Lightbulb?

I think I just had an idea... (what movie?)

So the new walking trail that I have fallen in love with but have yet to actually go walk at... it's not that far from my work.

Sometimes I go home for lunch. Like today. Despite the fact that I brought my lunch to work with me, I thought that if I didn't leave at lunchtime, I might die. Or my head might explode. Definitely something bad would happen. So I went home. It takes me fifteen minutes to get there and fifteen minutes to get back, so that gives me thirty minutes to use how I wish. Not bad eh? I think that I could get to the walking trail in 18 minutes. That would give me a good twenty minutes to walk. Not bad.

I think I should think about this!

A Moment To Breath

Church was so good today. It's palm Sunday... next Sunday is Easter. A day of thanksgiving and humble adoration for believers around the world. The day that we revel in the awesomeness of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, celebrating the fact that the grave could not hold Him.

Man. Have I been mixed up lately.

It is so easy for me to get caught up in worry. I have so much in my life to be thankful for... so many blessings. It's like I would have to genuinely make an effort to ignore those blessings in order to have a bad day. Not really... I know that everyone has bad days. But I have a way of looking at myself... I can be unforgiving. I would never speak to a friend the way that I speak to myself sometimes. I'm not always sharp... I can actually be quite tender when speaking to myself. But I still sometimes dwell in hopelessness. How is this so?

Ugh. It's so... aggravating. I mean, repulsive even, sometimes.

I've been so worried about the teaching thing. I'm behind schedule... I wanted to be through with my classes two weeks ago. Didn't happen. So then I wanted to finish my classes this weekend. I even declined hanging out with Jennifer thinking that I would be finishing my classes. Well, I did do a class every night that I was home last week, as intended. But then I worked all day yesterday. Well, not all day. But I worked until 4. And then I did a few chores. And then we had dinner. And then we went to the grocery store. And then I filled out our meal plan for April. And then it was 11:30 and time to go to bed. Things just never seem to go according to plan. Why??? Because I PLAN TOO MUCH! Often times, when I decide to make a plan or a schedule, I'm doing so WEEKS after I should have. So the schedule that I make for myself is jam packed, and if something comes up to change those plans, it puts me way behind.

The problem is, too many times, I leave God out of the equation. In my heart, I want to follow the plans that He has designed for me. But in reality, I waste time designing my own plans, that never seem to work out. Of course. And then I look up and wonder why I am feeling lost.

And that's the word. I've been feeling so lost lately. Numb sometimes. Worried about the future and unfortunately, ignoring aspects of the present. This needs to stop.

Both Big Church and Sunday School were great today. Our pastor... man. He really brings the Word. He's one of those people whose faith is so... solid? It's like I can see his faith, like it's this separate appendage. He wields it like a limb. It's so incorporated into his makeup, it is a part of everything he does, just like my skin goes with me everywhere. And then there's my husband. There is just no denying that God has blessed this man with the gift of teaching. He taught our class this week and last week. A two part series on The Armor of God. (Have I already mentioned this? Forgive me if I'm repeating myself. I talk to myself so much, and have had so little time to blog, I can't distinguish the talking and blogging in my memory.) Everything that Brett teaches speaks to me. He just has a way of presenting things that is clear and easy to understand. He was a Bible major, he had great professors, and he has a long memory. So he is studied in the word, and then on top of that, has the teachings of these great men to compliment the scriptures. But what he adds to the Word and to those teachings is his transparency. It's not even something that he intentionally uses as a tool to gain people's trust... he's just naturally blunt and open. Brett is forgiven, and the lessons he has learned from his sin are something that he shares freely.

I've studied The Armor of God lots of times. If you're not familiar with it, it's a passage in Galations 6 written by Paul. What struck me most last week was the first verse. Galations 6:10. "Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might." I have a journaling Bible, which I love (hello, I'm a blogger), and it has lines on every page off to the side for you to make notes in. Last week, I drew a box around the words "be strong in the Lord" and I wrote next to it "My success in spiritual battle is not dependent on MY STRENGTH (yes I write in caps, even outside of my blog) but on the Lord's. God provides the power that strengthens the armor. Not me." Those words really changed my perspective last week. I have been dwelling on details lately. Trying to plan every inch of the journey, every minute of my days, thinking that if I did so, I would have success with my food and with my career. What a joke. If I could defeat my sins on my own, I would have done it years ago. Trust me. I've tried. But I am flawed. Born with a sinful nature. I will always look longingly on those sins, those temptations, if that is where my focus is centered. And just as I veer into the next lane when I spend too long looking at the golf course that I drive past on my way to work every day, when I stare at that sin for too long, I am going to veer into it.

Last week we were talking about our enemy, the devil, and why we need armor. Today we talked about the actual armor and it's function. Again, these are verses that I have read lots of times. But today, the thing that really resonated with me was the shield of faith. Verse 16 says "In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one...". First of all, it's a reminder that our enemy is real. He is real and he is out to get us. He wields flaming darts, and his goal is to destroy us. This verse says IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES. Why? Because our enemy is always there. Always looking for a whole... a way to get to us. It is my faith that shields me. And when I say faith, I am talking about faith in God. Not in myself. How many days do I leave the house without my shield? Thinking about what I need to do and how I need to act and forgetting that I have a Savior who is eager to defend me. It is my faith in that Savior that shields me. I wrote in my notes today "How big is your shield?" I know this to be true... the more I get to know my Savior, the more my faith grows. His majesty is undeniable. The whole earth reveals it. It is when I choose to ignore it that I falter. That the world becomes smaller and the consequences feel scarier. And the more I know Him, through reading the Word and applying it to my life, the more my faith grows.

