Friday Thoughts

I finally had a pretty okay day at work. Not that any day has been bad. Just so hard and full of a lot of uncertainty. Yesterday was an improvement as was today. Thank you, Lord. I know everyone is saying it will come to me. I am trying to be patient. But thank you for a good day.

And a few random thoughts.

Sometimes a girl just feels like pigtails and face paint. It's allowed.

It's not even August and I am seriously considering starting some Christmas crafts next week. I've got some good ideas!!!

Food can be a time machine. One bight of Honey Nut Cheerios and I am a little girl with pigtails. And possibly face paint.

When I am wanting to relax I always wish I could be floating on a lazy river. Or I think of laying in the hammock in Jenina's back yard. We would look up at the trees for what felt like hours. Loved that hammock.

I need a massage.

I am excited about my jewelry party on Sunday, but I wish more people were coming. I hope I can cutify my apartment! I also need a few more munchies. Fruit and veggie trays are good times, but not enough on their own, ya know?

I am dog tired. Where does that expression come from? Dog sled races or something?

Easy Like Sunday Evening

I love when I have my iTunes on random play and "White Christmas" or some other snazzy Christmas tune comes on. Makes me happy =-) It is one hot summer in Texas this year! We had some crazy rain a couple of weeks ago, but the wet is gone and the wildly hot is here. It's hot! I mean, really hot!

Church was great this morning. I mean, we didn't make it to big church, because I slept in, because I didn't sleep well last night for what seems like the 30th night in a row. Except for that one night a few weeks ago when I took some pain killers for my tooth. But Sunday School was awesome! Brett started a new series on The Fruit of the Spirit. He has been writing it in his head off and on for a couple of years, but now he is actually writing it. Today was the first lesson and it was so good. He is such an amazing teacher. The kind of teacher that a seminary student would benefit TREMENDOUSLY from! I mean, anyone could benefit from his teaching! But if I were a student, I feel like I would value him so much as a teacher because he makes the knowledge seem so attainable. Like Rachael Ray with cooking! God has given him some amazing gifts, and I'm very interested to see where they lead him in the future, and I am loving where they have him now =-)

The Holy Spirit has been gently calling me out of my sin trap. It's time to pull myself out of this pit. Actually a giant bowl would be a more accurate mental picture. I have been eating like crazy lately. And it's time to stop. I feel yucky and I'm up to 245. My clothes are getting tight and I avoid my reflection almost all of the time now. I'm embarrassed. I'm hurting. I'm sad. And I need help. I need to do this with God's help. Gluttony is a sin, just like stealing, and I am ignorant if I think that I can defeat sin on my own. None of us can. It's time for me to get on my knees, confess, repent, and start living right before my living wrong kills me.

I have so much going on. So much in my head. I hope that I get a lot done this week. I hope that I take things one step at a time and come to the end of the week feeling like I have moved forward a bit.

What a random blog post. Sorry for the rambling. I thought it would be better than silence, no?

Hope everyone had a great weekend!

And hey! Thank you, Blaire, for your sweet comment. It was really encouraging. I love you and miss you and hope you're having a rockin' summer! =-)

WAAAAY Too Little Blogging Lately

Life has been... new! Full and overwhelming. But probably the overwhelming comes from so much NEW!

This job is so different from anything that I have ever done. It's like being a volunteer at Vacation Bible School, but intensified. First of all, the parents dropping off their kiddos are paying big bucks for it. Which means the kids are there to have fun, but also for SO much more! To learn. To grow. To have a safe place to spend the hours that they are away from their family. It also differs from VBS because I am not a volunteer, I am an employee, which means there are major expectations. I am expected to know what I am doing and always exercise good judgement. Also, it doesn't last a week, like VBS, it lasts... who knows how long?!

Have you ever volunteered at VBS before? It's super hard work! And at the end of the week, you are exhausted. I am exhausted every day when I get home.

I am very happy to be at my new job, but it has definitely been a bit of an uphill climb, as I'm sure every new job is. I am incredibly blessed, because this hill that I'm climbing up is beautiful. These kids are so precious and the teachers are so patient and so kind. The owners... everyone says they are awesome, and I have had totally good experiences with them so far. But they make me really nervous. I just want to do a good job. And there are still moments in my day, because I have only been there three weeks, when I am not really sure how to do a "good job" at that exact moment. And that has gotten me a little frazzled.

The first week was awesome. The first week I drove to work on Friday smiling tearfully because it has, quite literally, been years since I drove to work excited to see what my day would bring.

The second week was good. A little more stressful because it was my last week with the girl who was training me, but the owners were out of town, so I could learn comfortably without being paranoid about making mistakes.

