Can I Just Say...

It feels so good to be back in Weight Watchers. Joining is a big step. Being in WW is a million tiny steps. It's a long journey, and I've got a lifetime to travel this road, but I love when I feel like I'm moving in the right direction.

It also makes me look at my life differently. Being on program makes me feel like anything is possible. It makes me want to take other steps to make my life better. I know I say this a lot, but I am SO full of thoughts about the future. About things that I want to do. Goals that I would like to accomplish. A life that I want to live. I love my husband so much, and I am so thankful that I have such a supportive, loving man to walk this journey with me. I'm also thankful for my friends and family. Where would I be without them? Mom, Dad, Melanie, Laura, Jenna, Jennifer, Jenina, Jeff, Jenn, Jage, Krista, Marie, Chris.... the list goes on and on and on and on... people who fill my life with joy. Who fill my heart with love. I'm thankful for days like today when that love seems to be overflowing.

Weird dream this morning. I was at Mamaw and Harvey's house. My dad's parents. The house was empty because they had decided to move out. I woke up thinking "how weird. I need to tell Mamaw and Harvey about that the next time I see them." And then I remembered. Harvey is dead. =-( He passed away a couple of years ago. I have been extremely fortunate in my first 29 years of life. Very few people that I love have been lost. When Harvey died, it was very sad. I don't feel like I ever really got to know him as a person, only as my grandfather. But I loved him very much. I was proud of him. I love thinking about his life and all of the interesting things he did. And today was the first time that I have ever forgotten that a loved one was gone. I hear people say that a lot. Just this week, in a blog, in fact. A very sweet girl whose mother recently passed. She said she picked up her phone to call her mom and tell her something and then remembered that she couldn't call. I miss Harvey. And I love Mamaw. I'm glad she is well and seems happy still.

Okay, I am off to enjoy my weekend with my husband. Hope yours is full of blessings!

Random Post...

Does anyone else out there want to confess that you read the "OMG" page on Yahoo every day? I don't read every article, but probably half of them. I LOVE clicking through the slide shows of people all dolled up for premiers! Loved Drew's dress at the Going The Distance premier. She's one of my top five favorite actresses.

Today there was an article about actors who are, like me, turning 30 this year. Why is it fun to learn about celebrities my age? It's just cool to have something in common with famous people I guess! The people I were most excited to see on the list were Macaulay Culkin, Ben Savage and Michelle Williams. Nice!

So.

SOOOO glad tomorrow is Friday. There have been a lot of mixed emotions this week. Some really good moments and some really crazy moments. No tears, but a few "whatever"s. I hope that tomorrow is a good day.

We had some AMAZING weather the past two days. It didn't last all day, but it was SO nice to have double digit temperatures again. Better yet, having a few hours in the 70s. Fall is, without a doubt, my favorite season. We are still in Summer mode down here in Texas, but Fall definitely flirted with us this week.

I would LOVE to have some mild weather on Saturday. I have some errands I want to run. I would like to hit a few thrift stores in search of some items I want to craftify! I need to organize my thoughts on that category...

First things first on Saturday though. Back to Weight Watchers. I'm nervous about this week. I've used 15 flex points (mostly on Saturday and Sunday, but two yesterday) and I'm not confident in some of my point values. I just think that if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. AND my food scale needs a new battery, so I eye balled a couple of things this week and I could have been way off. Not really sure. So we will see what the scale says on Saturday. I REALLY want to have a loss. I'm pleased with all of my choices this week, even though I second guessed some point values after the fact. We are going out to eat with my mother in law tomorrow night, so I need to be extra careful about that. I think I'll be okay.

Hope everyone's week has gone well. Hoping for a weekend full of loved ones and special moments.

Feeling A Little...

Sentimental. And dreamy.

I have been feeling very creative lately, and while there are TONS of ideas, and some outlets, available, I don't seem to have the time.

I do not want that to be the story of my life. So many ideas, not enough time. I want to make time.

Time to create. Time to talk to old friends. Time to make new friends. Time to spend with family. Oh how I am missing my family these days. Time for road trips. Time for lounging with my love.

I haven't been making time, and as a result, I have felt... lonely? Is that the word I am searching for? Sometimes frustrated.

