I was inside a tumbling clothes dryer. I was along for the ride, but not in control. We made it through the day okay. I think I got a few important things done. Tomorrow is going to be a doozy. Frankly, if we can survive the next two days, Thursday and Friday will be manageable. I think.

This is my favorite picture of Brett and I from our engagement picture photo shoot. Maybe I can make something fun with it this weekend. Memorial day weekend! I am going to make it a craft-a-thon, I think.

Another Year Older and Deeper in... Life

I have now been 31 for an entire week. My birthday was last Thursday, but the whole week felt like a sort of celebration.

It was Teacher Appreciation week, so I got small gifts each day and Tuesday night the entire staff was treated to dinner at El Fenix where, I am happy to say, I finally found something on the menu that I like! The chicken quesadilla will be my go to from now on at that particular spot.

I had the day off Wednesday and it was GLORIOUS to have a day all to myself to do whatever I wished. And what I wished was to stay in bed until 8:00, catch up on emails and bill paying til 10, get my car washed, do some shopping, see The Avengers again, and go to dinner with my sweet boy.

Thursday was my actual birthday. The entire school wished me happy birthday all day. And then my mother took Brett and I to dinner.

I also got an AWESOME birthday song voicemail from my bestie Jeff, who I miss terribly. Thank you for my song!!!

Here is my birthday in collage form:

Thank you to everyone who wished me happy birthday! It truly made my day!

My Day at Bot Con

What? You haven't heard of Bot Con? Why, it's the annual Transformers convention! That's right. There's a convention. An annual one. This past weekend was the 2012 convention and it was in Dallas. Brett and Chuck, loooooooooongtime fans of the show, decided to go, and they let me tag along for a day.

Wow. What an experience!

First of all, I will say that I totally had fun. I thought that I would only be there a few hours, but I got there at 10:30 (general admission couldn't get in until 10:00) and I didn't leave until almost 5:00.

What happens at a Transformer convention you ask? Well I'll tell ya!

Most of the time, it felt like a very specific flea market. There were TONS of tables set up with lots of vendors and collectors who were there selling product. The perfect place for a collector, or long time fan to find their favorite toy. The one that they had as a child but played with until it was unrecognizable. Or the one that mom stepped on. Or the one that was too hard to find back in the day. Tables and table of tables of Transformers.

In addition to the shopping, there were artists and writers there. Some were seated at tables and available for people to come by to get an autograph or buy a sketch or just talk to. Every artist that we talked to was  SO nice. They are super talented and it was very cool to watch them whip out sketches at the request of fans. Some of the larger names had panels. When I got there, Brett and Chuck were headed into a panel. I explored while they were in the panel and then I watched the world premier for the Transformer game. I am not a gamer, but Brett is, and I have found that some games are done in such a way that I enjoy watching while he plays. They can feel very cinematic and be heavy on story. And you know me... I love a good story! I am pleased to say that the new Transformer game looks like it will be fun for both of us!

When the boys got out, we did a bit of shopping and then went for lunch. After lunch we shopped a bit more and at 4:00 we went to the one panel that I was there for: Peter Cullen. The actor who voices Optimus Prime. This was definitely the highlight of my trip. It is unbelievable how loyal the fans are. The room exploded in applause when he walked in and it was a very fun hour where kind words were exchanged all around. He is a very sweet man and he is obviously honored to voice such an iconic figure. (He also does the voice of Eeyore on Winnie the Pooh. Nice!)

It was a fun day. I didn't know what to expect, but I was not disappointed. It was a very diverse group of fans. Plenty of super nerds, but just as many normal folk. Nerds in disguise, maybe? Here is a picture of me with a little Bumble Bee statue. At least I'm pretty sure it was a statue. It'd be pretty funny to find out there was a person in there who wanted to stand still and see if anyone would stop for a picture! I'm the one in blue ;-)