I started reading my Bible again this week. I mean consistently. I read it in the mornings when I blow dry my hair. But I have days, that sometimes stretch to weeks, where I want my mornings to be own. Instead of sharing them consciously with my Lord, I would rather share them with my tiredness... my struggles, my worry. Ugh. I walk out the door without picking up my shield, and all day I am subject to my enemies arrows. I don't believe that my faith is something that I pick up and put down, but I do believe that it is meant to be active. How helpful is a shield that you carry in your purse?

Anyway... I have come to an understanding that by trying to direct myself, I have lost my way. There is a lot coming up in the next few months, and it's never too late to make the right choice. So right now, today, I am committing to seeking God every step of the way.

Big News!

I found the perfect breakfast. Well, I don't know if it's perfect, but I can say that it's the only "healthy" breakfast I've eaten that keeps me full. I toast a Thomas Lite English muffin and put a serving of Egg Beaters and a serving of sliced deli turkey on it. With a few squirts of I Can't Believe It's Not Butter spray, it's delicious! The English muffin has 8 grams of fiber and 5 grams of protein. Add that to the carbs in the muffin and the protein in the turkey and fake egg, and you get one filling breakfast for only 3 points! I still make my grande mocha, but it's a GRANDE grande, and it's only 1 point. So my 4 point breakfast keeps me fuller longer than my five point usual breakfast which consists of the mocha and oatmeal with an apple chopped up into it. I don't want to give up the oatmeal breakfast because I think I get a lot from the oats and apple, but I'm going to make it a habit to alternate between the two.

It's been a crazy week. There is a lot I want to say, but am still processing things... tonight is Dining with Divas, so that's good. Glad tomorrow is Friday.

Our First Anniversary =-)

Brett went to SO much trouble! First let me say, it was the perfect mix of relaxing and playing. Friday night we went to dinner just the two of us. Then we stopped at a bakery on the way home to get a cookie for dessert (he got a bagel actually, and it's still in the pantry... my cookie didn't stand a chance!) and we came home and watched Twilight to prepare for Saturday night's viewing of New Moon. What's with a movie coming out on DVD on a Saturday? Totally threw me off!

Saturday morning we slept in, which was glorious! Then he got up and made me Captain Crunch French Toast, a little something that we saw on an episode of Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives, and then found in the DDD cookbook. It's DELICIOUS! As a rule, we don't really keep boxes of cereal in the house. At least, not sugary cereals. It's a perfect example of a food that calls to me when I know it is there. Same reason we don't buy bags of chips, only boxes of individual portioned Baked Lays. I love me some potato chips! Yumm!

Breakfast was SOOOO good! And then we hurried around getting ready and straightening up the apartment. We had lunch plans at 1:00 and company coming afterwards. He made me sit with my eyes closed on the way to the restaurant so it would be a surprise. Totally made me car sick! Not being able to see = NOT COOL! But I didn't want to wear a blindfold so I promised not to open my eyes. I can't believe I kept that promise! But I did. He drove around for about ten minutes saying things like "country road" and "getting on the highway" and of course, when he finally let me open my eyes we were at a restaurant that is 2 minutes from our apartment. haha. Boston's Pizza Kitchen is seriously delicious, and it's where we had our engagement party, so it is special to us. Guess who was there??? My sister Jenna and her guy Chris, my brother-in-law JD and my niece Madi, my mom, Brett's mom, and... THE WILLINGHAMS!!! Woohoo! They had Spring Break last weekend and wanted to go on a little mini-vacation. Nothing that would have them stuck in a car for an entire day or shelling out majors bucks, so they decided to bring the boys to Dallas to eat at Medieval Times and see us! It just so happened to fall in line with our anniversary! It was SOOO good to see them! Of course, three out of four of them got sick while they were here. Josh woke up throwing up all over Ryan late Friday night/early Saturday morning. Then Ryan got a pretty bad tummy ache over here while he was playing video games with Josh Saturday night. And poor Marie had an earache the whole day Saturday which ended with her ear drum bursting on Saturday night. Gee. Bet they'll want to come back soon, huh?

The crazy thing is: it snowed Saturday. WHAT??? Yeah. It snowed. It started early evening and just kept falling all night. Do you know what I would have done if it had been snowing a year ago??? On our OUTDOOR WEDDING??? Totally lost it. I mean, they would have had to sedate me. And Brett would have realized he was crazy for marrying me and called the whole thing off. But we were SO blessed and had perfect weather at our wedding. Don't know what happened this weekend. Someone forgot to tell the weather man that this is Texas and it's not supposed to snow the third weekend in March.

Oh well. Made for an interesting weekend!

We played with our visiting buddies all afternoon and night on Saturday. Marie and I watched New Moon. I think she was in pain the whole time, but she was a total trooper and watched the whole thing with me, oohing over the awesome wolf effects and laughing at the less than stellar acting. It was fun! And it got Brett out of watching it! He and Chris networked their computers in the study and played a couple of games while the boys, the little ones, played the 360 in the bedroom. Good times. Then Sunday, on our actual anniversary, Brett taught Sunday School at church. He has some seriously great material written on The Armor of God. I've heard it before (I think twice) but it still moved me to tears about twenty times. It went right along with the book that I read last week and finished over the weekend, Splitting Harriet. More Christian chick lit, but this one was about a recovered addict. Interesting timing.

After church we came home and had leftovers from the night before and earlier in the week. Then we took a much needed nap! Brett had planned an elaborate dinner, but the cold that he had a few weeks ago and never completely got over started to rear it's ugly head. He was exhausted! So we went out for tortilla soup instead and ended our day with a trip to the grocery store and some anniversary snuggling.

It was a really great weekend. I almost ruined it by having a bit of a meltdown Friday morning that led to me waking up a little out of sorts on Saturday. But I realized what a monumental brat I was being pretty early in the day and promised Brett I would think happy thoughts the rest of the weekend =-)

Today was pretty okay. Food was right on plan. I'm hungry and wish I had made some tea tonight, but I am headed to bed after finishing the class that freaked out on me last Thursday. It still wasn't working tonight so I had to use another browser. But now it's done. I am going to do a class tomorrow night and one Wednesday night and then finish the last 6 this weekend. That's the plan and I'm stickin' to it!