The third week – this past week – was hard. Lauren is gone and I was in the office with Christy, the owner, all week. We had different helpers each day, but we were short on people and there is constant activity in the office, so things can turn stressful in an instant. But I was determined not to cry.

Thursday was kind of a turning point for me mentally. At least, I hope that I can make it an official turning point. Brett sent me a text message, that I received on my way to work, that said "I hope you have fun today". And those words really resonated with me. My first week there, I had a blast. I enjoyed every day. And now I was driving home in tears at the end of most days worrying about what I didn't do or what I did wrong. What changed? So I told myself to CALM THE HECK DOWN! Christy has been patient and encouraging, and even though I sometimes see what looks like annoyance or frustration in her eyes, she has yet to voice those feelings, so I should just keep working hard and making the best decision that I am capable of each time I act. So Thursday was better. The helper in the office that day was the second grade teacher at the school, who does not work during the Summer, but is available to help when needed. She was needed Thursday and Friday because Christy needed to be out of the office for several hours each day. This new teacher is so laid back, and has such an air of ease to her, it really calmed me down. She was conversational. One of those, "nice to meet you, here is my recent life story" people, and that is exactly what I needed. Someone to talk to me like we were friends. It made it easy to ask questions and difficult to be nervous.

Yesterday was good until the afternoon. The afternoon wasn't bad, just incredibly hectic. A van died. A tooth was lost. A special needs student was kicked in the face while he was swimming and it really shook him up. A mom came in for a tour, which I gave because that was the only option, and she burst into tears three steps down the hall because she had discovered, just the day before, that her almost two year old son was being severely neglected at his current child care facility. A five year old wet his pants. Two more parents came in for tours. It was a busy day. Good, but busy. I hope I did a good job. I hope I helped.

So that is a brief update. I have a lot to say about non-work related things, but I felt I needed a work update since I spent so many blogs building up to the job change. I don't want to ignore it now. But I am hoping that life can start to even out soon. Work will get easier when the school year starts, but that is weeks away. And the rest of my life? I hope I find time to blog about it. Heck, I hope I find time to think about it! I've been so consumed. I need to make some major changes. My food has been completely careless and the scale is reflecting that. It's time to refocus. Past time, actually.

Hope everyone is having a great weekend!

Prayer From The Naproom

It was quite a week. On Friday, sitting in the Pre-K nap room, which I was happy to escape to because the tears I had been pushing down all day, all week, were dangerously close to the surface, I wrote down a prayer. I wrote it on a paper towel. One of those tri-fold crinkly paper towels. Because that is all I could find to write on without making noise. The kiddos were still trying to fall asleep, so I needed to be quiet.

And I had to pray. It was all I could do. I was full to the top and I needed to let something go. Because in so many ways, this week had been so FULL! Full of laughter and smiles, but also some tears. Full of uncertainty and occasional triumphs. Full of boo-boos. Full of rain. (Literally). But also full of sunshine. Just full. Overwhelming, really, is the word to use here.

I know that I am going to learn so much at this job. Grow so much. Every day I am learning. And that's a good thing! But there is so much to learn. So much growing to do, and I feel an urgency to do it quickly. I was at my last job for so long. It has literally been years since I have had to learn anything at work. So I am a little out of practice. And this job has so many what's, and each what seems to have several hows. And I am afraid that it would be very easy to get to the end of the what's and the hows and ask myself "am I really cut out for this?". Well, of course, right now, the answer is no! This is not the mold that I have been shaped into over the last seven years. This is completely new. And thankfully, I serve a God who I believe to be the Master Craftsman, and He is delighted to shape me into something new, and I am thankful for that! A little scared, but definitely thankful. Today I woke up thinking 2 Timothy 1:7 - "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, of love, and of a sound mind." A sound mind. That would be nice.

But anyway, Friday, I prayed. Here is my prayer, written on a paper towel while I was in the Pre-K nap room surrounded by 12 sleeping (well... they weren't all sleeping) sweeties.

Lord please forgive me. I can't believe that I am responding to this amazing opportunity you have given me with fear. Please God, forgive my fear. It feels like disobedience. I give you my fear Lord. I give it to you and ask that you replace it with boldness. With sureness. Not in myself and my abilities, but in your divine plan and the knowledge that you have placed me here. That you chose me specifically, hand picked me, to fill this hole. Teach me to be as patient with myself as I am with other people. Teach me to desire to please only you. To satisfy only your will knowing that by serving you, I will be serving those you love - even those that you've put in my care to love. Thank you so much for my sweet husband. Thank you for the days when he is more concerned with my anxiety than his own. Teach me to love him better.

Fill me with joy Lord. You are the giver of all things. You have surrounded me with blessings. How can I feel anything but joy? Why do I worry? What is it I fear? May you never be hidden from me when I seek to follow you.