Here's the deal. The job is just a job. It is not my life. I want it to be the background, not the center of attention. I know our jobs are where we spend the majority of our time, but they DON'T have to be where we spend our life. Am I right? I know I am! Because I see people living their life! While I am stressing and rubbing my aching back and feet, my friends are out there traveling and discovering and creating.

I want in.

No more waiting.

I hope.

Hope your week is going well. Today was better than yesterday. Yesterday already seems like days ago. The "first day of school" was... an event! But today, day two, was calmer. Calm enough for me to remember myself at some point (even if it was just during my lunch break) and remember than I am more than this position.

Off to bed. I think Brett is already there. He didn't say goodnight, but either he is having some tummy trouble in the bathroom, or he just decided to head to bed. Hmm.

Back To School (And Back in WW)

Okay, first things first. It was a pretty good week as far as Weight Watchers goes. If you have never been in the program, I'll let you in on a little secret: the first week, most people lose big. I think it's just the drastic cutback on food that most people experience when starting up. I think when I am eating all the time, there is always food in my body being digested (nice pic?), but when I am eating smaller portions less frequently, the extra food in my system isn't a problem anymore. That's my theory anyway. So this week I lost 5.4 pounds. I'm extremely thankful for that. I thought maybe since I am older this time around I might not have a big loss my first week, but it was encouraging to get my first 5 pound star.

I was hungry pretty often last week, but not miserable. I had lots of fruit and am working on getting more veggies in. Lots of water too. And hardly any soda, which I had been having much more of recently. I am not completely off of soda, but I am trying to be VERY sparing in that department. I know that it makes a difference. Not just the no soda, but the more water the better!

I am going to do my best this week! We will see what that means on the scale Saturday morning. By the way, have I mentioned that our scale is broken? First let me say that I LOVE that I have a husband who when I say "I have gained some weight", he heads straight to the bathroom to declare our scale broken. Now listen. I know for a fact that it was working just fine when last I stood on it. I'm not saying that he definitely intentionally did damage to the scale so that now it won't turn on, but the thought did cross my mind. If he did, I love him for it! haha. I decided not to rush out and buy a new scale. I thought it might be incentive to go to meetings every week. I will have to actually go to the meeting to see if I had a loss for the week. Interesting! I have always been a daily weigher, and often in the past, I would skip a meeting if my scale at home was up, even though my home scale never matched the WW scale. But now I really am on a weekly plan. The numbers won't keep me from going. Not sure how long I will keep it that way, but for now, I'm scale free at home.

In other news, school starts tomorrow! I have been told that my job will be MUCH easier when school is in session. I am praying that is true. Mostly, I am praying that I can stay focused and remember that I am serving the Lord, first and foremost. He is the one I should seek to please, by doing all things in His name.

The cool thing about working in a school is that it's one more starting point to the year. Everyone has New Years and birthdays to have a "fresh start", but now I have School Year to add to my list of annual passage of time markings. Makem sensum? So this school year, I want to:

1. Be focused on God, even when I am at work.

2. Pray for my teacher friends regularly.

3. Pray for Kyndall and Erin, my two friends who are starting college.

4. Pray WITH my husband and not just FOR my husband.

5. Be whole-heartedly invested in the ministries I am a part of.

6. Continue my regular meetings with my family and friends.

7. Have quality "me time" each week.

To all of my teacher friends out there, I will be partnering in prayer with you this year! I hope it's your best year yet and that you feel like you are making a difference every day at school.

I love you =-)

Monday Update

Day one of trying for a more focused attitude: not bad. It was definitely a better day. I drove to work telling myself not to worry about impressing my bosses every second of the day because God already knows the number of days I will have this job. It's not up to me to try to earn more. Just to do my best with the ones I have.

By the way, it was a CRAZY DAY! I am ALL KINDS of ready for school to start next week. I am ready for a more regular schedule!

Also, day three of Weight Watchers: pretty good! I only used one flex point yesterday, and I am about to head to bed with two points left. Nice! I was hungry a few times today. My lunch isn't until 1:30, so I don't eat until 1:50 or so. That is, if I leave for lunch on time, which today, I didn't. So it was closer to 2 when I ate. But I feel good about my choices today. Good portions. I need to work on getting some milk in and more lean protein. Fish for dinner tomorrow should help that out!