No class Thursday because it's Dining with Divas night at Kristas. Woohoo!

Still behind on reading. Hope I get a chance to catch up this week!

525,600 Minutes

525,600 minutes.

525,000 moments so dear.

525,600 minutes.

How do you measure, measure a year?

In daylights?

In sunsets?

In midnights?

In cups of coffee.

In inches.

In miles.

In laughter, in strife.

525,600 minutes.

How do you measure a year in the life?

How about love =-)

We sure did. Today is our first anniversary. I can't believe it!!!

We had been dating for 3 years and 4 months when we got married. There were times when I thought we would never get here! Not because our love wasn't strong enough, but because our lives wouldn't support it. We used to joke saying "wedding date in 2008! Or eloping would be fine in 2009..." The wedding didn't come in 2008, but when it did come it was worth the wait. The perfect day in a beautiful park - my dream wedding =-) Today, a year later it is snowing! WHAT??? Crazy weather this year!

We measured our dating years in laughter, love, growth and struggle. I hope that our marriage years include all of the above, and more.

This year was wonderful. Full of so much newness and so much joy. Filled with plenty of struggle, but just as much success. Missing old friends and making new friends. But just like the song says, we will measure it in love. In that sense, it was quite a year =-)

Thank to all of our friends and family who made this year special for us.

And thank you baby, for loving me with a love that is far beyond what I deserve. I love you to the moon and back! And I love being your Mrs. =-)

Best Song In A Musical:

"If I Were A Rich Man" from Fiddler on the Roof

Yeah. I said it. So what?

Love this song!

Do you have a favorite?

Weekly Weigh In 3.19.10

Woke up grumpy today. Actually, really tired - but the tiredness is presenting itself as grumpiness. I went to bed SO frustrated last night. I still have ten online classes to do for my program. I wanted to do one a week this week, but last night was the first night that I had time to spend on them. It was probably 8:30? 8:45? when we got home last night, but I started a class right away. Well, after making a mocha and grabbing an HG ooey gooey chocolate cherry muffin that I FINALLY made yesterday morning after weeks of planning to. Aah, yesterday. What a good day! I was feeling so hopeful! So motivated! I NEED to make some healthy changes in my life and yesterday they felt as if they were right around the corner! I felt like my suitcase was almost packed for an exciting trip!

And then.

Well, it wasn't terrible at first. My boss was kind of short with me, and it was frustrating. But then we went to dinner with my mom last night and it was really good to see her. But then when I came home to do a class (I was hoping it would be short and I could do two - HA!) things took a turn for the worse. I clicked on the class that was next on the list. It brought up a link and told me that this session had a workbook that I needed to download and print before starting on the class. Well the printer is hooked up to Brett's machine, not mine. And it's out of toner. But I thought I would download the file anyway. Every time I clicked on that stupid link it took me back to the log-in screen. What? Yeah. It didn't work. So I decided that I would try it from Brett's computer sometime this weekend after buying toner and that would be that. I clicked on the link for the next class. Each class is recorded by different people. They write out a lesson and then read it out loud for us to listen to online. I've heard a few different voices so far, and the voice on the second class that I tried last night was the same voice from class #3 and I was glad. Brett doesn't really like her voice (he plays on his computer when I'm going to be on mine for a while so it can still sort of feel like we got to spend time together) because it's occasionally scratchy, but I like the way she talks. It's very conversational and it helps me imagine that I am back at the lecture hall at a big round table looking at a projection screen instead of sitting at my tiny desk trying to fit a notepad in front of my keyboard so I can take notes.

So I'm going through the lesson. Session 1, check. Session 2, check. Session 3, check. Session 4 has a link that logs me out every time I click it. GRRR!!!! It gives me a message about enabling cookies, which I do, though I'm not happy about it, and it still doesn't work. So after an hour and a half, I only finished half of the class. I sat at my desk quietly crying for a minute (what a baby) then I turned it off and went to bed. Poor Brett. I'm sure he gets tired of being married to such a nut case. I'm just starting to feel panicked. I have a lot to do before the Irving job fair on April 17 and I HATE that ANOTHER week went by without me really accomplishing anything. This weekend is our anniversary weekend. I am a terrible person if I feel anything but excitement about this. But I would be lying if I didn't say that a tiny part of me wishes that I could work a few hours tomorrow at work to get some overtime and appease my boss, and another part of me wishes that I had nothing to do this weekend so I could spend it all working on my online classes. And I just don't see it getting any easier any time soon. I'm so tired. And with my evenings full of dinner and cleaning and classes, when will I make time to walk? I hate that my health is always the thing that is sacrificed. But I have no one to blame but myself. The weekend hasn't even started and I've already made bad choices. I chose our restaurant for dinner tonight and though I could have chosen worse, it's definitely not health food I'll be consuming.

242.2 today. I hate seeing that number. I need to get back in the 230s ASAP. And then I need to keep going.

I'm not going to lie. I have a lot more to say. Mostly about how much I didn't want to post my weight today and all of the feelings that I am feeling right now. But this post is long enough and I'm late for work. Again.

I will spend the rest of day trying to calm down and cheer up because my wonderful husband, of almost a year, has planned a wonderful weekend for us to celebrate our love. Get with the program Kim!

It Doesn't Feel Like St. Patrick's Day...

It feels like Thanksgiving! I have so much to be thankful for! Yesterday was a good day. I felt good before I even left for work. I was ready to make good food choices, which I did all day, and the day just kept getting better.