New Job - Week 1

Oh. My. Goodness.

I know that it has only been one week, so what I say is likely based more on emotions than experience, because there is SO much to experience, but I can say this: Week 1... TWO THUMBS UP!

I love this school.

This job is SOOO different than anything that I have done before. There is so much to learn, and it will probably be a year before I can speak clearly about it all, but I am so thankful for this position.

So. How was my week? HECTIC! I didn't know what to call my position in the beginning, but I know now that I will be the office manager. Not the head office manager, the second office manager. But it is a huge job. The head office manager is the face of the school, and they want her to be the main person in the position, but I will need to know how to do everything that she does, and be able to step in at any moment to fill any task. Michelle is her name. The number one gal. And she is on maternity leave right now! She will be back in mid August, I believe. But I did get to meet her this week. She brought her precious baby up to the school for the teachers to meet. What a sweetie! I will probably be intimidated by Michelle for a while, because right now I am being trained by Lauren, the girl who I am replacing. Lauren is AMAZING! She is doing a great job showing me our position. But this coming Friday is her last day, so I hope that I am learning things the way that Michelle would have me do them. And Lauren is so great at her job, and so kind, I know that it will not be an easy job filling her shoes. But I hope to learn well and be a worthy replacement!

So, the kids are ADORABLE! I spent brief periods of time in almost every class at some point last week. I learned really quickly that I like the three year olds best. Three and younger are all super cute! I mean, EVERY child is a cutie, all the way up to the fifth grade! But the older they get, the less interested they are in knowing a random adult. The little ones walk right up to you with arms open wide! I love 'em =-) I got a few hugs last week, and they were all so sweet =-) A two year old cried when I put him down after watching the kids outside who were having "Splash Day". His teacher said he has never cried for someone before. Wowzers, did that make me smile!

I know I can't really say much about individual kids, so I will just say that they are all really special. I am trying my best to learn names, but there are SO many! It is amazing how every teacher in the school knows the name of every single child and every single parent, and other relatives that pick up the kids regularly. Really??? I hope I can learn all of the summer names before school starts again.

I am not even sure what all I have said about the school on the blog so far. It is a private school and daycare. It normally starts at age 2, but when a teacher has a baby, the school opens up a baby room, which means when Michelle comes back in August, a baby room will open up with 4 precious little ones! I can't wait!!! So the school offers childcare/pre-school for the little ones and then has private school for Pre-K through 5th grade. It also has an after school program for kids who are public school students but need after school care during the school year.

During the summer, 1st-5th grade goes on a field trip EVERY DAY! Are you kidding me? How cool is that? And it's a really great variety! All kinds of fun places, some of which I had never heard of. And the Kindergarten aged kids will have 2 field trips a week for the month of July. The kids really seem to enjoy themselves.

Most of the teachers have been at the school for a LONG time, and the ones who have only been there a few years seem like they plan on staying around. I really enjoyed meeting them all, and I know that several of them will most likely become friends =-) Imagine that. Work friends.

That's been the most amazing thing. This job is SO different. I mean, at my last job I sat in front of a computer all day, and pretty much did the same thing every day. At my new job, I sit down for maybe 5 minutes a day, and each day feels really different! I know that as I learn the tasks, it will become more of a routine, but there will always be variety. I come home really tired, but it feels really good because I know that I worked hard.

So I will leave you with a few highlights from my week:

On Friday, the school had a Fourth of July Parade. Each class made some kind of decoration or noise maker to carry and then we all lined up and watched the flag go up and sang the National Anthem. Then we marched around the school shaking our noise makers. I got to hold the hand of two 2 year olds. SO FUN!

I also cleaned up throw up on Friday. haha... good times.

I drove my boss home on Tuesday because her car was in the shop. She is so easy to talk to!

I painted a banner on Thursday. It was totally not a big deal - just painting letters that someone had drawn on - but it felt so good to hold a brush.

I wore two big plastic necklaces for the parade, that I bought from the Dollar Spot at Target on Thursday night because Lauren told me that the owners like us to dress up on theme days. It rained all over me so the blue necklace turned my white shirt a little blue, but it washed right out.

I called a vendor to come fill up our soda machine, and I wasn't even scared! I'm usually not good at making random phone calls to strangers, but Lauren told me exactly what to say, and I wasn't even nervous. Thank goodness!

I cried on my way to work on Friday because I can't remember the last time I was so happy to go to work =-)

I am so thankful for this job. I pray blessings for the school, the teachers and the students, and I pray that I will be a servant to all.

It will definitely take me some time to get used to my life's new schedule, but I will blog as often as I can! I thought that having a three day weekend would give me tons of time to catch up reading and writing blogs, but I am staying up past my bedtime to post this. Hmm... didn't quite work out like I planned.