In other news, one of my oldest friends, Ruthie, was supposed to deliver her first baby today. We haven't heard any updates yet, but I am hoping to wake up tomorrow morning to good news and a picture of her sweet boy Jack!

I had a BLAST catching up on some blogs last night. I hope to do a lot of that this week. But tonight, bed calls. I'm pooped!

Thought About Starting A New Blog

I have been so bad about posting lately, it almost feels like it would be easier to just start over. I have been in a strange mental place, and am thankful to say that I am starting to come out of it.

What can I say? I'm just a big baby. The "new job" thing... man. It was just a lot to process. I'm still processing it all, but I have had some thoughtful moments this weekend, and I am hoping that I am in a healthier place now. Mentally anyway.

Why is it so easy to turn God's blessings into hindrances? The first 8 days of the new job were good. Since then, it's just been so hard. Not bad, but hard. Too hard to just use the word "good" when people say "how's the new job". But the last couple of days I have been really trying to ask myself, what's so hard? Is it the job? Is it trying to meet the expectations that I assume other people have of me? Or is it trying to meet the expectations that I have placed on myself? Frankly, at this point, I don't even know. But it's time to calm down. To start taking deep breaths and just doing my best. I need to refocus. I have shifted ALL of the focus onto me. What can I do. I need to be focusing on what God is doing. My goodness Kim. We should know this by now.

That is the other thing that has been on my mind the last few days. What it all boils down to is a maturity issue. I love our new Sunday School class (which I realized today we have been members of for over a year now) and there are some people in there who just seem so spiritually mature. It has really given me perspective and shown me areas of life where I need to grow. Firstly, I don't read my Bible every day. I mean, I guess occasionally a week will come where I am 7 for 7, but it's more common to be 5 for 7, or 4 for 7. And I LOVE God's word. Why in the world do I not delve into it more? I get distracted by mediocre fiction and let those paperback sedatives steal the time that I should be spending each morning in the word. Secondly, I am kind of selfish with my prayers. I don't pray for other people enough, and I don't pray WITH other people enough. Mainly Brett. I should include him more in my prayer life. It would probably strengthen, not only my prayer life, but also my marriage. Um, that should be a no-brainer, right?

And here is the big one. You know the story. My sin trap. The food. I have been reading through the Bible for a while now, and I am in Psalms. Last week David said something about "the sins of my youth". How he had outgrown them. Not me. Still struggling with the same old sins. I mean, where is the repentance? Do I even mean it when I ask for forgiveness after worshiping at the refrigerated throne if ONE DAY LATER, I am back to stuffing my mouth until I am in pain? I am a lot more active at my current job, so it should have been the perfect time to take steps toward becoming healthier. Instead, I get so stressed out and keyed up while I am at work, the second that I leave, I am seeking something soft and tasty to put in my mouth to distract me from my day. I am back to eating until it hurts, and that is NOT the life I want to live. Not only is it killing me, it's separating me from God. My friend Chris said a few weeks ago that gluttony is the sin that Baptists love to overlook, for this Southern Baptist, it is time for that to STOP!

You may be interested to know that I rejoined Weight Watchers Saturday. Again. The leader practically rolled her eyes at me when I walked in the door. It kind of hurt my feelings. Not that I expect her to pull out pompoms and do a welcome back cheer, but she is paid to be there whether I am there or not. I'm not wasting HER time by being a five time member. So can you please just pretend that I have a chance here, Lady? Sigh.

I weigh a shameful 252 pounds. I bought a lot of clothes when I started this new job, and I want to still fit into them two months after starting the job. So the weight gain has to stop NOW! Because I weigh so much, I am starting my WW journey, this time around, with 33 points a day. Yesterday, on day one, I ate 34. I haven't had dinner yet today and I only have 5 points left. But I don't plan on using many flex points tonight, and I won't use anymore this week. So we'll see how it goes. I don't really know what else to say. I am not fired up and ready to conquer the world. I'm not completely hopeless either... I am prayerful, and I hope to stay that way.

So anyway, long time no talk. Sorry I've been so sporadic. I hope to be a little more regular, but it probably won't be every day. That is definitely one of the few things I miss about my old job. I miss everything being easy, and I miss the time I had on a computer. But maybe when I lose some of the extra weight and add some activity into my days, I will have more energy and be able to sit at my computer now and then again. We shall see.