Yesterday was Brett's first day back at his old position, and if we needed any confirmation that the change was a good thing, we got it! It was a good day. All day =-) I am so incredibly thankful. And the best part of his work day was that it ended at 5:30 (or something like that) in reality AND in actuality! When he was in his old position, it would end at 7:15 in reality, but in actuality, he was at work all the time. He never stopped thinking about it. Worrying about what was done or not done. I mean it... all the time. But we enjoyed our evening last night =-) We had a great Star Trek to watch, we had a really tasty dinner that will definitely be in the recipe rotation permanently (we had made it a couple of times before, but now it officially has our seal of approval) and we had time to focus on each other. Time that we just never had during the week before.

AND!!!! Guess what else happened yesterday??? My sister bought a house! I'm so stinking excited I can't even say it without crying!!! Melanie is my big sister, by one year. I love her so much and after years of struggling, I am absolutely thrilled that her life is so full of blessings right now. She is only months away from finishing school and being a fully certified nurse, her husband is amazing, the house they have been renting was SO nice and in a great school district, and now, they are buying an even better house!!! The rental really is nice, but Mel didn't love the layout. The rooms were all great with tons of storage, but she said she still felt like she was living in an apartment sometimes because of the way the rooms were situated. She could be in the bedroom in the back of the house and still talk to JD (her hubs) who was in the study at the front of the house. They thought that buying the rental was their only option though. The real problem with the rental was the location. It's minutes from my niece's school, but there is talk of them redrawing the district lines, and if Madi had to switch schools, it would be a total bummer. The other subdivisions are so pricey though... but before they decided to go through with buying the rental, JD told Mel to just drive around the subdivisions they like and make sure there weren't any options. That was last Friday. Seriously. Oh my goodness. It just was a total blessing! Perfect timing. I'm rambling, so I'll just say, they found something! They got the word yesterday that they were approved for this house. It's more expensive, but it's in the perfect location and they are buying it for WAY less than it's worth because the sellers are eager to sell. It was owned by a company who used it as temporary housing for relocating employees. The company no longer has a need for it, so they wanted to sell it. God is good =-)

That was yesterday. Here is my blessing of the day today. Well, first, Brett really liked dinner and was so complimentary that it just made me feel good. But also, I am doing a couple of logos right now. I took down my logo design blog months ago... I just didn't have the time to commit to it. But occasionally a friend will ask me to work up a little something for them. Here's the thing. I just don't work in an office where work is praised. It's really rare that my boss tells me good job or that she likes something that I've done. I'd be lying if I said that it never happens, but it's not a frequent occurrence. It's just not that kind of office. But that's why doing side jobs can be so gratifying! "Logo design" doesn't sound very glamorous, but the person requesting a logo is usually invested in it. A logo means something. It signifies an undertaking, or a mission, or an idea... and when a person gets to see an idea that means a great deal to them come to life in visual form, they sometimes get excited. I was so happy tonight to read the response on the proofs that I sent last night. She was so pleased. Lots of explanations points, and I believe an "oh my goodness!". It just makes me feel good.

I tend to feel like I'm kind of a dud as a graphic designer because my job is so... well, not glamorous? And I don't get many "at-a-boy"s, even after I've worked hours and hours and put a lot of effort into something. But reading that email tonight made me feel... the opposite of worthless. I guess that means valuable. I felt valued. And it was nice =-)

So that's my point. Lots of blessings this week. Lots to be thankful for. There will be even more to be thankful for this weekend! Sunday is our first wedding anniversary =-) I can't believe it. In 4 days, I will have been married for a year. A year ago today, I was spray painting boxes to display cupcakes on at the reception. And working on bridesmaid gifts. Wow. =-)

Happy St. Patrick's Day. =-)

A List of Lists

Here are the four lists that Alton used to change his eating habits. He also made a point to say always eat breakfast. Always!

daily eats
fruits
whole grains
leafy greens
nuts
carrots
green tea

3x/week (at least) eats
oily fish
yogurt
broccoli
sweet potato
avocado

1x/week
red meat
pasta
dessert
alcohol

0x/week
fast food
soda
processed meals
canned soups
“diet” anything

He included the "diet" anything to avoid artificial sweeteners. Something that I rely on heavily each morning when I make my beloved WW mocha. Oh it's so good.

I love a good list!

Wowzers!

What. A. Weekend. I'm exhausted! It's 11:40 on Sunday night and I should be in bed, but this is the first time that I've sat down since lunch. Well, almost. I need to unwind a little before I go to bed.

So, the big question everyone asks this time of year: what should we do with our tax return? We knew that our tax return would come sometime near Brett's bonus. In the end, they ended up coming within five days of each other. At least, they will. Brett's bonus was deposited into our account yesterday and we should get our tax return on Wednesday. So what to do? We didn't know what to expect from his bonus because he was in a different position this year than last. But we had TONS of options. We paid off one credit card this year, but it was the small one. Now we are focusing our efforts on the big one. It'll take some time. We are also only six months or so away from paying off my car. And Brett's car... well, it could go any day. haha. That car has had a good life and has been a good car for Brett for over a decade. But it's time for something new. We want to pay off my car before we get him a new car though, because having two car payments would kill our credit card payment goals. We've also talked about getting a king size bed. It would fill our bedroom. I mean, fill it full! But it would probably just fit and would possibly help us both sleep a little better. There's about a hundred things I would like to buy for the apartment. Curtains, wall hangings, paintings, bigger pans, patio furniture. I could go on and on. And at some point this year, Brett's computer needed replacing. We are both on our home computers daily, despite having jobs that have us in front of a computer screen all day. I use it to blog, email, do my online classes, surf the web and occasionally do some freelance design. He uses his to email, surf the web, and of course, game. He's a "build my own computer" kind of guy, and the last time he built a computer was 8 years ago. It was a great machine, but is getting to the point where it won't run new games. Because he is also a console gamer, not being able to play the latest games on his computer wasn't really an issue. But at the end of this year, it will be. Starcraft 2 is coming out. If you know what that is, you know why that's a big deal. If you don't know what that is, I'm not going to try to explain it you because I really don't know much more than the title and the fact that it's a "strat game". I've seen it though, and it's pretty cool!

Anyway. So we had lots of options. For months we have been saying that we would use the tax return to make a big credit card payment. The stupid interest rate is so high that, despite the fact that we pay three times the minimum payment every month, it is SLOW GOING paying it down! If we could pay a big chunk at one time, it would make a big difference, we think. But when we realized that we would be getting his bonus around the same time, we had a lot of thinking to do! Well, Saturday morning we woke up and there was his bonus! We were still unsure of what to do, but we decided to spend the day (minus 4 hours that I had to work) checking out some cars in person that we had researched online. Then we went to dinner at one of our favorite places to process what we encountered during our search. Brett is TALL! Finding a car where he fits comfortably will take some looking. Unfortunately, the car that we were most excited to look at yesterday, a Ford Escape, felt kind of like a kiddy car when he was behind the wheel.

We decided that we don't want to rush the car decision. We have been SO blessed by Brett's car hangin' on! He drives it about two miles a day, five days a week. That's how close we live to his work. Love it! So we are going to pay off my car this week and then spend the next few months putting what would be my car payment into the savings account while we shop around for the best car for him. The tax return, which is about half the size that we thought it would be (what's that all about? We get married and now we get the shaft?) is going to go straight to the credit card. Combined with our regular monthly payment, it will reduce the overall debt by just over a fifth! Hootie Hoo!

After all of that, we had JUST ENOUGH for Brett to build a new computer! That's right! We spent three hours at Fry's today picking out all of the parts, and the new computer, which I think looks like a Transformer, is now up and running! It's beautiful! It won't have anything special to do for a few months, until Civilization 5 comes out, followed shortly by Starcraft 2, but for now, it's sittin' pretty and ready to be used! I'm so thankful that we were able to use extra money, that we weren't expecting, to build the computer, instead of using spare money here and there for months and months to build it one piece at a time. Frankly, if every bit of our spare money had gone to building that machine, I might have grown to resent it by the time it came to life.

AND, we totally hit the jackpot at the store. Best sales guy ever. Honestly, if we had had this sales guy at the car lot last night, we probably would have bought a car. haha. He was that great. He came up to Brett and said "hey man, long time no see!" We're not sure if Brett has interacted with him in the past, and he just doesn't remember, or if this guy, Roger, mistook Brett for someone else. But he was SO helpful! He showed us a couple of things that we didn't realize were on sale and were WAY better than what we had picked out, and he had really helpful input on all of the cases... umm, I don't really speak computer. I ESPECIALLY don't speak PC. I'm a Mac user, and I use them... I don't build them. So I did a lot of nodding and listening but mostly I was there to watch the cart. It was GREAT! And my baby is so impressive! When we got home, he just started plugging and pulling and placing all of the little pieces together and all of a sudden, POOF! It was a computer! I got to hold the flashlight for about a minute. That was my contribution. That and looking cute.

It was a great weekend full of blessings. Brett will return to his former position at work on Tuesday. We are thrilled about this. It took a few days to adjust to the thought of it because we were so excited about his promotion when it happened almost a year ago. But the position changed so much over the year, and over the next year, a year where I already expect to be overwhelmed from a career change, he was going to be working 11:00 a.m. to 8:30 p.m., and that is assuming he didn't need to work overtime, which was never possible in the past classes. It just wasn't healthy anymore. When the opportunity to return to his former position came, we knew that it was the right thing. It was a little bitter sweet, because it will mean saying goodbye to a boss that we had grown to SERIOUSLY value, but in the end, the negative aspects that he would be able to let go of outweighed the good that he would miss. So there you go. That's the story. It will be an adjustment for us, but God's hand has been so obvious in all of this. We know that He is going to take care of us. And we will do our best to support each other, like always.

Okay, I think I am ready to lay down. My back could use a good stretch! While Brett put together his computer, I put together a bookcase. It looks GREAT in the bedroom, but it wore me out!

Hope everyone had a blessed weekend. I am DAYS behind in reading blogs, but I will catch up this week. Other plans for the week include one online class per night, grocery shopping tomorrow, cooking every night and continuing to formulate a food/fitness plan. I gazed upon the workout equipment at Target for a good ten minutes today. Didn't buy anything, but I did a little research...

Peace out Playas!

So...

Weekly Weigh In? Didn't happen. I know. What can I say? I just didn't want to face it this week. But I think I've talked enough about that.

My question tonight is, how can someone spend so much time thinking about healthy eating and so little time actually eating healthily? I am such a time waster. I've spent so much time lately thinking about changes that I need to make. The thing is, I don't really know yet how to go about making those changes. They need to be long term, ya know? Permanent. I rely on food as much as I rely on... well anything. It's like asking someone to go a week without breathing. Okay, that's an exaggeration. I don't abuse food daily... I don't escape to it constantly. But even when I'm not abusing it, I'm not using it well these days.

One of the keys to success for me, when I have experienced periods of success, is to NOT think about foods that I can't eat (or have chosen not to eat) but focus on what I CAN eat. Foods that are appetizing and healthy. Good and good for me. Like fruit. I love mixed fruit! All kinds of combos, but my favorite is probably kiwi, strawberries and purple grapes. I also love oranges, golden delicious apples, bananas, watermelon, pineapple, a good ripe peach or plum. Lots of fruit. If I liked as many veggies as I did fruits, I'd be one lucky girl!

Tonight, we saw part of the episode of Good Eats where Alton talks about how he changed his eating habits and lost all that weight. He was never a big guy, just kind of thick. Now he kind of looks like Cane from Poltergeist. Scary. But he seems happy and healthy. We missed the beginning, but when we tuned in he was talking about his 4 food lists. Foods that he eats everyday, foods that he eats three times a week, foods that he eats once a week and foods that he never eats. This is exactly what I've been thinking of. All week, I've been thinking that I should make lists for breakfast and lunch like we did for dinner. (Speaking of our dinner list, we didn't do a very good job of following the calendar our first week... but that means we won't have as many groceries to buy this week, and I am confident that week two will go much more closer to plan!)

I know that people say that it's important to include variety in your eating choices. Frankly, if I don't plan it out, I will eat the same thing over and over. I need to vary my healthy food choices because when I don't, I seek out NOT healthy things, like anything from a drive thru, when I get tired of my routine.

I want to sit down and actually write a list. Or two. I would like to make time to do that this weekend. There are some things that I know that I need to eliminate completely. It's pretty much unrealistic to think that I can never again consume fast food... circumstances arise, and seriously... the show must go on. But maybe I could try to take a vacation from certain foods. I don't know... I'm tired and starting to ramble. It's just something that has been floating around in my mind. When we laid down for bed tonight it came to the forefront and I thought I should get a few ramblings out to start clarifying my thoughts.

I really am ready for a change. At least I want to be ready. I need a plan. Something that I can do every day. The fact that I am finding inspiration and ideas around every little corner tells me that I am getting to a place mentally where I am ready to be serious. Getting there. Not quite there completely.

How can I ever be a mom if I'm not healthy? I think about that a lot. I have WAAAY too much to say about it, so I'll stop there. But it's a factor.

I want to be a better wife. I want to be an active teacher. And I want to feel better. I ate too much tonight, and it wasn't even food that I enjoyed. That is what I have noticed a lot lately. I'm eating too much and not enjoying my food. Rarely enjoying my food. Whatever is in front of me, I seem to eat too much. Sometimes without even thinking about it. Seriously, almost on accident even. Last Saturday, after I ate lunch, I was like "what just happened"? It was a disaster. And I felt gross. I also look really bad. Spring is coming. Do you understand the cuteness that is Spring fashion? I want to be a part of it!

Sigh.

I know I've been a Wally Whiner lately. I'm just trying to find my way.

I would LOVE to hear healthy foods that you try to include in your diet. And for what reason. What does it add to your day, nutrient wise? Please! Inquiring minds want to know!

Just Checking In

I caught Brett's sick. The medicine helps... lowers my fever (but doesn't eliminate it) and reduced the soreness in my throat, but it still feels really weird to swallow. And a low grade fever can still wear you out. We are WAY too busy at work for me to consider calling in sick, but that's okay. I wouldn't go to the doctor anyway because I know it will clear up on it's own. Other than his voice still being a little deeper than normal, Brett is feeling okay, so in a couple more days I should be feeling normal.

What is it about being sick and eating junk? Talk about my desires clashing with my actions.

Follow me on a rabbit trail for a quick moment: I used to take offense to the term "chick lit". No, that's not right. I used to turn my nose up at chick lit. I love a good story, just like I love a good movie. But romantic comedies usually aren't my first choice. For me, they sometimes have a tendency to feel like the same thing over and over. That's what I imagined chick lit would be. Well here's the deal. Mardel puts books on sale for a dollar. A DOLLAR! And it had been so long since I'd bought a book. So even though it was a stack of chick lit, I couldn't say no to five books for five dollars! And the covers were so pretty too =-)

I read one last week that was a dud. It was predictable and cliche and it didn't have much character development, which kills a story for me. I just never came to care about the characters. But I started a new one this week and I immediately related to it. The main character is 31 and in the beginning of the book she loses her job so she is dealing with the fears of starting a new career. Umm... totally relate to that! And then she moves home and her mom kind of throws it in her face that she needs to lose weight. So Monday morning, I'm getting ready and reading a little and I suddenly burst into tears thinking about the main character who has just had an awkward first trip to a gym.

(Bunny hopping back to the original trail.)

I just really want to be healthier, and for a million reasons, and no reason whatsoever, I'm having trouble getting started. I can't seem to stay on track food-wise through a weekend. Weekdays are good, but Saturday and Sunday, I erase all the good I've done! Even when I WANT to make good choices, I get careless and end up eating way more than I should, or choices that are stupid! And even though I'm thinking about exercise quite a bit lately, it hasn't really happened yet.

I feel like what I need is WW and a gym membership at the same time. I've been thinking about it, and I think that is what it's going to take for me. I enjoy the accountability that WW provides when I let it, and I think that a gym would be a big help to me right now because I'm so clueless. As the lady on my online class said about a million times last night, "there is no silver bullet". I know that. And I don't want to make excuses. But honestly, no way can we afford a gym membership and WW memberships right now. I was starting to juggle around finances in my head Monday morning and work out a budget that would allow it, but then Monday afternoon, we had an income change. That's another story! But the point is, we can't afford to add more monthly bills to the rotation right now. But that's no excuse. I want to make good food choices and walk NOW. And I can. I know I can. But sometimes it just feels like I can't.

I had such good meals planned for this week, and then Sunday afternoon, here comes a fever. Monday night we ended up going out to dinner to discuss the craziness that happened during the day. We were at a restaurant that provided plenty of healthy choices. And it had been a good food day! But what did I choose? The creamy pasta dish.

Yesterday I felt really bad. It's just a sore throat and fever. I'm not really coughing like Brett was. But it's draining me. The thought of chewing just sounds so... exhausting. So when it's time to eat, I don't want to, and then when I'm hungry enough that I have to eat something, I make a bad choice! Ugh.

I just read this on The Fitnessista's blog and it totally resonated with me: "It doesn't matter what your friend did or what you could do before – do what you can do at this moment, with this situation."

My goal is to be an active member of both a gym and WW, at the same time. But not being able to reach that goal right now doesn't meant that I can't make good choices on my own right now.

Okay, my meds are telling me to go to bed! Sorry 'bout the babbling!

Hooray For Hollywood!

Seriously. I love the Oscars. I LOVE to see the outfits, I love the spirit of celebration and I love to see people be rewarded for their efforts.

And yes, I'm one of those people who cries at the good speeches. Actually, it's a laughing cry. I am quick to cry! I'm easily overwhelmed by emotion. I can't help it. I'm just extremely empathetic and I feel things deeply. So anytime I know that I am tearing up for a silly a reason, it is always a laughing cry. Many of you have seen this first hand! You know what I mean...

I'd like to thank the Academy, for giving me an excuse to sit on the couch for hours when I should be doing online classes and working on a logo. And also, I'd like to thank my husband for letting me watch them.

Thank you, and goodnight!

A Beautiful Sunday...

It's raining. A really light, lovely rain. The temperature is just right. A little cool, but not windy, so it's nice.

Brett has been sick all weekend. Last night he was miserable! He pulled a muscle in his neck after a particularly hard cough and it kept him up all night. He couldn't find a way to lay that didn't hurt, and he could only breath through one nostril... my poor baby!

So... we didn't go to church. Again. haha... Brett said last night that they're going to think we're getting a divorce! I hate when our attendance is splotchy. What can I say? We're just not particularly healthy. We have days where we just don't feel good. We would both like for that to change though.

I can't remember if I have mentioned this or not, and I'm too lazy to go back and look, so I'll mention it briefly again. ha! Last Sunday, we planned our menu for the month. I had a desk calendar that I wasn't really using for anything so we decided to designate our meal calendar. I made a list of every meal that we currently have in the rotation. Actually, I made a list of main dishes and a list of side dishes. And then we went through and wrote down dinners on every day. The purpose was two-fold. One, sometimes I feel like I make the same thing week after week. Planning the month will help me with variety. And also, I think that if we have a plan in writing when the week begins, we are a lot less likely to decide that we don't have the mental energy to "figure out" dinner and just drive thru somewhere.

That was my original purpose. But I realized today that I need to keep something else in mind when we plan for next month. I spent way more than I intended to today. Making my grocery list was super easy because I had all of our meals planned out, but this week was one of our low cash weeks because only I got paid. When I plan next month I will make sure that the weeks that we only have my income to rely on, I will keep the meals a little cheaper. I was thinking today that it wouldn't be too bad because I was buying one bag of frozen chicken that is going to be the base for three meals. But we have a few dishes this week that have lots of ingredients. Some of these ingredients will carry over so I won't have to buy them again for a little while. But still... it was a lot of money today, even with saving $25 with coupons and sales! Yikes!

Anyway. I started this post to say: I love it when I have moments that I feel comfortably domestic. I hate that Brett is sick, but it's really nice to be able to care for him. I made a really simple breakfast this morning. We were out of eggs but had a little bacon so I told him that I could make him bacon and toast. Then we remembered that we had some frozen hash browns in the freezer. With orange juice, it ended up being a nice little breakfast. And then I made burgers for lunch. We were planning on Brett grilling burgers last night, but he could barely stand! So I just made them on the stove top for lunch today, but they were so good! It's nice to get something right now and then.

Also, while I'm here I'll go ahead and mention that my final class yesterday was great! I was a little blah about going since it was at a new location with all new people. But when I was checking in, I saw a friend of mine! He is already teaching at a school in Irving, so it was really encouraging to talk to him and hear about his experience as a teacher so far. I really, really, REALLY want to get a job teaching in Irving this year. Well, I mean for the next school year. I get nervous about it sometimes, but I'm always encouraged when I talk to my teacher friends. I have a lot to do in the next month, but I'm about to do at least two online classes. And then I'm going to watch the Oscars tonight. Woohoo! I heart the Oscars! Actually, I love all film award shows, but Brett doesn't enjoy them, so this is the only one I got to watch this year. I'm excited though! Woohoo! Also trying a new recipe. I'll let you know how it goes!

Hope everyone had a good weekend!

Weekly Weigh In 3.5.10

238.6

I know that I shouldn't be happy to see that number, but it was much higher at the beginning of the week. I realized that I have spent most of this year in the 230s. Or I should say, most of last year, because I don't intend for that to be true throughout 2010.

It was a much better week. We tried three new recipes. One was a Weight Watcher recipe that I printed off in 2007 and had yet to try. It was baked ziti and it was just okay. I love spaghetti sauce, but any time I start from a can of tomatoes and season it myself, it's nowhere near as tasty as the kind that comes in a jar. Go figure. The second recipe was from the Campbell's weekly email. I don't exactly remember signing up for those, but I've been getting them for a few months now. I haven't seen many that I thought were worth trying, but I printed the one from a couple of weeks ago. It was a chicken and broccoli in rice dish. I thought it sounded easy, tasty and filling. It was easy, and it didn't taste bad, but it didn't necessarily taste good either. It was kind of bland. And when I ate the leftovers for lunch a couple of days later, it was REALLY bland. It also was NOT filling. I thought with the protein, carbs and broccoli AND another veggie on the side, we would be nice and full when we cleaned our plate. WRONG. We both finished eating and were looking around for more food to eat! It was an 8 point dish, and when I finished it, I had 6 points left for the day, so I couldn't go back for seconds, and frankly, I didn't want to go back for another half portion and then still be hungry! I ended up eating a pickle, a turkey dog sans bun, and a serving of baked lays. So basically two dinners. Thank goodness I had the points for it. I may hold onto the recipe in case I think of a way to jazz it up and something more filling to serve with it. But last night, we finally had a winner!

We have a cookbook that is all chicken based recipes. Last week, when we went to eat dinner at Melanie's, she made shish kabobs, oriental veggies and noodles, and it was all so good! So last weekend when I was flipping through the chicken cookbook for ideas, I saw the Oriental chicken and rice dish and just had to try it! It was filled with store bought helpers that most of the food bloggers that I read would cringe at. But for me, where I am right now, it was really great. I thawed some chicken and cut it into strips while I sauteed the rice from a box of chicken flavored Rice-a-Roni. When the rice was toasted, I added 2 cups of water, a half cup of teriyaki sauce, a half teaspoon of ground ginger and the chicken to the pot. I brought it up to a boil then covered it and let it simmer for 10 minutes. Then I added a 16 oz package of oriental style frozen vegetables to the pot and let it simmer covered for another 7 minutes. (Actually, it called for a 16 oz bag of veggies, but there weren't any 16 oz bags at the store... only 10 oz and 24 oz. So I bought a big bag and put as much as would fit in the pot.) DELISH!!! It made 4 servings that were 6.5 points each. Last night because I was starving (I didn't take enough food with me to work yesterday) and there were only 3 of us, I split it into 3 8 point servings. And then Brett didn't eat his (he is sick and wanted soup for his soar throat) so I am taking the leftovers to work today for lunch. Score!

I am always disappointed when we try several new recipes in a week and none of them are keepers. Not because I'm in a huge hurry to find new recipes, (it's not like we have a deadline... it's never too late to make good choices) but because I feel bad when I serve bad dinners. Brett is so understanding... he knows how important it is to me to find some healthy food choices for us, so he is almost always willing to try recipes that I think might be good. Of course, he occasionally exercises a veto, which he did with my salmon recipes last week. I have salmon on our meal calendar for next Monday, so finding a recipe to try is on my list of things to do this weekend! If I don't find anything that sounds like a winner I will just bake it with butter, salt and pepper.

Other things on my list to do this weekend:

- Attend my make-up (translate as: FINAL) Texas Teachers class tomorrow

- Do AT LEAST 3 online classes

- Make a schedule to finish my online classes in the next 10 days

- Grocery shop

- Logo for Jenina

- Taxes

We are going out to eat tonight. Maybe I will get some ideas from the Red Lobster menu. Ha!

Thank you, Lord, for guiding me through this week. Help me to not lose control this weekend... I want to serve you, not food. Holy Spirit, convict me when I am tempted to bow down to idols. Turn my heart to you, sweet Jesus.

Thursday Already?

I'm so thankful... my week is going well. Points-wise and in general. I have had a couple of foods flirt with me a little, but I showed them my wedding ring and kept right on moving.

Monday and Tuesday I used my points exactly. Monday was the first day in a loooong time to stay within points. But I did. And then I did it again Tuesday, EVEN with a trip to Starbucks. The tall skinny vanilla latte is greatness! Who knew? Yesterday I went a point over, but it was an accident. I didn't realize it until after the fact. My food got a little mixed up when I found out I don't really like mangoes. I bought one this week because they were on sale. I think that I tasted a friend's mango once in college and liked it, but that is a very vague memory. I'm not sure if my mango was completely ripe yesterday. Parts of it were a little easier to slice than others. My first thought when I popped a bite in my mouth was "weird texture"! Mangos have no texture! Completely smooth. And juicy... so it felt kind of slimy. But I pushed that word out of my head and kept chewing, and it was good. And then I swallowed. What's with the aftertaste? It was like I accidentally sprayed perfume in my mouth. I gave it several bites, but in the end had to let it go. My co-worker said to try it mixed with another fruit. I might.

I didn't have any hot water this morning, so I didn't wash my hair, only my body, so I don't have to dry my hair, so I had time for a quick post. How's that for a run-on sentence??? =-)

Brett woke up coughing. He started lightly coughing yesterday afternoon but it wasn't too bad last night after he had a dose of meds. This morning was rough though. He hurried off to work because that's where his daytime medicine is right now. He wasn't really happy about going to work sick, but how can you call in sick when you've just had 7 days off? Seriously?

Hope everyone's week is going well. I'll be back tomorrow with a weigh-in.

Nuh Uh

I can't believe it.

I passed the art test.

I'm SO relieved that I won't have to take it again! Man... God was totally guiding my guessing. He is so good.

Totally Full!

An unlooked for benefit of observing with my art teacher friend last week was being able to observe a lifetime WW member! She reached her goal sometime in 2009. She was never very big, but technically overweight. Well she's tiny now!

I think a lot about what I can bring for lunches. Soup and sandwich was my lunch of choice for a LONG time. In fact, it's what I ate most often for lunch when I was losing the 80 lbs. But the soup did a number on me. Nutritionists recommend eating soup to help aid in digestion. Well I don't need any help! So when I had soup for lunch, I would experience a painfully uncomfortable afternoon. I know it's immature, but the ladies room, which is the size of a small closet, is only a few feet away from the desk of two of the males here. Every sound is heard! Yeah. It's strictly #1 for me when I'm at work.

Soo... now I mostly eat frozen meals for lunch. There are probably 5 Smart Ones and 5 Lean Cuisines that I really like! It's an easy choice, so that's the route I go most of the time. I know that they're high in sodium though, so I'm always paying attention trying to get lunch ideas, other than a sandwich and chips, which is tasty at the time, but doesn't leave me full for long. I love when Jamie does a snack plate. And that's kind of what my art teacher friend did. So today, I brought a Campbell's Tomato Soup at Hand (no solids in it, just creamy liquid... we'll see how it affects my tummy), 10 reduced fat Wheat Thins, 5 slices of extra lean turkey lunch meat, a cucumber salad, and a chocolate rose. I still have a few left from the dozen Brett gave me for Valentine's. So instead of my 6 point frozen Lean Cuisine, I had 2 point soup, 2 point crackers, 1 point of turkey and 1 point of cucumber salad (because I put a tablespoon of salad dressing on it). I'm feeling nice and full.

Thanks to Jennifer who empathized with me... I am totally laying bricks with you today! So far so good. Hope your day is going well too sweetie. I'm praying for you.